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Noah -> RE: Help (11/1/2005 10:22:12 AM)
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If you have been carrying on online for two years then presumably you each have enjoyed to some degree the tension that exists when people who might well meet and who indeed want to meet have yet gotten together. Consider artificially extending this sort of tension well into your inaugural meeting.
Suggestions like these can sound lame when viewed out of context in black and white like this, just as a simple description of any sport tends to make it seem stupid. E.g. "Fiddling around with some sort of ball." In context, though, in the moment, things that sound silly to just talk about can be wonderful, even powerful.
You might at first forbid her to look into your eyes or directly at you at all. How long has she been wanting to see your skin, your eyes? She has been looking so much forward to seeing you and touching you and even smelling and tasting you--more or less in that order. Upset her expectation by having her encounter your touch and even your scent before she encounters your gaze. She wants to feel you take control. How nice for her if long before you grab a fistful of hair you take control of something she hasn't even realized she's been holding?
How significant to both of you would it be for her to find it in herself to obey you in this? Not much, frankly? A lot? That's between you two.
Maybe she will in one sense be relieved not to have to look you full in the face, what with all the emotions of the moment. This sense of relief might create an internal tension with her inevitable desire to just kind of drink you in after all this time. Forgive the ham-fisted metaphor but you can employ these sorts of tensions in her to tune her--like a guitar string--to just the right pitch. Get just the right note when you finally, you know, pluck her.
If she seems too relieved, too comfortable or unfocused in her freedom from meeting your gaze she might be instructed to look somewhere very near it, at your mouth, say.
You've been talking on the phone, right? She has had moments (hours?)of fixating on your voice. Let her finally focus on your mouth, breathe your breath, and meanwhile actually see but only in her near peripheral vision your eyes looking deeply into hers. She might find it deliciously unsettling.
I'm trying to point out that a simple thing which may even sound goofy when described clinically might in the doing involve lovely complexities. This where-to-look business could be a small but not shallow investigation of the fetish of objectification. You are planning some sort of initial inspection. Maybe she should endure the entire thing eyes front, so to speak.
Then again all of this might be way off base for you or for her. Preposterous or laughable. You have to make that call.
If you two have been in the habit of having her report to you in chat or over the phone as to how she is dressed and groomed, consider this. It might be fun once--or throughout your visit every time she dresses (or undresses)-- to demand the same information from her--with full eye contact.
It is patently silly of course. To transform silly experiences into riveting ones isn't a bad sort of thing for a new dominant to learn how to do.
This particular exercise would hook up a present moment with any number of similar and positive moments in your shared past. It might result in a welcome tension-resolving giggle and never be repeated. It might evoke in her or in you a powerful sense of gratitude for this new kind of moment and turn into a treasured ritual commemorating your first meeting.
Or it may give her the idea that you are some kind of obsessive doofus. Hard to say about these things. But like the Navy, kink is not just a job, it's an adventure.
It could be good, though. She used to describe herself for you because she she wanted to and, given the intervening presence of the telephone, needed to. Now she can do this familiar and suddenly gratuitous thing purely and simply because you say so. Nice.
When you cross the street with her, consider taking her by the wrist instead of the hand. She might imagine that everyone on the block is noticing this social outrage. They won't be, of course. Walking six blocks this way would seem to me overdone, crass. But in the time it takes to cross a street it can generate a whole range of internal and external responses--and then a few more when it is over before she even finishes processing it. You get to decide whether to acknowledge or underline this little oddity with eye contact or a sotto voce command ("Come,") or to underline it by not acknowledging it at all.
I suggest setting aside time from planning the big scenes to imagine and mentally prepare yourself for small special moments. As you work on your own development as a dominant remember that it isn't all technical or plan-able. Hone your instinct for recognizing the opportune moment and means to get under her skin.
I sat in a small chinese restaurant across the table from a girl I had hours before collected at the bus station of our tourist town first rendezvous. We had seen few sights and chatted a lot and by now we had ordered our rice and were talking amiably. I was holding her left hand in mine and really loving what I was seeing in her pretty eyes. I drew her hand a little closer, stretching her just a bit toward me.
I reached with my right hand to take between finger and thumb a little bit of the tender skin above her wrist. She gazed back with that wonderful look that says yes in a way that is both calm and excited. I watched her smile evolve as I took my time in pinching, hard, and twisting. She had been ready. Now she was falling rapidly, but steadily--not dizzily. It wasn't a very usual sort of smile anymore as her face said to me pain and pleasure and relief and gratitude. I felt pretty good too.
These small moments can be times when--long before she is willing to pledge herself--she gets a brief, unexpected, perhaps wrenching but hopefully sweet experience of being yours in a deep sense, a feeling of being done with as you please.
The eventual banana split enema and shibari suspension won't suffer for it, believe me.
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