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RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 6:09:46 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia
You are new to the lifestyle and you are just starting relationship and he already wants to have a younger woman and a kid - how on earth does he plan to adjust all of you almost at the same time? Excuse me but your man sounds totally unrealistic to me.

I agree with Kasia.

I'm not usually one to jump to conclusions based on a few paragraphs posted from one perspective. But your post sends off major warning bells to me. I've come back and read it 3 times telling myself to keep my nose out of it but I have to tell you, the tone in your post and profile indicate that you are really not ok with this. You need to tell him. And if he doesn't take your feelings/needs into consideration, you have to ask yourself if this is the right man for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

- LA

*edited to make sense! :p*

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 11/2/2005 6:10:54 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 21

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 8:20:16 AM

harderpls

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

not to make a statement that seems like a personal attack on you or your Dom. I really don't want this to come off that way.

I have seen it happen a couple of times that when somebody is new to the lifestyle they can get mixed up with somebody who equates D/s with "ok to treat you like shit". part of the joy in submitting (for me at least) is knowing that all of my needs are being considered and taken into account with the choices that are made regarding me. yes my pleasure comes from serving another but that does not mean that my basic human needs (including emotional needs) do not have to come into play.

please please please be careful.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 22

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 8:37:24 AM

SirSix72

Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I don't think it's the subs job to bear his kids unless he wants to marry her and do it right. kids will also severly interfear and hamper any master sub time once they come.

Ok I have children and they dont ever intefere with the Master/slave dynamic in my house......

but as far as the OP I would have to agree with you helping to find a suitable submissive for Him as many others were saying you will have to live with her as well

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 23

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 8:55:13 AM

Soulhuntre

Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caliblonde

I am new to the lifestyle and moving in with my Dom this month. He is looking for a younger sub also because he wants more children. The question I have for everyone is should I help him find the new sub? He says yes and I say no. All input will be greatly appreciated.

Well there honestly isn't anything like enough information here to really have any idea what your situation is. Thats the problem with the constant stream of "validate my relationship angst" posts that are seen ion this forum and so many others.

I mean, how are we supposed to answer something lile"I say blue, my dom says red and I don't agree... am I right?!"

As the rest of the thread from there demonstrates such minimal information is basically furtile ground for speculation and projection.

For my own part all I can discuss are general concepts that might relate to this situation. I certianly have no intention of trying to make a judgement about yours, you or your dominant. I think it will work out though, clearly many people are so you won;t lack for them :)

In general, my view would be simple. You be involved if you are ordered or asked to be, not involved if you are not ordered / asked to be and you should end the relationship if you don't like it.

While many points are often made about how important it is for the subs in a poly house to get along, often the emphasis is on that to the exclusion of all else - thus placing far, far to much power in the hands of a subordinate.

I am obviously glad my girls get along now, but there was no way Kimiko would have had "veto power" over Tatsumi when I brought her in. For long periods of time they did not get along at all and for long stretches of time either of them would gladly have used a fairy godmother wish to remove the other from my house.

Obviously this caused problems on a low level, but in the end the reality is that their choice to be in my service required them to prevent this issue from being seriously disruptive. Self control and self discipline can be achieved, amazingly enough. It doesn't hurt that they were both very aware that I am completely willing to dismiss either one or both of them in the case of serious issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: themischievous1
Where's the security?

I would say that "the security" would com from her relationship with her dominant and has nothing at all to do with his relationship(s) with others.

(in reply to caliblonde)

Post #: 24

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 9:14:37 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Yikes!
More children? how many more? how many does he have now? were they are born from former subs? wow I'm not sure what to say to this.
i just hope if you stay and he does find that baby bearing sub and you all live together you aren't the full time caregiver/babysitter

can i say, please think good and hard abut this, b/c frankly - no it does not sound as if you want or are ready for this

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to cellogrrlMK)

Post #: 25

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 9:23:32 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Oh I completely agree that children should be raised in a stable, nurturing, interactive environment.

But where on earth does that equate to "one mom, one dad, who decided to be married"?

