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Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 9:09:03 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		I subscribe to the Daily Om. Yesterday's message really caused me to contemplate my past and sometimes present desires for submission. i have included the first paragraph here for discussion:

quote:

  
June 6, 2008
At The Feet Of The Divine
Laying Our Burdens Down

The Daily OM

We all know the feeling of walking through life as if we are carrying the huge burden of our worries and stresses on our backs and shoulders, struggling to keep moving forward. There is no real way to move freely and fluidly in such a situation, and we are all longing to lay our burdens down. Just imagining that it would be possible to do such a thing can be enough to elicit a sigh of relief and a feeling of lightness.


i am curious to know if this very human desire is more prominant in submissives and if it is what fuels the drive and desire for domination particularly when life gets overwelming.
 
To start this off, i have to honestly admit that i believe it does for me to a certain degree. The words "I will take care of everything" are more of an aphrodisiac than "I love you". Yet, i fight the very control that i seek because something  inside tells me that a mere human/Dominant can not and should not carry my burdens...i should take them to a more powerful Source and/or deal with them on my own.
 
So, my question is ...Have you really contemplated your need and desires for a "controller" and if you have given this to another human, have they met your expectations? Or have you been successful in determining which burdens to lay at the feet of your Dominant and which ones to lay at the feet of the Divine...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 9:15:57 AM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline 		Interesting question. :)

For me, my submission isn't about laying down burdens or about transitioning problems/concerns to another.  Sometimes that happens, and when it does, the dynamic does intensify... but it isn't at the core of submission for me. 

And yes, I have contemplated my needs a controller in my life in intimate detail.  My discovery is that the drive is intensely related to my sexuality.  This is common, but by no means exclusive.  There are as many kinds of submission as there are submissives.

Again, thanks for posting this.  Made me think a bit this afternoon.

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 9:21:11 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Eh... I don't like the idea of slinging my baggage onto another person for them to take care of it all, it's inconsiderate, and I wouldn't want to deal with another's drama either. It's quite possible to take care of your own issues, without burdening people around you. 

Way too much drama for me.


_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to cantilena)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 9:30:16 AM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		hello dawn, i hope i can touch on what you are talking about here, it is a huge thing for me right now as it is recently a new realization and way of thinking for me.....regarding your quote:  i can say that i've experienced this first hand in the last week.  i've had a job for the last 5 years that has really burdened me and i wont' go into why becuase that isn't the issue here.  last week i quit and i can't tell you how much my outlook has changed.  i feel energetic and happy and crazy with hope....it's hard to describe and all i can really say is that i wish i would have done it years ago, but at least i've done it and i'm moving forward in a positive direction now.  in this light, i've layed my burdens down.

regarding your comments:  i have a Dominant right now who i will be with for the rest of my life.  He is the reason i dared to quit my debilitating job...it's hard to explain but i know He will take care of everything and He loves me.  i completely understand your comment about " i will take care of everything" as being an aphrodisiac....it implies control and confidence, what isn't sexy about that?  

i do see your points and agree and i need both statements i think.  lately, my life has been overwhelming in many areas and i deal with it the best i can.   i don't think that i should live willy nilly so that there are problems and obstacles that need  not exist for him to take care of, but a take charge Dominant is what works for me on a base level and He has helped me so much in these areas.  i feel like huge weights have been lifted off my shoulders because He has helped me see certain things and given me the courage to do other things.

i have contemplated what i need/want.  i know i require a lot of control even if i might fight it a bit.  at the most base of levels, i know what i need, even if it is hard to admit.  i lay everything at His feet and things get sorted out from there...so far, so good.  He seems to be able to handle what i bring to the table as far as foibles and fears and baggage...i'm not saying that is all i bring to the table, there are definitely more positives than negatives.  i don't think anyone is ever without a little bit of baggage and i'm glad i can share everything with him.  i've got nowhere but upward to travel with Him.

