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chicagoleo -> for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 7:30:45 PM)

How did you bring yourself to attend a public function the first time? Did you have some level of nervousness, or did you just go without hesitation? Did you attend one for the first time before or after your first BDSM-related experience? Did you have someone else to go with, or did you just go alone? What were your reactions after attending the first one?




Hersnuggiebums -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 7:41:27 PM)

Hello, the first time i attended the local club here in Seattle, i was horribly nervous, i attended with a friend who reassured me it would be ok. i didnt have the right outfit, i didnt look sub.. lol all those things i thought about while i was there. Now a year and a half later i can go with confidence, and my chin up.. Some of this is due to my Mistress doing a lot of confidence building with me, but most is that i have been there and know what to expect.. My advice would be to go with an open mind, know that some things you see will be a bit different than you are used to, but it is quite the learning experience and a good way to meet others in the lifestyle.. Hope this helps.. snuggie




IronBear -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 7:46:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chicagoleo

How did you bring yourself to attend a public function the first time? Did you have some level of nervousness, or did you just go without hesitation?


Like I do with any new outing, with wareiness and being alert, nothing special.

quote:


Did you attend one for the first time before or after your first BDSM-related experience?


After

quote:


Did you have someone else to go with, or did you just go alone?


Had Wife/FC with me and we were meeting firends.

quote:


What were your reactions after attending the first one?


Relaxed and enjoyed it. Wanted more but just on occasions.




MsIncognito -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 7:49:40 PM)

It took me about 8 months from the time I realized that there was a real time, in the flesh 'community' and when I actually got myself out there and joined that community. After that I went full bore. Ten days after I attended my first munch I attended a play part with a couple I'd met at the munch. I figured they'd make a great security blanket but found that once I got there I felt so comfortable that I didn't really need a security blanket and now I go with friends or even on my own since I know people there. I played in public at the second play party I attended and, again, didn't find it to be nearly as bad as I'd thought it might be.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 8:06:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chicagoleo

How did you bring yourself to attend a public function the first time?

I was with my master, that made it easy. I can't tell you how impressed I am with the single guys who go there. They get the short end of the stick no doubt about it.

quote:

Did you have some level of nervousness, or did you just go without hesitation?

I was nervous as hell. I'm STILL nervous and I know a good 80% of the people I go to at most parties these days.

quote:

Did you attend one for the first time before or after your first BDSM-related experience?

It was a few months after.

quote:

Did you have someone else to go with, or did you just go alone? What were your reactions after attending the first one?

"Wow, that was coool, when can I go again?"

It really is just a party. Amost half the people JUST socialize and don't play at all. EVERYONE is nervous the first time.




passionfirenmo -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 8:24:55 PM)


Hey, Thanks for bring this subject up,
I'm new to the scene and I have found a group here in SW Missouri.
Now if I can just get the nerve up to go.

Stay well,

firesign




FangsNfeet -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 8:35:59 PM)

The first BDSM public place that I attended was in Houston TX called House of Hay Way. I went with two submissives who knew about the place.

The neveriousness that I had first going in where about myself rather that being worried about other people. Certain questions poped in my head.

1. Will people really let me do these things?

2. What will happen if I offend the wrong person? If I come on to strong on someone where nobody knows me, I could be labeled as a freak or stalker to be kicked out by the bouncer.

3. Would I get into trouble if someones sub/slave made a pass at me and I partook in a little fun when I didn't know they pleged themselves to another? Oh wait, the collar is suppose to be a big hint. Before I became envolved with public scenes and trends, I figured a collar was just used for decoration rather than being submissive or owned.

4. I don't know anyone there. How often should I be watching my back? How much time should I allow my friends to be in the bathroom before I think something is going wrong?

Paranoia can kick in about many things when going to public places. Not just the BDSM scene, but parties, RPG functions, Ritzy cocktail events, and so on. Every place has rules and then the rules that you learn on your own the hard way. You then have to start thinking about who you can trust. How often to Doms allow there subs to walk alone and be on there own at public events?




chicagoleo -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 8:39:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: passionfirenmo


Hey, Thanks for bring this subject up,
I'm new to the scene and I have found a group here in SW Missouri.
Now if I can just get the nerve up to go.

Stay well,

firesign


no problem. I'm in the same position.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 8:50:48 PM)

Wow, it's been so long since the first time I went to a fetish event, I pretty much have to get out the Wayback Machine!

