RE: Afraid of his reaction....

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Afraid of his reaction....

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Afraid of his reaction....

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/1/2008 7:32:39 PM

opensoul

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline

Afraid is mild to me when it comes to opening up to someone. When it is someone you care about. love, it goes up 100% for me.
For soo long I only would show alittle of myself to people , mainly because it seemed everytime i opened up they ran away or used it against me. I finally started looking harder at who i was and started looking for people I could trust. Which has taken a long time for me.
Now I come to the cross roads again to open to my Master, I am afraid , but He has shown me that He understands what trust is to me and how I have been mislead before, He has opened up and shown me soo much that hiding from him would be wrong, because he is the only man who has taken all of me good, bad, damaged and loved all of them.

(in reply to stella41b)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/1/2008 8:01:13 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

With writing people take different things from it, sometimes they take what the writer intends other times they interpret it totally different way and take something completely different from it. I guess that is what would make it a mistake if he took something totally different from it or didn't understand my intent with it.

Nika

This sounds more like a misunderstanding than a mistake. Considering your friend indicate that you both need to talk, seems to indicate that he lines of communication is open. Therefore, even if there is a misunderstanding, there is the opportunity to straight the misunderstanding.

So.. how do you deal with the fears... don't let the irrational take you down deadend paths. Look at it more rationally. Look at the positives.. look at the opportunities that exist.

You have a huge opportunity here.... You have a friend that is willing to talk and understand what you trying to share with him... sounds pretty good don't you think?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SweetNika)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/1/2008 8:21:47 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

this is so what i am going through right now myself and appreciate the various posts to this thread.

Master wants me to open up and be vunerable to him and although slowly I have been it is very scary for me as I was in a 20 yr on/off vanilla relationship that ended abrutply in 2004 and left a very sour note in my mouth and crushed my heart and spirit and since that time I have had a very protective wall around my heart.

Thank goodness Master is a patient man and willing to go slowly and give me the time needed to chip and break down the wall around my heart.

Thanks for the thread and gives me more to think about.

heather

(in reply to stella41b)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/1/2008 10:00:25 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP,, I am glad that it seems that it may work out for the better..But always keep in mind, at the end of a day, we often regret those things we feared to try or say, then those things we did try and failed or were disappointed with...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to califsue)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/2/2008 11:32:06 PM

redd4Dom

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline

at least you had the guts to stay.....i told my good friend how i felt about him - then when he said we needed to talk - i ran, 3000 miles away from him. i should have stayed. he calls every once in a blue moon and talks to me - but my kid, that man calls every month.

i wish i wasnt such a __________ ? when it comes to him.

(in reply to stella41b)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/3/2008 3:50:54 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The truth is, that if he can't accept the real you, then how much of a friend is he? How much are you losing? What you are really risking isn't a great relationship but the hopes that it might someday become one.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to stella41b)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/3/2008 5:23:13 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Oh sure, I have done that many times and will do it again in the future. I intentionally did it when I first started exchanging emails with my Lord. I did it early on, because if he didn't want the raw vulnerability from me, then he wasn't going to be a good match and there was no sense in expending energy in that direction.

I only do this with people who I want to have a deeper more intimate connection with, the relationship could be friendship or something more. In order to do that, we both have to be start be vulnerable with each other. For me to continue being vulnerable, I must perceive some vulnerability on their part as well.

I deal with the fear by reminding myself that their reaction has a lot more to do with them than it does with me. If someone that I have chosen to be vulnerable with cannot handle that type of interaction with me then they are not compatible with the type of relationship that I want with them. I either change my expectations and behaviors with them or the interaction ends all together.

Being vulnerable can be scarey.... but being vulnerable with the right person can be rewarding as hell and very fulfilling.

Knight's Kyra

GREAT post Kyra! It can be a difficult thing to do, showing your vulnerable side. The fear of rejection is a pretty powerful thing. But someone else's inability to accept your level of vulnerability is their own fear of intimacy they are grappling with - not yours. But in my experience I've learned that the source of fear is not trusting yourself, if that makes any sense.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/3/2008 6:03:50 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

i did this ever so recently - i totally put myself out on a limb, opened up completely, was me 100%, i held nothing back, enjoyed myself totally and afterwards.... my vulnerability was massive.

i think we do this when we feel safe with someone, its the only time you can. so often we are different people to different people, rarely completely ourselves and open because, well, maybe, it would be way too much for some people to manage.

if im going to be happy i need to feel total freedom to be who i am, no holes barred - sometimes that pans, sometimes it doesnt, but yep, scary though it is, vulnerable and exposed as you feel, what it does is push everything into another dimension that can either be accepted or walked away from - either way, in the end, it works out for the best.

so you took a risk, which apparently has worked out fine anyway so all power to you and the emotions you put into that poem.

(in reply to stella41b)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/3/2008 11:14:57 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

I felt this a lot with my boy in the past. And i have always found it hard when someone comments "we need to talk" or something else sinister sounding. I hate the anticipation and how my mind runs out every single possible bad scenario and its is 99% of the time completely wrong lol. Now people who know me well know that can cause me anguish throughout my day and know to either say whatever it is right there and then or shut up till they see me to tell me lol.

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to lally3)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/3/2008 11:56:45 AM

favesclava

Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

i find it almost impossible to open up to another. especially where feelingsa are concerned. a lifetime of being alone and keeping things in has made it very difficult to share. i do find writing is easier than verbal for me. when in doubt about outcomes i tend to obsess on the negative possibilities. when that happens i just sing to myself from finding nemo " just keep swimming, just keep swimming" . there just might be a happy ending.

_____________________________

weird is relative not an absolute term. Baron Frank N. Furter
Resident jingly dancing girl
The Pookie Of Darkness
Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/3/2008 2:33:48 PM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Have you ever opened up and been afraid by doing so you were going to scare the other person off or that they would react badly to it? How did you deal with that fear, especially if you had to wait to speak with them?

In my opinion, if i have a connection with a person then i don't fear opening up to them in any way, shape or form. What would be the point? There is no room for secrets when things get serious.
If i opened up to a person i had a connection with, it would be without fear.. i can't change whether they will react badly or not.. And if they do.. Then they weren't compatible, its that simple.

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to SweetNika)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Afraid of his reaction.... - 6/3/2008 8:10:14 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

I'm on the other end of this right now. I've a submissive friend, who has been a little bit more than just a friend this past year. She's away right now and we haven't talked in awhile. I know something is up, but she won't return my calls or write. I know her well enough to know there's something she needs to tell me, but she doesn't because she's afraid of what my reaction may be... and probably mostly of disappointing me. All I can do is wait til she comes to terms with it and plucks up the courage to talk. It bothers me a little, we've known each other for a long time now and I would have hoped she would know by now she could talk to me about anything. But some fears never entirely go away.

Nothing to do but hurry up and wait.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to SweetNika)

Profile

Post #: 32