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Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 3:25:53 AM

HeidiAnn

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
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Hi,

there is a local party coming up this saturday which Wwe are attending and it got me into thinking about the dresscode - part again. i will be wearing something that fits in the approved dresscode-categories, but this time i much rather would have just gone in something much more casual. To be honest, i have sometimes skipped parties because of the whole dresscode thing. Fetish clothing just isn't my thing and eventhough i do like wearing some once in a while, most of the time i just put some on to get in.:)

Does A/anyone else feel this way? How have Y/you solved this, umm.. inner struggle? In a way it feels to me that atleast in the scene here in Finland fetish clothing is most of the time a must for attending BDSM related parties. i can't help but to think that it shuts a lot of P/people out of the equation. Not E/everyone that are into BDSM are into to fetish clothing.

heidi

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 3:29:20 AM

lusciouslips19

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My fetish is usually to dress nice in way no one would think I am into BDSM. Like a Chiffon dress in a style the Audrey Hepburn would have worn to an event.

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 3:29:32 AM

Racquelle

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Joined: 4/21/2008
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We see that here too. Most of the time, I'd rather see people in comfortable, regular clothes - something fun and classy like you'd wear to any special party - but the "fetishwear" dress code kind of turns me off.

(in reply to HeidiAnn)

Post #: 3

RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 3:40:28 AM

lusciouslips19

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I have been to a club for meet and greets but never to an event. There was no dresscode at the club. When I have been reading up online about big events in Chicago, I never saw anything mentioned about dresscodes.

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 3:42:06 AM

HeidiAnn

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

My fetish is usually to dress nice in way no one would think I am into BDSM. Like a Chiffon dress in a style the Audrey Hepburn would have worn to an event.

i would be into that too.:) But in here the dresscode is defined so that the clothing it includes is something Y/you would not wear to a regular bar or night out. *Yawn*

heidi

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 3:49:02 AM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeidiAnn

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

My fetish is usually to dress nice in way no one would think I am into BDSM. Like a Chiffon dress in a style the Audrey Hepburn would have worn to an event.

i would be into that too.:) But in here the dresscode is defined so that the clothing it includes is something Y/you would not wear to a regular bar or night out. *Yawn*

heidi

show up in your pjs... seriously, that follows the rules, and may prompt them to change those rules :)

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 4:00:30 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeidiAnn

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

My fetish is usually to dress nice in way no one would think I am into BDSM. Like a Chiffon dress in a style the Audrey Hepburn would have worn to an event.

i would be into that too.:) But in here the dresscode is defined so that the clothing it includes is something Y/you would not wear to a regular bar or night out. *Yawn*

heidi

show up in your pjs... seriously, that follows the rules, and may prompt them to change those rules :)

Then I would wear a Tiarra. That is not something I would wear on a normal night out. Hmmm. Perhaps a septer to go with? A collar with my dress? Would that be good?

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

Post #: 7

RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 4:02:11 AM

Asherdelampyr

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very nice lushy :D

at the least you will be able to tell really quick who takes themselves too seriously

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 4:14:17 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

very nice lushy :D

at the least you will be able to tell really quick who takes themselves too seriously

I believe you probably have shown up to fetish events in PJ's?
As you prolly could figure out, I would don my outfit without blinking an eye.

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

Post #: 9

RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 4:21:44 AM

Asherdelampyr

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the closest i've come to going to a "fetish event" is the monthly "fetish ball" at a club here (more about the goth sub-culture than any bdsm one it seems)
and yes, I did go once in my scooby pants :P (scooby riding a chopper, I know, too cool for school)

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 4:38:16 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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The events and parties I end up at do not have a dress code... dress runs the gamut... I'm not sure I'd want to go to a party or evening that did.

I have been to things where you get $5 off for being in leather or lace.. or some nonsense like that...

personally, I enjoy dressing up... I like the clothes I have and its part of what I enjoy... outfits and shoes.. *grin* I think however if I didn't have a choice, it wouldn't work for me... and last friday, I wasn't up for a corset or PVC so I wore a black tank top and some black bdu shorts.. if I had to dress up, I would not have gone out.

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 5:22:48 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
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I don't know how often I've debated this exact same topic with kinksters before. Doms are especially difficult. "I'm a dom and I wear what I feel like".

The answer I usually give is that nobody's attacking your domliness or trying to control you. Fetish partys are just like costume parties. If you're having a vanilla costume party, it is what it is, you don't get in unless you're wearing a costume.

On the other hand we try to also have events that are not with a strict dresscode so everybody will have somewhere to attend.

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

Post #: 12

RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 5:30:59 AM

Asherdelampyr

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From: The Desert
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I have yet to see an event with a dress code honestly... if there was one, Id either dress appropriately, or not go
if there was significant evidence to suggest that the "dress code" was causeing a problem (Which, in the state I live in, is a verry real concern) then I would bring it up, if it wansnt addresse properly, then out come the scooby pants

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 6:23:42 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Can you post the actual wording of the dress code? Maybe you just aren't thinking outside the box enough? Has someone actually said "Clean black jeans and a tshirt are not cool"?

