RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (Full Version)

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khem -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/8/2008 10:44:19 PM)

You're probably heard my take on this many times, since I originally blew you off due to your age/experience level a year or so ago.  [:D]

There's no set rule for how someone acts by their age.  However, the combination of being very young, having few life experiences, and little to no lifestyle experience has alway seemed to me like more trouble than it's worth. 

I've pretty much always dated men much older than myself because many (not to be confused with all) tended to treat me significantly better than their younger competition.  I think it's a combination of:
1) experience with women and prior knowledge of appropriate behavior
2) life experience and ability to converse about a variety of topics
3) more self exploration and less internal conflict about submission
4) more likely to be interested in forming an emotional connection

It's all a stereotype, I admit it.  It's just always happened to be my experience. 

So yes, while it is only one of many factors, I would consider someone's age being less than mine a hinderance.  In the grand scheme, it's not nearly as much of a hinderance as other factors (such as distance, religion, etc) might possibly be.



rubberpet -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/8/2008 10:53:35 PM)

Sometimes, age is just a number.  Sometimes it's a hinderance, sometimes it's a bonus.  When I was searching for a domme, I had a preference for ones older than me...mid-thirties to late forties.  Unfortunately, they were not looking for someone my age.  So I expanded my search options to dommes in their early twenties, too.  Oh My God!!!  Most of the ones in their twenties seemed like such airheads and space cadets!  I began losing faith in it all...until I came across Mistress's profile.  When I wrote to Her, I was 29 and She was just 22.  Her age was an instant red flag, but something compelled me to write to Her.  After conversing with a few similar to Her in age, I was not impressed with their life outlook, experience, and BDSM mentality.  Devine Intervention must have guided me because something wouldn't let me give up on that sexy gothic chick in West Virginia.  It was rough in the beginning, but after getting to talk to Her a bit, I knew that this was not only the domme I had been searching for, but also the one I was going to marry. [:)]

Now, we are happy as can be.  She is finishing up nursing school this year and plans on moving down here sometime next year!!!  Yay!!! [:D]  I'm one lucky S.U.B.!!! 



EvilKitty -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/8/2008 11:05:33 PM)

I didn't even recognize the urge for BDSM till my late 30s & now, I'm 51 (& 1/2). Though I have a lot in common with men my own age, it's true that I would prefer someone with more energy than most of them. The 25-40 range is a good guide for: more knowledge than an 18yr. old & less arthritis than me. Unfortunately, the younger men to whom I'm attracted as potential subs seem more often seeking a Domme closer to their own age; possibly "girlfriend" material.
I find it amusing to hear Dommes wish they'd get less than 100 emails per week, when I'd love to get more than 1 or 2 per week! It takes patience, I know, & I haven't been on CM very long. So, I'll keep trying & waiting. Although I've often wondered "what AM I doing wrong?"; do I not demand obeisance fast enough? [;)]
I did take on a 20yr old for a while. He was a good boy, he'll make someone a good sub when he grows up!



aidan -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/8/2008 11:13:07 PM)

When it came to sexual partners, my range-finder went from a few years younger to 30 years older (and that wasn't the actual ceiling, that was just the oldest person I had played with). I'm a very, very odd boy and adding more limitations than were already in place just wasn't a good idea. If I could connect with somebody, their age didn't really matter to me.

It mattered to them, though. Holy crap, did I have to jump through hoops just to assuage very real fears of going to jail for having sexual contact with a legal adult. *shakes his head laughing*

My Mistress now is 18 years older than me, and we couldn't be happier. The gap was something an obstacle at first, but it was more the question of "how do we make this work" rather than "can we make this work."

My age, on the times it has been an issue, usually has been easily overcome.




Celeres -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 12:09:25 AM)

quote:

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds


Firefly!! =) What I wouldn't give to play with Inara... hahaha

Thanks everyone for your kind posts. I mainly ask because often, tehre are Dommes around my age that look for someone 30+. Some subs (since I'm a switch) who are 18-19, looking for people 45+. Maybe they are gold-diggers... but I do not think that's the ONLY reason why...



darchChylde -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 1:26:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeres

quote:

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds


Firefly!! =) What I wouldn't give to play with Inara... hahaha




Hell no, give me Zoe any day.  She has THE PERFECT ASS.  Even i want to spank that.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 2:09:17 AM)

For me, it's a matter of personality, energy and compatability. My range in life has been -14 to +17.

But, for others, they have a tendency to assume that people near the same age have similar lives and that gives them something in common. This is really only true if you've lead an average life, but it's usually correct. Someone like me who has decided to not have children, however, doesn't have that in common with those people my age and I can only stand to be friends with the parents if I like the kids, usually, which has a lot to do with their parenting methods.

People also assume that older means more lifestyle experience, but I don't find that true; I know many 20-somethings that have a lot more experience than a lost of 40-somethings. I do, however, find that older means more LIFE experience but I don't find that it means more maturity, which is also a common assumption.

In the end, it's just a personal preference. Don't take it any worse that you would if they wanted red hair and green eyes and you're purple-haired with yellow eyes. ;-)

Master Fire



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 2:14:26 AM)

quote:

Some subs (since I'm a switch) who are 18-19, looking for people 45+. Maybe they are gold-diggers... but I do not think that's the ONLY reason why...


No, it's not. When I was younger, I just thought older men were HOTTER...but this was based on the FALSE assumption that older men always know what they're going in bed. I found that to NOT be true with my first husband, 12 years my senior. I had to explain how a woman's body works, how his body works, the technical details behind pregnancy and such. I had waited until we were married to have sex with him and, sadly, found I married 16 year old knowlege in a 30 year old body. It worked out in the end, 'cause people can learn, but it was an eye opener.