< Message edited by christine1 -- 6/7/2008 9:33:54 AM >

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 9:39:53 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think many want it but are unable to do it- they are usually too much of control freaks in the end.  They don't know how to be passive, don't know how to relax, don't know how to let go and be taken care of (of course it doesn't help that most people in the world are fairly clueless or even malicious when taking care of someone).

But think of the source of that quote- it wasn't kinky.  I think this is a human experience- this is WHY we form relationships with other people to begin with, so we can experience ourselves with another, so we can have MORE than just what we have on our own.  We all enjoy the experience of being with someone in a fulfilling symbiotic dynamic.

That does NOT mean we are less than or not cool enough or or not fulfilled as single people btw.

A heck of a lot of subs say they like it because "I work so hard and always have to make choices, with him, I don't have to think or be responsible."  SO yeah, I think it's a real part of who they are and what they want.

BUt for me it was the opposite- I always had MORE responsibilities to handle in a relationship as a slave than as a single person.  I was expected to work hard and held to a high standard of expectations, and making the right choice was something I certainly was not allowed to pass over to him.

It's all a matter of style.  I am a perfectionist control freak and I find it VERY difficult to let someone take care of me or ask for help (a common dominant affliction as well), but with the right person, it's definitely worthwhile.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 9:46:20 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		My burdens are just that...my burdens.  Even though I'm happily collared and under the control of Mistress Lorelei, I tend to handle everything that is thrown my way.  It's just the way I am and Mistress accepts that about me.  I'm the type that doesn't quit.  I'm like an old mule that will run himself to the ground.  I can get knocked down seven times, but I'll get get right back up seven times.  I can be on the verge of snapping my last shread of sanity, but I just push harder because I refuse to quit and give in to my problems.  I know I can go to Mistress about anything, but I don't think it is Her place to deal with my problems or burdens.  I have my responsibilities to Her and She may be responsible for me, but I refuse to burden Her with problems.  That's just how I am...

***shrugs***

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 10:34:41 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		-Fast Reply-

I don't find my submission to be inherently linked with stress levels or anything of the like.  It doesn't have the cool side-effect of being a form of stress relief for me, though I have heard some people say it is for them.  I just really don't see the connection.  Being a slave offers its own set of responsibilities and stress as a result therein.

DV's Fox

(in reply to rubberpet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 10:37:11 AM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		i'm not saying i use my relationship as stress relief, i'm saying it is nice to have someone i can share every thought with, even if it's a stressful thought.  by doing so, we both can share ideas on how to solve problems, etc.    i love being able to share everything with Him.

< Message edited by christine1 -- 6/7/2008 10:42:12 AM >

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 10:38:09 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

Interesting question. :)


Thanks...sometimes they pop into my head

quote:

For me, my submission isn't about laying down burdens or about transitioning problems/concerns to another.  Sometimes that happens, and when it does, the dynamic does intensify... but it isn't at the core of submission for me. 

And yes, I have contemplated my needs a controller in my life in intimate detail.  My discovery is that the drive is intensely related to my sexuality.  This is common, but by no means exclusive.  There are as many kinds of submission as there are submissives.

Again, thanks for posting this.  Made me think a bit this afternoon.


As someone who primarily identifies with sexual submission, laying down the burdens of my default world is not at the core of my submission either...but there have been times in my relationships where this has indeed come up and also at times between relationships. Hence my musings as to whether a facet of my submission is indeed fueled by, at the very least, someone to share my burdens with...ofcourse then that moves the whole thought process into another direction! LOL!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to cantilena)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 10:40:52 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		It's exactly what I look for.  When I am being a slave all else leaves me mind except for pleasing my Master.  My job, my appearance, all other vanilla thoughts flee.  I am free to concentrate on only one thing instead of dozens of thoughts running through my mind at once.  It is not that someone else is carrying my burdens; just warmly allowing me to lay them down and walk away from them until we are both refreshed and I am strong again.

