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A question of respect - 5/27/2008 1:47:27 PM   
puppyslave8


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/27/2005
Status: offline 		The following is something that i simply don't understand.  In just about every profile i've ever read on here there is something to the effect of "no idiots need apply", or "responses that aren't well thought out will be ignored" etc, etc.  Why is it that when someone (like myself) takes the time to write a decent inquiry/introduction that shows i've actually taken the time to read your profile and construct an intelligent, legible, and (perhaps) witty message, nothing comes back in return?  i don't even get a "no thanks", or "i'm not interested".  One would think that if one of the aforementioned caveats is in someone's profile, that person would be thrilled to receive a message that uses proper grammar.  i've found that this mostly happens with Dommes (simply because they are to whom i mostly send messages, so please don't think i'm stereotyping here).  Is this lack-of-response something that Dominants think is part of their role?  Dominants, do You get this silence from subs?  Or is it simply people being ignorant and disrespectful?  Am i even correct in thinking that this is disrespectful?  i know i'm not the only one who has experienced this so feedback is more than welcome.  thanks! :)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 1:52:48 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Respect???

If I don't know you I don't owe you a darn thing and certainly not respect. In my world, respect is earned.

You want to talk courtesy.......that is nice but, no, a complete stranger owes you nothing.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to puppyslave8)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 2:00:20 PM   
IXian


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		The problem is not specific to Dommes nor dominants, it's rather that the whiners are about as narrowminded as the people they complain about. Maybe they don't write the onliners, but unless someones nick & picture tickles their perfect fantasy they probably won't even read a pm. But hey, that's life! I'n a large population gaussian distribution ensures that the mediocre will always excel.

IXian.

< Message edited by IXian -- 5/27/2008 2:01:21 PM >

(in reply to puppyslave8)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 2:08:49 PM   
Nymphetish


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/7/2008
From: California
Status: offline 		Perhaps it's because women receive overwhelming amounts of messages on Collarme, and it's hard to respond to all of them? I wouldn't take it personally, although I understand why you're upset.

(in reply to IXian)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 2:11:26 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		It's not a respect thing. I don't answer back with a no, because apparently that means that gives them license to email me again and again trying to prove how fricking amazing they are. I don't want to hear it.

Unfortuantly for you, you have the disadvantage of being a guy. I usually assume that 99.9% of the messages sent to me are cut/paste type of things.

_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to Nymphetish)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 2:13:25 PM   
Floggings4You


Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puppyslave8

Why is it that when someone (like myself) takes the time to write a decent inquiry/introduction that shows i've actually taken the time to read your profile and construct an intelligent, legible, and (perhaps) witty message, nothing comes back in return?  i don't even get a "no thanks", or "i'm not interested".


There was a time when I was really interested in discovering the answer to this question, Myself.
 
That time has passed...

quote:

One would think that if one of the aforementioned caveats is in someone's profile, that person would be thrilled to receive a message that uses proper grammar.  i've found that this mostly happens with Dommes (simply because they are to whom i mostly send messages, so please don't think i'm stereotyping here).  Is this lack-of-response something that Dominants think is part of their role?


I have absolutely no idea.  It isn't something I viewed as being part of My role.  Before I found My submissive, I sometimes sent out ten emails a day, all of them carefully worded--personalized--and (at least it seemed to Me) quite friendly and inviting.
 
Yet, like you, I received almost no replies.  I would say that for every 50 emails sent out, I'd get two replies.  And I would say that out of every twenty replies, I would end up meeting two ladies. 

quote:

Dominants, do You get this silence from subs?


I did, most of the time.  Seems to be the nature of the Internet beast, not something particular to Dominants or submissives, Masters or slaves...

quote:

Or is it simply people being ignorant and disrespectful?


Well, it's (supposed to be) stil a free country.  P/people are free to be ignorant and/or disrespectful, if they choose. 
 
The way I looked at it (and still view it, even now) is that a person who isn't even courteous enough to write Me back a simple "Just met someOne, am no longer looking, thanks for Your interest" reply, isn't someone I'd want to find Myself playing with, anyway...


(in reply to puppyslave8)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 2:15:56 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It isn't dom/me vs sub, it's a gender divide. Women get a lot of mail here, dommes probably the most. Unfortunately if we write back saying "thanks but no thanks" we don't get a respectful "thank you for responding and good luck with your search" or even a decent silence.

What we get are abusive messages to the effect of "you're too fat to fuck anyway" or even threatening ones, where you get told that somebody will teach us what for, possibly with a sharp knife to an important part of our anatomy.

We rarely get those responses when we just don't respond. Basically you're paying for other men's rudeness.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 2:17:40 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		*sighs*

this is an neverending complaint around here. there's no rule saying anyone has to reply back stating whether they're interested or not.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to puppyslave8)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 2:45:25 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		What you think about your profile and emails may not be what others think. A non-answer IS a no and it often has nothing to do with disrespecting you and more to do with 1) no time or desire to answer and/or 2) no interest in pursuing.

You'll have to just deal with it like the rest of us. It's not uncommon for Dominants to not get answers from emails sent, too.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to puppyslave8)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 2:54:47 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		When I see profiles with statements or qualifiers like that, I pass them by.  Another one of my favorites is "if you're not true and real or whatever, then don't waste my time!"  Like people are saying to themselves, "Ooooh, I'm an idiot, I'd better not write to that one."  Or, "Oh, I'm just a big fake wannabe, so I won't waste that nice man's time."  Right.

The way I look at it is, if they carry that much baggage into their profiles, they're certainly going to need a bellhop in real life.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 3:25:56 PM   
frazzle121


Posts: 116
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline 		Ok i get bored, so answer most emails. 

Not all. 

