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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 11:42:57 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

My slave and I are private bdsm club owners in the Southern California area. The great majority of our members are lifestlye oriented. My club does not have a dress code. Unfortunately there are some nights that I wish we did have a dress code, primarily for some of the men who attend.  In general, our women come dressed to thrill, they understand that they are part of the overall ambiance. On the other hand , a significant number of men , especially dominant men just don't give much thought or care to what they are going to wear to an event.  As  club owners we make an effort to create a sexy /erotic atmosphere, where people can play and mingle, and we appreciate it when those who attend our events do their part to contribute. There have been occassions where men where so poorly dressed that women at our parties have asked me to talk to them about their choice of attire.   We are starting to see more and more of the younger goth/fetish crowd becoming interested in the bdsm lifestyle.  In that culture appearance matters. They incorporate their attire with their bdsm. There are quite a few lifestylers who also enjoy dress code events. This month, on one of our off nights,  some of our younger members are hosting a  rsvp play party at our club, the event will have a fetish dress code. Next month we are hosting two bdsm cocktail/social events at a trendy night club. One of the events will have a dress code , one will not. Whether we like it or not we who attend bdsm events, especially social non-play events become somewhat ambassadors of our lifestyle. Often the first contact people have with our lifestyle comes from such events, first impressions are important. I'd suggest that when you plan to attend an event that you keep in mind that your appearance is part of  the attraction, your attitude contributes to the energy, and part of the reason people come to bdsm events is to see others  and  be seen by you. 


That is such sad truth.  I have had to tell people that they need to wear CLEAN jeans and that torn clothing went out in the '80s!  In the bay area it is so imporant to be "accepting" that having any sort of standard starts the wailers off whining.  Men can be so stupid.  I have a friend who often wears a tuxedo and the women glom onto him and then the 40 something Dom Slob wonders why nobody wants to sit on his grimy knee...When I ran a bdsm club as well as a dungeon I often wore a full suit and never got any complaints. 

(in reply to SireKane)
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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 12:13:06 PM   
cherrytorn


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Skully7000

in the Fetish scene the focus is more of a club enviorment music dancing drinking Dress to Impress, Play if you want to. the concern is to get dressed up and go out for the night. playing is always good and fun but not the priority.

the bigger point though is that the Vibe of the party greatly depends on several factors. clothing can be one of them. nakedness can be another. Music is a huge part (in my oppinion) as is decoration and lighting etc etc

does it add alot to the party: HELL YES (IMO) 



I couldn't agree more. Dressing up is a huge part of the vibe for me and has a very big effect on what I think of the night. Plus it helps to keep people off the street from just wandering in to a party they won't understand.

(in reply to Skully7000)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 12:27:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeidiAnn
"Dresscode: Fetish, BDSM, Latex, PVC, Uniforms, Elegant, Cyber, Gothic, Fantasy, Drag, Crossdressing

Fabulous, thank yoU!

I'd say latch on to "elegant" and "fantasy"

A glamorous or sensuous robe would be perfect here- and one of the most comfortable things around.  Also gives you a real chance to play with color.  Fantasy can be nothing more than some cheap wings and glitter eye shadow with pink sparkly socks.

What I wear is really a combination of function and mood-  corsets take a long freakin time to get into and out of and I want to keep them nice, so they are not for wax play or mostly any scene that I'm going to want to be able to get naked and dressed again quickly.  I've only been to a few events where they really strived to keep a kink look dress code, and I enjoyed working within it.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 6/13/2008 12:29:33 PM >

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(in reply to HeidiAnn)
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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 12:48:05 PM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeidiAnn
"Dresscode: Fetish, BDSM, Latex, PVC, Uniforms, Elegant, Cyber, Gothic, Fantasy, Drag, Crossdressing

Fabulous, thank yoU!

I'd say latch on to "elegant" and "fantasy"

A glamorous or sensuous robe would be perfect here- and one of the most comfortable things around.  Also gives you a real chance to play with color.  Fantasy can be nothing more than some cheap wings and glitter eye shadow with pink sparkly socks.

What I wear is really a combination of function and mood-  corsets take a long freakin time to get into and out of and I want to keep them nice, so they are not for wax play or mostly any scene that I'm going to want to be able to get naked and dressed again quickly.  I've only been to a few events where they really strived to keep a kink look dress code, and I enjoyed working within it.


