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RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 4:12:07 PM

DreamyLadySnow

Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

My chatroom nick is DreamyLadySnow. Everyone who knows me calls me DLS- no one should have to type my entire screen name except as punishment.
Why would anyone get hung up on a screen name, unless that's all they have?
Kinda sad I think.
(The exception being role-playing rooms where that sort of thing is the norm)

LS

My two cents, 2.0001 American.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 21

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 4:44:41 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I believe everyone deserves respect. That respect, however, does not mean I hve to use the title they choose as long as I am not being DISrespectful. I personally wil not call another Dominant by anything other than their screenname. I will not calla submissive by anything other than their screenname, either. It is like being introduced to someone in a bar. If they are introduced as William, deciding you are going to call them Billy is innapropriate. They might prefer Bill, or Will, or they might have a completely unrelated name and you might offend them.
Just becasue my boys are subs doesnt mean they have to respect and title every dominant that speaks to them, either. I am the only one they have to use titles with, anyone else is on a person by person basis. Those dominants who have been courteous and respectful of us and our relationship wil eventally gain their respect. Those who disrespect me will not even keep polite conversation, both boys have rather sharp tongues.

DV

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 22

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 5:14:07 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WillSubmitt

This is the first i have heard of a dom or domme having to "earn" anything, especially respect from a sub or slave. By virtue of their station in life, I feel respect is to be expected and can only be revoked by actions or words.

If he/she isn't MY dom/domme, no "respect" is due. Courtesy and politeness is something I attempt to extend to all people as long as they do the same. "Respect" not so much. That is something everyone has to deserve for me to demonstrate it and, "dom/domme" or not, they don't automatically get it. Their "station in life" as someone else's dom means zilch to me. There are very few people on Earth that I truly "respect," certainly not just everyone who says, "Hey, I'm a dom. Respect me."

................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to WillSubmitt)

Post #: 23

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 5:33:04 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Hey, somebody used My name, so I had to show up.

I don't really see this as a point of respect. I'm actually going to go along and say that it's a matter of courtesy, and possibly based on familiarity. If I'm in a chat room, and it's someone that I've talked with before who knows Me, I'm fine with them calling Me LP or Lady P. (The same for here on the boards, if it's someone who has gotten to know Me a bit through My posts.) Most don't tend to call Me just Pact, which would be the closest to the OP's example. If it was someone that I'd never talked with before, I'd probably be a bit put off that they couldn't be bothered to type out the whole eight letters of a screen name.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 24

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 6:12:37 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Yes, it is important to me. When you don't know me, use the name I have provided. I don't like over familiarity, and shortening my name is over familiar and ill mannered. When you know me, you can call me by a nickname. A complete stranger calling me mags is NOT a good way of getting on my good side. However, friends call me Mags, MissM, doubleM and once, I believe, Maggles!!

Yes Maamalicious Maggles!
Oh, was tthat too farmiliar??
Oh well, spank spank!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 25

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 10:19:13 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I would save maybe 1/10th of one second in my life if I typed "Magnolia" and "Hathor" -- so WTF?

Yes, but if you address them ten times, that's one second. And if you address them ten times each day of an average year that's 365 seconds. If you continue this pattern over 10 years that's 3652 or 3653 seconds.

Do you know how many hotdogs you can eat in that much time?!

;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 26

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 10:20:24 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Protocal has never been a big deal to me. *shrug* I've been on email lists, mIRC, forums and chatt rooms for WAY to long to get all bent out of shape about the way people address me... as long as they don't yell "Hey You! Slutty Ho!" I'm pretty cool with just about anything.

My old nic was SugarFoot. It's a southern endearment like "Sweetheart". However, I was pretty swamped with foot fetishers. I love a good foot massage better than just about anything... but I like a little more than that. I have to admit that I always did like to be called "Sugar" or even just "Sug". It's a little less common that "Honey" or "Hon".

Come to think of it... my buddy - known here as Oderus - still calls me 'Sug'. But he's as southern as I am these days. Even if he was 'transplanted' to Tennessee.

< Message edited by MsStarlett -- 5/30/2008 10:21:34 PM >

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 27

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 10:50:32 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

This is not about titles, this is about someones name. If a name happens to include Mistress or Miss or Sir, it's just part of a name, it's not a title. Now if they told you, "call me Sir" or "always answer me with "yes or no Ma'am", or something like that, I would understand. That is giving you an instruction about how to address them that creates a heirachy that you have not agreed to. Their name is their name and should be respected unless the person gives you permission to use something shorter, or you ask if it is acceptable. It's courtesy and has nothing to do with D/s. IMO

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 28

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 10:56:22 PM

NumberSix

Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can call me:

iRon, interTubalian Mater of the interStellar inter Gallactic Nebulae;

but you doesn't has to call me Johnson.

