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WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Release request denied (5/26/2008 5:38:30 PM)
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First, I will say your profile and your question seem to have certain discrepencies that belie the validity of a sincere need for advice. There is some part of me that says your post was a bait for the Dominants out there who would be thrilled to have a submissive with your seemingly level of commitment and concern for breaking an oath, despite the fact it appears you are doing exactly that by simply implying you are free to be searching in the first place (as your profile implies). Ok, that little disclaimer done, and my apologies offered if I have wronged you with an unfair assessment.
Now, to the giving you the benefit of the doubt part. I know that things are not always as simple up front, as walking away as others might suggest, even if I think they are right in their assessment.
I left my husband 11 years ago, but when I say that doing so was hard - I can't begin to express how much of an understatement that was. I believed whole heartedly that I had vowed before my family, before my god and before my husband that I would love honor and obey him till death do us part. I believed that I had entered into a Covenant with him and God and to leave would be the deepest betrayal. Most of the Pastors who preached on the subject all said the same thing. Only one spoke up and said something that made a difference in my life, and yes I believe whole heartedly saved it. He said, "If you truly believe that you have submitted yourself to your husband, and given him authority over you, then you must believe that it is He who has the responsibility before god to uphold the Covenant made with God. If he has failed to love, honor, cherish and protect you as HE vowed to do then HE has chosen to break that Covenant and because he is the Head of the Household, the consequences of His failures fall upon him. You cannot betray an oath that you do not own, once you have given the ownership of it over to another. " I did find validation in those words. I found, for myself, a release (some might call it a loophole hehe). Now, others may have a different view on D's and M's etc. and some might even be offended by my correlation between Marriage/Covenants & BDSM, but I'm not sharing this information for their benefit. I'm sharing this information to bring into focus that sometimes our sense of honor, integrity, ethics and morality are stronger by fair than even our self-preservation instincts. All of my self-preservation instincts at that time, demanded I leave, but my heart and my soul found it harder to escape.
All that to say, sometimes it isn't as easy to hit the road jack, as one might wish. Now, under different circumstances, different outcomes arise. As is often the case, I leapt from the frying pan into the flames and found myself a year later back in a similar situation with a different man. Except this time, it didn't last 10 years. It lasted less than 6 months when I told him, "I may have promised before god, my family and my husband to love honor and obey him till death do us part, but I didn't promise YOU a damn thing!" And I was gone that day. Again, there is always a lot more to the story than the simple snippet I provided but pfft, I doubt anyone wants to read the book.
At any rate, whatever choice you make, I wish you the best.
Winsome
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