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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 4:34:50 PM

MstrObjectmaker

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121

hey. i'm human first.

A very big literary critic too, I might add. :-)

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 4:36:20 PM

MstrObjectmaker

Posts: 480
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121

hey. i'm human first.

A very big literary critic too, I might add. :-)

And watch your use of the humour text speak "lol".

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 5:09:25 PM

MasterHermes

Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
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What you describe is not special to neither collarme nor lifestyles . It has got more to do with internet. Everything moves so fast now, people read many profiles, send many messages or get many replies in a day. Old fashion manners become less and less important. Considering the amount of weird messages people receive, maybe they are forced to this.

Thats being said I do agree with you on one thing. If , and IF, you send somebody a nice, well written mail , you should at least receive a note in return. Unfortunately "you should" doesn't mean "you will". Please understand that not everybody learns the same manners while growing up. That of course can be a very good indication about the other party and you can feel yourself lucky , a person who doesn't share same views with you , didn't enter your life.

Hermes

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 5:17:15 PM

Hierarch

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Joined: 5/17/2008
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Be able to put up with rejection. In all its forms. Sure, maybe they just didn't get around to reading it, and maybe you two would have been a good match, but things just weren't in your favor, sorry. You ignore it and move on to another one as if they'd explicitly said "no" because, honestly, it isn't worth the strain on YOUR psyche wondering what could have been with every single person (whom you know little to nothing about anyways).

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 5:19:48 PM

chiaThePet

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Honestly, it's because in your avatar you have no legs and a foot
growing out of your ass. A testament to the superficial and shallow
masses here at the lovely collarme hive, but alas, tis the way we are.

chia* (the pet)

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 5:20:49 PM

Lynnxz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Honestly, it's because in your avatar you have no legs and a foot
growing out of your ass. A testament to the superficial and shallow
masses here at the lovely collarme hive, but alas, tis the way we are.

chia* (the pet)

Hahahahahaha >.<

Annnnd you just made my day. <3

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 5:30:38 PM

Venatrix

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It clearly states in my journal that it can take me weeks to reply to someone. If he chooses to write anyway, that's his business. I'd like to point out that we all only have so many days on this planet. Just because someone has written doesn't mean that I want to take a portion of the time I have on this planet to write a response. As people have so often pointed out on this type of thread before, do you actually write to every business who sends you junk mail to let them know you're not interested? You may not like hearing your email referred to as "junk mail," but, in effect, that's what it is. That having been said, I do eventually reply to emails when it suits me.

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 5:44:09 PM

MstrVik

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

That having been said, I do eventually reply to emails when it suits me.

I deal with it similarly - everything in it's own time -- and good point also!

(I have actually been planning to put something in my journal about it - don't enjoy it much when I get 'reminders' about yet unanswered notes...)

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 5:57:52 PM

RuleMyWorld

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Maybe it's not all about respect, but how about some human courtesy? If someone writes you a thoughtful letter of introduction and you are not interested, how about replying..."Thanks, not interested" Sure, there are some that won't take no for an answer, or some that might reply with personal attacks. Isn't it those that you should just delete or block without the courtesy of a response?

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 6:23:55 PM

WarriorsGirl

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I agree that this is not exclusive to this site. What I have done on other personals type sites is when I have written my introduction I end with a phrase to the effect of "If you would like to write back and tell me more about yourself, I would be very interested to hear from you." I have given them the option, on my own terms, to respond or not to. It's a small thing, I suppose, but in my mind it's not disrespectful if I have given them the choice and so I don't get bent out of shape about it.

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 6:49:10 PM

RedMagic1

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Wisdom test:

Let a person start talking. Wait until he (she) says, "You should," or, "People should." The length of time you had to wait is the amount of their wisdom.

I try to stick mostly with "I should." The hard part, of course, is actually doing the shoulds.

Who exactly are you trying to influence by complaining about this "lack" of "respect"? Your energies will be better spent on CHANGING YOUR OWN APPROACH so those you write prioritize getting back to you.

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 6:57:27 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It isn't dom/me vs sub, it's a gender divide. Women get a lot of mail here, dommes probably the most. Unfortunately if we write back saying "thanks but no thanks" we don't get a respectful "thank you for responding and good luck with your search" or even a decent silence.

