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RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 10/31/2005 1:52:19 AM   
esina


Posts: 21
Status: offline 		LuckyAlbatross,
Apologies for not replying sooner, i have been busy reading the info an the links you have given, they have been a great help and i thank you for this!!! You truly are a good person to help me try to find my way. I'm sorry if i have offended you by not replying, its just i prefer to research when given info such as you have given so that i can give a sincere reply as opposed to to a shallow half-hearted thanks. I have read the links you have suggested and thankyou sincerely from the bottom of me lil ole heart for your help.

esina xxx

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 10/31/2005 2:00:05 AM   
esina


Posts: 21
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor

esina,

Thinking about your situation, I feel the best thing you could do at this stage is to start attending local munches, and try to mix with people in the scene. That is the best way of both picking up the culture of BDSM and becoming known in your community.

I see from your profile that you are in Cambridge, but don't know whether that is Cambridge, Cambs. or Cambridge, Massachussetts! If it's the former then I hope I am allowed to recommend the suksbdsm group on Yahoo where, like here, you will be able to meet a friendly bunch of people and learn more about the lifestyle.

You may well be surprised at how quickly you adjust to it all. :)



P,

Iam indeed Cambridge, cambs........ so any useful things such as the suksbdsm thing are greatly appreciated.....
I am hoping to get to the Cambridge munch in December... am finding it difficult to find many local munches going on tho ..... any advice about this would be good to.
Thanx again,

esina xxx

(in reply to Prunesquallor)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 10/31/2005 2:38:57 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
There isnt a difference unless you make it so there is one. Some people will try and push the idea on you that slaves have no choice, and that subs have one - or that


quote:

if you do not wish to GIVE UP TOTAL control then you are not a slave.


That isnt the end or exact definition - its a personal one for the individual. I am not labeled a slave, yet I have no control over what I do or who I am. Total control is His.

Be happy with what you are and use the label you are most comfortable with. Ultimately, the Master or Mistress you submit to will choose what name and label you go by. All others are not relevant.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to esina)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 10/31/2005 5:55:16 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: esina

LuckyAlbatross,
Apologies for not replying sooner, i have been busy reading the info an the links you have given, they have been a great help and i thank you for this!!! You truly are a good person to help me try to find my way. I'm sorry if i have offended you by not replying, its just i prefer to research when given info such as you have given so that i can give a sincere reply as opposed to to a shallow half-hearted thanks. I have read the links you have suggested and thankyou sincerely from the bottom of me lil ole heart for your help.

esina xxx

You rock Esina.

(in reply to esina)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 10/31/2005 8:25:45 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Stay out of the chatrooms and meet people in real life.

(in reply to esina)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 10/31/2005 8:32:41 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		people will give me hell for this and say I am fucking with you.......

Oh, well.......

the only original thing in this world you are likely to see is the insides of a duck.........

you are so not alone. Hang with it.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 10/31/2005 9:17:33 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline 		To the Op: a man who says "beg for my collar" when you have no relationship with Him in real life is almost certainly a fake; and may be an abuser. My advice is, ignore such men after they reveal they are not real Doms or Masters.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/1/2005 8:40:38 AM   
CitizenCane


Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

people will give me hell for this and say I am fucking with you.......

Oh, well.......

the only original thing in this world you are likely to see is the insides of a duck.........

you are so not alone. Hang with it.

Ron


Duckplay... you quack me up.



_____________________________

Citizen Cane

If silence is golden, why is duct tape silver?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/20/2005 4:33:02 PM   
missdriver


Posts: 31
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		The same thing has happened to me. I am new to the scene, but i am not going to submit to the first Dom who tells me to kneel to him.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/21/2005 1:43:21 PM   
kitten8


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		so glad i'm not the only one thinking that . i'm new to this and have the same thoughts running through my head . if you find the answer please let me know x

(in reply to esina)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/23/2005 5:23:38 AM   
esina


Posts: 21
Status: offline 		hi !! Thank you to everyone for their advice and kind words, im glad there are some friendly understanding people out there!!!! i appreciate everything everyone has said and am beginning to find my path ... i think !! I hope to hear from you all again soon sometime all titbits of info and advice are always helpful!!

esina xxx

(in reply to kitten8)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/24/2005 3:27:43 AM   
DustyDubinsky


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2005
Status: offline
A slave/master relationship transcends what one would normally think of in terms of boy/girl or hetrosexual inter-change. It is not principally a sexual thing but much more a mind controlling experience and one where both parties excert control in varing degrees. (Yes, the slave does push the master's buttons every so often just to show that the chain pulls in both directions.)

But a sub/dom deal is principally about focusing a sexual relationship on things most pleasurable when one party is clearly in control - such as bondage, torture or confinment. Its why I enjoy BDSM lifesystyle choices. Thing of top and bottom in the homosexual world. But subs are never to be confused with slaves and doms tend to release their prey once they leave the bedroom. Not in all cases, and there are no real rules in these matters; but I hoped this clarified your thinking.

(in reply to esina)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/24/2005 7:09:50 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Consider the implications of being told to "beg for a collar." Is that demand consistent with authentic submission? Or is it consistent with someone seeking the fastest possible route to wank material?


