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RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 6:27:11 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings adorationofwomen,

Thank - you for responding so fully.

Your response has definitely shed new light on this particular issue for me.  As with most altercations there does seem to be three sides to this one and the truth of the matter does seem to have gotten lost somewhere in between.

Perhaps the Dominant in question was a bit 'out there' in her demands.  However, it does seem that you also have an ulterior motive.  Perhaps the unreasonableness of Cyanide's demands were in response to what she perceived as a do-me attitude from you.  Perhaps it was a test to see what you were willing to offer/risk if she was to meet your needs.  Perhaps it is the 'poor submissive' who is the real villain in this case.

Perhaps I'm wrong but  .... well, we'll never really know, now will we.

Wickad

(in reply to adorationofwomen)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 6:57:43 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Well this has certainly taken a bizarre turn.

Cali


_____________________________

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(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 7:17:06 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

Greetings adorationofwomen,

Thank - you for responding so fully.

Your response has definitely shed new light on this particular issue for me.  As with most altercations there does seem to be three sides to this one and the truth of the matter does seem to have gotten lost somewhere in between.

Perhaps the Dominant in question was a bit 'out there' in her demands.  However, it does seem that you also have an ulterior motive.  Perhaps the unreasonableness of Cyanide's demands were in response to what she perceived as a do-me attitude from you.  Perhaps it was a test to see what you were willing to offer/risk if she was to meet your needs.  Perhaps it is the 'poor submissive' who is the real villain in this case.

Perhaps I'm wrong but  .... well, we'll never really know, now will we.

Wickad


I dont know. I have seen plenty of Mistresses with a "how can you show me tribute and kiss my ass attitude."

Just my opinion, but sometimes I am glad to be interested in a Master and not a Mistress.

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
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(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 7:41:30 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		Whatever the Op's reason for starting this thread, I hope he gives the Dominant in question the heave-ho. If she's taking this stand about him paying now before they have the first meeting, then he'd better be prepared to pay big from here on in.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 7:42:29 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		If the Domme had shown up at the meet and then told the op that there would be another Domme in attendance as well as another submissive, that would have been a protocol breach IMO. She was up front about her demands and needs. Again.. the op had the right to refuse. Again.. maybe it was done in bad taste... but I was not involved in the initial negotiations. So.. It all comes down to interpretation.

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 7:51:45 PM   
winterlight


Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline 		If anybody said that to me and it wasn't discussed before hand. They would be dropped so fast it isn't funny. That is out and out RUDE to dictate that
in this person's own humble opinion.

(in reply to adorationofwomen)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 7:53:02 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
Just my opinion, but sometimes I am glad to be interested in a Master and not a Mistress.


Amen. I have yet to see a dom profile on this site of a man asking for tributes, it's always women. And the OP said the lady said "there are other subs out there" as if...trying to threaten or push him to kiss her ass. Yeah, there are other subs out there...and also other dommes who have common manners and pay their own way.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 8:11:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It was inappropriate to make a date and THEN set conditions on the date and change the expectations.

However, if she had laid out her conditions and expectations beforehand, there would have been no problem. 

Either way it's still your choice, she was at least nice enough to let you know before you wasted time and money and THEN had to make the awkward choice in front of others.

I can tell you of dozens of fem slaves who have no problems putting on slutty clothes the first time they meet a dom because that's what he wants.  It's just a different form of expectations.  You choose what is acceptable for you and what isn't.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to adorationofwomen)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 10:22:26 PM   
mastervalentine


Posts: 157
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		Rude? Much.
Let's hope a little humor is not mis-placed. Hope it gets a smile out of you.
At the age of fifteen I would; keep agreeing to the date, promise a wonderful time, then call her that night and say I'm going to be running a little late. And then keep calling every fifteen minutes until either she threatened to sue, or it was six AM the following day. If she proceded on the date, I would (having known the place beforehand) call them and ask to speak to her, every fifteen minutes. (I had someone kicked out of a restaurant for this once. The manager was quite annoyed.)

At the age of seventeen I would; show up to the date and leave after creating quite the scene. (Something like "Oh my god, you tramp! You're cheating on me? How could you?!" as loud as I can, and draw all kinds of unwanted attention her way.)

At the age of ninteen I would; tell the little trollop exactly what I think. (No, not piano wire, but nice touch!)

At my current age; I would shrug, cancel the date, and let her know I'm no longer interested in meeting her.

Many paths, may yours bring you happiness.