The party was about an hour from my house, in a somewhat seedy area, so I was on guard for that reason. I was going to be meeting friends there, so there wasn't that worry about being ignored by the in crowd.

It was a fun evening----I saw lots of things I'd never seen before, and learned a lot. I played too, since the crowd I hung out with in those days were the sort who would totally get the action going at a party. Sorry to say, I have no memory of the guys I topped....

I am a pretty bold person socially when I want to be----shoot, I talk to people in elevators, I break the social contract at every turn!----so I don't mind strange new places. It IS a big help to be with someone you know, or meeting someone you know, just in case.

:)F




sub4hire -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 9:21:50 PM)

I went with a good friend of mine. It was long after my first experience. I had been with my prior dom for ten year's already.
If you're nervous, just find someone to go with.




KittenWithaTwist -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/1/2005 9:30:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chicagoleo

How did you bring yourself to attend a public function the first time? Did you have some level of nervousness, or did you just go without hesitation? Did you attend one for the first time before or after your first BDSM-related experience? Did you have someone else to go with, or did you just go alone? What were your reactions after attending the first one?


I was really excited about attending my first event. My very first-I attended without my partner, so I was a bit bored. But my first with my partner was exciting. I was nervous about removing all of my clothes (like most of the other guests had), but I got over that tension within a few visits to my two local clubs. I attended clubs after my first BDSM experience. When I was younger, I attended a dance club with a "fetish" performance group, but never got the opportunity to play while I was there.
I've generally had good experiences at my local clubs (The Crucible and Playhouse Studios, in DC and Baltimore respectively), and I can't say I remember my first "official" visit with my partner. The one that stands out in my mind as one of our first visits to a club together was last Halloween, when I did a needle play scene with a man I met at the club, and his sub and my dom watched with glee. I had a lot of fun. :)




wipmebeetme100 -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/2/2005 12:34:01 AM)

quote:

Did you have someone else to go with, or did you just go alone? What were your reactions after attending the first one?


The first play party i attended i went to alone. It was invitation only and prior to this i had been to only 2 munches. I had never participated in any BDSM activities before. I did play at this party...and silly me, i played with a switch...and thought that they would go easy on me being that they were familiar with the bottom. Fat chance...i know better know.


cathy




Oberonrex -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/2/2005 3:25:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chicagoleo

How did you bring yourself to attend a public function the first time?


If by public you mean a meeting, club, or party (as opposed to something like the Folsom Street Fair), I think it was a group meeting in a town I was visiting on business.

quote:

Did you have some level of nervousness, or did you just go without hesitation?


Nervous doesn't begin to describe it. I was worried on so many levels about so many things, but then again that was one reason I did not do it local -- much less chance of job/clearance/other issues. I was worried about what and who I would find there, and more. Looking back, I have to laugh as what I have found at all such things is a group of mostly very good people, a lot of good manners, and a warm welcome.

quote:

Did you attend one for the first time before or after your first BDSM-related experience?


After, by almost any definintion.

quote:

Did you have someone else to go with, or did you just go alone?


Alone.

quote:

What were your reactions after attending the first one?


I think it can be summed up as wow. That went up to all caps after going to a club (think my first was the old Leather Rose in Chicago) and seeing all the toys, watching some good demos, and getting into an engineering/safety discussion with a regular. Def. was all caps after my first visit to Mr. S in SF, electrical toy heaven...

In short, well worth doing.




MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/2/2005 3:55:02 AM)

quote:

How did you bring yourself to attend a public function the first time? Did you have some level of nervousness, or did you just go without hesitation? Did you attend one for the first time before or after your first BDSM-related experience? Did you have someone else to go with, or did you just go alone? What were your reactions after attending the first one?


Early 90's....a private hotel party. It was more of a social, a gathering of people I'd been talking to online for a month or two - had a great time, met some new people. To me, getting out and meeting people was a natural extension of getting involved in all of this.

It was after my first BDSM experiences, but not long after....I went with my first sub.

My reaction? "More!"




Oumae -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/2/2005 7:29:23 AM)

I started with going to munches first and then went to clubs and parties. I have enjoyed them and found them great for meeting new people, making friends and learning new stuff as well as for having the nice equipment to play on!

Many do a meet n greet system so if nervous going on your own check it out.

