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Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 12:19:39 PM   
seekingaSir


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline 		When a submissive offers her service to her Dom.  It is ignored.  There was no reply given.  It was as if the statement was never made.  So when she approached Him because she is upset, as she felt ignored or brushed off, or as if her service is not important to Him.  He told her that he didn't feel like dealing with the back and forth of discussing.  Should she not be upset?? She now feels that He doesn't care about her feelings, or about her.  Is she wrong for feeling this way?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 12:21:59 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		No reply IS a reply. Probably just not the one you wanted.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 12:33:21 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingaSir

When a submissive offers her service to her Dom.  It is ignored.  There was no reply given.  It was as if the statement was never made.  So when she approached Him because she is upset, as she felt ignored or brushed off, or as if her service is not important to Him.  He told her that he didn't feel like dealing with the back and forth of discussing.  Should she not be upset?? She now feels that He doesn't care about her feelings, or about her.  Is she wrong for feeling this way?


Sounds like an issue of compatibility. The submissives wants communication in a certain way and the dominant doesn't. I don't know that she should automatically be upset but that would depend upon the length of the relationship. If the dominant won't talk about it, there's little choice in the matter for the submissive. She either accepts it or tries to find someone more in line with her own communication style and who values the service she offers.


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 1:36:52 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingaSir

When a submissive offers her service to her Dom.  It is ignored.  There was no reply given.  It was as if the statement was never made.  So when she approached Him because she is upset, as she felt ignored or brushed off, or as if her service is not important to Him.  He told her that he didn't feel like dealing with the back and forth of discussing.  Should she not be upset?? She now feels that He doesn't care about her feelings, or about her.  Is she wrong for feeling this way?

Nope, not wrong at all.

In fact, based on the facts given above, I'd say you hit the nail right on the head.  He doesn't care.

Sucks, but it happens.  Only thing you can do is deal with it, move past it, and focus on looking for a guy who gets the idea of giving a damn.


_____________________________



(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 1:44:56 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Does he owe you anything? Is there a requirement for someone to respond to you? Is there a rulebook he is supposed to have read that stipulates how to deal with you? If you had written this about an interaction with me, I'd have asked you who the hell you think you are that you can make behavioural demands of me. I am totally at liberty to ignore or brush off anybody  I choose. So is everybody else. Honestly.

(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 1:45:33 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		First is this real life or on-line.  If it's on-line he may be a wanker, there are tons of them get used to it.  If it's real life then he's just not into you.

Mike


(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 2:13:15 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Him ignoring her WAS his answer: No. I do not want your services.

Mater Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 2:15:58 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I second MFM. You are spot on, he doesnt want your service and he likely doesnt care. He even out and told you he doesnt want to deal with the back and forth. That translates to I do not want to deal with you. Are you wrong to feel hurt, no. Feelings get hurt. But he also doesnt HAVE to be interested. Pick up and move on.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 2:25:19 PM   
allcatsaregrey


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/2/2007
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		First of all, you are completely entitled to your feelings. Being rejected in any manner, whether direct or indirect (in your case, it was a bit of both) hurts. Ultimately, though, as was previously stated, no matter how tempting your offer was, a Dom - or anyone else - naturally has the right to refuse your offer. So, what do you do now? You get up, brush yourself off, regroup and keep looking. It's easier said than done, but ultimately you're just better off moving on.


_____________________________

Warm Regards,
c.,
The "Service with a Smile" Slut

"Domination's the name of the game, in bed or in life, they're both just the same - Except in one you're fulfilled
at the end of the day."

- Depeche Mode, "Master & servant"

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 2:34:15 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		You mean, living out your entire life without ever becoming upset is an option?

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to allcatsaregrey)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 2:41:07 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		*Fast Reply*

As the others have said, that was your answer. Nobody is required to be interested in you. It hurts but keep trying to find the one who is interested!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 2:44:17 PM   
Vestonika


Posts: 95
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		She is wrong for indulging in Self-pity.

People who need approval from others do so because they need to be defined by others.



quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingaSir

When a submissive offers her service to her Dom.  It is ignored.  There was no reply given.  It was as if the statement was never made.  So when she approached Him because she is upset, as she felt ignored or brushed off, or as if her service is not important to Him.  He told her that he didn't feel like dealing with the back and forth of discussing.  Should she not be upset?? She now feels that He doesn't care about her feelings, or about her.  Is she wrong for feeling this way?

