The Affairs of Men

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LuckyAlbatross -> The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 4:58:48 PM)
The Affairs of Men Phil was on Colbert last night and it was an interesting interview. It appeared as if Phil was saying that men are highly sexed and thus should be excused from their sexual indiscretions. The article is long, but definitely worth the read, and seems to leave the door open much more to questioning the concept of monogamy and whether we can get past the idea that men having indiscretions is just a part of life and how we should deal with the shame. He even has a whole section on polyamory and quotes from The Ethical Slut. The Affairs of Men: The Trouble with Sex and Marriage http://nymag.com/relationships/sex/47055/[image]http://i.ixnp.com/images/v3.33.0.2/t.gif[/image] One of the interesting comments on the article was this:If it is a betrayal of trust for a man to have sex outside of his marriage, then it just as much a betrayal of trust for a wife to stop having sex on a regular basis with her husband. If you want to be the sole source of sexual gratification, then you have to make sure you fulfill your partner's sexual needs. If there is no food in the house, I will not apologize for going out to eat. Thoughts?

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 5:01:03 PM)
My thought - it's a street that runs both ways. That "you" should be considered Generic and Non-Gendered, period.

lronitulstahp -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 5:02:55 PM)
quote: One of the interesting comments on the article was this: If it is a betrayal of trust for a man to have sex outside of his marriage, then it just as much a betrayal of trust for a wife to stop having sex on a regular basis with her husband. If you want to be the sole source of sexual gratification, then you have to make sure you fulfill your partner's sexual needs. If there is no food in the house, I will not apologize for going out to eat. Thoughts? i absolutely agree with that comment.

petdave -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 5:57:11 PM)
As an adult male, i just can't buy the idea that men are so biologically driven to spread our seed far and wide that we "just can't help it", or that this makes it OK to be unfaithful. It's a choice you make.

slaveboyforyou -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:02:05 PM)
quote: One of the interesting comments on the article was this: If it is a betrayal of trust for a man to have sex outside of his marriage, then it just as much a betrayal of trust for a wife to stop having sex on a regular basis with her husband. If you want to be the sole source of sexual gratification, then you have to make sure you fulfill your partner's sexual needs. If there is no food in the house, I will not apologize for going out to eat. Thoughts? I don't agree with that, and I will explain why. We are not forced to stay in a marriage. We can tell our partner that we are unhappy and ask to work on it. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. But there is no excuse for dishonesty and deceit. If you agree to monogamy under marriage, than you should remain loyal to the agreement. If you are unhappy later with the agreement, you dissolve it.

lronitulstahp -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:06:19 PM)
slaveboy, i see your point. My agreement has nothing to do with condoning cheating, it has everything to do with deal breaking. When a couple marries, it';s understood that the deal is not to cheat(unless there is an open marriage)but there is also an unspoken deal to actually have sex...and if one party breaks that deal(sometimes it is hubby) then they have in my eyes, been as unfaithful as one who goes outside of the marirage, just in the opposte way. THAT is what i took from the quote.

popeye1250 -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:10:33 PM)
LA, "Phil" who?

Asherdelampyr -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:11:41 PM)
It is important that both people's needs are met in every relationship. sexual and non-sexual. However, at least in my far from humble opinion, there is no excuse for cheating based off of that, the comparison used is bullshit, since you can not really compare the life or death need for food with the want for sex, there are very few cases where sex is needed, and you wont die without it.

xxblushesxx -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:12:56 PM)
Ok. Hmm... If a woman or a man refuses to have sex with their partner for no reason that the other person can fix...(the partner doesn't bathe enough, the partner is grossly overweight), than that person has every right to go out and take care of their own needs. (after making it very clear to their partner what would happen if their needs were not met. Otoh, if a person just isn't satisfied with the person they are with, because they are bored, or becuase it just was never ever right...it's best for them to leave the relationshop before they get involved with another.