What we get are abusive messages to the effect of "you're too fat to fuck anyway" or even threatening ones, where you get told that somebody will teach us what for, possibly with a sharp knife to an important part of our anatomy.

We rarely get those responses when we just don't respond. Basically you're paying for other men's rudeness.

Pretty much my feelings as well. I do try to politely answer "No thanks" and "I wish you the best of luck" if someone seems to have put in a little effort and has read my profile. (TRY being the key word here) Female dommes are inundated with messages on this site from male subs every day. I just got the following one this evening:

Hey how are you? I just moved back to michigan. I am so sick of meeting fake dommes on here. I come to your area twice a week so that wont be problem. Just so you know this email is not a copy and paste I see you dont like that. Your profile really sparked my interest. I would really like to get to know you better. Do you messenger service? Mine is ****** at the Y. I am gonna attach my pic to this profile. This pics are aweful but its all I have. I really hope to hear from you I am *******. P. S. do you believe in caning ?

If any of you care to perv my profile, you will see that I am no longer taking on any male submissives due to health problems. My profile says absolutely nothing about "cutting and pasting". This person obviously didn't bother to read it, even though I've kept it as short as possible. Would YOU take the time to respond to this or would you just delete it and go on?

Mistress Scarlet

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 7:05:07 PM

SlaveSimone

Posts: 95
Joined: 3/17/2008
From: Denver, Co
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There are several reasons why i may not respond to a message-
1. i get distracted and forget
2. the message makes no sense what so ever and i'm too confused to respond
3. my message writing perfectionism gets in the way. It may take me over an hour to write a really basic message at times, and i end up getting discouraged and give up.

A lot of the time its really nothing personal, just me being too ditsy to get a reply sent (the same may or may not apply to others on Collarme)
i know its frustrating, but i wouldn't take anyones non-responsiveness personally. Either they've got a log up their bum, or they have at least a semi-legit reason for not responding. Either way, oh well. There are other fish in the sea.

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 9:30:38 PM

UncleNasty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

A non-answer IS a no ....

It is a no, but it is a very inconsiderate and cop out no. Imagine asking someone a question face to face and them simply staring off into space blankly in complete disregard to your presence and querry.

Anyone that participates on the internet with anything less the best manners is a part of problem.

Another had stated they owe strangers no respect, or words to that effect. I disagree with that statement. We owe everyone a basic level of fellow human respect. To comport yourself by regularly offering less than that to your fellow or fellowette humans is also being part of the problem.

It all becomes a giant game of "I'm OK you're not OK," to borrow from Eric Berne in his early 70's books on TA. Eventually all we have is a bunch of people walking around with chips on their shoulders.

Uncle Nasty

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 9:41:23 PM

Enochian

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To the OP; I would say it's rather common all over the internet.

And mostly; you see the main justification for the behavior is some varient of the "I am busy" / "I get a lot of mail" rationalization. (Remember; the Two Most Important Things for humans are Oxygen, and Rationalization! Just try to go 24 hours without either one of them. >grins<)

They did a study where they took a large group of people that self-discribed themselves as "very concerned" about their fellow man/woman; and put them into a four groups. Then each group had two meetings to go to. The 1st meeting was either a hour long seminar on 'be good to your fellow man'; and the other one was some random information on plants or something. Then they sent them off to their next meeting with either plenty of time to kill, or being almost late.

And made sure that every one of the people had to almost *step over* a person bleeding on the sidewalk and ovbiously in need of aid.

The *ONLY* thing that made any difference in if someone stopped to help was not their self-discripion; it was not their previous hour of 'indoctrination' on helping their fellow man; it was nothing other then if they were busy! So; I wouldn't feel to badly about someone not replying to you; as if they are busy; they are just as likely to step over a bleeding person on the sidewalk. No matter what they think they would do. (Full Disclosure: I am aware I am guilty as well of this type of behavior when 'busy'; I just now attempt to make a concious choice about what I do)

Don't you just love the Human Condition?

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RE: A question of respect - 5/27/2008 9:58:29 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty
Anyone that participates on the internet with anything less the best manners is a part of problem.

You need to get real.