This is what I was trying to say as well.

Don't think it's a good idea to haev kids in an unstable family, but I -do- think that there are more stable family structures than Husband, Wife, kids, married in the church down the road.

Feline:
I don't thikn you were -trying- to be cruel, but I think you didn't think about the whole lot of options that exist now, (well that always existed but are prevelant now) for families.

People having been raising kids and still having power dynamics for ages. Hell, we can have sex lives after we have children. I know this can be more all-encompasing, but adults don't stop being people when they have kids, it just morphs a lot.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 26

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 10:21:04 AM

cellogrrlMK

Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
But where on earth does that equate to "one mom, one dad, who decided to be married"?

In this particular instance it would, since we're talking male Dom/female sub

_____________________________

There's too much Blood in my Caffeine system!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 27

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 10:23:09 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I am new to the lifestyle and moving in with my Dom this month. He is looking for a younger sub also because he wants more children. The question I have for everyone is should I help him find the new sub? He says yes and I say no. All input will be greatly appreciated

Just my opinion I find the prevalence of this kind of thing VERY disturbing. IMHO subs are not something to be collected. While I understand someone wanting children, and I am assuming that you are unable or unwilling to do this, I'm not sure how a "new" sub for breeding is going to improve YOUR relationship with him.

I personally have this crazy idea that if you are just moving in YOU ARE THE NEW SUB!! Why is he in a big fat rush to add to the harem when he hasn't even established a firm foundation with you? If the idea is for you to have children and raise them together as a family I would be much more inclined to point you toward adoption or LEGAL surrogacy. The remifications for you especially if you intend to bond with these children is more secure than what I am reading as master wants me to heed & her to breed. Too often these situations play out as a big disaster for everyone and then you add innocent kids to the mix that won't understnad what's going on. Personally I would run hard, fast and far.

(in reply to caliblonde)

Post #: 28

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 2:58:25 PM

SirSix72

Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

I personally have this crazy idea that if you are just moving in YOU ARE THE NEW SUB!! Why is he in a big fat rush to add to the harem when he hasn't even established a firm foundation with you? If the idea is for you to have children and raise them together as a family I would be much more inclined to point you toward adoption or LEGAL surrogacy. The remifications for you especially if you intend to bond with these children is more secure than what I am reading as master wants me to heed & her to breed. Too often these situations play out as a big disaster for everyone and then you add innocent kids to the mix that won't understnad what's going on. Personally I would run hard, fast and far.

I can agree with you in the fact that He hasnt established a firm foundation in the relatioship with her being the new sub.......but children do thrive upon love and personally I live poly and my children are well loved........maybe this would be a great learning experience for this new subbie.....I would advise not looking for the western romantic approach but for everyone to share in their endevors

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 29

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/2/2005 6:00:00 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

right'. It's not putting your paws in your mouth, its sweeping generalisations.

It is putting paws in mouth so to speak, when you ment one thing and another thing came out. Or what you mean is jumbled,It's saying it wrong. or comeing out wrong.

Master six , babies would enterfear with a budding new D/s. The D/s is hard enough to develope and get running smoothly in the beginning and if you added babies before it was going smoothly.

And what about later on , has any one thoughty about what w/ill happen later, when the kids want to know why that ladie lives with us, and how about nosey school teachers an stuff. There's a lot to consider, long long run too and short run

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 30

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 1:38:24 AM

Calbammer

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

Hello and thank you to all that read and commented on my (apparently) ex-sub question,

Again, I like to say thank you to those who read and chose to respond to caliblonde question. Yet, I want to clear a few things up for those who chose to decide and judge me harshly and quickly, without knowing all the facts, up front. First off, my wanting a younger sub had more than just the possibility of starting a family with them. That was not the sole reason for my seeking a younger sub. I had other reasons which I had shared with my ex-sub well before we even started this relationship and she knew ahead of time that I was going to be seeking a younger sub, yet she chose to persue a relationship with me which I had welcomed openly and freely. Yet, there was a understanding that I would still be looking and had asked her to >possibly <(key word here) help. I did this, because as a few of you had posted, it is nicer to have the house hold that is getting along than to have a a feuding civil war going on, constantly. So yes, I had asked her to help, but I did not require of it from her. I already had a possible sub who I had been talking and chatting with well before I had met my ex-sub and she too (possible new sub), knew ahead of time, that there may be another in the household, serving me. She (the possible new sub) welcomed it gladly, but again, that possibility is still in the discussion phase.

