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Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/1/2005 9:11:14 PM   
TearCollector


Posts: 108
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		I recently met a slave here who told me she had 30 pages of unanswered mail. She spends hours a day trying to reply to everyone but just when she finishes one she has two new ones waiting. It was driving her insane. I new women received more mail then men but this seemed a bit of a stretch. So she gave me her password and I logged on to her ID. Ladies and Gentleman. OMFG!!!! Messages were hitting her box faster than I could read them. This went on for three hours!!!! I finally logged off because I got dizzy from the speed reading. I calculated an average of 5 per minute. Impossible to respond to all of them.

Here is what I learned and I want to share it with all the Doms out there trying to contact slaves. Also maybe some slaves can get some value from this thread.

As a male Dom, I get about one message a week from a perspective slave. Sometimes less. So I don’t have a problem sorting out who is sincere and who is a crack pot cyber jerker. (Sorry for the visual). But as a slave, it is numbing to receive the same messages over and over. I read more than 100 of her incoming mail. It was almost all the same. Quote: "I am sure you get a lot of mail. But I am the one for you". It was like some sort of broken record! I think 50% were one liners. Some were 1000 words or more. If I was the slave needing to choose, Id shoot myself in the head and call it a day.

So, for the Doms out there, I dont have any answers about how to get your message to a slave accept go to a munch and meet her in person so that 25 rogue messages dont land on top of yours before she even reads it.

For the slaves, I have a suggestion. I saw what I thought was some decent people trying to contact this girl. But how do you know when 100's of messages are coming in a day. So, I would suggest when you read one, if it doesnt interest you, press the block button. This will slow the tidal wave because I also saw 30% repeat messages. Some of them 10 times or more. Same person. Re-approaching because he was unhappy with the reply or didnt get a reply.

Wow, Im still Dizzy. But it leaves me with a problem. How do I contact someone now knowing what I know. Im just a salmon swimming up a river with a million other salmon. I cant even describe the experience I had today. I think Im scared for life. LOL.

One last note. For all of you that wonder why slaves dont send as many messages. I saw the reason today. They spend hours answering the entire membership of Collarme. They dont have a reason to find anyone. Everyone finds them. I need an aspirin!


TearColector



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BY conquering jealousy and Mastering forgiveness you will defeat loneliness.
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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/1/2005 9:18:39 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		If your friend has a picture, suggest to her that she remove it. This will curb the insistent mail. Also, have her put on mail controls to push a lot of the extra mail into "Bulk" so that it's less...noticeable. A friend of mine (a sub) has a picture of her body (neck down) in a bikini. She's thin and very attractive. She gets three pages of mail a day.

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/1/2005 9:21:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't recommend blocking- to me blocking someone is an aggressive move that you take only when someone really annoys you or won't go away.

Just learn to skim and delete. I had three pages of emails when I switched to this name. I responded to four of them.

(in reply to TearCollector)
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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/1/2005 9:54:16 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		nice post, but the people you're addressing it to won't be reading it, those types of people just spam the inbox's of women they don't hang on the boards soy our target audience isn't even on the boards, getting them essage or careing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/1/2005 11:01:16 PM   
jro2020


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/23/2005
From: Idaho
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

nice post, but the people you're addressing it to won't be reading it, those types of people just spam the inbox's of women they don't hang on the boards soy our target audience isn't even on the boards, getting them essage or careing.


Hey thats a good Idea for TearCollector's friend. She can choose to reply, maybe even read only those who have some forum posts. I mean there must be a reason for that great button. It seems to me maybe people who post on the boards might be better people to meet, since they are interested in being active in the community and not just in hooking up.
Of course i have no idea how to get noticed myself. Post in your journal maybe. Actually read the forum posts, journal posts ect... of the subs/slaves you are trying to contact, say something relevent about her so you aren't just coming in with something insignificant. Also, No essays! Probably no one liners too.
Your policy of block em after one post I wouldn't go that far.... I think. But anyone mailing 3 times in say 2 days, with out having been replied to should probably just be blocked.

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 1:05:12 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		I know exactly what you mean TC, had a couple of female friends let me do the same thing a few months back. The mind boggles at some of the emails. I don't have any answers. As others have said, the ladies need to get good at skimming. Set some standards for themselves, if the emails are one liners, form letters, etc... they probably want to skip those.

