tsatske
Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline
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My childhood closely resembled Sybil's. When they raided my childhood home, removing all 7 children, the socail worker told my grandmother, 'I know there are worse homes. You read about them, see them on the news. I have been doing this for 10 years, this is by far the worst home i have ever personally been involved in helping to get children out of.'
My father's lawyer's investigator told my father - "You know, there are a lot of urban myths about life in America, but one that is generally true is, Americans do not want to get involved. In general, the neibors didn't see nothing, didn't hear nothing, don't know nothing. I have never worked a case where that was so patently UNTRUE. When I canvas the neiborhood, at almost every house, the neihbors say, 'oh, the JONES children? Lord, let me tell you about the Jones children. Come in, let me get you some coffee' "
When I was 17, i was in a state run boarding school for pregnant teenage girls, and learning to be a lot better mother than my own. The state found me a GOOD therapist, the first of many, and my slow road to recovery began. A few years later, with another excellent therepist, i was hypnotized, in an effort to recover some earlier childhood memories. When my therepist brought me out, she was crying. When my children were growing up, we were quite poor, and did not always own a car. If i did not own a car, i did not go to my mother's for christmas. 'Have your own way out' is a rock solid rule in dealing with dysfunctional families, and my mothers family's christmas traditions included guns coming out after midnight when everyone was good and drunk.
It is interesting you say you belong to the most dysfunctional family you have ever met. Because, I have been deeply enough involved in groups of other people working hard to recover from very real family dysfunction to tell you, I absolutely do not belong to the most dysfunctional family i know of. there are some douzies out there, let me tell you.
Today, my family gets along quite well, and is very close, as an adult family. I am pleased that my children can be part of the very good things about my family - things mostly created by children who grew up and rejected the bad, and created something, while far from perfect, still, very good.
I have some free advice for you. Family drama and quarrells can only take place in a way that involves you with your consent. Walk away.
It is a hard thing to learn to do, but it works. When I was 18 I started dealing with my father's rages like this. First i refused to work beside him on any job or task. After he had been sober a couple of years, i started helping him with things when he asked me to, but only after, each time, saying to him, 'the first time you cuss, i am walking away.' And then i did it. everytime. and left him, the first several times, standing there looking confused, calling after me, 'hey! I wasn't cussing at you! I hit my thumb with the damn hammer! anyone would cuss!' and i'd say, 'i understand, but we had a deal. I'll be at the house, I'll pour you a lemonaid when you are done.'
Drama does not occur in your life without your permission. it really is that simple.
_____________________________
“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote
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Vanilla family dysfunction and BDSM lifestyle questions. - 
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. But that makes them completely cool. 
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