Advice For Submissives from Midori

Advice For Submissives from Midori (Full Version)

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maxfalke -> Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 6:46:22 AM)
I wanted to share some advice that I found. I was reading a column by Midori the other day on this other website I'm on and thought it was really great. As a Dom myself I am troubled by what that title gets used for. With every person who uses the "Well, I'm a Dom" excuse it makes the rest of us good Doms look bad. While this advice is directed more at the Male Dom/fem sub dynamic, the advice can be applied to any D/s relationship. After I first read this I passed it on to a sub that I used to play with (who is also still a good friend). She was going through a rough patch and unfortunately met a guy who would be considered a "Lord Dragonbreath" (there is a chart in the article discussion the differences between Master Goodheart and Lord Dragonbreath) quote: If a man isn't skilled in communications in their non-kink relationships, they'll be just as communication impaired in D/s. Presenting D/s fantasies and myths before you, most of them based on fiction or hearsay, he may convince you that there are universal protocols of secret societies to be obeyed, eliminating the need for him to be a clear and responsible communicator, and convincing you that it's the submissive's job to figure out what the Master wants. A man who is a quality master, with ethics and strength in character, is highly likely to conduct all manners of his relationships, whether romantic, personal or business, with dignity and accountability. To read the whole piece click here. So what do you all think?

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 7:12:29 AM)
everything is a point of view trial and error is always a key and learning not to repeat things of the past

SimplyMichael -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 7:17:15 AM)
I find not listening to blowhards and nutjobs to be an important part of growth. Midori is like LA, she shouldn't be so grounded and wise but she is both personified which is why those two women rock!

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 7:20:44 AM)
lets see lesson one live it learn it understand it get it just that simple have a nice day

TNstepsout -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 7:22:14 AM)
I agree with what she says and think that most people on these boards would. I do believe it's the Dom/me's responsibility to communicate well and effectively and it's one of the reasons I don't generally agree with the concept of real punishment. One sure way to diminish a subs confidence and poise, and eventually damage a relationship, is to twist a miscommunication into something they did wrong. It's a bad way to manage people and is a sign of insecurity in the Dom/me.

KnightofMists -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 7:24:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maxfalke So what do you all think? What I think is it is amazing that such common sense that Midoria and Many Many others speak are so commonly ignored at a person's own peril

RedMagic1 -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 7:53:57 AM)
Communication and common sense are so... vanilla. If you want to be a true lifestyler, and not just kinky-in-the-sheets, you have to throw away all that baggage... and let a real Dom like me mentor you, little girl.

begiddy -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 8:47:16 AM)
Makes sense to me...

bashfulhuck -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 10:27:17 AM)
That was a great article. Midori sounds like a very wise person to me. BDSM for me is part of me life, my submissive nature extends beyond playtime. In my everyday life i try to live honestly, and i strive to communicate openly with others. i don't always succeed at that, because i am a painfully shy person, so it's hard for me to just come up to someone and start a conversation if i don't already know that person well. When i'm hurting i also tend to withdraw a bit. So my communication skills still need some work, but i recognize that and am dealing with it. i don't however lie to people, and i would never enter into a D/s dynamic where i didn't want my Domina to know my family and friends. i might not be a Dominant, but i strive to fall into the Goodheart category. the bashful one

DesFIP -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 10:36:50 AM)
Skill in communication and having integrity in all areas of one's life should not be solely the responsibility of one half of the slash. Both people need to have this, or the desire to learn it. Nor does it apply to d/s solely. If you steal from your employer, even in small ways, you're still a thief. Doesn't matter if you're kinky or vanilla.

BitaTruble -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 10:57:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I find not listening to blowhards and nutjobs to be an important part of growth. Midori is like LA, she shouldn't be so grounded and wise but she is both personified which is why those two women rock! I'm curious about something Michael. Why do you think a woman in her 40's shouldn't be grounded and wise? That's fairly well seasoned.

RCdc -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 11:31:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I find not listening to blowhards and nutjobs to be an important part of growth. Midori is like LA, she shouldn't be so grounded and wise but she is both personified which is why those two women rock! I'm curious about something Michael. Why do you think a woman in her 40's shouldn't be grounded and wise? That's fairly well seasoned. I don't get why LA shouldn't be wise and grounded either? the.dark.

Dnomyar -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 11:41:02 AM)
Heck Im just here for the women. I don't think most people come here for any profound knowlege. It would be nice to sit as a group and compteplate on the meaning of life.

missunderstood88 -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 11:58:15 AM)
I guess it's an okay piece if you're heterosexual. A better title would have been Midori Speaks: Thoughts for Submission Inclined Straight Women. Part 1.

RCdc -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 12:10:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Heck Im just here for the women. I don't think most people come here for any profound knowlege. It would be nice to sit as a group and compteplate on the meaning of life. .Ohm. .pleaseleaveyourshoesathedoor. the.dark.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 12:29:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missunderstood88 I guess it's an okay piece if you're heterosexual. A better title would have been Midori Speaks: Thoughts for Submission Inclined Straight Women. Part 1. Midori is about as pansexual as a person can get....just change your gender tags.

missunderstood88 -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 12:33:53 PM)
I can respect that she's as pansexual as one can be, but she needs to include that in her writing style. The essay is 100% heteronormative. I know it sounds nit-picky, but this sort of exclusionary language really does saturate the environment and it's quite off-putting to minority groups. Warm regards, M88

maxfalke -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 1:44:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missunderstood88 I can respect that she's as pansexual as one can be, but she needs to include that in her writing style. The essay is 100% heteronormative. I know it sounds nit-picky, but this sort of exclusionary language really does saturate the environment and it's quite off-putting to minority groups. Warm regards, M88 Why does she need to include anything in her writing?

Aanakaris -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 2:52:56 PM)
Something to be brought up is that communication is a two way street. Yes the Dom should be able to communicate well both in and out of the bedroom (or kitchen, cellar, stairs, bathroom... you get the idea) but a non-communicative sub can be just as much of a problem. That can be especially tough when the sub is new and may be feeling guilt for enjoying such perversions. I found this to be true from some religiously raised submissives who had a very hard time dealing with enjoying things that might be sinful. Getting them to open up and commuicate was like pulling teeth. Howard

chellekitty -> RE: Advice For Submissives from Midori (6/10/2008 2:57:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missunderstood88 I can respect that she's as pansexual as one can be, but she needs to include that in her writing style. The essay is 100% heteronormative. I know it sounds nit-picky, but this sort of exclusionary language really does saturate the environment and it's quite off-putting to minority groups. Warm regards, M88 rather than looking for the differences, try looking for the similarities...yes, she may have been speaking with Male Dominant and female submissive pronouns, but the advice was applicable to all...if you choose not to accept the advice given as applicable to all, that is your choice in not being open minded, not her being exclusitory... chelle btw, this is advice i give to myself when i say, they don't understand me, why don't they understand me, they don't like me, they aren't like me, this doesn't apply to me...just sharring what i have learned, just what i have done to improve my out look...changing the world one person at at time - MYSELF

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