I think I know the lass you are referring to. Pass on the encouragement to hang in there. From what I'm told the deluge tends to abate after a week or so down to a manageable trickle.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 2:00:06 AM   
TearCollector


Posts: 108
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		I just spent another 3 hours sorting out the spam in her box. Wow. But I found a couple prospects tonight. One guy impressed me so much I would call him a role model for messages. Lengthy but very well worded. I dont think he will be her style. She is looking for someone very very controlling and will treat her as a pet 24/7. I found a couple that were promising. I forwarded all the info to her.

I got some sacrastic remarks about being a middle man etc... Yawn.
I got some comments about me not knowing what I was doing. Snor

But accept for looking at tons of pics of guys showing their winkies, it was fun. But if I see one more winkie tonight, Im going to freak out!!!

Why do guys send pictures of their manhood to a woman they never met. ? Is that stupid or what. Ladies am I wrong on this one. Do you like that? I mean, Im not a chick so maybe chicks like that. I wouldnt mind if I got 3 pages of messages daily of women showing me their hole. So maybe it works both ways. But everytime I opened a message and a winkie popped out, Id nearly jump out of my chair!

Im going to change my name from TearCollector to winkie killer.

Just my day to day. How was yours?

TearCollector





_____________________________

BY conquering jealousy and Mastering forgiveness you will defeat loneliness.

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 2:54:00 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		the best is when they write you back and insult you because all you said back was thankyou for the compliment... what else was i suppose to say, i was trying to be friendly.

(in reply to TearCollector)
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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 3:06:04 AM   
Oberonrex


Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TearCollector
Im going to change my name from TearCollector to winkie killer.


ROTFLMAO! Great, now I have to clean oatmeal out of the keyboard... Have wondered how bad it was, thanks for sharing.

(in reply to TearCollector)
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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 3:18:47 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I never would have believed it either but I have a fem/sub friend with an equally bulging mailbox.

You can't control the geeks so you take care of the things you can control. Firstly, it's quite normal for fem/subs, especially the newbies, to try and reply to all and that ends in her becoming the wrong kind of slave - slave to her keyboard and mailbox. Inevitably she becomes miserable so convince her it's ok to ignore the half-arsed rubbish and geekmail for starters.

Then have her put a disclaimer in her profile, preferably at the beginning as most will at least read the first line or two. Something along the lines that she won't reply to anything rude, insincere or less than several lines in length - make *them* do some work. Those who are sincere usually have no trouble putting in the effort and I assume they're the ones who'd be the most welcome. Replying to geeks only encourages more mail misery so stop her doing that FIRST. It'll never end for the girls but you should be able to slow it down to manageable levels.

On the other side, this is why I don't get discouraged if a sub doesn't reply after an email or two from me. If I think she's worth writing to, I allow myself several emails over about 2 weeks to see if I get a reply and, if nothing, simply wish her well and move on. Curious how
many times I do get a response after that final farewell - sometimes a month later....

Focus.

PS. The disclaimer is for your friend's defence and peace of mind rather than to genuinely discourage perpetual geeks. It's more about empowerment and to reinforce in her sub/slave area of mind that it's ok to ignore the obnoxious and lazy; that a need to please doesn't include *everyone*! And it'll mean more to her coming from a Dom friend.

Focus.

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 3:24:23 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		I know this has been discussed on other threads, but I have never commented. There is something illogical about subs getting all that mail. I run into too many who can’t find a Dom to scene with or even talk with.

Trying to figure it out, I think there are two main factors. First, age has something to do with it. There are far more subs 40 or so than there are 20 year olds. This is because many come to D/s in their late 30s and 40s, in my opinion. Those who find it in their 20s rarely leave the lifestyle and as more find it later in life, the numbers grow. Doms, on the other hand, have usually been into things since their early 20s. The numbers of Doms don’t increase with age as it does with sub women. Thus, younger subs are outnumbered by Doms while older ones are not. Simple enough huh?

The whittling down of the number of available men is present also in vanilla life. I think we all know 40 plus year old women who search for dates on various boards and such with little luck.