slaveboyforyou -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:14:26 PM)
quote: slaveboy, i see your point. My agreement has nothing to do with condoning cheating, it has everything to do with deal breaking. When a couple marries, it';s understood that the deal is not to cheat(unless there is an open marriage)but there is also an unspoken deal to actually have sex...and if one party breaks that deal(sometimes it is hubby) then they have in my eyes, been as unfaithful as one who goes outside of the marirage, just in the opposte way. THAT is what i took from the quote. I agree with you on that point. People get married for all sorts of reasons. But a deal is a deal. I didn't agree with the writer's assertion that lack of sex leads to infidelity. I don't think lack of sexual intimacy in marriages is the usual reason people cheat. People cheat for the most part because they get bored. Deal breaking in a marriage or any relationship should lead to either resolution of the conflict or disolution of the relationship. It should never lead to deception and dishonesty.

kittinSol -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:19:57 PM)
It's funny that men are constantly depicted as the 'highly sexually-driven' half of the human specie as if us women suffered from a smaller, less explosive libido. We all know these characterisations are little more than generalizations yet we merrily spout them as if they were written in stone. Women are just as likely to have affairs. They're less likely to get caught, that's all. It's such a reductive, old-fashioned view of marriage that it is little more than an exchange of sexual services, and that should the services cease, the contract is broken and the loosing party is justified in seeking his pleasures elsewhere...

Smith117 -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:22:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross If it is a betrayal of trust for a man to have sex outside of his marriage, then it just as much a betrayal of trust for a wife to stop having sex on a regular basis with her husband. If you want to be the sole source of sexual gratification, then you have to make sure you fulfill your partner's sexual needs. If there is no food in the house, I will not apologize for going out to eat. Excellent point. Ron White said it in a similar fashion: "I"m a pretty loyal dog, but if you don't pet me once in awhile....you're going to have a hard time keepin' me on the porch.

lronitulstahp -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:23:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr It is important that both people's needs are met in every relationship. sexual and non-sexual. However, at least in my far from humble opinion, there is no excuse for cheating based off of that, the comparison used is bullshit, since you can not really compare the life or death need for food with the want for sex, there are very few cases where sex is needed, and you wont die without it. sshhh...haven't you heard the term "sex-starved"?[;)] Really though, sexual gratification of a certain level is a requirement of a better quality of life. Frigidity or impotence aren't enviable states, and scientifically speaking, celibacy sucks(trust me on this one...) i do think if a person is sexually dissatisfied in a marriage it will affect them emotionally, physically, and psychologically. How they choose to go about things, is where the issue of cheating comes in. ~Maslow slut http://from-within.net/wp-content/image%20library/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs.png

FirmhandKY -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:28:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr It is important that both people's needs are met in every relationship. sexual and non-sexual. However, at least in my far from humble opinion, there is no excuse for cheating based off of that, the comparison used is bullshit, since you can not really compare the life or death need for food with the want for sex, there are very few cases where sex is needed, and you wont die without it. Not necessarily disagreeing with your main point, however, the drive for sex is a basic drive. The Bikini Effect : In the study, detailed in the Journal of Consumer Research, men alternately fondled t-shirts and bras (which were not being worn during the test). After touching the bras, men valued the future less and the present more ... (When I read that, I thought "No shit.") But interestingly enough the study reveals: It wasn't that the men were simply distracted by their sexual arousal, which caused them to choose more impulsively. On the contrary, they exhibited improved cognition and creativity after exposure to sexy stimuli. The researchers conclude that there is one common appetite system in the brain monitoring our desire for a host of pleasures from sweets to pretty faces, alcohol to lotto winnings. When it is stimulated by, say, a sexy picture or the smell of baked goods, we experience a general craving for anything pleasant. "Basically, you just want to be rewarded," explained Barbara Briers, a researcher at HEC Paris School of Management. Briers, who has conducted related research, was not involved with this study. In other words ... appetites ... of all kinds ... are related. Firm

lusciouslips19 -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:28:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou quote: slaveboy, i see your point. My agreement has nothing to do with condoning cheating, it has everything to do with deal breaking. When a couple marries, it';s understood that the deal is not to cheat(unless there is an open marriage)but there is also an unspoken deal to actually have sex...and if one party breaks that deal(sometimes it is hubby) then they have in my eyes, been as unfaithful as one who goes outside of the marirage, just in the opposte way. THAT is what i took from the quote. I agree with you on that point. People get married for all sorts of reasons. But a deal is a deal. I didn't agree with the writer's assertion that lack of sex leads to infidelity. I don't think lack of sexual intimacy in marriages is the usual reason people cheat. People cheat for the most part because they get bored. Deal breaking in a marriage or any relationship should lead to either resolution of the conflict or disolution of the relationship. It should never lead to deception and dishonesty. Men may cheat out of boredom. I dont believe women cheat for the same reason. Women cheat because they are not getting the attention they need from the spouse.

