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Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 5:58:38 AM

HardToTame

Posts: 205
Joined: 3/30/2008
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Have you ever stopped and wondered and thought, as a sub a domme or who ever, and, say form a subs perspective just stopped and thought "wow, this is pathetic, I'm letting this woman treat me like shit.... Get some balls" and say from a dommes perspective "wow, this is pathetic, I'm treating this guy so bad, why?"

So I guess the question is, have you ever questioned the normality of it all? Or even felt, a bit silly because it's such an unusual passtime or life style? ... Sexual satisfaction aside. Have you ever just stepped back, and looked at it all, and thought "you know some parts of this are just rediculous"

Post #: 1

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 6:07:13 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

nope...

I was thinking about something similar last night.

its important to me that anyone with me is very proud of who they are...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 2

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 6:11:53 AM

topIrishsubm

Posts: 25
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline

I've been in a D/s relationship for almost 2 years and can honestly say I've never been treated like shit, quite the opposite. I guess a lot depends on the dynamic of the relationship but I've never been treated better by anyone, I couldn't handle a D/s relationship that wasn't based on mutual respect and adoration.

Normality is a perception, you have to remember that "normality" is based on perceived social "rules", they are beliefs and nothing more than that. As we all know some beliefs vary around the world, it doesn't make them right or wrong.

I love all the individual aspects in my relationship that others would consider abnormal, it makes them all the more personal, appreciated and special to me and my Mistress. Hard to imagine life without them

< Message edited by topIrishsubm -- 6/6/2008 6:13:06 AM >

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 3

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 6:17:39 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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If I honestly thought that I treated My boy like shit, then I probably would. Since I don't treat him that way, I don't think that one bit.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to topIrishsubm)

Post #: 4

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 6:23:21 AM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

i don't really stop thinking about it, actually.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 6:35:17 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

No never because I enjoyed what I was doing to him and knew that I wasn't hurting him in a bad way. Some parts of what people within the BDSM context I find ridiculous, but thats other people, what I do appeals to me and to him.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 6

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 6:47:44 AM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
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There's a big difference between abusing someone and a D/s relationship.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 7

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 6:55:16 AM

Steponme73

Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

I guess the first thing you have to do is define normal. There are lots of "Vanilla" relationships that I would not consider normal. As long as everyone is content, then that is normal. There are some subs that like to be treated like shit....so that would be normal for them.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 8

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 6:57:20 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Hmmmmmmmm. I can resonate with this.

There have been a few times that I have told people to do things -- out of pique, irritation, boredom -- that they have done and I just shuddered. I once watched someone drink his own urine, gagging through it. I thought to myself, "I hope you don't expect to kiss me!" There are times when it's OK to say no. (laughing a little)

My larger question these days is about emotional health and emotional availability. People have a lot of fantasies that they want to be reality that I find untenable or unhealthy. Or people who present themself as interested and then then fade away. I'm not talking about incompatibility, but people whom you take plenty of time and energy to get to know who then seem to ... back away.

As a group, we profess that we are here to pursue BDSM. But from patterns that I have seen, a signifigant part of CM is here to avoid themself, avoid life, avoid engagement behind the smokescreen of not finding the right fit in a partner (I have been a part of this group at times).

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 9

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 9:21:38 AM

ShaktiSama

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Joined: 8/13/2007
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Nope. I do not treat people like shit. I am not attracted to people who want to be abused, and anyone looking for an abusive partner is going to be severely disappointed.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 10

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 10:13:21 AM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

Mmmmm...nope.

I've always been okay with my sexual appetites. The closest I've ever had to self-pity of the nature the OP describes is thinking "Oh, wow, there probably aren't a lot of people like me, it's gonna be quite a search" and occasionally really reveling in the weirdness and "wrongness" (from other's perspectives) of it all. I've never personally internalized negative feelings about being a sub or BDSM in general.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm perfectly normal. The rest of the world are the ones with the problem. :-p

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 11

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 10:16:54 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

There's a huge difference between treating a person like shit as a tool used during a scene, than treating someone like it generally. The former is often confused with the latter and referred to as abusive by the dominants and submissives that want to romanticise their brand of D/s.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 12

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 10:24:31 AM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HardToTame

Have you ever stopped and wondered and thought, as a sub a domme or who ever, and, say form a subs perspective just stopped and thought "wow, this is pathetic, I'm letting this woman treat me like shit.... Get some balls" and say from a dommes perspective "wow, this is pathetic, I'm treating this guy so bad, why?"

So I guess the question is, have you ever questioned the normality of it all? Or even felt, a bit silly because it's such an unusual passtime or life style? ... Sexual satisfaction aside. Have you ever just stepped back, and looked at it all, and thought "you know some parts of this are just rediculous"

Not at all. Then again, I live in a very realistic manner. I'm sure some people who are treated badly think that way. My Owner has never once treated me badly. I don't question the normality of it because we treat it as very normal, and for all intents and purposes it -is- very normal. We're a perfectly realistic, mutually driven couple.

We just also happen to have a pronounced, realistic power dynamic.

DV's Fox

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 13

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 10:27:44 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Ditto. I don't treat my toys that way... unless they ask me to. Different strokes for different folks. I have not yet found ONE who shares exactly my same set of kinks. Many beg to be 'trained' into what I want... but I would prefer to stick with the things that I & my boys share together. We try new things... but if it doesn't 'work' for both of us, we let it go. Treating someone poorly who doesn't WANT that - is just abusive. Trust me, there are plenty of men who enjoy it, so why force it on those who doesn't?