_____________________________



(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 10:44:41 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Eh... I don't like the idea of slinging my baggage onto another person for them to take care of it all, it's inconsiderate, and I wouldn't want to deal with another's drama either. It's quite possible to take care of your own issues, without burdening people around you. 

Way too much drama for me.



Hi Lynnxz,
 
i certainly agree with your comments in the manner and symantics inwhich you stated them.
 
However, i do not equate burdens with "baggage" and "drama". And yes, it is possible to take care of one's issues by ones self - i am certainly proof of that~ But the human experience is one of sharing with another and we all come to this with past experience and opinion, hence my question~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 10:51:58 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

hello dawn,


Hello Christine :-) i am so happy for you!
quote:

  i completely understand your comment about " i will take care of everything" as being an aphrodisiac....it implies control and confidence, what isn't sexy about that?  

exactly

quote:

 i lay everything at His feet and things get sorted out from there...


Now this was not an angle i previously thought about! Allowing someone with more impartiality to help choose what could be handled and what goes to a higher Source...thanks for that :)

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 11:06:04 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think many want it but are unable to do it- they are usually too much of control freaks in the end.  They don't know how to be passive, don't know how to relax, don't know how to let go and be taken care of (of course it doesn't help that most people in the world are fairly clueless or even malicious when taking care of someone).


i am the type you describe...life has dictated such, until now and i have more options and opportunities and letting go of control is scarier than heading West by myself! And yes, i have experienced the clueless and the malicious and therefore do not have much confidence in anyones abilities beyond my own...

quote:

But think of the source of that quote- it wasn't kinky.  I think this is a human experience- this is WHY we form relationships with other people to begin with, so we can experience ourselves with another, so we can have MORE than just what we have on our own.  We all enjoy the experience of being with someone in a fulfilling symbiotic dynamic.



i may be odd, but i derive my submission, my sexuality and my spirituality all from the same source  - my core being. i usually find MORE things relating to all three facets of myself from more esoteric and humaity based reading than i do kink and bdsm books - which is why this reading from the OM affected me like it did :-)
 
You are right, this is the Human experience and i agree that most of us do enjoy and seek the symbiotic experience - i know i do~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 11:11:54 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubberpet

I know I can go to Mistress about anything, but I don't think it is Her place to deal with my problems or burdens.  I have my responsibilities to Her and She may be responsible for me, but I refuse to burden Her with problems.  That's just how I am...

***shrugs***


Thankyou rubberpet for your view and yours as well Shawn1066- i really appreciate the male perspective...it appears quite a bit different than the female submissives...and i am assuming your views are submissive because as "slave" would you not have an obligation to transparency with your owner?

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to rubberpet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 11:17:51 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

It is not that someone else is carrying my burdens; just warmly allowing me to lay them down and walk away from them until we are both refreshed and I am strong again.


chamberqueen,
your post here has brought me to tears...i believe you have touched on something for me and i thank you~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 1:14:10 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I identify as a slave, and I do share everything with my Owner.  However, that doesn't mean my submission flows from a desire to be open with her.  She's just as open with me, after all.  It's the nature of our relationship.  She is my rock.

As I've said, I really don't look at my submission as a means of getting away and having my worries lifted from me.  Like I said, while being a slave to my Owner brings countless wonderful things into my life, it also brings its own stress levels and responsibilities.  I no longer have the luxary of thinking about things as it relates to "I" or "me" or etc.  Instead, I'm think about things as it relations to an "Us" and a "we".   I have to think beyond myself, and my Owner does as well.  This is a joy.  I always take the wellbeing of us as a whole into account when I act.  This also gives me a lot of responsibility and unforseen stress every so often.  Ergo, I don't think submission is about freeing oneself from responsibility or worry at all, though some scenes may view it differently.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times when I'm with my Owner when the only thing in the entire world that matters to me is the firm, steady sound of her heartbeat and the beautiful look on her face.