If its obvious someone hasnt read my profile, and im busy, i just delete.

Most i say thanks, but no thanks.

If really bored and having a bad day!!     My replies may not come across as very sub.

hey.  i'm human first.


(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 3:52:07 PM   
angelwithhonor


Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		it may be not  a respect issue. but for me, i do answer all emails if they are respectful to me first. it doesnt take time for us to say" thank you for the email, but i am interested else where."!

(in reply to frazzle121)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 3:52:21 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		-=You seem frustrated=-
I read both your profile* and Morghan’s.  You seem sincere and I will presume your post is too and it's not just some whiney vent.  You are saying, per the request of a person that is seeking submissives, you take the time to write a unique and personal introductory letter that shows you’ve read their profile as instructed.  Then they don’t respond after reading it?  I presume you checked your sent mail and saw it was opened not deleted?  Many at CM are flooded with mail and mass delete much of it. 

”Is this lack-of-response something that Dominants think is part of their role?”  
Being a Dominant is only a relationship role, not a separate and superior class of people.  We are all equal as humans.  Displaying a lack of manners/respect to strangers is as common in vanilla society as it is with Doms & Dommes.  You should be grateful that not getting a response has filtered out the low class for you.

”Dominants, do You get this silence from subs?”
I don’t know, I don’t often initiate first contact with slaves.  When I do they usually answer.

”Am i even correct in thinking that this is disrespectful?”
In my opinion you’re correct.  I doesn’t cost anything to be polite in my experience.  Some people just don’t understand that courtesy and manners are a form of respect and a reflection of your integrity. 

Whether it is a beggar on the street or an incompatible or undesirable slave on CollarME that approaches me, I will respond to their conversation politely, give them a firm and polite denial then wish them luck with the next guy.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* By the way, when searching for a power exchange based relationship, you might consider your profile as your marketing tool to sell yourself.  You might want to focus on what you offer to the exchange at least as much as what you want from it.  When selling something, you should always tell them what they are getting before you tell them what it will cost.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 5/27/2008 3:54:39 PM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to frazzle121)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 3:58:36 PM   
MstrVik


Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		You may not have experienced it yourself, but some people can get quite venomous if rejected. And it doesn't seem to matter how jovially you try to go about it. There have been a few times when I have wished I had never responded. - Yeah, blame it on the vipers...

PS. Personally, I still respond to the messages I get (except obvious spam) - sticking to my standards with a brave face... 

< Message edited by MstrVik -- 5/27/2008 4:21:56 PM >

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to frazzle121)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 4:04:27 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Replace collarme.com with any other personals site and the same thing will happen. It's not about "Dommes/subs/slaves" it's about people.

People either don't have time to respond right away, don't want to waste their time replying to someone they have no interest in, have too many other mails in their box, just didn't feel like it or whatever other reason under the sun.. It happens EVERYWHERE, just gotta suck it up and move on.

(in reply to MstrVik)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 4:12:12 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I answer almost everyone who writes to me, though not always the same day.  There are some I choose not to answer, like people offering to move in with me on their first email or someone who emails me every 15 minutes thinking that I will reply more quickly.  Personally, I appreciate receiving and intelligent email.  

_____________________________



(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 4:18:51 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		My understanding is that most people get inappropriate and/or unwanted messages. Froim my experience here it seems to be that a fair number of folk from either the Middle East or Europe are unable to differentiate between Australia and Austria or they just don't read my profile as it states that I am not looking and given the costs as well as there being up to a five year wait for people to move here from overseas, I will not (unless there are exceptional circumstances and I know the person) pay for relocation.. I do get a reasonable amount of complementory notes which in time I do reply to. (Depends if CM is misbehaving and not allowing me to reply which has been the case for a month now).

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/27/2008 4:20:38 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 4:27:30 PM   
MstrObjectmaker


Posts: 480
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puppyslave8

The following is something that i simply don't understand.  In just about every profile i've ever read on here there is something to the effect of "no idiots need apply", or "responses that aren't well thought out will be ignored" etc, etc.  Why is it that when someone (like myself) takes the time to write a decent inquiry/introduction that shows i've actually taken the time to read your profile and construct an intelligent, legible, and (perhaps) witty message, nothing comes back in return?  i don't even get a "no thanks", or "i'm not interested".  One would think that if one of the aforementioned caveats is in someone's profile, that person would be thrilled to receive a message that uses proper grammar.  i've found that this mostly happens with Dommes (simply because they are to whom i mostly send messages, so please don't think i'm stereotyping here).  Is this lack-of-response something that Dominants think is part of their role?  Dominants, do You get this silence from subs?  Or is it simply people being ignorant and disrespectful?  Am i even correct in thinking that this is disrespectful?  i know i'm not the only one who has experienced this so feedback is more than welcome.  thanks! :)


Without wishing to get hate mail or anything like that, from my experience of being on CM it could be a purely feminine trait.

(Fore although I don't contact many Dommes I do contact quite a few female subs/slaves upon occassion.)

But then perhaps that is because there are far more men on CM than women so women can afford to be a little more choosy as to who they respond to.

I also suspect it has something to do with the fact that women do tend to recieve far more mail than their male counterparts.

But then perhaps it is just down to bad manners.

(in reply to puppyslave8)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 4:30:12 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Am i even correct in thinking that this is disrespectful?

No, you are not.

Replies are optional--advisable, but, alas, optional.  Such is the order of things.


_____________________________



(in reply to puppyslave8)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 4:33:12 PM   
MstrObjectmaker


Posts: 480
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121


hey.  i'm human first.




A very big literary critic too, I might add. :-)


< Message edited by MstrObjectmaker -- 5/27/2008 4:42:12 PM >

(in reply to frazzle121)
Profile   Post #: 20
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