Smith117 -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:29:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Men may cheat out of boredom. I dont believe women cheat for the same reason. Women cheat because they are not getting the attention they need from the spouse. A radio show I listen to addressed this point. They said women generally want attention from their husbands. Men generally want sex from their wives. When the husbands get sex, the wives get attention. You can't "cuddle" after sex if there's no sex beforehand.

Aileen1968 -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:31:58 PM)
Aren't men supposed to spread their seed across the land? lol

lronitulstahp -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:32:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou quote: slaveboy, i see your point. My agreement has nothing to do with condoning cheating, it has everything to do with deal breaking. When a couple marries, it';s understood that the deal is not to cheat(unless there is an open marriage)but there is also an unspoken deal to actually have sex...and if one party breaks that deal(sometimes it is hubby) then they have in my eyes, been as unfaithful as one who goes outside of the marirage, just in the opposte way. THAT is what i took from the quote. I agree with you on that point. People get married for all sorts of reasons. But a deal is a deal. I didn't agree with the writer's assertion that lack of sex leads to infidelity. I don't think lack of sexual intimacy in marriages is the usual reason people cheat. People cheat for the most part because they get bored. Deal breaking in a marriage or any relationship should lead to either resolution of the conflict or disolution of the relationship. It should never lead to deception and dishonesty. Men may cheat out of boredom. I dont believe women cheat for the same reason. Women cheat because they are not getting the attention they need from the spouse. But sista...i thought most divorces happen because of financial problems. Maybe the hubbies are paying too much on hookers...it's a vicious cycle....[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image]

Asherdelampyr -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:35:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr It is important that both people's needs are met in every relationship. sexual and non-sexual. However, at least in my far from humble opinion, there is no excuse for cheating based off of that, the comparison used is bullshit, since you can not really compare the life or death need for food with the want for sex, there are very few cases where sex is needed, and you wont die without it. Not necessarily disagreeing with your main point, however, the drive for sex is a basic drive. The Bikini Effect : In the study, detailed in the Journal of Consumer Research, men alternately fondled t-shirts and bras (which were not being worn during the test). After touching the bras, men valued the future less and the present more ... (When I read that, I thought "No shit.") But interestingly enough the study reveals: It wasn't that the men were simply distracted by their sexual arousal, which caused them to choose more impulsively. On the contrary, they exhibited improved cognition and creativity after exposure to sexy stimuli. The researchers conclude that there is one common appetite system in the brain monitoring our desire for a host of pleasures from sweets to pretty faces, alcohol to lotto winnings. When it is stimulated by, say, a sexy picture or the smell of baked goods, we experience a general craving for anything pleasant. "Basically, you just want to be rewarded," explained Barbara Briers, a researcher at HEC Paris School of Management. Briers, who has conducted related research, was not involved with this study. In other words ... appetites ... of all kinds ... are related. Firm I heard that the only way Jim Morrison could record music was during or right after fellatio, so I could see that my point was just mainly that while sex is important, (I've been in a reltionship where it was witheld... it was not pretty) its down right misleading to compare it to hunger... if I go without sex for a month, I get cranky (ok, if I go without release for a day I get cranky :P) if I go without food for a month, Ill prolly die On the other hand, I know that for me sex is a very important part of any relationship I am in, without it I become a lot more short-tempered, and I get severe writer's block, not to mention my performance at work goes to shit, but I refuse to use it as an excuse to cheat on someone...

petdave -> RE: The Affairs of Men (6/10/2008 6:56:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol It's funny that men are constantly depicted as the 'highly sexually-driven' half of the human specie as if us women suffered from a smaller, less explosive libido. What's funny about it? If it weren't true then the Western economies would have collapsed years ago.

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