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My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:07:17 PM   
fungasm


Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline 		What follows is only my opinion, and only has value as such.

Alison's 30% Rule:   I will do anything a partner asks of me that does not damage myself, my partner, or anyone else and doesn't violate the laws of my country or the laws of physics.  That said, I don't want a relationship where more than 30% of  our sex life is spend engaged in any single activity. 

So I've found that there are certain kinks which almost always will violate that rule:  things that if that is what someone craves, that is what they always crave. So I tend not to enter long-term relationships where that is what is really wanted, because I feel it's not going to end well.  Not that there is anything wrong with these, it's just that they aren't what I want to be doing all the time sexually- and sexuality is really important to me.  Examples:  feminization, erotic lactation, adult babies, humiliation in servitude, watersports, etc.

On the other hand there are things which it's very rarely for a partner to want all of the time, which makes them more fun to explore:  strap ons, TENS units, bondage, nipple clamps, rope bondage, spankings, canings, etc. 

How does this fit in your experience?

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:12:05 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		do you sit down with a calculator and a tally chart?

If I am thinking about my sex life that much ... I am sooooo neglecting the laundry

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:16:33 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		No kidding....all these calculations. I wonder what percentage of your time you spend calculating percentages? Do you include intercourse in that 30%?

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:40:42 PM   
fungasm


Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline 		So how else to you quantify something without numerica data?  It's something I do automatically, without even thinking about it.  Of course I don't need a calculator. Do you?  I don't think I've ever had a partner who was up for more than 100 times a month, and that's easy math.

It depends on what you mean by intercourse.   I have had a relationship where "sex" was an term that actually meant one position, with a specific pattern of foreplay, and a singular mechanism for release.   That definitely counts as not being what I want, no matter how much I cared for the person.  Which is why I'm here.

To Softness: If you are thinking about your laundry that much ... you are soooo neglecting your sex.  And let's face it- sorting whites and colors is mindless, so while sorting you can consider all sorts of possibilities... like what to do during the spin cycle.

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"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:44:27 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I have an engineer friend who has charted his entire sex life.  He can tell you exactly how many blowjobs he had in March of 1986.  It's also color coded.  Quite impressive.  I, on the other hand, do not have a Type A personality so I don't chart on paper or in my head.

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:45:16 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		it took me 30 seconds of my time to type this...eh..no wait only about 10...im bad at math. 

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:47:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If that's what works for you, go for it.  I agree that constant repetition gets tiring and being with someone who is a fetishist often runs the risk of inattention towards other things.  But I don't feel the need to quantify it.  If I want to do something else, I suggest it.  If we're on a hot streak, we go with it.  Much more a casual thing. 

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:48:45 PM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I have an engineer friend who has charted his entire sex life.  He can tell you exactly how many blowjobs he had in March of 1986.  It's also color coded.  Quite impressive.  I, on the other hand, do not have a Type A personality so I don't chart on paper or in my head.




That's just scary.  I've always said that engineers and programmers are a special breed

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:58:53 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

To Softness: If you are thinking about your laundry that much ... you are soooo neglecting your sex.  And let's face it- sorting whites and colors is mindless, so while sorting you can consider all sorts of possibilities... like what to do during the spin cycle.


Hey .. I have said many many times ... I am just into this dirty kinky stuff for the laundry

and during the spin cycle .,... i iron the pervious load ... or scrub the floor ... or bake

think I am kidding?

< Message edited by softness -- 5/31/2008 10:00:32 PM >

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 9:59:34 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Y'know... as someone who was once married to "the King of the Missionaries" (and I didn't call him that for his religious fervor), I understand this 30% rule.

Allison's 30% Rule restated to calm the math-phobic amongst us: "I will do anything a partner asks of me that does not damage myself, my partner, or anyone else and doesn't violate the laws of my country or the laws of physics.  That said, I don't want a relationship where we do the same damn thing, the same damn way, at the same damn time of every single same damn day!!!"

There. Is that better?

So anyway... I'd like to point out that maybe... just maybe...finding a way to do something that breaks the laws of physics  ..while still surviving... just MAY BE a LOT of fun. (just sayin')

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 5/31/2008 10:02:03 PM >

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 10:05:57 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
I don't want a relationship where we do the same damn thing, the same damn way, at the same damn time of every single same damn day!!!"


juliet


I call that Ground Hog Day....


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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 10:06:03 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm
So how else to you quantify something without numerica data? 

To quantify a quality?  Isn't the question, "How fulfilled am I in this relationship?"  What quantity are you looking for?  On a scale of 1 to 10?  If you really cared about someone but he was crappy in bed, was that really enough to end the relationship by itself?  It's not enough for me.  Disease and disability can strike down someone's libido or ability to perform.  "I'll love you until you get sick," isn't an option for me.  There are certified sex therapists-- and Dom Bootcamp for crissake -- if your man doesn't know a penis from a vagina.

