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I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/11/2008 10:59:38 PM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		I know from the last time I was here, there were some posts about this.  But not really wanting to go through a gazillion threads, I was just wondering:

At the baseball game tonight, just a couple rows in front of me, was a man and a woman enjoying the game.  She was wearing a collar, a leather studded one, as well as a wrist band, and sporting some tatoos that made me dang positive they were in the lifestyle, and that she was his submissive.  I wanted to say something to them, I thought the collar looked very nice, but I was afraid that she might have just enjoyed fetish wear, and didn't want to risk saying anything that might embarrass them or me. 

So my question is, is there a subtle way of asking, or complimenting someone, for what they are wearing?  I was really wanting to get to know these people, because they may be part of the local community, but I didn't want to risk looking like an idiot, or worse, a troll hitting on the woman. I'm almost certain they were a D/s couple, and it would have been a nice opportunity to meet someone simply from a "I'm part of this" standpoint.  And if you are out and about, how do you respond to those who may ask you about such things?

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm
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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/11/2008 11:08:46 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		how about just saying  "nice collar.. does it signify anything?"

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/11/2008 11:09:55 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I made that mistake once.  There's a gal that bowls regularly in local tournaments and she always wears a studded collar.  I was sitting with her lesbian partner watching her bowl one day and commented that i thought it was nice that her partner wore her collar in public.  She looked at me and said "it's not like that, she just enjoys dressing that way".  So now i keep my thoughts to myself.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/11/2008 11:17:55 PM   
padrepugno


Posts: 36
Status: offline 		That happened to my wife once. She was working and a couple came in and the female was wearing a kind of "story of O" ring. My wife simply said. "I like your ring." The couple kind of gave her a knowing look, and eventually the conversation kind of went towards kink. But my wife never said anything about kink. She just made the comment and let them come to her.

P

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/11/2008 11:22:40 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		A billion years ago, I was a punk rocker and wore fetish gear. I'm a domme and still wear studded collars and cuffs sometimes when I'm out, just because I like them. Sometimes we just have to mind our business and keep wondering.

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/11/2008 11:50:36 PM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers

I know from the last time I was here, there were some posts about this.  But not really wanting to go through a gazillion threads, I was just wondering:

At the baseball game tonight, just a couple rows in front of me, was a man and a woman enjoying the game.  She was wearing a collar, a leather studded one, as well as a wrist band, and sporting some tatoos that made me dang positive they were in the lifestyle, and that she was his submissive.  I wanted to say something to them, I thought the collar looked very nice, but I was afraid that she might have just enjoyed fetish wear, and didn't want to risk saying anything that might embarrass them or me. 

So my question is, is there a subtle way of asking, or complimenting someone, for what they are wearing?  I was really wanting to get to know these people, because they may be part of the local community, but I didn't want to risk looking like an idiot, or worse, a troll hitting on the woman. I'm almost certain they were a D/s couple, and it would have been a nice opportunity to meet someone simply from a "I'm part of this" standpoint.  And if you are out and about, how do you respond to those who may ask you about such things?

Its so nice when you already answered your own question!
Just ask, it can go both ways 50% chance its apriciated
So goodluck next time

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 4:47:55 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		You see a lot of that around with the goth people. My fav was when in a casino and a couple came in and she was wearing school girl garb. She was 6' tall and that made it stand out more. Most crossdressers should stay out of casinos. If your passable ok. But in Detroit most are not passable.

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 5:18:43 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		If I want to meet people, I'll wear/display something myself, then do the "eyes meet, eyes direct to kink-related thing, see reaction" thing. We look 100% vanilla as a rule, though. If I see a maybe, I smile, and leave it at that.

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 5:19:27 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		 i get two types of comments whenever i'm wearing my collars in public:

nice, pretty necklace

or

cool collar - he or your owner really picked a good one

it doesn't take much to guess which one is nilla or kinkster.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to shivermetimbers)
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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 5:21:19 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		collars and tattoos are pretty standard early 20's and goth-wear around here... maybe even younger types... I'd never assume it was anything other than a fashion statement...90% of the time, it probably is

if you saw me at the ballgame, you'd never know the tattoos I have or the things I engage in.. just me I suppose...

if you saw me on a motorcycle with my helmet on, you'd likely see my leather pride flag...

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/12/2008 5:23:19 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to shivermetimbers)
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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 5:27:50 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

collars and tattoos are pretty standard early 20's and goth-wear around here... maybe even younger types... I'd never assume it was anything other than a fashion statement...90% of the time, it probably is


i agree.

the many rock shows i've reviewed, many front men/guitarist as well as fans wear the kink wear, collars and tats as a fashion statement.  9 times out of 10, i'm merely blending in with the crowds with my collars and no one hardly bats an eye. however if i'm away from the crowds, certain people will notice (mostly drummers and bassists) and ask/comment.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Madame4a)
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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 5:33:46 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Fox gets a lot of comments about his necklace, but nothing more. I work with a guy who wears an identical (nearly) one to Fox's, with his girlfriedns ring around it. They arent lifestyle, though I have told him its a nice way for her to make sure people know he is taken. Nonkinksters assume that means in a relationship, kinksters think ownen. AFter that let them make the move.
Same with my triskele ring, I get comments on it all the time from customers. Most of the time I just tell them its a Celtic Triskele. Some ask what it means, others just say how unique it is. One or two (including one gentleman I will be photographing with) knew what the triskele stood for and asked me if *I* knew, and it went from there.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 5:40:33 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I was at a local go go bar last year and was sitting with the man.  The dancer had a leather collar on.  The guy next to me told her that was a nice necklace and I, being just a little drunk, blurted out that it wasn't a necklace.  It was a collar.  The dancer gave me a smile and a wink.  The guy was clueless. 

