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What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 3:03:22 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
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When choosing a partner...or considering one..i first and foremost want to know if they share my core values of integrity, honesty, faithfulness, self-control, not bigoted, votes, and others.

The Men i speak with generally want to discuss kinks.

i suppose neither way is superior to the other...but the second does not work for me, since i am new, and would develop "kinks" to please my Dom or Master.

My question is: how do You (you) sort through profiles/emails and decide whom to respond to and whom to distance yourself from?

(Yes Lam, i ended a sentence with a preposition.)

pinkpleasures

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Post #: 1

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 3:11:29 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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I start by postulating (as some do not) that everyone who mails me is not looking for a fuck and a fuck only. Even if they show me there little vulvas. How each does is kinda how they does, in sorting........ most don't work out, once in awhile some do.......it's kinda like real life, I suppose............. Now admittedly, I do not have the problem of most women who get tons and tons of cruisers a day......but sometimes I have one cruiser that makes a ton.

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 2

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 4:37:51 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

When choosing a partner...or considering one..i first and foremost want to know if they share my core values of integrity, honesty, faithfulness, self-control, not bigoted, votes, and others.

While integrity, honesty and faithfulness are excellent traits and self-control always fits well for a Dom/me, the rest require some balance or tolerance until you know someone much better.... For instance, to believe in anything implies a certain level of bigotry and I'd want someone who has beliefs - even if they're not my beliefs. All that'd matter is if those beliefs didn't cause relationship friction.

As to your question, I relate best to emails that feel as though they're written by someone who is a real person, not just a protocol bound robotic submissive. She has to be submissive to maintain my interest, but D/s can't be all we have in common. We all look for a connection or chemistry etc, and I find that comes best from subs who can write (or talk) beyond the lifestyle. D/s is the core of my relationships, not the whole!

Outside of "Dom mode", I'm quite a relaxed, down to earth and easy-going individual and I prefer a sub who knows how to relax and relate at both levels, too! I love that balance in the "right" sub - a sense of humour is definitely required and so is knowing her place when I give her the "look"....

The eyes are everything to me, which means emails are just a starting point.... So I don't dominate online and I don't connect with strangers who seek online domination.

Focus.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 3

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 5:06:16 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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If I were to take the mental processes and decision making and reduce it down to a simple list... it would probably look something like this...

I want to know if I can believe her
I look to see how much we have in common
I look for a physical attraction
I look for what she can offer me
I look at what she wants from me
I look to see if we have similar goals for a relationship
I look at how serious she seems to be

If I think she's lying, I'm gone.
If we don't seem to have much in common, I say good-bye or leave it at friendship
If there's no physical attraction, I leave it at friends
If she has nothing to offer me, I say good-bye
If she wants more than what I can offer, I leave it at friends
If her goals for a relationship are greatly different than mine, I leave it at friends
Is she doesn't seem serious, I back off until she gets serious an re-evaluate.

If she checks on all those, I get REALLY interested in her.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 4

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 5:14:36 PM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
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I'm lucky in so much as I am not looking for anyone other than just friends.

_____________________________

Those who can make you believe absurdities
can make you commit atrocities.
—Voltaire

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong
—Voltaire

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 5

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 5:37:03 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Personally anyone who wants to start out talking about kinks, i simply do not continue with.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 6

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 5:51:38 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

I'm not searching for a partner but if I were, and using a online medium for it..having someone talk to me and ask me about my kinks first wouldn't be a bad thing. Talking about them and asking to do or show are entirely different area's. That being said: I'd rather talk about kink matches upfront and first since thats a significant area and for me includes not just action but interaction ie views of M/s..D/s..etc. If i wanted to talk about the weather or going to church or what baseball team someone liked..I could go to any vanilla dating site for that sort of interaction.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 7

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 6:05:27 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi how are you? do you like anal?being tied up? oh yes i like it up the ass and being tied down to boot lets continue this we might be a match LOL.
sorry it just struck my funny bone.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 8