Master Fire



LPslittleclip -> RE: Age: A Hindrance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 4:15:10 AM)

to the op i myself don't look at the number i look at what interests me. for some age is a major turn off, others a turn on. so to each their own.



DominantJenny -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 6:54:28 AM)

I just commented to a similar thread on the general forum. In general, I'm looking for a certain level of maturity as well as being at a certain place in life that is more likely after age 25 or so. At the top end, I prefer someone who isn't likely to be caught up in looking at the end of the road, so I look about 10 years older than myself as my general limit. Neither is actually in my profile, because I know there are plenty of exceptions to the rules.



Aiden -> RE: Age: A Hindrance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 6:58:01 AM)

I've always been drawn to women older than myself.  When it comes down to it of course its what shes like as an individual that matters, not age.  Yet, I know that what Im seeking in a Mistress is more likely to be found in someone older rather than younger than me.  



Celeres -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 10:06:06 AM)

quote:

I had to explain how a woman's body works, how his body works, the technical details behind pregnancy and such. I had waited until we were married to have sex with him and, sadly, found I married 16 year old knowlege in a 30 year old body. It worked out in the end, 'cause people can learn, but it was an eye opener.

Master Fire


In his defense, I've taken many courses on sex education... the most recent one detailed exactly what happens when sperm is deposited inside the vaginal opening... how it "swims up" into the fallopian tubes and impregnate an egg. Then the egg travels through it with all these complex internal muscles and what happens up until birth. Yet, I'm still confused at the finer points during labor. =P

The human body, (despite what you hear from Sci-Fi or Agent Smith) is quite complex! It is very adaptive to environments too! Just look at the sherpas in the Himalayas to the nomads in the Sahara. Two very, very extreme global conditions, yet humans all the same. Granted their bodies are more adapted to their environment over the course of many generations, but still, human. (Which makes one think, why are Sci-Fi shows so bent on "finding" new planets when Earth is so diverse as it is!)--I know, it does make for good television and I'm rather hooked on it. =)

What was my point again? Oh right, the human body is so complex, it's rather amazing. And in terms of age, to me, it's still a number! [:D]

3 years younger, 17 years senior... it's like doling candy out to children, in my opinion. Fairly indescriminate. To me, (and thank you ALL for all of your responses so far!) unless a scene specificially requires someone to be of a certain age, I think it's pretty convenient to simply dress younger or older (for age-play, or whatever) but still enjoy the presence of the same person for who they are, not how old they are.



DominantJenny -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 11:20:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeres

Yet, I'm still confused at the finer points during labor. =P


I'm always up for a little educating, and seeing as I am about (in a month!) to go through that particular event for the second time, if you'd like, I'd be happy to try to clear up your confusion...



Celeres -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 11:31:32 AM)

quote:

I'm always up for a little educating, and seeing as I am about (in a month!) to go through that particular event for the second time, if you'd like, I'd be happy to try to clear up your confusion...


I appreciate the sentiment, but I think I'll be okay. [:D]

I just didn't know the specific phases of a pregnancy, since I understand and know about a pregnancy biologically. Everyone is different and as such, times of labor and contractions change as well. It's just so fascinating. =)

Good luck with your second child! (I was the second one of my family too). [:D]



DominantJenny -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 11:46:24 AM)

Well, if you ever have one, you're sure to get the full details then, anyway. :) Thanks.



LotusSong -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/9/2008 12:11:25 PM)

I feel a person should have lived long enough to handle basic relationship situations.  I feel that one should know and have worked with the basics of sex, relationships and common sense.  I see BDSM as an embellishment to those basics.  The basics are what you can fall back on, everything else is just window dressing because it has no substance.  Youngers are in a learning phase.  Olders are just enjoying what they have learned. 
 
There is no trophy for trying to grow up too fast.



MsBlackheart -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/10/2008 11:31:23 PM)

I'm in the minority in that I prefer 20-something boys.  I've found that there is a price to pay for that, but it's worth it. 

I'm close to two of them, one is 25, the other is 26, and their maturity levels differ drastically, so no, I don't believe it's a true measure of someone's knowledge, life experiences, or emotional strength, but it's a good indicator of what I can expect in a general sense. 



chezzy71 -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/11/2008 2:07:52 AM)

While i admit to have slowed down considerably,there are some  20 somethings i have seen in real life that i can still run circles around anyday of the week and twice on Sundays.One might think i have animosity toward young people and that is certainly not true at all.I was there once too and pointing at 40 and 50 somethings hanging out at our local watering hole.It si part of lifes cycle.You step aside graciously and allow the cycle to continue.That doesn't mean i have signed my death certificate yet.But to all..just remember..someday you will be at the number..you know..that number that says it is time to really slow down whether you want to or not.Age will always be discussed and that is a shame really.but that is how we look at things through this veneer that younger is better and stronger and older is ready for the local nursing home.I did say to step aside graciously huh??...Not a flippin chance!!!I'll go kicking and screaming..deal with it.



Hippiekinkster -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/11/2008 3:18:45 AM)

Khem, I have read your story, so to speak.... I dunno how to tell you that I think you are stunning...

Peace, Scott



LadyJeelys -> RE: Age: A Hinderance or Bonus? (6/11/2008 4:15:51 AM)

Secondary is much younger than I....and I'm still uncomfortable about that age disparity. Plus, I'd like to add an older man to our relationship. Does that mean I'd "cut off" a younger man...well, ok, given my castration interests, maybe, but not cut off as a in not get to know.



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