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Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 9:46:53 AM   
Pantera31k


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/14/2008
Status: offline 		I need help with a dilemma, my mate and i were trying to come up with rule for each other for when we take a pet/slave and well the one issue we get hung up on is what happens if we both give a command to the sub and they conflict, whats a good thing to tell the sub do in that case so there isn't too much drama behind it?
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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 9:53:38 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pantera31k

I need help with a dilemma, my mate and i were trying to come up with rule for each other for when we take a pet/slave and well the one issue we get hung up on is what happens if we both give a command to the sub and they conflict, whats a good thing to tell the sub do in that case so there isn't too much drama behind it?


WE have been together long enough that we both know what we want..When it comes to duty's that pertain to the house shes in charge unless she and I have communicated some other areas that needs the girl attention....In play we both use her together and if I want sex I get it first because after Diane gets done with her there isn't much to use smile..Like in all things a DOM couple must be on the same page and on top of things...bounty

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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 10:01:46 AM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		In Military Parlance, it is expected that the individual will follow the last lawful command.  In any case, the only FAIR thing is to keep the slave out of the drama, and accept his or her explanation that he/she was following the most recent order given.  Then it is between you and your mate to discuss the issue rationally, and privately.  When in doubt, I always tend to default to what would be appropriate, fair, and professional in the workplace, and how I would want to be treated if given conflicting instructions myself.  My sub is a human being, and has certainly earned the right to clear instructions and fairness, and if I have any hopes of keeping an enthusiastic and devoted sub, I must be decent.  Dominant need not equal tyrant.

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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 10:22:58 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		In my relationships, this happened extremely rarely, because they were both so well attuned to what they needed and expected.  But on the rare times that it did, it was simply a standing expectation to inform the person of the existing conflict and they would make a decision on the spot.  Any discussion of how that should be handled in the future and letting everyone know would happen later.

Drama really only happens when people make it happen.  There's always going to be some points of distress and problem solving in any relationship, but it doesn't need to be drama filled.


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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 10:51:32 AM   
Arrrchibald


Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		I don't think there's some organized system that will keep drama away.  If someone wants to get the woe-is-me train rolling, they'll find any excuse they can.  

Your best bet is to start off with a level headed sub in the first place. 

(in reply to Pantera31k)
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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 10:56:05 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Do you have kids?  Are you in agreement as to how they should be treated? 

If the two of you are in accord, there's shouldn't be a problem.  If there are conflicting commands given, pick the better one.  No drama needed.

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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 10:57:14 AM   
HieroV


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle

My sub is a human being, and has certainly earned the right to clear instructions and fairness, and if I have any hopes of keeping an enthusiastic and devoted sub, I must be decent.  Dominant need not equal tyrant.


Marry me.

(I'm joking but that's a wonderful postitive attitude to have.)

HieroV

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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 2:34:17 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Do the same thing y'all do when you give conflicting commands to your cats. You might even consider using the same can opener.

(in reply to Pantera31k)
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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 2:51:38 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Here's my two cents worth to toss at the monkey.

If I was in your shoes.

The sub is express that there is conflict of commands made.   It's up to you if you wanna over-rule the other Dom or not.  You might want to consider first checking with the other DOM before over ruling.  If you do over rule the Dom, the sub is to obey and you inform the other Dom ASAP of your over ruling.

There must be a clear line of communication between all three parties.  Even more so in the Event of conflict.

You and the other Dom, could agree that if there is a conflict, that you shoukd consult before over-ruling.   Or at least come to the understanding, that if one of you does over rule the other to be informed about it ASAP.

The conflict of interests needs to be addressed.    

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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 3:33:11 PM   
Wantstocontrolu


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline 		Agree not to co-top. decide ahead of time who is topping that event.

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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 4:23:57 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Do what is best for the relationship.  Whichever instruction is going to best serve the relationship is the one that will have the highest priority. 

This means that all of you have to have a solid understanding about what is best for the relationship as a whole.  Not what is best for an individual or the individual relationships, but the entire family.  And if you can't agree on what is best for the relationship, then I think there will be even bigger issues than whose command has priority.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to Pantera31k)
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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 6:51:41 PM   
SPnEroticaone


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline 		Our take is if the event should arise we'd expect the sub/slave to politely ask which direction to follow. Same thing as we expect the slave/sub to - politely - point out if a commands is not clear/understood.

Q&A is part of the training.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 8:01:11 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Mommy says/Daddy says.  Have a rule for who is the Alpha.  Otherwise it tends to be the last command given.  Chances are that the sub will find a preferred one to listen to.  It is important that the two tops talk it out in advance and decide whether one person's word goes above the other or if the last one to speak is the one that has the rule.

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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 8:53:33 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Let me see if I have this right, the submissive is going to be blamed and involved in drama because the two dominants can't figure out a way to deal with things?  THEY need to work it out, it isn't the submissives role to deal with that.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 9:23:08 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		We have a child free home (excepting two desexed teenagers ~ 1 male malamute and 2 female malamute/husky cross). Everything is set out in our house charter which strates that I have the ultimate say and if I am not there my Wife is in command. Chain of command y'see, however my lady does have her areas of responsibility whih I rarely buy into ajnd if wre both were to give conflicting orders the rule for the affected slave is to ask for clarification of which ever one of us gave the last command. Most things can be sorted easily and ammicably on the spot which usually means there is an agreement that the slave completes one rtask then carries onto the next (unless she is expert in multitasking) with the priority going to the most urgent task. if a conflict of commands is regarding an event such as visitors etc and/or dress codes it is usually because I forgot to brief Neets first.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 10:38:50 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pantera31k

I need help with a dilemma, my mate and i were trying to come up with rule for each other for when we take a pet/slave and well the one issue we get hung up on is what happens if we both give a command to the sub and they conflict, whats a good thing to tell the sub do in that case so there isn't too much drama behind it?


Do the one she likes best. It will teach you two a lesson on coordinating.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 11:36:51 PM   
MistressTeardrop


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		The best thing for a sub to do is to tell one or the other who gives the conflicting order that she has a first oder from the other partner and that it is conflicting with the second. It would then be up to the two Doms to decide what to do from there.

(in reply to Pantera31k)
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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/25/2008 11:55:40 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
[snip]
a standing expectation to inform the person of the existing conflict and they would make a decision on the spot.
[snip]

I had some poly experience where the 'old girls' would help train the 'new girls'.  What LA said worked well and the person teaching the matter in conflict has the opportunity to judge whether or not to override what was preexisting. 
 
When something was overridden, it was the responsibility of the person who did it to inform me and that avoids any drama that could arise.

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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/26/2008 1:37:24 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Flip a coin.

Master Fire


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RE: Conflict of Command (Dom Couple) - 5/26/2008 2:21:34 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Flip a coin.

Master Fire



Only works in the event of Domly Deadlocks, and if the coin toss is agreed upon way to settle the matter!  But it does work actually rather well, if used properly!!  Something to consider seriously.. though.. as stupid as it might sound to others.

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