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MstrssScarlet -> RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "cheater?" (6/12/2008 11:34:52 PM)
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Wow. Nine pages and still going strong. Thought I would never get to the end of it!
In 20 years of marriage, I never cheated on my ex. I was tempted, but he was very good at smashing my ego. Men would flirt with me and I would just ignore them. Then I would go home to a husband I didn't love who hardly touched me unless he wanted sex. No foreplay and no after anything. I never had an orgasm during sex with him and finally just told him to satisfy himself and not worry about me. He did. I began to feel very unactrative and unwanted by other men because of his constant verbal and pysychological abuse. I was getting older and I was scared to go out on my own. I had no job because he was gone all the time and my energy was put into raising the UMs. He put all his energy into his job (and perhaps a girlfriend or two) and I was left out in the cold. No touchng, no conversation - nothing. I tried to get us into counseling , but he didn't believe in that sort of thing. I finaly went on my own. He accepted a job up north that he promised me would never happen, but it did. The schools in Tennesse were horrible and I wanted to get my special needs son out of there. My ex refused to pay for a special school (even though he was pulling in over 100k) and my son was sinking fast. I wanted to leave, but was afraid of what was out there. My ex realized this. He asked for a divorce first, but I begged for him to let me stay. Finally I moved to another state where I had a good friend who encouraged me. My ex took the promotion and was living in another state. There were promises to visit on the weekends and as often as he could. Of course, it didn't happen. After spending some time by myself, I decided I was better off without him. I asked for a divorce and cried all day. He had almost no emotion about the whole thing. The divorce was ok, but the visits with my son were rare. I had him in and out of court three times trying to force a change. So there I was with a special needs child in a city I wasn't familiar with, wondering what to do. I finally joined a dating service and got a real job. Everything became so complicated that I regtetted not cheating on him when I had the chance. It would have shown me what the outside world was really like. After we were separated, we agreed to start dating. That's when my eyes were really opened. I suddenly realized what I'd been missing all those years. It was difficult to date because I had a 19 year old daughter with an illigitimate baby that she never took care of and a special needs son. My ex was too busy partying to help me out. I finally joined a dating service and suddenly I felt pretty again. I forced the 19 year old to babysit the UM so I could get out once in a while. I was amazed at the attention I received. I began to feel better about myself and things started to fall into place. Unfortunately, I trusted some of the wrong people before I learned better. One rape, one attempted rape, and some doms (once I reached that point) who took advantage of me. My ex couldn't care less. I finally got the nerve one day to yell at him over the phone. I'd never raised my voice to him and it felt really good. Unfortuately, it only made him meaner and less supportive with the kids. I was esentially a submissive for 20 years without the benefits. Now I was standing up to him and he didn't like it one bit. Less than a year after the divorce, he married someone in the company he worked with. I also got notice from the IRS that he had taken money out of his 401K without my knowledge. I honestly wish now that I had gone ahead and cheated on him. I would have discovered sooner what was out there. At last I met my current husband who swept me off my feet. I had never known true love before and I was giddly with excitement. I met him on an alternative site. The first time I met him, I knew there was something between us. He helped me raise my children (especially the underage one) and things only improved from there. He taught me how to stand up to my ex and life began to take a turn for the better. My new husband was sooo good at sex that I was blown away. I had never experienced anything like it in my life. We are truly soul mates and now that the kids are grown and gone, we spend a lot of time just talking or cuddling. I wish (TRULY) that I had cheated on my ex early in the marriage so I hadn't wasted those long, miserable 20 years.
I simply can't find fault in an affair after what I went through. As I said before, it would probably have done me some good if I had done it sooner. I have very little doubt today that he was cheating on me when he went on his many business trips.
So there you have the other side of the coin.
Mistress Scarlet
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