M, my ex-sub, told me not an hour ago that she is getting married, and she invited me to the wedding.  Of course I'm going.  We love each other, and will forever.  Relationships don't end just because the sex does.


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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 10:25:13 PM   
summersprite


Posts: 101
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline 		The best thing about sex is having a little bit of this and a little bit of that and a whole lot of extra kinky stuff and some gentle kissing and anything else you can imagine in there...... the more varied, the better ;-)

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 10:40:32 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Your experiences don't fit in with mine at all.  Our sex life would appear boring to you as we use the same position each and every time.  We both have health issues and the position we have chosen is comfortable for us both.  The other activities you mentioned are not sexual in nature to us.  They are the fun activities we do just because they are fun.  We tend to laugh an awful lot while playing with floggers or violet wands, or TENS units.  Isn't it neat how we are all so different from one another??!!

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 10:53:34 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

Your experiences don't fit in with mine at all.  Our sex life would appear boring to you as we use the same position each and every time.  We both have health issues and the position we have chosen is comfortable for us both.  The other activities you mentioned are not sexual in nature to us.  They are the fun activities we do just because they are fun.  We tend to laugh an awful lot while playing with floggers or violet wands, or TENS units.  Isn't it neat how we are all so different from one another??!!


The difference is when someone is using the same position each and every time because he think anything else is just "WRONG" (go right on ahead and read moralistic crap into that, cause that IS how he used to see it - that anything other than missionary was somehow morally wrong. Weird thing about all that is that he never thought that way when we were younger. )

juliet

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 11:14:50 PM   
SummerWind


Posts: 314
Joined: 7/4/2007
Status: offline 		"I was told there would be no math".......

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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 11:34:37 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Hi Alison (if I may be so familiar)!

I get what you're saying and agree.  Numbers aside, too much of one activity can be the kiss of death to any relationship let alone one that is of a D/s nature.


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RE: My 30% Rule - 5/31/2008 11:54:33 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		WOW!  I have no idea what just happened there.  I had intended to dazzle Ms Alison with a well thought out, properly constructed and well punctuated posting.  (When I want to get to a Woman's heart I do my research.)  The next thing I know, my posting is sent on it's merry way half done.  Oh well, perhaps I can impress Lovely Alison with my Massive, Manly... (ahem) Vocabulary an other time.  ;-) 

I do have a question of my own for you Ma'am.  You state that you are in the middle of nowhere for the summer.  Having spent a summer out on the Mogollion Rim, I am curious about where you are spending the season.  So, to the question.  Are you in a tower or on a crew?   Admiringly,  Mike


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You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
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RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 12:23:57 AM   
tsclittlecupcake


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/30/2008
Status: offline 		Hello everyone,

I was tantalized by this topic's title. Isn't that amusing how we can just need to see something simply so we can figure out what someone was trying to say with a clever catchy topic? Once I read the comment as well as responses, I understood the focus, and found it was still an interesting thing to consider.

I certainly understand the frustration of getting into ruts. I think you defined it sooo well Juliet.

We've known particular fetishists who would not agree to relationships or even play time with partners if the play time didn't include said fetish. They were incapable of stimulation and/or release. One of the most repeated fetishes I've seen associated to this through talking to friends relates to the sadistic need to create pain to find enough blood pumping to the cock to use it and cum. I do know there are also some who are on the submissive side who cannot find pleasure until they're debased.

If I were involved with someone who was a 1-ring circus, I wouldn't be able to stay committed long enough to make it valueable to me. By the same token, I couldn't imagine doing the mathematical calculations of percentages to be sure I was appeasing my desires to engage in different activities as different times. I probably fall into the continuum somewhere in the middle. I know Master does also. I don't think he keeps solid track of mathematical equations, but I do think he remembers specific data along the lines of, "I haven't had a blowjob yet this week!" and it is a warm grinning face looking into my sleepy eyes at 5 a.m. on a Monday.

cupcake

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RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 3:27:49 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Leaving statistics alone, i understand what you are saying.  It's like there has to be well over 100 different ways to prepare chicken but in the end it's still chicken and let's have steak once in a while.

We could say that TENS units, clamps, canings, spankings are all PAIN and just different delivery methods.  It's still chicken.  Rope, latex, leather, chain, is just differnt methods of bondage but still bondage.  The problem is... if you're into bondage then you're into it because it does something pleasurable for you.  Creativity within a kink is wonderful, but you could drill down to its core and it's still the same thing. 

i would venture to say that most people, kink or not, likes variety in their lives.  They like to skip work one day to go to the beach, they like to vacation in a different spot this year, they like to rearrange the furniture.



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