6

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 29

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/30/2008 11:20:54 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

And you can call.....me......Al.....call me Al....na na na nana na na na nana

<clearing throat> ahem. Sorry for being off key. I don't do high notes very well.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to NumberSix)

Post #: 30

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 12:25:45 AM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WillSubmitt

This is the first i have heard of a dom or domme having to "earn" anything, especially respect from a sub or slave. By virtue of their station in life, I feel respect is to be expected and can only be revoked by actions or words. So, I guess I would always try to be respectful of any dom or domme unless they have given me reason not to do so. And I would never call a dom or domme anything they haven't given me permission to call them.

lol Any dumbshit can call themself a dom/mme. It's not a "station in life." If your handle is "MissKittyPants" then you get to be called MissKittyPants! I don't see it as a giant crime to call someone just "KittyPants" though, it's only the internet. Common courtsey and "instant respect" are two different things.

As long as you're not being an asshat to someone and are being nice, everyone should relax about titles and such!

< Message edited by Usako -- 5/31/2008 12:29:18 AM >

(in reply to WillSubmitt)

Post #: 31

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 1:59:15 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

Lady Pact...you can use my name if you wish..i won't mind.

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 32

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 10:15:46 AM

popoki

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

First off. I appreciate Eeveryone thoughts, opinions and feedback.(even the Oones I disagree with

) I find myself less and less wanting to go into a chatroom for this reason....i am still reading Eeveryone's response.....I will put in my two cents again soon. thank you,

_____________________________

popoki...

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou

(in reply to Steponme73)

Post #: 33

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 1:59:35 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popoki

First off. I appreciate Eeveryone thoughts, opinions and feedback.(even the Oones I disagree with ) I find myself less and less wanting to go into a chatroom for this reason....i am still reading Eeveryone's response.....I will put in my two cents again soon. thank you,

uh? why don't you want to go into chat rooms? You know, the real world is full of Williams, Roberts and Barbaras. If all you can manage is Dick, Bob and Babs I guess you should just stay in.

(in reply to popoki)

Post #: 34

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 2:59:15 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear popoki, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I would agree with your original post if it wasn't dealing with the 'chat room' context. In chat rooms, all people can go by is how you type your words, thoughts into text form and how one comes across.

Respect is earned even in text form; to which there can never be enough and yet; it is easy to see when someone is laying a thick sarcastic rug in the guise of 'formal etiquette' and or 'respect.'

Titles are merely tools, as to establish through a online screen name and or title the difference between submissive/slave and or servant and those of a Dominant woman. It has come from necessity that some women insist that the entire title be used as to keep those lines between Dominant and submissive clear; as many people enter and leave and may not understand familiars talking to one another.

Unlike being face to face; the physical presence and stance and or attitude establishes through body language where a woman may be in her role. This is missing in cyberland and or chat rooms. There must be a tool and thus 'titles.'

That said, for me--I have been around long enough not to be hyper sensitive to titles and or lack there of. Those who know me real life have no question who and what I am. In cyberland--it is an act of 'faith' that one is speaking to the authentic individual known with their titles. That said, those new to being in the position of Domination; especially around other established Dominants be it male or female; struggle to gain notice, respect and interaction of submissive yielding by those identified as servant, slave and or submissive. Once learned that Dominance and submission and or Master/Mistress-slave is more 'personalized' in a relationship and not uniformed in the larger community, such as the military -- the rank and respect is within the relationship and or the community's recognition of sugnificant individuals who deserve their respect and or their titles.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

[To me, a Lady is more than a title--it is a state of behavior.]

(in reply to popoki)

Post #: 35

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 4:07:12 PM

popoki

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

First off. I appreciate Eeveryone thoughts, opinions and feedback.(even the Oones I disagree with

). Wwe Aall have different journeys in life...I find for me...I am questioning everything all the time. In this life, I have no Oone person in my life that I trust...but my own self. My beliefs in the lifestyle may not mirror that of Oothers. But...why should it? I am my own person...not in a cult. I define what is done in my life. Not Someone else. Even if I were to get involved in a relationship with a Domme. It would be defined as girlfriends first and lifestyle there after. I would address her by her birth name or a nickname of choice.

When I started out exploring in the lifestyle I used Ma'am or Ms. etc. But then one day I was talking to a friend....and said to him I was interested in this one Mistress...and I started to laugh. It sounded so unnatural to me. The difference was I had said it out loud to my friend...whereas before I was online...but not voicing what I was writing. It was right then and there I said that is not for me.