The Internet is not real. There is no comparison between a profile and a real-life human being. Period. On a free site like CollarMe, a large percentage of the profiles are (1) fake, (2) put up by people who want fantasy only, (3) clones set up by men who spam women with one-liners. A bi-female friend of mine with a profile on Alt believes that one "woman" out of 20 who contacts her there is actually female. Read the thread about professional dominatrixes turning down 90% of requests to pay for their services because of the ick factor, and you'll get some sense of the sludge women deal with in their mailboxes.

I Hard Limit chatrooms, because I deal with real people in real life. Message boards are a different story, because the record is permanent, and after a few posts I usually know whether the person has something to offer or is making shit up. I have also met several CM people as a result of posting, and it looks as though I will meet 4 more in June.

When I said "CM people," I meant "CM-woman-people."

Venatrix and Fire are 100% correct. Real life is more important than pixels.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: A question of respect - 5/28/2008 4:52:48 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

It is a no, but it is a very inconsiderate and cop out no. Imagine asking someone a question face to face and them simply staring off into space blankly in complete disregard to your presence and querry.

Uncle Nasty

In most cases, I agree with you because that's a sound argument, but it's not always the whole story. SOME queries really don't deserve or require a return email. They're just flat out offensive and to answer would be putting energy in the wrong place. Of course, I DOUBT the OP sends emails like that, but, in all honesty, we don't know. I mean, some guys really do think that all women not only like, but want, cock shots when, in reality, most of us find it offensive.

So, I stand by my first statement...what he thinks about his emails and profile (which I honestly haven't read) isn't necessarily what everyone else thinks. But, I will agree that a well written heartfelt query should, in polite society, garner at least a, "No thanks." The question is...is the internet polite society? Logic says it should be but observation says that it's often not.

For the record, I DO respond to those queries I feel are polite, well written and heartfelt.

Master Fire

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RE: A question of respect - 5/28/2008 5:01:29 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Enochian

To the OP; I would say it's rather common all over the internet.

And mostly; you see the main justification for the behavior is some varient of the "I am busy" / "I get a lot of mail" rationalization. (Remember; the Two Most Important Things for humans are Oxygen, and Rationalization! Just try to go 24 hours without either one of them. >grins<)
They did a study where they took a large group of people that self-discribed themselves as "very concerned" about their fellow man/woman; and put them into a four groups. Then each group had two meetings to go to. The 1st meeting was either a hour long seminar on 'be good to your fellow man'; and the other one was some random information on plants or something. Then they sent them off to their next meeting with either plenty of time to kill, or being almost late.

And made sure that every one of the people had to almost *step over* a person bleeding on the sidewalk and ovbiously in need of aid.

The *ONLY* thing that made any difference in if someone stopped to help was not their self-discripion; it was not their previous hour of 'indoctrination' on helping their fellow man; it was nothing other then if they were busy! So; I wouldn't feel to badly about someone not replying to you; as if they are busy; they are just as likely to step over a bleeding person on the sidewalk. No matter what they think they would do. (Full Disclosure: I am aware I am guilty as well of this type of behavior when 'busy'; I just now attempt to make a concious choice about what I do)

Don't you just love the Human Condition?

There's quite a difference between stepping over a bleeding human being, and not answering multiple emails. Seriously. I'm not here for business, I'm not really here to find anyone, and it's not going to hurt anyone if I don't answer them. I don't see the logic in your arguement.

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RE: A question of respect - 5/28/2008 5:02:16 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

A non-answer IS a no ....

It is a no, but it is a very inconsiderate and cop out no. Imagine asking someone a question face to face and them simply staring off into space blankly in complete disregard to your presence and querry.

Uncle Nasty

I'm going to disagree with this. A perfect example of this are those folks who are trying to sell stuff in the middle of the mall from those little carts. The ones that always start out with, "Can I ask you a question?" How about the folks who want to do random surveys? Carnival barkers? Telemarketers?

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RE: A question of respect - 5/28/2008 6:12:08 AM

Irishknight

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You ignore carnival barkers?!?!?!?!?! SHUN THE NONBELIEVER!!!!!!!

I get lots of non answers. I take that as a no. I get deleted unread also for various reasons. I try to remember them and not message them again. Occassionally, I do forget one and send them another introduction. I have a couple of friends who deleted my messages unread the first time and then decided to read the second one.

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