(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 3:03:00 PM   
allcatsaregrey


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/2/2007
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I wish! I'd love to be a Stepford Wife! 

_____________________________

Warm Regards,
c.,
The "Service with a Smile" Slut

"Domination's the name of the game, in bed or in life, they're both just the same - Except in one you're fulfilled
at the end of the day."

- Depeche Mode, "Master & servant"

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 3:29:39 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with the others.  I'll add that if you offer your services to someone who clearly isn't interested, that you probably are jumping in too quickly.  How long had you been talking with him?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to allcatsaregrey)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 3:39:51 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingaSir

When a submissive offers her service to her Dom.  It is ignored.  There was no reply given.  It was as if the statement was never made.  So when she approached Him because she is upset, as she felt ignored or brushed off, or as if her service is not important to Him.  He told her that he didn't feel like dealing with the back and forth of discussing.  Should she not be upset?? She now feels that He doesn't care about her feelings, or about her.  Is she wrong for feeling this way?

Possibly... you've not given nearly enough information to create a clear context.  When you say you offered your service, it isn't clear if you mean you are offering your service on a longterm basis (i.e. asking for a collar) or you offered some specific service (i.e. getting a beer, a blow job, cleaning the house, etc.).  Either way, the dominant isn't obligated to accept, period.  I have no idea why this dominant apparently brushed you off, particularly with only an incomplete picture from you.  Perhaps you'd annoyed him already, perhaps he was having a bad day, perhaps you're overly needy, perhaps he's just a jack ass, perhaps its some combination or something I haven't listed... there's no way for me to know.

You're apparently looking for complete strangers to validate your feelings... not going to do that.  You need to cope with them yourself and if you want to work things out with this dominant you need to first assess things to see if you could have approached him at a better time or in a better way.  Having done that, try to talk to him at a better time and work things out.  Finally, be prepared for the possibility that perhaps he's just not interested in you, and if so... move on.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 3:47:06 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingaSir

When a submissive offers her service to her Dom.  It is ignored.  There was no reply given.  It was as if the statement was never made.  So when she approached Him because she is upset, as she felt ignored or brushed off, or as if her service is not important to Him.  He told her that he didn't feel like dealing with the back and forth of discussing.  Should she not be upset?? She now feels that He doesn't care about her feelings, or about her.  Is she wrong for feeling this way?


Your feelings are just that , feelings. They are not wrong or right , they are how you feel. If your master cares for you he will take your feelings into consideration. You have a right to your feelings no matter what they are, no matter who you are, human beings be they slave, sub, dominant or vanilla all have feelings.

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 4:01:22 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I read the original post that she is in an established relationship with a dom. She offered to do a service for him - he brushed her off (rather rudely in my opinion), and now her feelings are hurt.

Hell yes you should be upset. He was rude, and dismissive of your feelings. If this isn't the way your relationship typically goes, then there is something going on with him. Maynot be anything to do with you - you just got in the way at the wrong moment. Give him a  day or so, then tell him that he hurt your feelings by being so dismissive of your offer, and ask why that situation happened.   If he continues to be rude, then maybe you need to evaluate your options.
Depends on how long you have been together and his and your typical communication style.  Good luck.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 4:18:16 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I'm a bit confused. According to her profile, the OP joined CM yesterday, so seekingasir isn't an old ID, but a new one. However, she a sir already.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 4:24:38 PM   
MstrVik


Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		You had your answer, and it seems to me that you are also being a bit pushy about this; it might well be that he doesn't even appreciate it that you are making suggestions in this area at all. If/when he wants some specific type of service from you, I'm sure he will let you know.

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am I wrong here? - 6/1/2008 4:30:45 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		If I became upset and allowed myself to feel uncared for or ignored whenever he does not acknowledge me, I would be miserable a lot.  In our relationship, he decides when an interaction will occur.  He decides when/if I get to serve him. 

There have been numerous times that I have asked permission to talk to him and he has waved me off and there will be many more in the future.  He has the authority in the relationship and gets to decide what he wants to do.  I certainly wouldn't be a very good match for him, if I was of the opinion that he had to acknowledge me every time I wanted him to. 

Maybe this isn't the right relationship for you.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to seekingaSir)
Profile   Post #: 20
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