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D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/9/2008 10:32:36 PM

boyforyouruse

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Would you be interested in dominating or being dominated by someone that is either: A) Not compatible with you sexually (ie. lesbian dominant and male submissive), or B) Compatible with you sexually but you're not sexually interseted in? (ie hetro dominant female and hetro male submissive, but one or both are not sexually attracted to each other)

For the sake of this thread, let's assume that no sexual acts will be requested / ordered by the participants and that no money will be changing hands

I was reading another thread and a male submissive mentioned scening with a lesbian dominant, so obivoulsy it does take place from time to time, but how common is it? How interested (or not) are you in this?

For myself, I could certainly see myself scening with either a lesbian / straight male dominant and probably enjoying the D/s aspects, even with no sexual overtones. Certainly I could provide service to them in a domestic or other fashion, but I wonder if it would feel diluted at all with no sexual vibe? How important is sexual interest to your BDSM interactions?

If you have participated in this (in any of the roles/combinations): How did it go? Would you do it again, if so what would you change?

Post #: 1

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/9/2008 10:36:14 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
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From a Top side and male-I have beaten men for the pure sadism of it. I'm not attracted to men sexually. I just wanted to see how they played under my whip.

Kind of a rather bored and abstracted interest, like poking at an errant bug with a needle-to see what it will do.

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/9/2008 10:57:56 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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Speaking of my personal life: 99% of my scenes are with people I've no sexual possibilities with (I'm sex-monogamous with my spouse, play with folks that are just acquaintances or friends with no plans for more, people of all different orientations including those that don't include me), 80% or more with folks I'm not sexually attracted to, and about the same % with those I've D/s relationships of some type with.

For me, BDSM is not a sexual pursuit. I get no sexual thrill or interest in it except for when it's added to an already-and-separately-sexually-charged relationship. I get turned on by my spouse, so when he plays with me I often get turned on. But I do the same stuff with other folks and get no libido action at all going in me... it's just fun, relaxing, spiritual, cathartic, exciting, funny, whatever the case for that scene.

And no, it doesn't make the non-sexual times feel like any less for me. The enjoyment of a D/s relationship or a scene of some sort is wonderful in itself for me. Like many things, it can be fun to do with someone I love or am attracted to, but it's just as much fun without that.

I have an awesome time riding rollercoasters and traveling by myself, with new acquaintances, strangers I run into there, friends, loved ones, whoever. Ditto for BDSM play.

How does it go? Would I do it again? Majority of the time it goes great and I always (and am, SELF is coming up!) look forward to my next chance... as dominant, top or bottom. I hope to get a bit of each with friends as SELF this weekend :D

For me, sex and BDSM/PE are things that can be mixed together for enjoyment but are separate enjoyments themselves. I don't care much what orientation my top is, so long as they beat me just wonderful. I don't need to find my bottom or sub attractive, I just need to enjoy what they bottom to or like how they serve.

Comfortable interaction, but not sex.

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Post #: 3

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/9/2008 11:05:55 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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By 'dominating', I'll assume you mean Topping, although my answer to both is the same. Yes; I would Top, Dominate (control in a relationship) and Master someone who was not sexually compatible. It's not about sex for me...although that's nice gravy.

Master Fire

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Post #: 4

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/9/2008 11:07:09 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
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I'd say absolutely. For me the challenge is getting that message across (that I am interested in non-sexual bdsm with someone) with someone with a compatiable sexuality is a huge challenge. Sometimes I might be attracted to someone and still choose to not get into sexual play. It's really very difficult to explain this to new play partners that only see D/s as a sexual thing. I'm also a bit weird in that non-sexual activity can have a sexual effect on me - like seeing someone cleaning for me makes me kind of hot and bothered. It's doesn't mean anyone's getting laid though - it's enjoyable by itself. Many aspects of BDSM are not at all sexual to me (or sexual only with regard to what my own head does with them), yet still quite fun.

