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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/2/2008 8:01:37 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Lilith -
Just the fact that it came from someone who has named herself Lilith made that a GREAT post!

< Message edited by tsatske -- 6/2/2008 8:03:38 PM >

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/2/2008 9:56:41 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I've been married for  35 years this August.  The major skill needed is .. negotiation. Then comes compromise coupled with just being fair.  My husband and I share duties.  Whoever feels like cooking- cooks.  If there is a "chore" you are better at then the other.. the best one does it.  There is none of this "me man.. you woman" crapola.  We just see each other as an individual and cut each other slack. 

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/2/2008 9:58:26 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

What are the skills, behaviors, attributes and post-modern information age devices needed
for marriage in the 21st Century?
 
                      
 
Please reply in your humble or not so humble opinions with beating
each other up non-consensually.
                                



i can name one that i'm not sure i possess any longer; the ability to live in the same dwelling with another person and not go batsh*t.
 
pinksugarsub

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 12:00:05 AM   
Bethnai


Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline 		Fun. I don't care if your married or not.  Real fun. Where both parties truly enjoy each other doing whatever in whatever type of relationship they have.   The things that remind you why you fell in love in the first time as opposed to the I'm stuck syndrome.  Compromised fun is essential.  His enjoyment is spending time hitting a computer store and then a hardware store and yours is Pier 1 and hitting the Goombay Festival. It can all be done in a day with room left over.

Know thyself.  I'm not the marrying type.  (Why I shouldn't respond but could not stop myself.)   I mean know how to release your own stress. It is not fair to ask the other party to take the brunt of your shit with a never ending stop due to whatever problem your having. At some point the other party is going to say, "Then figure out a way to get over it."  Respect that parties way of getting over it.  Know that if your life experience is very different and "tinges" your POV and the other party does not have that, the other party may be jealous or unyielding in ways that you can't tolerate.

I think one of the greatest things about power exchange is that the boundaries are clearly set. Usually.  I think relationships fail or begin to fail over petty, highschool, power issues.  I think power exchange forces one to sit down and think about how to present an issue, this is the data I have, this is where I am coming from, this is why I think this is for the best or worst.  This opens the way for communication and allows either party to step back (verbally) and rethink. It demands respect.  Yes, I could have just said respect the other person, sometimes I just feel the need to type.





I



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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 12:57:47 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

What are the skills, behaviors, attributes and post-modern information age devices needed
for marriage in the 21st Century?
 
 


Senility

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 1:58:15 AM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline 		Likely won't get married again. Likely will have one more LTR. Having said that,

No fucking way will I ever have separate bedrooms again. I want to be there next to her when I tell her, "Good night, baby, I love you," and in the morning, "Good morning, honey, I love you." I want to watch her sleep and hear her little snores and feel her next to me. See that little bit of drool we all get sometimes. Smell her hair. Touch her. Wake her up with a slow, gentle fuck.

Non-negotiable.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 2:09:26 AM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
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Status: offline 		seperate houses??

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 2:45:08 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		The ability to talk things through. Let her talk whilst you sit through it.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 7:41:55 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Seriously good communication skills and no mindfucks. Mindfucks, however attractive they may seem at times, are a marriage killer: talk, talk, talk.

And make love. A lot. An intense sex life is an absolute must.


I agree with you on the communication but the sex part..........not so much so.


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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 7:51:49 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Hippie,
I worry always about vanilla married friends who don't have the sense to go to bed together. Even if you have only one bed, if you don't sleep in it at the same time, what use is that?
If a couple, because of the evil forces of real life, find themselves on such different schedules that they MUST sleep at different times, the one with the most 'unusual' sleep pattern should make the effort to lay down with his partner until they go to sleep, and then get back up. Better if they both do that.
sleeping together is necessary for couple health, IMO.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 8:03:33 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		The majority of people whom I talk with that are in unhappy relationships have forgotten how to sit down, look their partner in the eyes, ask how they are and be truly interested in the answer.  So a necessary skill in my mind would be the willingness to spend 5 or ten minutes a day with both sitting down together and talking.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 10:02:02 AM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

Hippie,
I worry always about vanilla married friends who don't have the sense to go to bed together. Even if you have only one bed, if you don't sleep in it at the same time, what use is that?
If a couple, because of the evil forces of real life, find themselves on such different schedules that they MUST sleep at different times, the one with the most 'unusual' sleep pattern should make the effort to lay down with his partner until they go to sleep, and then get back up. Better if they both do that.
sleeping together is necessary for couple health, IMO.

I could not agree with you more. I made that mistake before; won't make it again.

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 10:04:59 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		The same applies to marriage as it does any long term relationship.
Our sig applies
 
the.dark.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 10:07:06 AM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		FR.  Communication.  Mutual respect.  Affection.  Shared goals and ideals.  Its gotten us thru 29+ years.

Oh...and having a stable of sexy poly friends helps, too *grin*

E.

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"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
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Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 10:07:53 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Tart  .

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 10:09:53 AM   
Emperor1956


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Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Tart  .


HEY!  Careful where you point that thing! 

E.

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"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 10:21:03 AM   
Irishknight


Posts: 2016
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

Hippie,
I worry always about vanilla married friends who don't have the sense to go to bed together. Even if you have only one bed, if you don't sleep in it at the same time, what use is that?
If a couple, because of the evil forces of real life, find themselves on such different schedules that they MUST sleep at different times, the one with the most 'unusual' sleep pattern should make the effort to lay down with his partner until they go to sleep, and then get back up. Better if they both do that.
sleeping together is necessary for couple health, IMO.

I used to agree with this idea.  Then I married an insomniac.  If I roll over in my sleep, she wakes up and stays awake for 3 or 4 more hours.  Since I snore, this compounds the problem.  If I demand to sleep in the same bed with her, she will get no sleep and she will suffer.
My wife getting sleep and not becoming a sleep deprived homicidal lunatic is far more important than us laying down beside one another.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 10:22:52 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		For me, the biggest skill I would need would be the ability to tolerate another person in my space 24/7, I think it would be difficult after 11 years of independence.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 11:57:43 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		earplugs.

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RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? - 6/3/2008 12:11:39 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomAviator

Why get married? Just go to a bar. Find an obnoxious bitch you simply cannot stand.... Then give her your credit cards, a car, let her live in your house , etc....


And here I was thinking that's usually how it worked out in reverse for me... find someone I can't stand, have them lay around on my couch, whine if I don't let them drive my car, and spend all my money - usually while telling me that I'm not doing enough...

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