stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
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Hang on a minute here. Something here doesn't add up. You come onto a CM forum asking how she can be 'accelerated' to be more of a Domme, and then it cmes out that to be really intimate with you she needs to drink alcohol.
Forgive me for asking, but are you two quite on the same page?
Isn't the fact that she needs to get tipsy to be intimate with you a sign in itself? Now stop and think about this please, rationally. She has let it be known to you in some way that she wants to be the Domme, you want her to be Domme I guess, and you be the sub, you're also aware that she needs to get tipsy or so it seems to be intimate.
And yet you come and write such an OP here on the boards. Does this mean that you're okay and accept the fact that a woman has to get herself half drunk just to be able to sleep with you? Now please, stop and think about this. Does this really strike you as rational behaviour?
Also is this the sort of sub you really want to be? You know, your Domme hits a problem, and yet you don't sit down and try to help her and discuss it with her, but you have to come onto a BDSM forum asking people about the best way you can get what you want. Is this really how you want it to be? What statement does that make about your relationship? About you as a submissive? About how you feel about a Domme with whom you share a relationship?
So okay, you were clutching at straws, you didn't really understand the situation, and we all make mistakes. Okay. No harm no foul. There's nobody here who hasn't said or done things in error or which they have regretted later. Nobody.
She's got issues. It seems like major issues. They have to be if she's got to turn to alcohol before she gets to do something. They might not be. I don't know you, I don't know her, I'm just taking everything here at face value.
Okay, so she's got issues, everyone has issues. You have issues, I have issues, everyone reading this has issues. It's part of life, you are subject to the stresses and tribulations of life and other people just as everyone else is and nobody escapes having issues.
You said it yourself, she gets tipsy to get intimate. That's the key to the solution. She's crying for help. That's why she's with you, that's why she feels okay to get tipsy with you. She's maybe feeling vulnerable, scared, weak, and she needs you to know and understand what's going through her head, what she's experiencing. Seems to me that she's got some big bad demon there inside her from her past, and it scares her so much she feels she cannot face up to it alone. She needs you.
You see here's the rub.. just because she wants to be a Domme, that doesn't make her into a Domme 24/7, she isn't going to start taking charge of your life and dominating you 24/7 so it's probably best if you get rid of such illusions right here and now. In fact her becoming a Domme isn't going to change her all that much, she's still going to be the same woman as before, the same as you know now. And as such she's going to have her times of weakness, times when she's vulnerable, afraid, insecure, with you but feeling alone, remembering maybe terrible things from the past, having night terrors, irrational thoughts, irrational fears, moods, different emotions, and all the other things women go through in life.
You really want to know how to be her submissive and help her become more dominant? Okay, here goes. First thing, be there for her. Just there, be there, so that she can learn to depend on you, rely on you, trust you. Be her friend, like a brother, stay with her, help her, listen to her, hold her hand, and listen to her once again, show her that you care about her, that you are there for her, that she can say whatever she likes, express herself however which way, and that you will still always be there for her, no matter what. She needs to be able to trust you, and trust you completely, with her life, with everything, and the only way she's ever going to trust you is by you inspiring confidence in her.
Now a big part of inspiring that confidence in her is learning to value the trust that she places in you, and maintaining both discretion and confidentiality. That means not coming to these boards and posting things without her consent (I'm not saying you did, but just giving an example). This is something which is EXTREMELY important. This is why you can go through these boards and only find a handful of threads started by male submissives going into intimate details about their problems in their relationship with a Domme, if at all any. I personally can't remember any, but I'm not here all the time (it just seems that way sometimes). If you've got any problems you work it out with her, if you need a third person you do it together or under her control, which is what I guess you're doing now.
You also need to learn from your mistakes.. if you really truly want to be with a Domme you let her set the pace of the relationship, not you. It's like a dance, she leads, you follow, and if you don't know the steps you ask, and she'll teach you. She might not want to take the initiative all the time, but the opportunity should always be there for her to do so.
Be patient, take it one step at a time, one step at a time, together with her. Provided you have that mutual understanding, acceptance, connection, every day will be an investment, a risk too, but it will be an investment, and as each day passes it brings you one day closer to when that investment will bring a return. It's not going to ever work out the way you thought it might, it never does. But you know it will be good if only half works out, and I'm sure if you do submit and work with her that the other half what she comes up with will probably be far better than even you imagined at the start.
That's how it usually works out. Usually? Why yes, usually. How? No explanation, it's a little magic. It takes a special sort of woman to become a Domme, and most have more than a passing ability when it comes to little things which are magic.
Be there for her, hold her hand, and remember to be as special for her as she will be for you. Believe in her as she will believe in you.
And remember, dreams come true for those who really really believe.
Be well and good luck.
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