RE: Submissive years of experience?

RE: Submissive years of experience? (Full Version)

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KatyLied -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/11/2008 7:36:01 PM)
My point was that there are some people who brag about their years of experience, but they try nothing new, so what are they really saying? They are bragging about how long they are in the lifestyle and it is meaningless.

CruelDesires -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/11/2008 7:42:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Relationship experience: If she hates all her exes, she and I aren't doing a damn thing. If she's friends and in regular contact with at least one, I'm interested. It means she is more likely to have a mature understanding of herself and how to relate to other people. Excellent criteria. That was a major point when I was activally searching for a slave. Not only how she spoke of her ex'es, but how she handled communication with them currently. One can learn alot about a person if one learns how they handled past rationships both inside and outside of the lifestyle. CD

Missokyst -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/11/2008 7:45:38 PM)
I find anyone who says they have Insert years _______ here, in the LIFESTYLE is meaningless. Not experience. Not how long you have had sex. Not how long ago it was that you felt a rush of adrenalin. Just the idea of doing this as a lifestyle, when for many people it is simply as aspect of their lives. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied They are bragging about how long they are in the lifestyle and it is meaningless.

Missokyst -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/11/2008 7:47:48 PM)
Ditto quote: ORIGINAL: CruelDesires quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Relationship experience: If she hates all her exes, she and I aren't doing a damn thing. If she's friends and in regular contact with at least one, I'm interested. It means she is more likely to have a mature understanding of herself and how to relate to other people. Excellent criteria.

CruelDesires -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/11/2008 8:09:48 PM)
That also works well on the other side of the whip. Learning how a Dominant speaks of his past submissives and if they are still friends or atleast still friendly with them after the relationship ends .If things go south in your relationship with that person "which sometimes happens [8\|]", its nice to know how mature that person will act and it gives you a good idea how they will speak about you as long as you both end things honorably. CD

Prinsexx -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:00:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys I personally would prefer to know but i'd also want to know how she came to that understanding. To Icarys: I personally would prefer to know but i'd also want to know how she came to that understanding. That’s a fair point. Although I was clear that my OP was not purely personal…I can say that in discussing my experience with someone in the bdsm world then I would make a divide between my understanding of being a submissive from the word ‘go’….ie a lifetime and my discrete experiences in the sense of distinct ‘things’ I had done. (Although this often feels indiscrete as they say because I am disclosing about rior relationship).

Prinsexx -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:05:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDominic quote: How useful is it to know this about a submissive if you are a dom(me)? It is, on the whole, useless in my opinion. No matter how much "experience" a Dom or a submissive has, each new relationship is a new start. An analogy that might work would be to ask is it useful to know how long a potential new mate was married. Does the length of their experience from their previous marriage give one any clue how compatible they will be with you? To SirCominic This has made me smile this morning as it's also one of the questions I have encountered along with how many years experience......so obviously have you ever been married would seem a relevant question to some. The fact that my answer is three times? That always gets an ambivalent response.

Prinsexx -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:20:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 People who don't know how to take advantage of the sub's experience in this category could stand to develop more skills of delegation. I'm hungry; Clean-my flat' Procure me Slaves; puts a whole different complexion on experience. Puting a condom on a guy whilst using only the mouth......easy peasy by comparison. [:D] quote: Relationship experience: If she hates all her exes, she and I aren't doing a damn thing. If she's friends and in regular contact with at least one, I'm interested. It means she is more likely to have a mature understanding of herself and how to relate to other people. There is a half-way house. sometimes, despite the best will in the world, it isn't always possible to stay friends with ex's. Some Doms just take it so personally, feel they have lost face if their s-type has released herself. On the other hand as an s-type it's also very delicate I would imagine if one has been released. Sometimes a clean break merely means that it was a deep and difficult parting of the ways rather than any sign of immarurity in experience.

Archer -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:24:22 AM)
Well the recieving of pain isn't something that takkes all that long to get good at. However service years of experience can be very valuable. Would you rather entrust your wardrobe to someone who is new or someone with several years of experience in handling a variety of fabrics, knowledgable in the care of everything from natural fibers to synthetics and everything in between. Years of experience living in a structured environment can make for a very easy transition if the environment you are going to is also a structured environment. Years of living in a chaotic fast paced ever changing environment similarly makes that transition easier if you are returning to that environment. So years of experience tells me only the length of time, one has to dig a bit further to understand and evaluate how that experience may or may not transfer to fit into my life.

RCdc -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:27:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx So; what meaning does it have for you as a submissive and how would you measure it? Absolutely nomeaning at all. And in the past, I would not even consider responding to a dominant profile who stated how they had many years of experience either. In makes me cringe when people write it here, on the forums too, whoever and whatever a person is. I question the intent and even the integrity of anyone who makes the suggestion that 'I have been doing this blahblah years...' Every relationship is new and unique and how many years become irrelevant. All I want to know is what they like, what they can do and what they want to do and visaversa. How many years is pointless. the.dark.

Prinsexx -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:31:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied ........... but I don't want someone who brags a lot about knowing nothing. This is another one of those great soundbites from collarme [:D]

Icarys -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:33:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote: ORIGINAL: SirDominic quote: How useful is it to know this about a submissive if you are a dom(me)? It is, on the whole, useless in my opinion. No matter how much "experience" a Dom or a submissive has, each new relationship is a new start. An analogy that might work would be to ask is it useful to know how long a potential new mate was married. Does the length of their experience from their previous marriage give one any clue how compatible they will be with you? To SirCominic This has made me smile this morning as it's also one of the questions I have encountered along with how many years experience......so obviously have you ever been married would seem a relevant question to some. The fact that my answer is three times? That always gets an ambivalent response. Truly in the scheme of things i don't think it matters independently but as part of the picture that person is or might be..so i would want to know as much as i could..you being married 3 times might give me pause but only for a second while i took stock of the rest i knew about you..experience or the lack of in no way makes or breaks the deal for me..nor does experience guarantee anything other than theyve maybe been around for a bit..which i do like.we also might be equating experience differently.like i said earlier i see it for myself(personal definition) as my time i officially came into the lifestyle..it doesnt mean ive tried everything there is or know all i need to know.it's just not true.i had a female in the last 6 months that had over ten years she said but she was far "less traveled" i'll say than i am..in the long run it doesnt prove much unless you decide it does for you..

