RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 2:16:44 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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Sounded rude to me - or at the very least - inconsiderate.
If my Sir had told me that he was bringing another new sub and a dominant to our first meeting, and by the way, i was expected to buy the drinks, i would have laughed all the way to the TV.
My feeling is that the first meeting is to learn about each other in real time, and decide if there is any connection between the two - not bring along an entourage, including someone else that could be considered a rival.

(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 21

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 2:25:46 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
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(fast reply)

Greetings,

In my world, if I am meeting someone for the first time - we go dutch. At this point I don't know him and he doesn't know me. We are meeting as equals to get to know each other in order to determine if there is a reason to start the negotiation process.

If I decide that I want to move the relationship from a 'friendly' sort into a D/s one, I pay. As the Dominant person in the relationship, I believe, it is up to me to establish the boundaries. As long as I pay, then I am the one who is in control.

On a more vanilla note - if a man pays, there is an expectation of reciprocation. This power dynamic (M/f) has been going on since the beginning of time and has always ended (one way or another) with a woman 'paying' on her back. I refuse to buy into this antiquated power structure.

To the OP, I believe you know the answer to the question posed in this thread. I am more curious as to why you feel the need to have your opinion validated by strangers?

Wickad

< Message edited by Wickad -- 6/8/2008 2:27:22 PM >

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 22

RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 2:45:28 PM

mztresn0w

Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I have to agree with you. When I meet anyone I always pay for what ever I am having. It just seem to be the right thing for me.

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Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 23

RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 2:54:32 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

Add me to the "rude" side of the question here. Even demanding you pay for her drinks was a bit forward and indicative of dom's disease, but to expect you to pay for her entire party's was way over the top.

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www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 24

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 3:15:15 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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I would have declined the meeting. First, to meet me and another submissive at the same time is not something I would wish to participate in. If the dominant doesn't have time for one-on-one interaction in our very first meeting, forget it. Next, while I may not have minded paying for the dominant's drink, to have invited a friend on my tab is, as was just said here, over the top. No thank you, move along, nothing to see here.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 6/8/2008 3:16:29 PM >

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Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 25

RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 3:22:55 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressCyanide

. I hope that his ego feels better now though.

Sounds to me that he isn't the one with the ego problem!

(in reply to MistressCyanide)

Post #: 26

RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 3:38:40 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Goddamn this thread was hard to read with all the slash talk. Agh...

Jist of it, I would have told her to fuck off. I'm one for meeting as PEOPLE not as "BDSM personas." Bar, resturant, park...something normal. But that's just me, it feels more comfortable that way.

But even if the first meeting was at a BDSM scene...to have another sub and some other domme added on, without being asked, PLUS being ordered to pay for everyone of these people I haven't met...? Rude. If she's being rude to you without even knowing you it sounds like shit gets worse from there.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 27

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 3:44:35 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

Rude, greedy and opportunistic is what i would call that demand. And way beyond the equitable boundaries of a first meeting. You haven't negotiated to become anyone's submissive at this tentative early stage, and certainly should not be expected to act like one towards them yet.

To not only set up a first meet between you but also demand that you pay for them, rather than them expecting to go dutch with only a vague hope you might be the chivalrous kind, that's both rude and greedy.

But then to completely change the whole dynamic of that first meet, turn it into a foursome, and also demand you pay for everyone, that is just plain opportunistic self serving behaviour of the rudest kind, purely taking advantage of you, and completely beyond the pale.

Personally i would advise you to calmly and respectfully decline the meeting and any future contact, thank them for taking the trouble to respond, and wish the well for the future. And leave it at that, no more contact.

But then it all depends on personal opinion, and even if we all respond in the negative it is only you who can decide if you want to take this route and acquiesce to such treatment into the future. Some may well like this kind of humiliating, selfish treatment. If you like it, great, meet and do as requested. If you expect it a norm for this kind of scenario, i would beg to differ, along with others here. If you find it abhorrent, join the club, so do a lot of people it seems.

(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 28

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 3:49:41 PM

adorationofwomen

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

In reply to You Ms. Wickad Ma'am.....the reason this thread came about was this....after i had spoken my feelings, i was told that this was the way it was to be done, and that there were plenty of other subs available, as well as, that i was the first to ever disagree with doing this...therefore, i presented an offer to show up at a local group meeting here, and without mentioning names, i wanted to basically *prove* that i could not have been the only person thinking and responding as i did. She in turn had also told me that i should come to a group that She supposably belongs to and i got the idea of posting it here, in hopes enough would view and respond to at least show, that i was not being inconsiderate, or rude by stating that to me, this was in fact, not how should i say, just my own way of thinking.....

