ok....you can shut up now..

ok....you can shut up now.. (Full Version)

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thespiritedsub -> ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 6:25:21 PM)
I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet! I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy. Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 6:27:59 PM)
There's a difference between 1) Being quiet 2) Being mouthy 3) Being bitchy And none of those necessarily has anything to do with being "a good sub." I'd say the first step would be to define if those three things actually are equivalent in your mind and if so how they became that way? And then ask why you feel you developed this way to begin with? Once you've done the groundwork on it, you can start to consciously become aware of the specific situations these habits occur and think of new choices.

RedMagic1 -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 6:31:03 PM)
Yeah. In other words, Why do you talk?

thespiritedsub -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 6:32:55 PM)
Huh. I never really thought of it that way...thanks

SweetNika -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 6:33:00 PM)
Often times it is not what you say but how you say it. Learning tact was the hardess lesson that I have learned.Sometimes being tactful means knowing when to simply shut-up. -laughs- Blessed be, Nika

thespiritedsub -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 6:36:06 PM)
Well my problem is this. When I have a serious fire under my ass...a bone to pick.....I get mouthy, sarcastic, just plain bitchy. Maybe it is something I have learned to do to cover my real emotions...I am HIGHLY uncomfortable with letting other people know when I am experiencing an intense emotion and tears are a big hurdle for me...anger is my first trained response to anything...I learned it growing up.....

oblige -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 6:44:19 PM)
I love this response. When I was younger I was a bit like the OP, (and still can be when tired or feeling insecure) Upon examination I found that I had some inner need to "prove: something by all my smartness and noise. I cleaned up those needs a bit and spent more time in purposeful silence and active listening, then I found a genuine fascination with both the quiet, and what others had to say, instead of my own mind flowing out my mouth so much.. Meditation can be a good way to get in touch with first the noisy mind, then the quiet.. giggles when I first read the title of this thread I wondered if anyone was going to suggest a ball gag!

thespiritedsub -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 6:48:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oblige I love this response. When I was younger I was a bit like the OP, (and still can be when tired or feeling insecure) Upon examination I found that I had some inner need to "prove: something by all my smartness and noise. I cleaned up those needs a bit and spent more time in purposeful silence and active listening, then I found a genuine fascination with both the quiet, and what others had to say, instead of my own mind flowing out my mouth so much.. Meditation can be a good way to get in touch with first the noisy mind, then the quiet.. giggles when I first read the title of this thread I wondered if anyone was going to suggest a ball gag! LOL sometimes I think that may be the best idea when I am out of control!!!! LMAO

liljoy -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 7:29:09 PM)
you know i bet you have more control over it that you think. Is it everyone that you get bitchy with or just the ones you feel safe bitching at? With my ex i felt the same way you do now. Like i couldn't help being bitchy with him. It didn't help that when he saw me starting to get that way he would push all my buttons. In truth though i could have controled it. At work i had to control it or get fired so i did. Now with Master i've only gotten snippy with Him. On the rare occasion that i started to get snippy He's called me on it and i've been able to change my tone. If you can control it at work you can control it with others too

thespiritedsub -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 7:34:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liljoy you know i bet you have more control over it that you think. Is it everyone that you get bitchy with or just the ones you feel safe bitching at? With my ex i felt the same way you do now. Like i couldn't help being bitchy with him. It didn't help that when he saw me starting to get that way he would push all my buttons. In truth though i could have controled it. At work i had to control it or get fired so i did. Now with Master i've only gotten snippy with Him. On the rare occasion that i started to get snippy He's called me on it and i've been able to change my tone. If you can control it at work you can control it with others too This is a problem I have had my entire life really. When I was a teenager one of my friends was introducing me to someone and she said "This is Alli, if she doesn't like you, trust me, youll know" Only with my Master do I want to change and control this problem. I call it a problem because I am causing him AND myself pain by doing it.....

