Is being truthful a bad thing?

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Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 7:16:21 PM

boundinside

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

I have noticed lately that I will message a Domme of interest and they will respond. Fo the most part I usually try to be respectful and curtious at all times. However when it comes to sending the second message, I'm not sure if I am being to straight forwards or what the deal is. Either way I rarely get a response to a second message. Please help me with this one. I am not trying to scare anyone away, I just want all the details to be known at the beginning. I realize that I am not going to be compatable with every Domme, but why respond to the first message if you don't feel you two are complatable.

Post #: 1

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 7:25:26 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

It sometimes only takes a couple of messages for me to realize that I won't be compatible with someone. If that's the case, I will send a note that says that.

A first message is no guarantee that I'll want to send a second.

I guess I'm confused without seeing the exchanges you're having... are you getting a 'no thank you' or just silence?

Some people don't feel a need to write back.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 2

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 7:26:56 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

Getting to know someone is a bit like a dance. You take it one step at a time according to the melody of the music.

Perhaps you're overwhelming them with too much information in your second message to them that they may not be ready to learn about you. There are some things that a woman, particularly Dommes, will ask you only when they want to know it. Until then, it's best to follow their signals and take things at the pace they set. If you say too much all at once, you may come across as being needy or as topping from the bottom, pushing your own agenda instead of focusing on learning more about her while allowing her to do the same with you.

It can be a real turn off for many when you unload everything about yourself all at once and don't take the time to allow for the back & forth conversation to naturally occur that allows these things to slowly come out on their own.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 3

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 7:34:35 PM

MizzTwizt

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/13/2008
Status: offline

boundinside,

Give an example of a typical
you...
She...
you...
silence.

type exchange that you are referring to. Otherwise, it's mere guessing. I tend to reply when I can tell a sub took the time to read my profile and compose a thoughtful e-mail if it complies with what I describe in my profile. I, however, won't bother to reply if it's clear the reader is not in tune with what I'm looking for, acts like a know-it-all but has the manners of a fool, or just plain isn't worth my time.

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 4

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 7:41:07 PM

boundinside

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

Well I do not get a reply stating no thanks I'm not intersted, or anything of the sort. Which is sad because sometimes that is simply common curtiousy, is it not? But to your response pixelslave; I feel that there is no need to hold back any fact. I mean really, they are going to find out eventually. However I also see where you are coming from. I mean I know not all women want to ead everything about a person in such truth in the second message. And I realize that a second message isn't a guarantee, I have leanred that nothing is a guarantee. What I want to know, I guess, is why is honesty such an issue. Women already know that the submissive men on here with do pretty much anything for them, so all that leaves is honesty and committment. So why is it that when you are too honest that is a bad thing?

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 5

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 8:05:07 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

Well it depends... some truths are a lot more attractive than others. Nothing wrong with being selective.

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 6

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 8:16:37 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

What I want to know, I guess, is why is honesty such an issue. Women already know that the submissive men on here with do pretty much anything for them, so all that leaves is honesty and committment. So why is it that when you are too honest that is a bad thing?

It's about control boundinside. The ladies want the information on their terms, not yours! As I said, it's a dance and you need to follow the melody one step at a time. The Domme sets the pace. You're probably being too eager and delivering far too much information at once instead of in smaller sound bites which are easier to digest. Women also like to be courted. This isn't a business deal you're trying to cut with one. Instead, you're trying to learn about them and give them the opportunity to learn about you. Let them do it in their own way. That's part of being submissive and showing a genuine interest!

You see, there's no hurry and women understand that. By dropping a lot on them at once, you're overwhelming them and implicitly rushing them. Slow down and take your time to get to know them as the unique and lovely women they truly are. It will be worth it in the long run if a relationship is what you desire.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 7

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 8:20:03 PM

Aestus

Posts: 22
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

I'm pretty sure it's not a matter of being truthful, but rather a matter of being exciting. If you start telling about all your flaws as soon as you meet someone new, they might feel awkward around you. Not because your flaws are that damaging to your relationship, but because people generally find people who can't find anything to talk about but their flaws weird.