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 29

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 3:56:24 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Rude, on more than one count. Meeting 2 subs in one night is a slap in the face, especialy if she did not "instruct" sub #2 to buy her and her friend drinks as well. I can understand bringing along a friend, for safety reasons. But to expect the person you are meeting to have anything to do with that friend is utter crap.
Regardless of how interesting she might seem, she comes off as a player, and Id suggest avoiding a future meeting.
Some dominants seem to forget that we have to make a first impression as wel, and if that was the besxt first impression she cared to make, I cant realy see it getting better from there.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 30

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 3:59:26 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
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I don't consider it a breech of protocol. If anything, I would consider it done in poor taste. This thread could be considered done it poor taste too.

Bottom line. The op had the right to refuse. What is the issue?

CD

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(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 31

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 4:03:29 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Tacky is what I would call the behaviour.

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(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 32

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 4:04:14 PM

MsMillgrove

Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline

I noticed something: OP said in later post that he has many years in lifestyle and mistress in question indicated that she was newer. My instinct here is that this wasn't about who pays or rudeness.
If the sub has that exp, he knows the answer to the question; it was the same answer most gave. Yes.. it was rather rude and not what most might do.
What this really was about was an experienced sub "proving" something to a newer mistress. He used that word.
I don't care for that, to be honest. If you present your position to a prospective mistress and she doesn't accept it.. well? so what. Why Prove to her you are Right?
Doesn't appeal to me.
As mom used to say: "Two wrongs don't make a right."

(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 33

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 5:02:17 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

I noticed something: OP said in later post that he has many years in lifestyle and mistress in question indicated that she was newer. My instinct here is that this wasn't about who pays or rudeness.
If the sub has that exp, he knows the answer to the question; it was the same answer most gave. Yes.. it was rather rude and not what most might do.
What this really was about was an experienced sub "proving" something to a newer mistress. He used that word.
I don't care for that, to be honest. If you present your position to a prospective mistress and she doesn't accept it.. well? so what. Why Prove to her you are Right?
Doesn't appeal to me.
As mom used to say: "Two wrongs don't make a right."

I disagree. The experienced Sub was told he didn't know what he was talking about. He made an offer to bring it to the public forum to show he knew this was not normal protocol.. The Mistress insisted she was right and just knew her peers would back her up. Seemed the only way to show an inexperienced mistress that you dont check your manners at the door when you are a Mistress. Good for Adorationofwomen. Good for him. He never lost his composure nor did he disrespect her on the thread when she showed up. He showed way more restraint than I would have.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 6/8/2008 5:03:01 PM >

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Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
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Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to MsMillgrove)

Post #: 34

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 5:04:52 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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Everyone should be willing to learn. Submissives from Dominants and Dominants from submissives. No one is above being corrected for bad behavior.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 35

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 5:08:13 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

DO I hear an AMEN!

I do now...

AMEN!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 36

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 5:21:17 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: adorationofwomen

i would like some feedback from T/those of Y/you here within the collarme community concerning a scenerio i have just encountered...to be fair, i will not say one way or another how i feel or what my reply was to this statement....

i was asked by a Female Dominant, that has a profile here on collarme. Being that She was local to my community, i had replied that i would be appreciative of such a meeting. She then set a tentative date, and W/we had B/both agreed on that evening.
i later get a text message on my cell, where She again asked if i was for sure going to be able to meet, and then gave me a location. Said location is a very well known lifestyle bar, yet She went on to tell me, She would be meeting yet another submissive at the same time, as well as bringing a fellow Domme, and that She expected me to buy the drinks for Both Her, as well as the accompanying Domme.
i wish to get the opinions of T/those here if this would be considered proper protocol for a first time meeting with a prospective submissive, and if the immediate order to be ready to pay for the Both of Them is also something that should be accepted?

I/if I/i were to meet this chick and S/she were to tell me that S/she was going to meet another sub W/while M/meeting with M/me..... I/i would tell H/her to go F/F/F/F/F/fuck herself.

(But that's just M/me).

< Message edited by Griswold -- 6/8/2008 5:22:20 PM >

(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 37

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 5:35:38 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

DO I hear an AMEN!

I do now...

AMEN!

Welcome to the Church of Lushy.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 38

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 6:02:08 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

The fact that you disagreed (and brought it here) shows that the two of you were NOT looking for the same thing.
It may have seemed that it would work in the beginning but by the end of the conversation, you knew it wasn't for you.
That is fine...better to find that out now instead of later.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 39

RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 6:06:54 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I think she was being rude by expecting you to pay for both. That isn't your problem. Learning manners is hard for some to do and they still never learn. It isn't a lifestyle thing it is a human thing. I personally would find it very rude and would not care to be with someone that couldn't think of anything but themselves.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to adorationofwomen)

Post #: 40

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