Oumae




swtnsparkling -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/2/2005 7:49:18 AM)

My 1st outing was gee- close to 10 yrs ago, the Fetish Flea i went with a sub friend of mine who had never attended anything either. we were both so excited! to go. i admit my jaw dropped a few times as i was seeing things very strange at the time to me. Nothing is strange anymore LOL. And Since hub knew about me, i had no fear of being seen or being caught by anyone so my experience was wonderful. Also to add: i had the pleasure of seeing John Warren do a liquid latex demo. Again at a munch where he spoke about mindfucks ( FAB-FABULOUS!! that was ) and He singed His book i bought. Thank You again Sir
After that i went to as many BDSM events/functions/clubs/parities/munches as i could, dragged hub with me a couple times, he has chosen not to go again he says not his thing but for me to have fun LOL.




orfunboi -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/2/2005 8:07:51 AM)

i had been talking online for a couple weeks in a local bdsm chat room and went to a local munch. i was nervous, but it was more from just meeting new people, than anything to do with the lifestyle. Of course i basically knew nothing of the lifestyle so that might have helped.




Mercnbeth -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/2/2005 8:09:09 AM)

quote:

How did you bring yourself to attend a public function the first time?


after meeting Master in March of 2003, He took His slave to a public function at a local dungeon that rents submissives and dominants by the hour, as well as hosts some pretty awesome parties. They were having a "Kinko de Mayo" celebration with food, music, demo's, vendors and play space. It was fabulous. However, the absolutely MOST fabulous public event has been the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. WOOF!!!!

quote:

Did you have some level of nervousness, or did you just go without hesitation? Did you attend one for the first time before or after your first BDSM-related experience?


this slave lived a somewhat sheltered existence in that she thought she would have to travel to Amsterdam to witness and/or participate in such an extravaganza! this slave would call it excitement, not nervousness, and went with Master without hesitation...however, this slave doubts she would have gone alone.

quote:

What were your reactions after attending the first one?


why can't we do this EVERY weekend!!!!

beth

It's been too long and with too many brain cells victims of abuse for me to remember my first trip into a club in NYC. It went from being very intimidating to feeling like home very fast. I think going to a club as a male dom or sub is a lot easier than going as a female even with an escort. But that feeling may be the result of generational "prejudice" about the "weakness" of the opposite sex.

Frankly, going to clubs had become old and unexciting. I found myself going more to the social events versus the play parties. The principle reason was that I associate sex and intimacy (so does beth fortunately!) with BDSM sessions and very few venues allowed that kind of activity. However I did, and still do, enjoy the company of lifestyle people at all levels of experience and style. Even at this age, it's rare not to see or hear about something new; whether toy or technique. Now having a "play room" at home going to clubs has been less frequent, but it's no less enjoyable and FUN!

Having said all that, I now enjoy watching beth's eyes and reaction when we go to clubs/parties. Seeing things through her eyes made them all new again and reminded me how exciting it was to be part of the club experience for the first time. I remember that the first thing she witnessed at the Kinko de Mayo was witnessing Dante display his bull-whip skills on a sub. It was like being in a car going from 0 to 100 MPH in 5 seconds. By the end of the day she was chatting with a sub who had feather's embedded in back, and wanted to join in with a naked kundalini dance.

We have taken quite a few people to their first club experience. As others have said, it's easier when you go with someone who's "been there". The drive is always filled with nervous energy, tension, and sexual electricity; exhibited by giggling. The standard disclaimer is, "Enjoy and observe. Most everyone will be cordial and friendly. Don't play with anyone else's toy's especially the human ones. There is no pressure or need to play. Do what you feel comfortable doing." I've been with people who swear they are only there to "see what it's all about", who will NEVER get naked in public. Well, 100% by the end of the night were partying like it was 1999! It's easy to feel comfortable when everyone around you has the same reason for being there.




WickedKev -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/2/2005 8:10:08 AM)

Can't say I have ever been nervous about going anywhere. I just went had a great time and have been to many since.




Prunesquallor -> RE: for those of you who go to public bdsm/fetish places (11/2/2005 8:10:36 AM)

I went alone to my first munch, which was followed the same evening by a play party.

I was a little daunted, I must admit, because I am a bit older than most of the other people I knew in the scene (from online). However I had a good time, and people were very friendly.

The second munch wasn't so good, and I was not sorry to go home.




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