xxblushesxx -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 7:41:36 PM)
Hmmm.... There is a big difference between not being able to control yourself when it's appropriate to control yourself, and not being able to control yourself when you really shouldn't. Try to take a step back from the situation before reacting. Figure out whether this is something worth fighting over or not. If not, respectfully state your piece; if it is, respectfully state your piece and be prepared to defend it. I totally understand your dilemna. Just remember that while we all call ourselves various things such as sub/slave/dom/domme etc... that we all have to be responsible to live our lives as honestly as we can. That even means those of us who have chosen to serve.

cluelessslave -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 7:42:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet! I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy. Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness? reading between the lines here it seems like what you are asking is to be kept busy sucking dick until the urge to speak passes. or maybe i am wrong again .

thespiritedsub -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 7:46:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cluelessslave quote: ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet! I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy. Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness? reading between the lines here it seems like what you are asking is to be kept busy sucking dick until the urge to speak passes. or maybe i am wrong again . Not quite.....Generally in anger my submissive side takes flight to mexico for vacation LOL. There is really nothing between the lines other than trying to learn to control my anger, be respectful to my Master and be submissive.

xxblushesxx -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 7:48:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cluelessslave quote: ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet! I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy. Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness? reading between the lines here it seems like what you are asking is to be kept busy sucking dick until the urge to speak passes. or maybe i am wrong again . Domi?!!...

Constrictor1 -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 9:34:51 PM)
ball gag funnel gag bit gag penis gag old sweat sock with duct tape over the mouth lemon gag duct tape intubation tube mummification punishment hood ...... the list goes on and on Constrictor1

CalifChick -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/7/2008 9:48:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cluelessslave reading between the lines here it seems like what you are asking is to be kept busy sucking dick until the urge to speak passes. or maybe i am wrong again . Hey! "Shut up and give him a blow job" is supposed to be MY line! Cali

ShiftedJewel -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/8/2008 4:39:21 AM)
When you get angry... write it down. Write down everything, grab a strong pen and crush it into a tablet. Write down every angry word, thought and emotion. Grit your teeth down hard and scribble down everything... you'll find that you don't have nearly as many words then. Plus you won't be putting things out there that you likely didn't mean to begin with. Writing when angry produces a plethora of things... sometimes it's even great poetry. And when you are done writing out your angst, it will be much easier to discuss it rationally. Typing works to a point, but after a while the typos just make you more angry, good old fashioned pen and paper work best. This is coming from someone that never called a spade a spade, I called it a fcking shovel. Try it, you may be surprised.* *Jewel*

NorthernGent -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/8/2008 5:25:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness? Yeah, take you out to a remote Pacific spot and have you walk the plank as sharks circle underneath. Perhaps I'd sit in the sun with a cup of tea, "see that shark there? hasn't been fed for a month"....."you're about to make an excellent first-course".

Focus50 -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/8/2008 5:47:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet! I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy. Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness? When I first read this, I thought you might've been a single sub having a bit of trouble with the trolls and general "dom" arseholes about. In which case I was gonna suggest that it was ok do do whatever you felt necessary to keep the wolves at bay, including being mouthy etc.... *But you say you have a Master? So I've gotta ask - what, if anything, is he* doing to stop your mouthiness? It's definitely a control issue, and that's the Dom's realm and responsibility.... Focus.**

RavenMuse -> RE: ok....you can shut up now.. (6/8/2008 6:00:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 It's definitely a control issue, and that's the Dom's realm and responsibility.... Focus... Dude.. You are doing it again... We ain't suited to being on the same side... stop it [:D] I like a girl that is a good communicator, that often means they talk a lot. If I want silence I GET silence... but otherwise I enjoy banter and discussion... if the attitude is wrong I correct it. I teach her what I consider appropriate. It is no good Us on the forum telling you what to avoid as it is down to your Masters preferences.... AND down to Him to ensure you comply to those preferences.

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