RE: The Dominant Submissive

RE: The Dominant Submissive (Full Version)

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DominantJenny -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 6:34:55 AM)
I require an emotionally strong, strong-willed partner, because I have to respect my partner or it starts to get ugly and then I get bored and go away. That said, I HATE being challenged (without a bloody good reason, that is), can't STAND SAMs (as a partner, they can make highly entertaining friends :P.) I wonder if the person who gave that presentation would understand the distinction I'm making...

StormsSlave -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 6:38:35 AM)
I love to challenge My Lord occasionally...in good fun...when we are wrestling. The rest of the time, if I have an objection, it's an honest objection and there's a reason for it. I am always happy to give the reason, and he decides what to do with it. I don't know that I've had enough experience in d/s to decide if I'm a dominant sub, but I am strong willed, opinionated, and willing to dig in if necessary. I am strong. That's fact. I obey My Lord because he has given me every reason to, and obeying him is more pleasurable for both of us then not obeying him. Harmony is always better than discord. He doesn't need to defeat me...we're in this together.

pinksugarsub -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 6:44:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble What a wasted opportunity to really educate some folks. I suppose since people used the term 'doormat' in an attempt to bring others down for so long, that someone figured turn-about was fair play so now dominant submissive is being touted to do the exact same thing. Maybe one of these days the majority will try to teach positive BDSM messages instead of negative ones. hugs BitaTrouble. i have to admit, i agreed with yr post, Bita. Hope yr enjoying the weekend...it's still f*kig hotter'n hell here. Sighs* pinksugarsub

KnightofMists -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 6:46:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Sorry if I rambled, but I wanted to share with you. Thoughts? mmmmmmm sounds like she made a nice little justification to inflate her ego at the expense of others... as well as inflate her Dominant's(if she has one or future one if she doesn't) ego at the expense of others.

KnightofMists -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 6:56:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: And the words "They make a great challenge, need to be conquered, and are the best way for a dom to prove he's got the chops to be a good dominant" were literally spoken. If two people need to "prove" themselves, the relationship is lacking trust, as well as depth. Her thesis collapses right there. I agree! People in D/s relationships will do alot of things that Proves a Dom's Domination of the submissive as well as a sub's submission to the Dominant. However, the motivation is key here. If the NEED to do this in an ongoing relationship it does to me reflect a lack of trust within the relationship. However, In the beginnings of a developing relationship, I think that this need to prove and validate that the D/s dynamic is authentic is rather common. But as the relationship moves on and become more stable this need is replaced with a quiet confidence of trust and realistic expectations.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:09:45 AM)
quote: ... If the NEED to do this in an ongoing relationship it does to me reflect a lack of trust within the relationship. This has been my own view for some time now and totally relate to what you express. I've lately been giving consideration to the twisted thoughts regarding a few things. I do tend to think, that things would or should mellow out in time. I've been turning things inside and out in my head, trying to wrap my mind around this.

TNstepsout -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:10:56 AM)
Well LA, as usual I tend to agree with you one this one. At one point, when I was learning my way around, I did subscribe to this idea of a "strong dominant rising to a challenge", but have since revised my opinion. As a dominant seeking a sub, I am looking for someone who is ready to make a committment and keep it. I do not want to wrestle and fight for authority. Why are some people like that? Well I can't say for sure, but I tend to think it comes from rushing the process. A huge problem I've encountered is that there seems to be an incredible lack of patience. So many people want the fantasy and want it now, so instead of growing the relationship into one that can withstand the panic of absolute obedience, they create scenarios in which they can got out of their agreement. Kind of like an emergency exit door. I see it more of a "having your cake and eating it too" situation. The Dominant Submissive, as described, is just what it sounds like. Someone who wants to get the excitement and thrills of submission without actually being vulnerable. Well, wouldn't we all? It's very much like the lazy Dom/me who wants all the power and control but none of the responsibility. It's Ok to play at that, but as a full time way to conduct a relationship it won't work. IMO

thetammyjo -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:18:26 AM)
I think the word "powerful" is a better word for a submissive or slave who can be self motivating and driven by the desire to serve. In fact, someone who is powerful is really the only person I can personally see having in my life -- when such a person kneels to me, they offer me their world, a world of true value. Powerful has very little to do with the ideas of submissive or dominant. Everyone has power but being powerful is knowing you have that power and be able and wiling to use it with full responsibility for doing so. That's my opinion on the matter.

KnightofMists -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:20:39 AM)
so if she/he is not "Powerful"... what is she ..... "Powerless"! somehow it doesn't work for me.

thetammyjo -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:25:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists so if she/he is not "Powerful"... what is she ..... "Powerless"! somehow it doesn't work for me. Is that I said above? I don't think so. Everyone has power but to be powerful you need to know how to use it and be willing and able to do so while accepting full responsibility. I do not believe that any human being is powerless perhaps not even after death. Power is not the same as dominant and submissive which were the terms the reported discussion wanted to use.