I'd hope such feelings aren't exclusive to submissives and slaves.  I'm sure dominants feel the exact same way.

DV's Fox

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 6/7/2008 1:17:27 PM >

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 4:46:55 PM   
cluelessslave


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

The Daily OM

We all know the feeling of walking through life as if we are carrying the huge burden of our worries and stresses on our backs and shoulders, struggling to keep moving forward. There is no real way to move freely and fluidly in such a situation, and we are all longing to lay our burdens down. Just imagining that it would be possible to do such a thing can be enough to elicit a sigh of relief and a feeling of lightness.

I don't ever feel like that. It's not possible to be burdened by thoughts and cares when you're simple minded.

< Message edited by cluelessslave -- 6/7/2008 5:42:16 PM >

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 5:28:28 PM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

I subscribe to the Daily Om. Yesterday's message really caused me to contemplate my past and sometimes present desires for submission. i have included the first paragraph here for discussion:

quote:

  
June 6, 2008
At The Feet Of The Divine
Laying Our Burdens Down

The Daily OM

We all know the feeling of walking through life as if we are carrying the huge burden of our worries and stresses on our backs and shoulders, struggling to keep moving forward. There is no real way to move freely and fluidly in such a situation, and we are all longing to lay our burdens down. Just imagining that it would be possible to do such a thing can be enough to elicit a sigh of relief and a feeling of lightness.


i am curious to know if this very human desire is more prominant in submissives and if it is what fuels the drive and desire for domination particularly when life gets overwelming.
 
To start this off, i have to honestly admit that i believe it does for me to a certain degree. The words "I will take care of everything" are more of an aphrodisiac than "I love you". Yet, i fight the very control that i seek because something  inside tells me that a mere human/Dominant can not and should not carry my burdens...i should take them to a more powerful Source and/or deal with them on my own.
 
So, my question is ...Have you really contemplated your need and desires for a "controller" and if you have given this to another human, have they met your expectations? Or have you been successful in determining which burdens to lay at the feet of your Dominant and which ones to lay at the feet of the Divine...


Greetings dawn,

Different types of submissives desire different things.  My primary motivation is obedience and that is achieved through service.  Giving up control isn't as high a priority for me - neither is sexual submission. 

To me, its all a matter of finding the right fit.  SJ is a sadist who has few protocols and expects high level of service.  We tend to fit very well together and the things I have given up to his control have come very organically. 

It started with  things like body hair removal and has moved on to greater things.  Through our hypnosis work, he guides me along the path he chooses me to travel.  My subconscious mind is wired to follow his instruction and thus my conscious mind rationalizes the choices I make "under the influence".  Trust is the key issue here and once that is established and consistently reinforced, then control becomes less and less of an issue.

I do not believe I am burdening SJ as anything he doesn't want to be responsible for, he simply won't take off my shoulders.  Having said that, no matter what the burden I am carrying may be, he is there to support me and provide me with tools to help me carry my own load more efficiently.  Think of it as a guiding hand rather than an all powerful one. 

well wishes ~ fairer than she




_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 6:35:09 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

I identify as a slave....may view it differently.


Thankyou for clarifying, Shawn~

quote:

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times when I'm with my Owner when the only thing in the entire world that matters to me is the firm, steady sound of her heartbeat and the beautiful look on her face.
DV's Fox

Yes, and she is indeed beautiful




_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Laying our burdens down - 6/7/2008 6:49:21 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

Different types of submissives desire different things.  My primary motivation is obedience and that is achieved through service.  Giving up control isn't as high a priority for me - neither is sexual submission. 

To me, its all a matter of finding the right fit.  

fairer than she





Thanks fairer :-)
 
i suppose i am over-reading into the posts and profiles here (on CM, in general) from both sides of the kneel.



_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to fairerthanshe)
Profile   Post #: 20
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