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 14

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 10:32:20 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HardToTame
say from a dommes perspective "wow, this is pathetic, I'm treating this guy so bad, why?"

Ive thought this way about prospects and those requesting my attention. Needless to say, I never get involved with the ones who I can look at and thing they are being completely unreaslistic. Ive often been tempted to tell them sure, come on over and try it. Spend a day asnothing but my footstool and see how fulfilling it is. I gaurnatee after 4 or 5 hours of being on your hands and knees with my feet up on you youd sing a different tune.
I treat angel very badly emotionally, in scene. He wants to be humiliated, and I do it, without a second thought. I never stopped to consider how horrible that might be, becuse that isnt how I treat him day in and day out. I value and love him, most of the time. It is just during playtime that I treat him as a worthless little baby who I only keep around fo my amusement. With as much as Angel means to me, I dont think I could treat him that way ALL the time, nor can I imagine him wanting me to.
Fox is more realistic. He is a masochist and I hurt him but there is nothing humiliating about it. Our power dynamic doesnt change ever, in and our of the house, whereas Angel and I are more equal when we are out and just M/s when we are alone. To a degree.
I would never consider what any of us do as other than normal.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 15

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/6/2008 10:52:07 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I agree with you. My boy gets off on being made to do things he 'hates' doing so naturally degradation play is used a fair bit and I know where the line is. He would never ask to be treated this way and it was my good fortune

to have discovered (discovered very early on in our relationship) that it drives him on a very base level, he thrives on extreme humiliation. He also thrives on the comfort/security a loving and respectful relationship with me provides. To the outsider looking in, I'm abusive. To him (and he's a very well adjusted person that knows the difference between consensual D/s and abuse) I am his safety net, his lover, best friend, his confidante and world.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 16

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/8/2008 1:25:47 AM

HardToTame

Posts: 205
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline

Some one said early the term 'my owner'. Things like that. Sometimes I think about that and think, it's a bit rediculous to actually call someone your 'owner'. I guess in the fun of it all yeah, but then to communicate with others about all this and to use these terms, I just find it a bit rediculous. Again, that border of fantasy and reality.

I think theres some saught of social aspect of this with me that just doesn't sit. I couldn't actually go and organise a 'session' because to me (with all due respect to the professionals) it would feel like visiting a brothel. If it were to happen spontaneously, in the heat of the momment, then it would feel right to me. And so, I just question the normality of having like, organised punishment.

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 17

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/8/2008 2:03:34 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

Being treated like poop isn't part of any equation i am familiar with.Besides,i am of the thought that if and when i relinquish myself to another and relinquish my heart,mind and soul to another,that she would be more than happy to take me and respect me for doing so.Because without respect,there can be no love.

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 18

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/8/2008 2:31:10 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HardToTame

Have you ever stopped and wondered and thought, as a sub a domme or who ever, and, say form a subs perspective just stopped and thought "wow, this is pathetic, I'm letting this woman treat me like shit.... Get some balls" and say from a dommes perspective "wow, this is pathetic, I'm treating this guy so bad, why?"

So I guess the question is, have you ever questioned the normality of it all? Or even felt, a bit silly because it's such an unusual passtime or life style? ... Sexual satisfaction aside. Have you ever just stepped back, and looked at it all, and thought "you know some parts of this are just rediculous"

The NLA (National Leather Association) has a Domestic Violence Project web site for those who feel they're in abusive relationships and may need help at http://www.nlaidvproject.us/html/index.php. There's a big difference between consentual play and non-consentual play as well as abusive situations where the Top knows it isn't physically or emotionally healthy for the bottom who may no longer be capable of understanding that what's going on in the relationship isn't healthy for them.

When it does work though, it's like a Yin and Yang thing; it all meshes together where everything seems to fit for both partners. Otherwise, who am I to judge the dynamic of another's relationship if it works for them? I can only decide what does and doesn't work for me.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 19

RE: Does anyone ever stop and think--- - 6/8/2008 3:36:30 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HardToTame

Some one said early the term 'my owner'. Things like that. Sometimes I think about that and think, it's a bit rediculous to actually call someone your 'owner'. I guess in the fun of it all yeah, but then to communicate with others about all this and to use these terms, I just find it a bit rediculous. Again, that border of fantasy and reality.

I think theres some saught of social aspect of this with me that just doesn't sit. I couldn't actually go and organise a 'session' because to me (with all due respect to the professionals) it would feel like visiting a brothel. If it were to happen spontaneously, in the heat of the momment, then it would feel right to me. And so, I just question the normality of having like, organised punishment.

Role playing games such as "Mistress and slave" can feel false and ridiculous. It depends on your ability to suspend disbelief and immerse yourself in the role.

It does help to be able to laugh at our own silliness sometimes. Some people get far too attached to their D/s identity and take the whole thing too seriously. I don't see anything wrong with knowing you are not really a slave, you are just pretending.

As long as you are having great fun, who cares if both of you are participating in a role playing game that is not "normal"?

Looking at it that way, you might find it easier to organise and enjoy your own sessions. You cannot go through life expecting every Mistress you meet will magically "make" you feel spontaneously submissive all by herself despite your internal resistance. Sooner or later you need to summon and control your own desire to submit.

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to HardToTame)

Post #: 20

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