Of course, this is just a guess. It's hard to be able to know anything without seeing these second messages.

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 8

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 8:22:51 PM

Celene

Posts: 158
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline

And the truth shall set you free... seems that is what happened here.
I agree with MizzTwizt that we really can't tell what might have been too "honest" in the second message without seeing what transpired.
While I do want to know if someone is married and what kind of therapy and psychotropic pharmaeuticals they are currently undergoing... that may or may not be what you are discussing here. Just what kind of "honesty" is it you are dropping in the second message?
C

< Message edited by Celene -- 6/10/2008 8:30:08 PM >

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 9

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/10/2008 8:24:46 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

I feel that there is no need to hold back any fact. I mean really, they are going to find out eventually. However I also see where you are coming from. I mean I know not all women want to ead everything about a person in such truth in the second message.

I might see the problem.

If by "the truth" you mean things like I have genital herpes, I am recovering from throat cancer, I am bi-polar, I don't have a job, I am sometimes suicidal ... those are not things I would drop on someone in a first or second conversation. And that's not a woman thing. It's too much intimacy too quickly. It's showing all of one's deficits and making oneself look like a walking wound rather than a person.

I don't know if this is the kind of truthfulness that you are talking about. It's just a stab in the dark on my part. But I've gotten letters like that and they were overwhelming. As pixel aluded to, sharing certain truths is a matter of timing.

I hope this helps.

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 10

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 2:17:00 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

For me,i have taken the "I'm married" part of profile and removed it.I am not trying to be deceitful because i always state it.Funny i received more looks with it posted than without.But there is one thing that can never be explained to me...why is it alright for a Domme to have a stable of guys hanging out but it is not ok for an unhappily married man to be on the search???Don't answe because she can.Thats bullfeathers for a valid answer.Bottom line..i won't lie about anything.Whether or not i receive brownie points is up to the individuals i contact.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 11

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 2:44:58 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

There is a vast difference in a woman having more then one slave and a married man looking for a Mistress. I have more than one slave, I am single, I haven't done the whole wedding thing (well, not in the last 22 years, the first was a disaster!!), and I am hiding nothing from anyone. On the other hand, why is an unhappily married man still an unhappily married man? Why is he still in a relationship with someone who makes him unhappy?

I don't get into anything with married men, because I don't want to be anyones secret, I don't want to take a man away from his children, wife and/or family life. I also don't want to have to wait until he is free to see me

As to the OP, sometimes we just don't click. It's nothing personal, but if one can see that something isn't feeling ok, it's best not to drag it out and give anyone hope when there isn't any. I liked Pixels response. Few of us have the time to read wordy emails. that may contain far more information than we really needed at the second email stage. Are you including too much information about your desires/sexual preferences? That's usually guarantees no more responses. Dommes are women. They need to be addressed as such. This isn't a BDSM porn movie. We are individuals with unique likes and dislikes. It's nice to let people know who you are, but you wouldn't walk up to a woman in a pub and spill everything about your life within minutes would you? If she dressed in black leather, would you expect her to be a Domme and offer to take you home so she can beat you? Of course not.

Don't give up, keep trying and remember, you probably aren't going to meet the love of your life within such a short period of time. You're profile says you've been here for one day. Slow down, check the forums, look at other subs profiles and get some idea's.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to chezzy71)

Post #: 12

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 2:59:25 AM

AlltrtnArtiste

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/10/2006
Status: offline

Spotted this comment purely by chance in that little box on the main page. Had to comment.