At least according to a friend of mine who is Gorean (diff strokes and all that) this would be normal for one of his girls to "beg" his collar & this is DEFFINATLY not for wank material. From what I've taken from his explaination it's basically explain why I should invest my time, effort & money into you. While to me this seems to happen early on in the relationship and MUCH sooner than I would want to discuss a collar with one of MY boys it seems to work for them.
Expect Iron Bear will be along at some point to fill in facts where my education on Gorean expectations is lacking.

(in reply to RexLongBeach)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/24/2005 11:32:20 PM   
Webmaster60


Posts: 396
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What is the difference between a sub and a slave? im having problems here... i see myself as a naturally submissive person but i still want my own mind, free will etc.


Its said over and over.. GENERALLY speaking.. a sub can say "NO", a slave has given up that right.
There are ton's of variations in between. I personally like this chart:

9 Levels of Submission

It may help sort it out for you..

There a ton of Jackoff's here that will and do exploit a slaves mentality. The "Bow to me, slave" types..
Stay the hell away from them.. Them and the ones that "demand" you call them Master if you don't even know them.

HAVE FUN

_____________________________

Master Michael
~~~~~~~~~~
"To sin in silence when he should
speak makes cowards of men"

(in reply to esina)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/24/2005 11:38:41 PM   
Webmaster60


Posts: 396
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My submission includes all of these things and I don't submit conditionally......and I'm a submissive not a slave. I am owned, in a 24/7, no limit D/s relationship. So, these definitions don't fit.


greetings
I certainly don't want to stir your pot, and let me say that ABSOLUTELY whatever works for you, works for you.. But I'm a little confused..
We must have an entirely different definition of "owned". You say, your not a slave.. But you're owned..

Ownership to me, is an absolute. Its not conditional, nor negotiable, its complete. How can one be owned, and be a "submissive".
Where do you see yourself NOT as a slave?

I'm just a little fuzzy on that..

_____________________________

Master Michael
~~~~~~~~~~
"To sin in silence when he should
speak makes cowards of men"

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/25/2005 1:34:02 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

you are potentially meeting someone that you will submit to. How do you treat them as any normal person.


They are potentially meeting someone that will [you] submit to them. How do they treat you as a normal person.

2 way street - not necessarily with equal lanes going both ways. I'm not trying to 'mystify' the dom side I'm saying that ultimately should things work out the dom will be the one with the most lanes (hopefully?).

If that's (submitting) a bad thing (and you have not indicated otherwise; general advice) then maybe one should consider an alterantive solution; maybe not.

D (owner of j)

**changed typos grammar; context in place**

< Message edited by Wolfie648 -- 11/25/2005 1:37:09 AM >

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to subspaceinMD)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/25/2005 2:33:03 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CitizenCane



Nothing wrong with having your own mind, but what makes you think 'free will' exists?




Off topic entirely, but a facinating subject, in and of itself. Perhaps you'd like to start a thread asking if free will really exists, and if so, how much does genetics influence our choices in this lifestyle and beyond?

(in reply to CitizenCane)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/25/2005 8:33:41 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

esina, there are some right dick heads out there and in here too. They are predators who will try to take advantage of your newwness. Still there is hope. Alread you have been given some damned good advice and here too you will find friends who are willing to help you. Just stick to your guns and move slowley.

IronBear


i would agree with all that's been said; and i recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker for its advice on identifing potential abusers or stalkers, as well as its advice concerning the uselessness of worry and anxiety. Please feel free to email me on the other side if ever i can be of help.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/25/2005 8:34:05 AM >

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/27/2005 1:19:27 PM   
SoulBelow


Posts: 30
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i understand what You are saying, and completely agree. However it is very hard to converse with a Dom and treat them as you would a vanilla person. i have a very hard time when meeting someone in this lifestyle (a Dominant) a treating them as a vanilla person. you are potentially meeting someone that you will submit to. How do you treat them as any normal person. for example i have a very sarcastic sense of humor, would i show that to a Dom? i feel like i wouldnt want to make them mad?


I think if you find the right person they'll accept you for who you are totally but be able to control aspects of your personality that may not be totally thier cup of tea. For example, I also have a very sarcastic sense of humour and can be very cheeky. My master knows this about me and has known since the day he met me. The key is that if I am too cheeky, if he feels I've stepped out of line he will control me. If he tells me to stop I will do so. However he has taken me as a whole person, he's taken my personality on aswell as my physical self. Otherwise what's the point of choosing one slave over another. If they have no personality you may aswell have a blow up doll. I think when you find someone you really click with, they will accept everything about you, as long as your prepared to be controlled because thats what being a slave is all about. [:)

< Message edited by SoulBelow -- 11/27/2005 1:27:14 PM >

(in reply to subspaceinMD)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Help!!!!! So lost here - 11/28/2005 11:31:34 AM   
1CHRONDOM


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

if you do not wish to GIVE UP TOTAL control then you are not a slave.

subs have choices...

slave do what their master wishes

keep looking you will find a compatable one

This is in it in a nutshell. No need to ask anything futher.. If you are a sub..you have choices..slaves do not.

(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 40
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