Prinsexx -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:37:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark In makes me cringe .................. How many years is pointless. the.dark. I tend to agree. I haven't time to do the empirical research to back this up.....but is it a valid experience to say that 'x years experience' is high on the profile agendas for UK Doms? Maybe you don't search and neither do I so it's difficult to assess. I an just saying this nased on those who write to me and more often than not begin their mail with that statement. If I have read mail I am usually polite enough to say thank you but no thank you to the 'x years experience' type of approach.

Archer -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:38:33 AM)
Personally I find the idea that no experience transfers between relationship to be just as fatally flawed as the idea that it all transfers. I mean at the very least the next relationship has 50% of the same content as the last one. (ie YOU are half of both the last one and the next one)

Icarys -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:40:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Personally I find the idea that no experience transfers between relationship to be just as fatally flawed as the idea that it all transfers. I mean at the very least the next relationship has 50% of the same content as the last one. (ie YOU are half of both the last one and the next one) Good point.

cravesdom -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:41:07 AM)
I like knowing how much experience a Dom has, but it does not determine whether I will end up in a relationship with him. That is determined by so many other factors. I think that knowing how much experience a sub has would be similar, something nice to know, but not necessarily a good or bad thing either way. It is more about who the person is, their desire to submit, whether they are compatible with you or not, how they interact with people in general (exes as well as others), etc. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself

Prinsexx -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:46:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Personally I find the idea that no experience transfers between relationship to be just as fatally flawed as the idea that it all transfers. I mean at the very least the next relationship has 50% of the same content as the last one. (ie YOU are half of both the last one and the next one) Good point. Yes I also agree. very good point: it mostly does transfer.

RumpusParable -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:51:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx But myy question is: what would the term years of experience mean in a submissive's profile? For me my body is my instrument as a submissive. I therefore cannot truly say when my submissive nature started and really couldn't state my years of experience. This would be similar to stating how many years I had been willing to have my body used. This is also a problem for many dominants, one that I run into. The example of flogging or using of equipment has been used, but that's not a guide for dominant experience. Experience in X type of topping, yes, but not for the trait of dominance... or for experience in Y type of topping. Heck, many of us tops/dominants, while experienced and skilled in some equipment-using topping largely focus on the hands/feets/body type of topping. Some have zero interest or experience in any equipment-use topping. So years of experience dominating can be just as vague or difficult to nail down, since it's a relationship role and style of interaction. Some people come to a realization of submissiveness or dominance at a clear point in their lives, others have no clear starting point. I can't state for sure when I "became dominant" because it goes as far back as I can remember clearly. Depending on what situation I'm speaking to, I either use the vagueness of "10+ years" or "more than a decade" because that's roughly how long I've been over the age of majority; other times I pinpoint my first clear and distinct role as a dominant in a D/s relationship as starting in 2nd grade. quote: So; what meaning does it have for you as a submissive and how would you measure it? I sub and dom, both as mentioned above have been inherent parts of my nature in response to others as far back as I can remember, with dominance being my everyday, primary personality type. The answer to this question for both I basically covered above: Depending on what's and where the conversation is taking place, I use my became-fully-legal age or my first clear relationship as the marker. quote: How useful is it to know this about a submissive if you are a dom(me)? Very, when teamed with a good idea of what that experience type has been and where they're coming from on it. quote: Do you value innocence or experience in a submissive? Generally speaking, I prefer those with experience. But, I don't use experience amount to decide if I want to pursue things with a person...that's much more decided by how they relate to me, no prior experience or plenty, and are willing to actually follow my lead. Those with a lot of experience can have their preconceptions from past relationships that they apply to me. Those with little to no experience can have their preconceptions from the lack of real experience and fantasy, mixed, that they apply to me. So with either their can be issues, and with either they can be coming to me without them to find how we work.

Archer -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:52:22 AM)
The thing the "Years" tell me is how long the person has actively been examining their life and relationships in reference to BDSM and/ or D/s. That only tells me the quantity to determine the quality of those years of experience requires further examination, to determine the fit of that experience with my own is also another topic. Taken all together, which requires time and work, it tells me a fair amount about the person.

RCdc -> RE: Submissive years of experience? (6/12/2008 12:54:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx I tend to agree. I haven't time to do the empirical research to back this up.....but is it a valid experience to say that 'x years experience' is high on the profile agendas for UK Doms? Maybe you don't search and neither do I so it's difficult to assess. I an just saying this nased on those who write to me and more often than not begin their mail with that statement. If I have read mail I am usually polite enough to say thank you but no thank you to the 'x years experience' type of approach. I can't answer on statistics because I don't look at profiles as much as I used to, unless someone has something good to post. There are less Men from the UK here, again, I have never seen years of experience play apart in their posts. But there are a few people who proclaim their experience, their contacts and who wave their hands madly at whom they think we(generic) should be taking notice in reading the posts because they value their advice. Again, it's fame by association - if that makes sense - which is along the same lines of years of experience. Both make me take less notice. the.dark.

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