I'm a HAPPILY married man. Life is great BUT my wife doesn't appreciate the submissive side of my nature. To quote the song: two out of three aint bad. But I still need to fulfill this hidden part of me. Pro dommes don't do it for me as the concept of femdom for me is what the woman wants (and I'm not talking cash here) as femdom for me is a head thing primarily rather than a whips and chains and heels thing. I wish to 'serve' my wife but she's not interested ergo I have to seek that elsewhere. And it has to be less than 24/7. And it has to be 'real' (i.e. not prodomme) and that's hard to find. In fact I never have.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 13

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 4:32:12 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundinside

I have noticed lately that I will message a Domme of interest and they will respond. Fo the most part I usually try to be respectful and curtious at all times. However when it comes to sending the second message, I'm not sure if I am being to straight forwards or what the deal is. Either way I rarely get a response to a second message. Please help me with this one. I am not trying to scare anyone away, I just want all the details to be known at the beginning. I realize that I am not going to be compatable with every Domme, but why respond to the first message if you don't feel you two are complatable.

Hello boundinside,
Maybe it will help to pimp up your profile, it's very white,
and doesn't say a thing. Most of the times a Domme will check your profile, or simply arent into youngonce.
No one said it would be easy!

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 14

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 6:42:42 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

It may be the TMI thing - too much information. If your second email is a list of everything you do and don't want in a relationship then it may be overwhelming. I know I don't enjoy getting those lists. You might consider holding a little back in your second email and keeping it more general. After all, that's awfully early in a "relationship" to be baring your soul.

_____________________________

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 15

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 3:49:18 PM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

I agree with chamberqueen, be yourself, above all be honest! but share small bits at a time. If she's interested she'll understand that meeting someone new is a learning experience and take things slow. Its great that you want things to be laid out so that neither of you waste your time, just enjoy the experience, learn from them, and one day you'll find the Domme of your dreams. When I first began talking to pet on the phone he let me know in small segments of what his interests were, hard limits, curiosities, and musts. It was great that he was honest and straight forward and its one of the many things that got my curiousity and made me begin to inquire more and more. Just be patient and good luck.
~Lorelei

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 16

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 3:59:27 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Truth be known, he's already orgasmed by the second message.

Not to burst any bubbles, POP POP POP.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 17

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 4:00:31 PM

wanderingstray

Posts: 26
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

The 1st of your emails begins a cycle of rejection that takes another email to complete. The 1st email is like a request to be rejected. They answer as a way of saying, OK then, come give me somthing to reject. Then you send the second email. Now when they don't answer it can't be impersonal, as if they just don't answer emails at all. They already answered one from you. They do answer emails, they just decided not to answer any more from you. It is because there was nothing worthy of a reply in that second email. They have granted your request to be rejected.

(in reply to boundinside)

Post #: 18

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 4:05:50 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Speak for yourself, wandering. I've been emailing back and forth with dommes all afternoon. Three lifestyle, one lifestyle/pro. Thing is, we weren't talking about sex, though I might meet one of them next week, as a friend. She is in a committed relationship, but is interested in meeting as pals. The world does not revolve around sex and fetish, and the people who think it does often do get rejected.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to wanderingstray)

Post #: 19

RE: Is being truthful a bad thing? - 6/11/2008 5:25:20 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlltrtnArtiste

Spotted this comment purely by chance in that little box on the main page. Had to comment.

I'm a HAPPILY married man. Life is great BUT my wife doesn't appreciate the submissive side of my nature. To quote the song: two out of three aint bad. But I still need to fulfill this hidden part of me. Pro dommes don't do it for me as the concept of femdom for me is what the woman wants (and I'm not talking cash here) as femdom for me is a head thing primarily rather than a whips and chains and heels thing. I wish to 'serve' my wife but she's not interested ergo I have to seek that elsewhere. And it has to be less than 24/7. And it has to be 'real' (i.e. not prodomme) and that's hard to find. In fact I never have.

Which explains my point in full. Few women want to be in a relationship with a married man.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to AlltrtnArtiste)

Post #: 20

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