Leatherist -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:29:59 AM)
Replace the word "powerful" with "competent" and it works for me. Otherwise, I would be tempted to use words like "reactance" and "asshole".

PsyVamp -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:38:03 AM)
My pet is a rather dominant switch. He does not need to be beaten into submission, nor do I attempt that. (although, the verbage is banded about teasingly). He serves because he chooses to do so. If he is serving on a level of slave, it is because he has chosen to serve as such, I have not forced him into it. In my eyes, if my pet can serve at a slave level, he is an extremely strong person. If I have to convince someone they should serve me, then the two of us are not right for each other. I do think you are correct in your assumption that the speaker would scare some into believing slaves are weak or easily lead. I hope that the people who can be submissives or slaves will seek out more information and not take all her words as absolutes. Lady Jag

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:50:31 AM)
i can relate to the description of a dominant submissive ...i won't bend willingly and abhor the idea of being micro-managed ...having a strong opinionated mind, aggressiveness and independent nature comes with it too. i have been told by other dominants that i'm not submissive (or twue) enough because of this personality ...some have offered to change my dominant ways to more of a slavish side to fit their dominance and style. however i don't think Daddy saw me as a challenge waiting to be conquered because He's attracted to my dominant personality (and so is the guy i'm dating). He likes the fact i enjoy doing a variety of activities which don't require Him telling me when, where and what must be done. i'm still submissive to Him yet there are times when i'm dominant and in control.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:55:23 AM)
I do not think I could be the type of slave I am without being a strong willed, thinking person. The speaker seems as though she lives in a cookie cutter world. Sadly I think she is just misinforming people and confusing the new as well.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 7:55:39 AM)
Wow. LA, my head would have just exploded at that class, and not in a good way. My subs/slaves need to know that the chain of command starts with ME. I get the final say, and the final responsibility. Why would I want someone who was constantly in my face about everything? That isn't a challenge, that's just someone who needs some other dominant. I am a word person, and I do love definitions, but the ones in this class sound like a bunch of bad ones...

pinksugarsub -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 8:02:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Replace the word "powerful" with "competent" and it works for me. Otherwise, I would be tempted to use words like "reactance" and "asshole". Hi Leatherist Sir. May i ask, what did You mean by 'reactance'? i tried a couple of dictionary sites and all i got were definitions about some aspect of electricity. Thank You. pinksugarsub

sweeetlips -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 8:03:22 AM)
After reading through these post, I found myself glad I had "double clicked" this link a friend of mine sent me. With respect to what has been mentioned throughout this post, I have not always been comfortable with labels. Have had DOMS explain to me "sweetie, your not a submissive, but your a good bottom"........I do find it offensive and usually my first thought to follow is........."and your tellng me this why, because I have not fallen at your feet". I am very selective of who I allow to touch me. I have been in the lifestyle not nearly as long as some of you (a little over 2 years) and I have seen what happens at the hands of inexperienced. Within the last say 6 months I was presented with the opprotunity to begin a new journey. Before I continue, to know a little about me......I am a single, career woman with responsibilities. I know there is a greater depth to what I know about this lifestyle thus far and I am/was ready to experience it. Within the last 6 months, I started down that path with a "Master". a seasoned Master I might add. Intelligence taught me to be cautious, but willing to learn. He was aware and verbalized that "training" would be needed......Hey, that was a giver. Which brings me to the subject of training. How can you effectively train someone if you are not able or willing to communicate as a Master (I am talking verbal communication, no cell phone, no text). I made it clear on more than one occassion, if i know what is expected of me, I will less likely fail (that is important to me). Chain of events, NO verbal communication, the event was the loss of 4 important people in their life and i found myself instantly out of "submissive" mode and wanting to console to help.......and would you know........it angered him (mind you no verbal communication). As I drove to/from work everyday, i thought what have i been taught....kept thinking and thinking........."nothing"........I am not a mind reader. The last thing I received via email mind you was a very long explanation of what a slave is and added to it was obviously you are not a slave but a submissive (made that clear from the beginning).......He gave me a condensed list of what a slave is not "entititled" to.......Hell vanilla or kink none of us are entititled to anything......It was a very angry email. My desire someday is to cross paths with an experienced Master/Dom who will be willing to scoop me under his wing and with patience teach me, school me, demonstrate to me what it means to be a slave...............but if he does not respect me...........he will never touch me...........

Lashra -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 8:03:56 AM)
My malesub is strong willed and dominant to those outside of our relationship, but with me I inspire his submission and therefore he follows me as his Dominant. I don't have to "prove" anything, all I have to do is be myself. ~Lashra

Leatherist -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 8:09:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Replace the word "powerful" with "competent" and it works for me. Otherwise, I would be tempted to use words like "reactance" and "asshole". Hi Leatherist Sir. May i ask, what did You mean by 'reactance'? i tried a couple of dictionary sites and all i got were definitions about some aspect of electricity. Thank You. pinksugarsub Reacting against submitting to authority.

SimplyMichael -> RE: The Dominant Submissive (6/14/2008 8:32:46 AM)
deleted for the moment

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