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Post #: 5

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 2:00:23 AM

bashfulhuck

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Joined: 5/26/2008
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For me, it's kind of a mixed answer. In general, the answer would be no, simply because i will only submit to women. i could see myself submitting to a Lesbian , even though there is no chance of having sex.
BDSM, even if there is no sex involved, is extremely sensual to me. I don't submit to men for a variety of reasons, the big one being that for me to submit to a male, he would have to be capable of physically overpowering me and forcing me into submission, and i honestly don't know many men capable of doing that.
My submission to Ladies is very much on a spiritual and emotional level though. Hence why i say i could submit to a Lesbian, with the understanding that i would at least have to like her and vice versa. Man i'm rambling way too much tonight, i'm sorry about that guys. Hopefully i feel better tomorrow and will be able to post better responses to you all. i think i just need a huge hug tonight and cuddles.

the bashful one

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Post #: 6

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 2:24:32 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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i tend to say to people in conversation...that anyone can top me... i play in a public dungeon pretty much weekly, depending on who is there and whether i want to bottom to him/her and thats not sexual. The D/s component is entirely different to me and i have posted recently about feeling some things more intensely of late in one of my peripheral relationships. That tie is definitely more D/s than S/M and thus my issues with it. im still new and have spent a lot of time setting up fake protective shields against feelings that will naturally arise...even knowing they are not going to be effective.
But i digress, i will play with someone if i feel like there is a connection or if i feel they have talent...but it doesnt have to be sexual and there are times when i "borrow" someones Dom just for the scene. i remain respectful of their relationship and we all have a good time.
Its all fun and games til someone puts out an eye.

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Post #: 7

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 3:41:37 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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As a straight woman, I actually love Topping females. It's still erotic for Me, even though it isn't exactly sexual. I also Top males that I'm not sexually interested in. I guess what I'm saying is that, in My casual play, there isn't any sexual consumation.

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Post #: 8

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 5:12:10 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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uhmm.... read my profile...

topping, dominating... mastering... whatever word you want to use, isn't tied to orientation or gender for that matter...

and.. its a LOT about sex for me.. and topping someone male doesn't mean, to me, that I'm sexually incompatible with them.. it means I'm romantically incompatible with them and not likely to marry them...

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/10/2008 5:13:48 AM >

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Post #: 9

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 5:20:45 AM

petdave

Posts: 2479
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i guess it depends on what you mean by being dominated.

With regards to a long-term D/s relationship, no, because it would never feel complete without physical intimacy.

Humiliation play, also probably not, because it requires more of a connection than i could have with a casual play partner with no underlying attraction/potential. Same for providing non-sexual service.

Random acts of sadism, possibly, but i'd either have to be really in need of a "fix", or with a Top who is particularly skilled at something exotic.

Bondage? Sure, i'm a slut

As long as they're into doing it, and don't mind that i get aroused by it, i would bottom to just about anyone if i were unattached.

< Message edited by petdave -- 6/10/2008 6:14:51 AM >

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Post #: 10

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 5:21:42 AM

DominantJenny

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Joined: 4/6/2008
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BDSM is very, very much a sexual thing for me. I could probably demo/teach someone or even "service top" someone (aka, do a favor for a friend and take the energy from it home to my partner) and it wouldn't matter about sexual attractiveness, because that's not the same headspace, but generally, I'm scening with people that are romantic or sexual partners.
Of course, I'm also bisexual and have a general ability to find most anyone I like to be attractive, so unless the partner is a gay guy, it'd be hard for me to actually end up in that situation.
That said, I have known a LOT of people that do not link BDSM to sex, or can separate them easily and do so with some frequency, so I'd say it's pretty common.

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Post #: 11

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 5:25:01 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: boyforyouruse

Would you be interested in dominating or being dominated by someone that is either: A) Not compatible with you sexually (ie. lesbian dominant and male submissive), or B) Compatible with you sexually but you're not sexually interseted in? (ie hetro dominant female and hetro male submissive, but one or both are not sexually attracted to each other)

This is my interaction with Angel. We are compaitble sexually, he is straight, I am bi, but we have no sexual interest in one another. We have known that from the beginning, there was not going to be any, and has never been any sex. There is orgasm, but its part of the scenes we have (just like a lesbian could give a straight man a handjob and still get him off even though theres no sex involved) It has worked well for us for nearly 2 years now and I dont forsee that coming to an end anytime soon.

DV

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Post #: 12

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 6:48:45 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: boyforyouruse

Would you be interested in dominating or being dominated by someone that is either: A) Not compatible with you sexually (ie. lesbian dominant and male submissive)No for Me it's more about the relationship between Ttwo people, and I never play casual. I't just empty for Me, so I want the whole package or none, which results in none., or B) Compatible with you sexually but you're not sexually interseted in? (ie hetro dominant female and hetro male submissive, but one or both are not sexually attracted to each other) If Im not atracted to the sub, why would I bother building up a deep commitment, which I most certainly don't take lightly, in order to grow deeply with that person, so either one fits the bill or nothing will happen.