For a lot of people, going to clubs is their chance to really throw it all out there and make it a special occasion. If everyone else is wearing high formal fetish type stuff, then I can see wearing casual stuff being out of place.

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Post #: 14

RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 6:28:30 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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My usual mantra is "I don't wear leather; I hit people with leather." However, occasionally I do enjoy doing the traditional fetish thing.

My basic rule of thumb is if I want to wear fetish, I do; if I don't want to, I don't, and I select my destination based on that. If I'm not in a fetish mood and there is a fetish-only party, I just go somewhere else or just stay home. It's not that big a deal. Most people know, if they are going to have a fetish party, they can pretty much count on having me give it a pass.

No drama, no excitement

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 6:45:43 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

We don't have a dress code at our local club. We do have plenty of special events that people dress up for, although most of those are more costume oriented.

But people wear whatever they want and that can vary widely, from full on fetish wear, to the frump-a-lots who show up looking raggedy and unkept.

I don't have a bunch of fetish wear, but I do have ungodly amounts of black clothing in my wardrobe, so I can look sensual and sexy..... and still be comfy.

(in reply to HeidiAnn)

Post #: 16

RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 6:49:57 AM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeidiAnn

Hi,

there is a local party coming up this saturday which Wwe are attending and it got me into thinking about the dresscode - part again. i will be wearing something that fits in the approved dresscode-categories, but this time i much rather would have just gone in something much more casual. To be honest, i have sometimes skipped parties because of the whole dresscode thing. Fetish clothing just isn't my thing and eventhough i do like wearing some once in a while, most of the time i just put some on to get in.:)

Does A/anyone else feel this way? How have Y/you solved this, umm.. inner struggle? In a way it feels to me that atleast in the scene here in Finland fetish clothing is most of the time a must for attending BDSM related parties. i can't help but to think that it shuts a lot of P/people out of the equation. Not E/everyone that are into BDSM are into to fetish clothing.

heidi

I'm not sure how it is in Finland but at least in NYC (as well as some other big cities) there is a divide between the "lifestyle" scene and the "fetish" scene

there are pro's and con's to both and there are definitely alot of people who cross over between the two.

Generally in the Lifestyle scene the focus is almost entirely on play. there is little to no concern on what you are wearing. you are there to play and/or hang out with people who like playing. often this is in a dungeon and alcohol is almost never served(though occasionally places will do beer and wine with a hourederves spread)

in the Fetish scene the focus is more of a club enviorment music dancing drinking Dress to Impress, Play if you want to. the concern is to get dressed up and go out for the night. playing is always good and fun but not the priority.

the bigger point though is that the Vibe of the party greatly depends on several factors. clothing can be one of them. nakedness can be another. Music is a huge part (in my oppinion) as is decoration and lighting etc etc

everything that goes into the vibe of a place gets people into the mood to do naughty things. the more people are doing naughty things the more that adds to the party which helps elevate the moods.

can fetish clothing be comfortable... hell yes... put a little thought and style into it.
does it add alot to the party: HELL YES (IMO)

can you have a great party without everyone dressing up like they are in a Blade or Matrix movie...sure you can.

I've taken a black t-shirt and put bright collored Duct tape in an interesting pattern. it took all of 10 minutes and 5 bucks (and i washed the shirt the next day with no sign of left over glue from the tape)

take a black dress and do some quick rope work over it. I've seen it done with Kite String but it looked very cool.

my point is that while fetish clothing is of course awesome to add to any event there is also something to be said for just looking nice when you go out. jeans or sweats are not it...but if you plan on taking them off when you get there... go for it.

but coming from someone who is heavily involved in both fetish and lifestyle events as well as producing my own events, the more effort people put into an event the better the event is for everyone! what kind of "effort" is relative though.

cheers
Skully

(in reply to HeidiAnn)

Post #: 17

RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 6:56:18 AM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Skully. If I ever promote a local fetish event here in the Lou.... Im going to invite you. I like the way you think about dressing for sucess . :)

CD

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 6:59:05 AM

Skully7000

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Joined: 7/22/2007
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Once I was going out to a bar and my friends didn't tell me that it was a fancy latex party... so the dress code was strict latex, leather, uniform, fetish etc

I was wearing blue jean shorts with brown sneakers and fedora, and a grey T-shirt.

I walked to the car astheitcally wrapped myself in rope making torso harness and wrist gauntlets and even though the doorman laughed at me(he's a friend) I got in and it was a mix of compliments and laughs but nobody thought I shouldn't have been allowed in.
Creativity can be hell of a lot of fun:)

(in reply to Skully7000)

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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 7:04:09 AM

ViceVersa

Posts: 137
Joined: 11/29/2005
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I sometimes struggle with this question too because I'm...just...not...into...black so I usually opt for the most colorful item in my closet. Friends still make fun of a Hawaiian shirt I wore to a party a couple of years ago and hey, I'm okay with that. :-) I gotta be me.

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