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 6:07:17 PM

anopheles

Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..~smiles~

I'm not searching for a partner but if I were, and using a online medium for it..having someone talk to me and ask me about my kinks first wouldn't be a bad thing. Talking about them and asking to do or show are entirely different area's. That being said: I'd rather talk about kink matches upfront and first since thats a significant area and for me includes not just action but interaction ie views of M/s..D/s..etc. If i wanted to talk about the weather or going to church or what baseball team someone liked..I could go to any vanilla dating site for that sort of interaction.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

Fine point of view, IMHO. If I were looking for someone in a "kink" relationship, I would want to know first off, if there were "deal-breakers". For example, if one of my kinks was play-rape (it is not), then I would definitely want to know if a potential sub had issues with that before continuing along a path towards a relationship. I think that after the pleasantries and establishing a good rapport is done, then fire away with a discussion of kinks, because we all have them, and they don't always match. In agreement with others however, a dialogue that starts with, "What do you want to do with me", is not only tacky, but rather boring.

_____________________________

You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 9

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 6:44:41 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Hi how are you? do you like anal?being tied up? oh yes i like it up the ass and being tied down to boot lets continue this we might be a match

Works for me! :)

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 10

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 7:27:01 PM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

My question is: how do You (you) sort through profiles/emails and decide whom to respond to and whom to distance yourself from?

My response is usually very visceral. Either I am busting my gut laughing (in a good way, not at them), or I get a reaction (sorry to say it) from Mr X (seeing as how almost every guy has a different name for it I thought X was appropriate - *additionally* the reaction is not from their pic it is from how they 'talk' in writing), rarely there is something there that I can't put my finger on right away but I am _drawn_ to it (usually accompanied by an inside voice of "mmmm Daddy wants".).

Fortunately(?!) my list of possible prospects is extremely small.

With regards to the things you want to discuss I would take the approach of: ok this guys profile of kinks seems to be close to what I am looking for, now I want to find out about the other stuff, I think I'll send him a PM asking a few questions.

With regards to how far you would relocate that is entirely up to you and you brought up a good point in another of your posts with what if the sub/slave makes a ton of money where they are at (I am assuming the dom in this case does not make a lot or is not able to replace that income or that a similar job is not available in the dom's location). If that were the case I think most (many?) doms would move to where you were at. This is an atypical situation in my limited experience however. Of course the question of kids and/or family of both parties may play into this as well.

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 11

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 7:54:06 PM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

This is an interesting thread. I began one many moons ago, "Doms don’t do relationships first” based on 2 quotes from CM members, some past experience, much reflection and some introspection. The thread was worn. I was flamed and told people pitied me. LMAO
But you know, it always comes back… how does one start?
I agree with starshineowned in that if we wanted ONLY a nilla with twist, I’d have gone to a nilla site. Oh my, maybe even e.Harmony.
But I seek control and desires that go along with mine, He demanded obedience and to make His desires mine. So what were His desires?
Yes I also agree with Padriag:
I want to know if I can believe her
I look to see how much we have in common
I look for a physical attraction
I look for what she can offer me
I look at what she wants from me
I look to see if we have similar goals for a relationship
I look at how serious she seems to be
I also believe these “issues” can also be discussed relatively quickly and move on. D/s is built upon trust in ones character and integrity and in how a couple plays in how they relate to each other.
“Touch a woman’s mind,
you get her interest . . .
Touch her heart,
you get her love . . .
But touch her soul,
you get passion beyond your wildest dreams . . .
Touch all three,
you have found your soulmate forever.”
But I also deeply believe "Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get...it's what you are expected to give--which is everything." ~Anonymous~
I believe in Him and thus I give to Him. He believes in me and thus demands obedience.
If our relationship was built solely on “love” I am not sure it would still be alive. Love is a bitch as I have said before. It is a “feeling” that wanes and wanders and is described by everyone differently.
Bottom line ~~ relationships are the way people make them based on the people in them.
Each person in the universe is awesomely different, sorry no clones, so how can anyone say one way to start a relationship is right or wrong, just not the way they might or would.

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 12

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 8:10:53 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

Each person in the universe is awesomely different, sorry no clones, so how can anyone say one way to start a relationship is right or wrong, just not the way they might or would.

slavedesires

Perhaps i was unclear; my Op post had nothing to do with sustaining a relationship. Rather, it was about the selection process single (or poly) people use to decide whom to contact and not. In addition, my question was about that first contact..values or kinks or something entirely different?