Another thing, to those who think I would discipline my ex-sub for her not wanting to be part of this situation is way off base. She was discipline for something completely un related and if I were to share what it was with any of you who are the Ones who give the dsicipline or the ones who receive it. I think, for some of you, that you would have all agreed that she had earned what she received and maybe a few of you would possibly think she may have deserved more. I, for one, did not and gave her what I think her offense was worth. I told her up front what she did was wrong and how many swats she was going to get ahead of time and asked her if she was willing to go through with it or not.She chose to go through with it and received what she got, quite well. I told her afterward, that I was very proud of her for deciding to follow through with it.

So please, before you decide to put your two cents in and judge anyone else, try to find all the facts out before posting a response. I may be a bit chauvinist in some ways, but what Doms aren't? I have always treated my sub, when she was mine, like a lady, except for the bedroom and then, she was my ...... Enough said on that matter.

Calbammer

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 31

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 2:24:58 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Yes, its been considered and although I know its not to be discussed here on the forum, feel free to contact me on the otherside and we can debate away!

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 32

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 2:40:54 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Personally I didnt respond to the OP - and I should have. From my point of view, I think that she has an awful lot to learn - the orignal question is -

quote:

I am The question I have for everyone is should I help him find the new sub? He says yes and I say no. All input will be greatly appreciated

.

If the Dominant says yes, then whether she wants to or not, she has already submitted and therefore, should obey. If its a limit for her, then she needs to ask herself why its a limit. What exactly is the limit - is it a limit of not wanting to obey your dominants wishes or orders or is it not wishing to be part of a poly relationship?
I would suggest its the second from her profile (which doesnt list poly and is in fact empty)and from her information. IF this is so, then the relationship will fail unless she is willing to allow that limit to be pushed and learn from it. I personally think the submissive in question shouldnt be jumping into a relationship as she really has no idea what she wants...(thats the general impression and total assumption on my part)

The dominant, from his profile appears more 'in tune' with his decisions. My only concern is that there is no mention of poly in this prfile also, and to be honest, I find this misleading from a personal point of view and even if you make this clear in the first few discussion with a s-type, it would help alot to add it to the LONG profile you already have.

Unfortuantely people do judge on first impressions - and some people have specific thoughts on how to run a household so You will get that. I think it says alot that you have come onto the board to place across your side and I think that it just re-affirmed what my thoughts were.

I do hope you find what you seek - there are people out here who will be willing and indeed interested in your proposels. It may take some time and alot of patience, but I do hope You are blessed in your search.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Calbammer)

Post #: 33

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 5:59:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calbammer
So please, before you decide to put your two cents in and judge anyone else, try to find all the facts out before posting a response. I may be a bit chauvinist in some ways, but what Doms aren't? I have always treated my sub, when she was mine, like a lady, except for the bedroom and then, she was my ...... Enough said on that matter.

Calbammer

So is the fact that she is so upset about all this a complete surprise to you? How do you think she convinced you that she was ok with all of this so that you would allow her to be your sub?

(in reply to Calbammer)

Post #: 34

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 6:02:47 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caliblonde

I am new to the lifestyle and moving in with my Dom this month. He is looking for a younger sub also because he wants more children. The question I have for everyone is should I help him find the new sub? He says yes and I say no. All input will be greatly appreciated.

Wait, wait, wait.

He wants a younger sub so he can have more children?

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to caliblonde)

Post #: 35

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 8:39:04 AM

Soulhuntre

Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
He wants a younger sub so he can have more children?

Why is this concept such a problem?