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 8:09:38 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers
So my question is, is there a subtle way of asking, or complimenting someone, for what they are wearing?  I was really wanting to get to know these people, because they may be part of the local community, but I didn't want to risk looking like an idiot, or worse, a troll hitting on the woman. I'm almost certain they were a D/s couple, and it would have been a nice opportunity to meet someone simply from a "I'm part of this" standpoint.  And if you are out and about, how do you respond to those who may ask you about such things?


Sounds like you blew it.  Would it matter in the end if you embarrassed yourself?  You would have had your answer.
Compliments usually don't embarrass people, plus it usually gets them talking.
How about, where did you get that necklace...I'd like to buy one?

(in reply to shivermetimbers)
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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 8:51:38 AM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire


Sounds like you blew it.  Would it matter in the end if you embarrassed yourself?  You would have had your answer.
Compliments usually don't embarrass people, plus it usually gets them talking.
How about, where did you get that necklace...I'd like to buy one?



Well, I don't want to embarrass anyone else either.  I could have said necklace.  And I could only assume they were D/s, but you know what they say about assume.  I just wasn't sure if saying that was a nice collar would have offended a vanilla couple with a goth g/f, unless women in general wear things on their necks called collars, not necklace, because I would think using the word collar towards a vanilla couple may sound offensive.  But I understand your point, and many others here, and I appreciate the feedback.

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 8:59:08 AM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

how about just saying  "nice collar.. does it signify anything?"

Thank you also. I just wasn't sure using the word collar could be offensive if they weren't D/s.  I think back many years ago to when I had no clue this lifestyle existed, and was married at the time.  My ex-wife used to like to wear chokers, and if someone had referred to it as a collar, I would have taken offense thinking someone was calling her a dog, not knowing it was common terminology for another lifestyle.

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 9:29:41 AM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers

{snip for length}

So my question is, is there a subtle way of asking, or complimenting someone, for what they are wearing?  I was really wanting to get to know these people, because they may be part of the local community, but I didn't want to risk looking like an idiot, or worse, a troll hitting on the woman. I'm almost certain they were a D/s couple, and it would have been a nice opportunity to meet someone simply from a "I'm part of this" standpoint.  And if you are out and about, how do you respond to those who may ask you about such things?


Well, yes of course there are nice ways of complimenting someone about jewelry.  A few days ago on an airplane, a guy in the bulkhead seat stopped me as I was making my way down the aisle to say, "That's a very interesting pendant you're wearing."  He smiled nicely. 

The 'pendant' in question is a pewter padlock attached to a rather heavy, rather short, pewter chain.

He was nice... I'm not sure about the hitting on me part, because I went to my seat after that.  But, yeah, it was still sort of trollish. 

I'm not sure there's a way to have the motive of seeing if a piece of jewelry is a symbol of a lifestyle without appearing to have the motive of seeing if a piece of jewelry is a symbol of a lifestyle.  You know?

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 10:24:21 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
Well the answer you get may not always be answer, but I'd agree with those who say that a comment like "nice necklace" or "nice jewelry" or even "where did you get that great collar" are okay. We get that often, and sometimes it does open the door for meeting new people, especially people who are feeling alone and wondering if anyone else shares their 'perversions'. 
 
I've worn a BDSM emblem ring for years, and beth's not been without a 'collar' of some sort since we've been together. Every so often one of us will get a comment or a question. Sometimes we'll just say thanks but more often and dependent on the circumstances, we make 'contact' with others. However in LA, especially in NoHo, or in the beach cities we are surrounded by people making more of a fashion statement than a lifestyle statement. I don't think anyone would be offended being complimented. Beyond that, as we tell people who beyond the comment/compliment want to know more; "Be careful because we'll answer honestly. Do you really want to know?"
 
quote:

I was at a local go go bar last year and was sitting with the man.


Aileen,
"Go-Go Bar" - That is soooooooo, NJ! I love it! I haven't heard that reference in a long time! beth looks at me like I'm speaking Martian when I refer to them that way. Now the term is 'Gentleman's Club'! Great marketing in order to raise the price of a beer by $5.

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 11:15:16 AM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		From my perspective, I wouldn't have addressed the woman at all.  I would have complimented the man on the beautiful collar his girl is wearing.  If he is clueless, then its just her fashion statement.  If not, then you have addressed the owner of the property rather than the property.

Does that make sense?

well wishes ~ fairer


_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

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RE: I saw them, they looked like they were, but... - 6/12/2008 6:37:30 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:


So my question is, is there a subtle way of asking, or complimenting someone, for what they are wearing?


quote:


So my question is, is there a subtle way of asking, or complimenting someone, for what they are wearing?


If some stranger approached us in public and started to ask 'lifestyle' questions, I don't think we'd acknowledge them, or act as if we knew what they were referring to if we were in a VANILLA setting. You never know who people are with, and if those people know. Most of us aren't out to most of our friends and family.

I would be very careful about something like this. If you really want to meet people who are real, go where you know they will be - to a munch.

I'm sure you'll get lots of other opinions here, but that's mine.

PL



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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

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