< Message edited by mastervalentine -- 6/8/2008 10:25:52 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to adorationofwomen)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/9/2008 3:33:42 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		Actually I am more hung up on the fact that she would bring along another ( d-type or s-type ) to a first meeting when the reason for the meeting was to get to know one another.  If she didn't want to come alone for safety reasons, then the other person could have lurked in the background...but, I think that was not fair to YOU .
 
The drink thing.
  To tell you her preference was for you  to pay for her drink> Not a big deal..ok
  To expect you to pick up the tab for her little party people?  horribly bad taste. 
  To tell you to bring it to the forum if you have a complaint? even less honorable. 
 
 

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galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to mastervalentine)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/9/2008 3:44:43 AM   
HeidiAnn


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold

I/if  I/i were to meet this chick and S/she were to tell me that S/she was going to meet another sub W/while M/meeting with M/me..... I/i would tell H/her to go F/F/F/F/F/fuck herself.

(But that's just M/me).


What a lovely "switch"-way of speaking. Made me wonder about switches and the grammar-protocols. :)

heidi

_____________________________

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(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/9/2008 4:14:16 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressCyanide

. I hope that his ego feels better now though.




Sounds to me that he isn't the one with the ego problem!




Yea, I would have to agree with that. And after reading her profile and discovering that she is a "true domme", I am not a bit surprised.

< Message edited by orfunboi -- 6/9/2008 4:25:40 AM >

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/9/2008 4:32:53 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		my opinion - she should honor the original agreement of just meeing you before adding "tag alongs" (another submissive, her friend) to your first meeting. she should have asked you if it was alright that others join and then discuss who's buying the drinks, etc.

i feel it's very wrong of her to add a guest list of others to be with her. it would make me very uncomfortable since i wouldn't the people personally. first meetings are nerve-wrecking enough ...don't need to other people to make it worse. as far as buying drinks goes - i don't drink so she would have to buy rounds on her own credit ...not mine.


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(in reply to adorationofwomen)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/9/2008 4:49:36 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I can see her bringing a friend and another sub to ensure her safety although for just meeting for drinks I personally think that's excessive. But being told you have to pay for all of them is totally wrong.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to adorationofwomen)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/9/2008 3:49:09 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind

Rude, greedy and opportunistic is what i would call that demand. And way beyond the equitable boundaries of a first meeting. You haven't negotiated to become anyone's submissive at this tentative early stage, and certainly should not be expected to act like one towards them yet.

To not only set up a first meet between you but also demand that you pay for them, rather than them expecting to go dutch with only a vague hope you might be the chivalrous kind, that's both rude and greedy.

But then to completely change the whole dynamic of that first meet, turn it into a foursome, and also demand you pay for everyone, that is just plain opportunistic self serving behaviour of the rudest kind, purely taking advantage of you, and completely beyond the pale.

Personally i would advise you to calmly and respectfully decline the meeting and any future contact, thank them for taking the trouble to respond, and wish the well for the future. And leave it at that, no more contact.

But then it all depends on personal opinion, and even if we all respond in the negative it is only you who can decide if you want to take this route and acquiesce to such treatment into the future. Some may well like this kind of humiliating, selfish treatment. If you like it, great, meet and do as requested. If you expect it a norm for this kind of scenario, i would beg to differ, along with others here. If you find it abhorrent, join the club, so do a lot of people it seems.






I most definitely could NOT have said it better!  Ditto Ditto Ditto!

_____________________________

~We do not see things as they are - we see them as we are.~ Anais Nin

(in reply to pinkwind)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/9/2008 4:12:54 PM   
MsElohi


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		Something similar happened to me not that long ago. I told her no thank you. I am a submissive not a sucker.  I believe when you first meet, it should be dutch. Both are hoping to gain something from the meeting, so it is silly in my mind for the dominant to assume that someone they have never met will foot the bill for them and another stranger.

If I choose to buy someone dinner that is my choice, but if someone approaches me as though it is a foregone conclusion that I will automatically assume their costs, sorry, wrong girl, find someone else.

(in reply to adorationofwomen)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/9/2008 4:56:46 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I have always told the lady she is welcome to bring as many friends as she wants, to feel comfortable and safe. Not once has anyone brought friends.  If she did, I'd be happy to cover her.  The friends are on their own.  I'm describing my own comfort zone.  I don't accept any "official protocols" for this.

Once I took a domme to breakfast, and offered to pay.  She smiled and paid for my meal and hers.  Kind of a turn-the-tables thing.  It was pretty sexy.

Making an additional demand the day of a meet is something I'd call poor communication skills.  As CruelDesires has pointed out, though, there's no way to know what really went down.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MsElohi)
Profile   Post #: 57
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