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 10/29/2005 8:12:21 PM >

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(in reply to slavedesires)

Post #: 13

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 8:29:16 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

My question is: how do You (you) sort through profiles/emails and decide whom to respond to and whom to distance yourself from?

I look for signs of intelligent life. The profiles I am drawn to are generally well written, and they afford me a glimpse into who that other person is. I've not often responded to profiles or personal ads, but the ones I HAVE responded to were from people who shared something of themselves, rather than merely focusing on how they want to get off.

If the profile is all about sex or kink, I don't even bother, because that's not what I'm looking for. I've already got that.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 14

RE: What Really Counts - 10/29/2005 9:16:22 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

When I look through profiles here, the lists of kinks aren't a high priority and sometimes I pay them no attention. I look more at the content of their profile, what they say about themselves, any mention of things I share an interest in, and if they have a photo whether I find them physically attractive. Its not an exact science, just looking for potential, and the ones who take the time to write about themselves in their profile and/or the journal are usually at an advantage with me. If I feel there is enough potential there I add them to my favorites and eventually write them.

So much of what I said above still applies... I'm still looking for someone who potentially has something to offer me, is physically attractive to me, seems to have some things in common with me (the more the better), similar goals for a relationship, etc.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 15

RE: What Really Counts - 10/30/2005 12:04:03 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

Online just like in RL - I go by my first impression and that can mean everything ot nothing. I dont really know what I like or dont like, its instinctive and I dont bother to think what or why. Sometimes some plain profiles/people just struck my nerve and sometimes I smell something fishy and give up.
Yes, I have been told that I shouldnt neglect people based on "hallo effect", that everyone deserves second chance and all that bull. Whenever I gave someone "second chance" it was not worth it. My first impressions never let me down so far and I am talking purely about my nose

..... has very little to do with my brain.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 16

RE: What Really Counts - 10/30/2005 3:45:15 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
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Instant messaging with an anonymous person can be revealing and give a feel for the person after a few hours. There is something about the fearless honesty that the internet allows that affects you in psychological ways much like the relaxation of a psychiatrist’s couch. You don’t have to worry about being embarrassed and that leads to revealing character and personality. Whether the conversation gets into kink depends oh the two of you. Certainly, you don’t start the first few minutes, but I can see questions and comments about facets of D/s being discussed fairly early on. We both know we are in that grouping and it is silly to tap dance around it.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 17

RE: What Really Counts - 10/30/2005 4:00:43 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

Online just like in RL - I go by my first impression and that can mean everything ot nothing. I dont really know what I like or dont like, its instinctive and I dont bother to think what or why. Sometimes some plain profiles/people just struck my nerve and sometimes I smell something fishy and give up.
Yes, I have been told that I shouldnt neglect people based on "hallo effect", that everyone deserves second chance and all that bull. Whenever I gave someone "second chance" it was not worth it. My first impressions never let me down so far and I am talking purely about my nose ..... has very little to do with my brain.

Kasia

Kasia, i could not agree more. In the past, i have muffled my lil voice and allowed a communication to continue...and it has NEVER worked out. If i sense they are less than truthful, i make no apologies for breaking off commnication. If i sense that they are dissembling (e.g., all the submissive men who write to me, promising to become a Dom for me) i break it off. Instinct is a powerful tool.

P.S. My thanks to Kasia for helping me set this post properly.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 10/30/2005 4:48:04 AM >

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(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 18

RE: What Really Counts - 10/30/2005 4:09:55 AM

Kazinar

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I'm lucky in so much as I am not looking for anyone other than just friends.

I only ever look for friends and if something develops from that then great.

if not then hopefully I at least have another friend that I can annoy........

Kaz.

< Message edited by Kazinar -- 10/30/2005 4:10:44 AM >

(in reply to WickedKev)

Post #: 19

RE: What Really Counts - 10/30/2005 4:12:08 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

Welcome to the boards, Kazinar; i like Your voice.

pinkpleasures

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Post #: 20

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