I completely agree.
some people think guys clothing is easy...its not we just have limted choices so its easier to make an choice.

there is nothing wrong with wearing some sexy undewear and a satin robe its sexy and comfortable. there are tons of Tops that i have seen at bargin basement type stores that look very fetish when you put them over a fishnet shirt. or a cincher...

as for the drag idea..a suit and a touch of mascara and paint on a mustache and bam your in drag. garuntee by the end of the night its smeared off by some  hot girls wanting to kiss you. (not wishful thinking either...I've worked in many clubs and see it happen all the time)

cheers
Skully



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 3:13:50 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not big on the fetish attire thing for myself, either. I have never attended a munch in anything but a black t shirt, blue jeans and black jump boots or black hi-top Chucks. Some people can pull that look off better than others. I like it on a submissive if it's done with a little style. To me there's nothing appealing about dressing like a three dollar french whore but I always manage to see a few done up just that way. I don't go to munches often but the first time I get turned away for wearing what I described above will be the last time I ever go to one.

(in reply to HeidiAnn)
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RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 3:28:04 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Ahh... Most munches around here are in restaurants and do not allow fetish attire at all. They even frown on collars and any other formal lifestyle type displays. Do they do munches different in your area?

CD

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(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 3:47:03 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		When I do fetish I like wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask, my long heavy velvet black cloak and my fingernails cut into spikes.  For some reason it seems to work for me.

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 4:06:27 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BumpStick

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarrenSorry,
I'm the original "ancient warrior."  CBR= chemical, biological and radiological.  It's back there with the Pentatomic Division.


LOL CBR is now called NBC=Nucular, Biological, and Chemical. Back with the what Division?


Way back in the mists of time, right after Stalin got the Bomb, the Army reorganized "to meet the needs of the modern battlefield."  It had a five regiment division and other changes.  I, personally, felt that adding "atomic" to the mix wasn't a good luck omen.  One doesn't tease Murphy.  THINGS go wrong.
quote:


Ya know I could also do something with my welding leathers... Hmm could also raid the Hazmat yard for some protective equipment, most of that stuff is rubber. Now i'm thinking of what I can get that I have around me that no one I work with would think anthing of if they saw it in my room.


Now, you're thinking.  Be creative

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(in reply to BumpStick)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 5:27:04 PM   
HeidiAnn


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline 		Thank Y/you A/all again for all the nice responses. Some of the responses seemed to get a bit personal, but that seems to happen sometimes on this forum. Just to clear things, i am going to follow the dress-code as i stated already. For those to whom it holds any importance i am wearing a combination of pvc and leather - all black.

Every time i go out i see effort on what i wear. The connection between fetish clothing dresscode and BDSM is just something i have never understood. After all the insightful posts on this thread i understand that connection (especially to the fetish aspect of the parties) much better.

And i did get some good thoughts from Y/you A/all. i feel that in the future fantasy clothing or elegant style might be something i could be more into and have fun seeing effort with.

heidi

PS. being transgendered and having spent the first 18+ years in drag i am still a bit tired of that thing, but maybe in the future drag/crossdressing might be a fun thing to work with too.:)


< Message edited by HeidiAnn -- 6/13/2008 5:28:56 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 5:43:01 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires
Ahh... Most munches around here are in restaurants and do not allow fetish attire at all. They even frown on collars and any other formal lifestyle type displays. Do they do munches different in your area?


Good point. Of the two I attended one is a munch that meets in the afternoon at a local restaurant that is much like you describe - in a private meeting room but still very much street clothes - although I know a couple of the waitresses were hip. Later those folks tended to gather at the home of a couple who are members of the group and have a lot of space to play in. The play party later was whatever you wanted to wear. I haven't been to that one in a little over a year.

The other one is at the local dungeon. They have dinner early and then usually a demo and play party afterward. Fetish attire is encouraged there but it usually seems to be split about 50/50 most times I have gone.




< Message edited by Evility -- 6/13/2008 5:44:44 PM >

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 5:54:19 PM   
MsLemon


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/3/2004
Status: offline 		I tend to dress for comfort and something I know can handle my bending and twisting as I play plus the sweat I usually work up playing hard.  However if it was a more strictly fetishy event I have a nice tight stretch PVC vest I can toss on with some black jeans that's my standard "fetish outfit" standby :) 

Can't recall when the last time I went to an event or play party where the clothing was specifically required to be a certain way.   Sorta glad that's not the norm here in the Balt/DC area.