How important is sexual interest to your BDSM interactions?For Me it's importent, as I've said before, it's either the whole package or it's none at all. I don't do things half, therefor Bdsm niether.

If you have participated in this (in any of the roles/combinations): How did it go? It sucked big time, I felt empty and very awfull afterwards, warn out and lonely, and I don't ever want to feel that way ever again for no one. Bdsm is for Me a deep commitment between 2 souls or more. And I will always treat it as such too. Would you do it again, ? This answer is clear!!

And for bashful, a warm hug, just because I've enough of them.

Warm Greetingz boyforyouruse.

GoddezzT`

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 7:06:11 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

I can and have submitted to lesbians and I enjoyed it. However, I do not see such submission to be exclusive or long-term.

While I can submit and be content without expectations of conventional sexual contact (for example, I can be content in service alone), sexual attraction is important to me. This attraction is irrational and felt, and relies on a chemistry. I have had instances with women to whom I was sexually attracted where the sexual charge faded. I continued to recognize the women as physically and socially attractive, and for whom I then held a non-sexual fondness. The desire to submit faded by a similar degree.

Cheers,

Sea

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Post #: 14

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 7:08:23 AM

cluelessslave

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Joined: 6/7/2008
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quote:

For the sake of this thread, let's assume that no sexual acts will be requested / ordered by the participants and that no money will be changing hands

No sex = not interested anyway.

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 7:38:11 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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I've bottomed a few times for demos, but it was understood up front that I was bottoming for someone who was trying to learn a skill. As such, I had no expectation for more and felt as though I was performing a service. The few times I've played casually, I didn't find it very satisfying unless I had at least some kind of connection with the other person.

I once played casually with a woman I'd just been introduced to when I was feeling something akin to sub-frenzy from not having played in a very long time. There was no aftercare at all from the woman (I may not have been clear in negotiating the scene with her regarding my needs) and I felt very, very empty afterward. I remember going home and crying because of how horrible I felt. So for me, not having a connection of any kind would preclude having a scene with them. For me it would be as empty as a one-night stand; something I absolutely won't do.

- pixel

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Post #: 16

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 11:13:21 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I doubt this has anything to do with the topic, but I'm noticing a trend here that is a bit different than My view.

For Me, the non-sexual encounters (I know someone's going to have a field day with that, but I mean it as sex between two people isn't going to happen) that I have with those I play casually with, doesn't mean there's not a connection. There's a difference in My book between sexual and intimacy. Can I have an intimate connection with a female. Absolutely. That's why the play can be so arousing, even if I'm not sexually attracted.

Literally for years before My husband wanted to give Topping a try for himself, he loved to watch Me play with others. Like Jenny said above, he was the one who reaped the benefits of it. Not a hard one to figure out. Sexy, Domme wife getting amazingly spacey by Topping someone, but once scene and aftercare are finished, where do you think the rest of that energy goes? Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 17

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 12:07:39 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I have dominated alot of people, male female gay straight, over the years. BUT, very few of them in a toppy BDSM way. I am wired in such a way that BDSM is very sensual and sexual for me. That being said, I try to keep an open mind and can envision being served in a none sexual way by a male. Just no intimate BDSM topping/bottoming play type stuff.

Over the last few years, I've been approached by several men that wanted to serve. Two I actually talked to in some detail. I always made it very clear that there would be nothing even remotely sexual in our interactions. Yet, at some point there has always been something sexual come into the conversation. Always something they wanted to do that tipped my sexual squick-o-metre.

Nothing against men at all. It just appears that regardless of type of service, there is usually some aspect that is sexual about it to them. Them expressing this fact gives me an immediate "EWWWWW!!! YUCK!" reaction.

So I would have to say that, no I have no interest in it and no, I don't forsee that changing.

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RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 2:43:47 PM

EvilKitty

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Joined: 7/13/2006
From: Tampa Florida
Status: offline

Although I'm a het woman, I had a lesbian (not bi at ALL)collared submissive for 10 years. It felt odd at first, until the mental connection grew strong & fat. After that, it was much more fun. The sensuality of play was there despite the incongruent sexuality. I think she needed the lack of sexuality to keep her lines from blurring.

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Post #: 19

RE: D/s with incompatible sexuality. - 6/10/2008 3:30:08 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Until ya submit to Leather Dyke/s...

Well...=laughs=

Its all good either way...

I have served them in non sexual ways as well as being used by them in sexual ways...

Want to learn about...humilty?

Take out life insurance....

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Post #: 20

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