I am 39, by the time I am ready to father a child I will probably be say 45. At that time my youngest current servant will be 36 or so. I may very wll choose to have the mother of that child be younger, my preferance would be 22-25. Life goes on.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 36

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 12:20:06 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
He wants a younger sub so he can have more children?

Why is this concept such a problem?

I am 39, by the time I am ready to father a child I will probably be say 45. At that time my youngest current servant will be 36 or so. I may very wll choose to have the mother of that child be younger, my preferance would be 22-25. Life goes on.

And you would choose to start a submissive and dominant relationship just so you could have more children?

What about this theorethical woman? Shouldn't she be more and have more to offer than just a baby making womb? If that is all that is wanted, more kids, adopt them, hired a surrogant.

I just don't see that as any decent way to start a Ds relationship.

Of course, the OP may only be presenting one reason why the dominant in question wants a younger submissive but as presented it just blew my mind that this was the single reason for such an important relationship.

And as an owner, frankly a very silly reason and very narrow minded reason.

I'm thinking of a few historical cases where supposedly a slave was purchased for one skill or one reason and that was always protrayed in the literature and the documents as being one example of just how stupid that master or mistress was. These were historical societies where people were literally bought and sold, killed on a whim, and so forth.

Getting a submissive or a slave for just one reason seems very foolish to me. I, for one, am worth so much more than just a one-trick slave. Give me my time (and money if this were the historical periods of slavery) worth.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Soulhuntre)

Post #: 37

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 12:29:49 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Hi tammy -

All I would suggest is the one side that you are seeing. In response to OP, the Dom has responded and from His interpretation, He wants poly - not some breeder slave - and the OP is obviously not happy, but wanted desperately to settle and agreed. Personally, whilst this seems a bit like a drama that could have been avoided, I am more of the impression that the OP was here to gain our 'support' and back her on how wrong this Dom is to want such bad things so she could go back and tell him He was wrong. (again, thats just my assumption gained from the behaviours and posts as they are laid before me) They are not together now by accounts of the post He has made, and who pulled the plug on who, we will not know - but it does go to show there are always two sides of a story.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 38

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 1:31:51 PM

OrlandoMars

Posts: 23
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline

Was there any agreement up front as to this new sub? If he has any sense he will give you at least some say in the matter (and her for that matter) - some Doms may like the aggravation of having competing subs but I suspect most would prefer a quiet house and to focus their energies else where. However, ultimately it his his choice (just as you are free to walk away if you don't feel comfortable).

(in reply to caliblonde)

Post #: 39

RE: Dom wants younger sub too - 11/4/2005 2:56:51 PM

Phoenxx

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline

There is a wonderful story that might help with some of what happened here:
A young man was on the bus. His children were acting up. Running around, yelling and generally being disruptive.

Everyone was very upset.

An older gentleman leaned over and asked the man if he shouldn’t control his children better.

The younger man looked up, his eyes slightly glazed, and said “I guess so.” After a few seconds of hesitation he continued, “we are just coming from the hospital. Their mom just died and I’m a little shocked still.”

Guess how everyone felt after that….

I was going to post after I read all the comments about how a poly has to have the involvement of all the adults in finding the participants. That, yes children do change the dynamics of a relationship. That if one person is not ready to add to their life and love by adding a person to the relationship there will be trouble.

And that I didn’t see poly listed as an interest in the OP’s profile. I was going to say that she needs to communicate with the Dom and make sure they understand both their needs and feeling with regards of a poly. And to realize that if there are children involved, the impact on the children if a break up occurs.

And then Calbammer. I did see his profile mention sub(s) and more then one. I have no idea if this was just added or not. But it is in there now. If she knew there was an interest before, going to the forum to find the justification she needed to end the relationship is wrong. If it wasn’t in the profile before then she found the help she needed. Please note I am not assuming one way or the other.

I think we all need to be careful when giving advise here. You never know when the person might be dealing with more then we know… well ok we should know it is always like that… lol
Tony

(in reply to caliblonde)

Post #: 40

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