Oh and Madame4a did in fact look quite hot in her shirt and BDU shorts last Friday as I was lucky enough to get to notice she and her boi :)

Regards,
Ms Lemon

(in reply to ViceVersa)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 8:01:24 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Events I have attended have had the code of fetish OR neat and tidy black which makes it easier for all to attend. There was a specific fetish ball about once a year but the ticket price put Me off! I'm also not much of a raver or dancer these days so it's not the sort of event I'd particularly enjoy. I have been known to wear a long elegant white nightgown to parties ... lingerie is My closest thing to a fetish! I have 2 others in black and gold and black and red in the same style ... they've all been worn to parties ... comfortable and incredibly practical as they have a lacy bra top and an overlapped skirt that is split all the way up the front to the base of the bra. Easy for Master to expose the bits He wants to play with ... and I have also been known to send a subby boy or 2 up under there.   I would suggest the OP go with the elegant part of the dress code and enjoy!
I echo the poster who said that non-fetish dress should be the go for munches ... since they are designed to help new folks enter the scene, fetish attire would be really off-putting and also draws attention to the group. We didn't say no collars for the munches, just discreet ones, that seemed to work!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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(in reply to MsLemon)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 8:14:03 PM   
Sandyshores29718


Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		*quick reply*

When i went to the local club it was a themed night, but you did no have to wear a costume.  Its a plus as well as fetish wear, but not something you have to do. They just ask no jeans,tennis shoes, or flip flops.  i wore a black skirt, small heels, and this cute red shirt i wear out and that was totally fine. :)  Busniness casual works in most clubs.

(in reply to ViceVersa)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 9:23:49 PM   
SireKane


Posts: 105
Joined: 1/22/2004
Status: offline 		About 6 months ago a dominant man who had recently joined our club began attending parties. He came dressed in casual shorts, white crew socks, gym shoes, and some sort of short sleeved dress shirt, very pedestrian. After attending a few parties he approached me and told me that he was having a difficult time finding a submissive female to play with. I said to him, the same rules of attraction in the vanilla world apply here. I told him that you have to wash your face, brush your teeth, comb your hair, dress better, and shine your shoes for starters. The next time he came to a party he had on a nice pair of black dress pants, a fashionable black dress shirt with a black tie, and a pair of shiny black shoes.  He left the party early with a submissive who I had played with a few parties before and I had hoped to play with later that night, on his arm. On the way out he gave me the obligatory head nod. I haven't seen either one of them since. The words of ZZ Top are true..."girls go crazy for a sharp dressed man"

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/13/2008 10:03:17 PM   
slavebillyboy


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

i have sometimes skipped parties because of the whole dresscode thing. Fetish clothing just isn't my thing and eventhough i do like wearing some once in a while, most of the time i just put some on to get in.:)
     It is a turn off for me too 

(in reply to HeidiAnn)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/14/2008 12:22:15 AM   
BumpStick


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane
... The next time he came to a party he had on a nice pair of black dress pants, a fashionable black dress shirt with a black tie, and a pair of shiny black shoes.  He left the party early with a submissive who I had played with a few parties before and I had hoped to play with later that night, on his arm. On the way out he gave me the obligatory head nod. I haven't seen either one of them since. The words of ZZ Top are true..."girls go crazy for a sharp dressed man"


ZZ Top did get that right... Black dress shirt and pants, a good spit shined black shoes can make a sinister look LOL but that is how I looked when i worked at the office, sharp dressed with a look to kill... Black is great, it allows for smooth, clean, sleek lines are with the  accents, little red or Chrome done right is just so damn sexy... Sorry carry over form my car designing an building :D

(in reply to SireKane)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/14/2008 6:18:10 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BumpStick
ZZ Top did get that right...


Even though they themselves never got the memo. Heh. Frank is dapper. One out of three isn't bad.

(in reply to BumpStick)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/14/2008 8:50:42 AM   
Sandyshores29718


Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		Any man in all black makes most girls drool...or at least it works for me..more so if he has dark coloring.

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/14/2008 10:35:20 AM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		for the submissives naked is acceptable in all the dungeons that i have attended. 
 
there is something pussy throbbing about a man in black...add a silk tie and a deep voice..gush.
 
personally, i prefer being at events where everyone makes an effort to be part of the ambience. i don't have much fetish clothing, but some imagination and some classic pieces (corsets, most things in black velvet) can give you all that you need to dress ambience appropriate for any dungeon party. i have found some of the coolest clothes at Ross for 5 bucks or less (nobody wanted the tie around the tits shirt with chain links on it..go figure).
 
may we all find our bliss

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The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






(in reply to Sandyshores29718)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Fetish / BDSM - parties and dresscode - 6/14/2008 10:48:17 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		For me personally I don't go to parties to be part of the ambiance,  I go to play and get flogged  spanked and beaten and maybe eventually fucked, in a play space  with more room and equipment than I could ever dream of at home.

Edited to add, that's not to sayI don't shower or wash my hair or put something nice on. I do. But it's not fancy. It's more like my nice black demim skirt with a nice t shirt.  or a nice one piece dress. but then again my nice clothes are every day clothing too.
quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

personally, i prefer being at events where everyone makes an effort to be part of the ambience. 


< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 6/14/2008 10:51:00 AM >

(in reply to everhope)
Profile   Post #: 60
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