This subject, for me, wasn't about abbreviating handles/nicks. - i.e: popoki003 abbrv. to pop/popki or MayBeYours abbrv. I once had a friend...daggyrofWolfJust be called daggs/daggie and daggyrlicious (well that last one was created by her friends). Now, I cant speak for others, but if we're on this subject..ok I can play along. If Yyou dont want Ssomeone to abbrveviate your handle/nick then just say so. No need to have a meltdown, or get angry or upset. Or worse yet...feel it's a lack of manners or lack of respect. More times then not, my name gets butched...if I dont like it...I just say so. That is it! I dont have a meltdown...I dont take them to a private chat to address this. I dont stop talking to them because they shortened/abbrv. my name. Life is too short. If it's something you find to be too personal or foward or whathaveyou by doing so, then ok.Just say so and leave it at that. Shouldn't Wwe be more concerned about other things? For example (i do love my examples

) Ssomeone emailed me saying they read my profile and found me interesting by way of a few mere words I had written (I have no picture posted) and want to meet me at a playparty/sex club. I mean....common on!!! TROLL!

So...what I was trying to address...ponder...ask for thoughts and feedback was the fact that Ssome might feel it be a must to be addressed with "Ms/Miss?Ma'am or Mistress" (whether or not it's a part of your handle/nick or not) when talking to them...in chat...online...I am sure there are several who find this might be a lack of manner or show lack of respect and if I dont adhere to "online protocal". I find myself less and less wanting to go into a chatroom for this reason. I dont connect with Aanyone there anyway. I've also found that Tthose I have connected with only wish to connect online. That too is not for me. It's too disconnected..I used to...but something is different. Maybe I am the one different. I certainly hope so. I am not one to "follows the herd"...what is right for me...might not be right for Yyou. Just my two cents again. thank you.

_____________________________

popoki...

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 36

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 7:25:18 PM

popoki

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

Hello,

I just don't seem to find the kind of connection that I used to in the chatrooms. I used to, but not anymore. The lack of stimulating conversation is another. I have found very little to hold my attention in a chatroom....lately. I dont know really why...other then to say...maybe it's me. I don't want to open up in a room full of others I dont know. I dont want to even really try to.

_____________________________

popoki...

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 37

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 8:22:37 PM

popoki

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

TNstepsout

titleAndStar(955,0,0,false,"","")
Corrupted

my last reply was in regards to TNstepsout's reply. For some reason...I was unable to quote reply.

_____________________________

popoki...

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou

(in reply to popoki)

Post #: 38

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 8:33:13 PM

popoki

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

WillSubmitt,

quote:

This is the first i have heard of a dom or domme having to "earn" anything, especially respect from a sub or slave. By virtue of their station in life, I feel respect is to be expected and can only be revoked by actions or words.

Sea (oops... I mean, MasterUndergroundSeaTheSub :-) caught this and I agree with his thoughts. To me, there is a huge difference between the courtesy one generally extends to everyone and the type of respect and trust given to someone who has earned this. Now true enough, there is a bit of crossover in that many of us extend "courteous respect" all the time. This is certainly my own personal style. However, respect and trust that involve a person's quality of character, skills, judgment, and honesty come partly from their position and in huge part from being earned and demonstrated, and this goes both ways.

I used to blanket trust authority figures by nature of their position. My logic was, if they got to that stature, they must be good leaders and good people. Now, after having lived quite a bit of life, I realize there are a myriad of ways superiors get to their position and keep their position. Not all of these are good or ethical, nor do they speak for the quality of someone's personage. Thus, the old adage "actions and demonstration speak louder than words" applies rather aptly. I don't see this as being any different with BDSM folk.

I'll give a personal example. At the outset, when I don't know a Domina at all, I am courteous to her, but she has not yet earned my trust. Therefore, early on, I try to avoid situations where I must reply on that person's judgment and ethics exclusively. In the past, there have been Dominas to whom I gave instant trust. Sometimes this worked out, but more often than not, giving this type of admiration too early was unhealthy, unwarranted, and had disastrous consequences. These days, I build relationships slowly and through much communication, observation, and shared experience with my partner. Respect and trust are part of this package and, as I noted above, are built and earned in both directions (from Dominant to submissive and from submissive to Dominant).

Elan.

Yes indeed. I agree with Your what you are saying.

_____________________________

popoki...

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 39

RE: It's all in a name...or is it? - 5/31/2008 8:47:06 PM

popoki

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

quote:

ORIGINAL: WillSubmitt

lol Any dumbshit can call themself a dom/mme. It's not a "station in life." If your handle is "MissKittyPants" then you get to be called MissKittyPants! I don't see it as a giant crime to call someone just "KittyPants" though, it's only the internet. Common courtsey and "instant respect" are two different things.

As long as you're not being an asshat to someone and are being nice, everyone should relax about titles and such!

Yes exactly. This is my point.

_____________________________

popoki...

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 40

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