Okay, the other factor. Truth. Many vanilla men will come here thinking they can wing it as far as being a Dom type. They have never spanked or whipped anyone, much less have a concept of TPE. They think they can be rough and that is all they need to do. Some subs may just want a man to be that at times, but most don’t. Many of the “Doms’ here only want an online or phone relationship. How many of you know subs who were stood up by Doms after months of online whatever?

So how does all this affect the ratio of mail? Subs tend to be exactly what they say they are on this site as far as the lifestyle. They have been spanked a time or two (not trying to make light of D/s here) or have an intense desire to find someone to dominate them. Whereas men can fake the Dom thing, women can’t fake the ability to sub. When that flogger starts to land, they are either into things or not.

(Before everyone jumps at once, I know there are exceptions where some women want to play slave online and never meet, but I’m speaking in general. My thoughts anyway.)


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For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 3:56:01 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		CM email has a feature called "Mail Control" in which you can have the site sort through email; if you only want to hear from Doms and Masters of a certain age, your other emails will be sent to a "Bulk" folder which you can review at your leisure from time to time. However, my problem is i have friends who would not be able to reach me if i did this. For someone new, not hooked up as a friend, mail controls may be a real asset.

candystripper

(in reply to Oberonrex)
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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 4:19:16 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I advice against disclaimers like that in profiles because

a) they never work, they just lead people to post more complaint threads about why people email EVEN when they have a disclaimer

b) it makes the person seem defensive and negative

I'm generally against the idea of having a "match maker" because it doesn't enable the sub to do her own judgement, to make her own choices, to build the screening skills she ultimately needs for herself.

(in reply to TearCollector)
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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 4:55:22 AM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TearCollector

Why do guys send pictures of their manhood to a woman they never met. ? Is that stupid or what. Ladies am I wrong on this one. Do you like that?

I am totally indifferent about cock-photos, actually they all look the same and I had seen enough of them so not interested anymore. Now, photo of nice naked male body is something completely different, if he shows the face even better.

Funny thing is I didnt get one "winkie picture" since I registered here. Are men scared to send such pics to dominant women or what? I get lots of messages from dominant men but almost all are extremely polite.

Even more funny to me is when I read something about "men wanting only sex/play/fun/etc". In my profile I have plain statement that I want submissive men for casual sex only, and guess what? I have find only one quite pitiful exemplar so far. Ok, will not be too harsh on boy, at least he had a courage to meet in real.

Where are all those sex-craving males with their cocks in photos and for real? Am I so scary or what? They all seem to freak out and disappear after 2-3 messages.


As for your friend, TearCollector, I would agree with others about mail controls and bulk folder - its really handy.

< Message edited by Kasia -- 11/2/2005 4:56:14 AM >

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I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 5:22:55 AM   
frenchpet


Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline 		What is the point of answering to people who did not read your profile ? A clever poster out there asks in her profile to include a certain phrase in the first email. If one didn't read the profile, one can't include the phrase and you know there's no point in replying. Simple.

< Message edited by frenchpet -- 11/2/2005 5:24:14 AM >

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 5:37:33 AM   
NYDiscipline


Posts: 22
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia

Funny thing is I didnt get one "winkie picture" since I registered here. Are men scared to send such pics to dominant women or what? I get lots of messages from dominant men but almost all are extremely polite.



Have you ever heard the term "opening the floodgates"? Something tells me that after your post, some cock-shots are in your future...

On the original topic- I've known several women who took their profile down and gave up all together. They thought it was insane that they were getting literally hundreds of emails. But then again...if you put a cleavage shot in your profile- you have to expect a flood of emails. Not all of them had this either- some had no picture at all, and still got pages of mail for their first few weeks on the site.

(in reply to Kasia)
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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 5:57:44 AM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NYDiscipline
Have you ever heard the term "opening the floodgates"? Something tells me that after your post, some cock-shots are in your future...

Yeah right, if they can only find my profile first. You wouldnt believe how tough that is for some of them - and I have a feeling that those who would send me any cock-shots are probably the ones most unable to locate my profile.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 7:34:49 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia


quote:

ORIGINAL: NYDiscipline
Have you ever heard the term "opening the floodgates"? Something tells me that after your post, some cock-shots are in your future...

Yeah right, if they can only find my profile first. You wouldnt believe how tough that is for some of them - and I have a feeling that those who would send me any cock-shots are probably the ones most unable to locate my profile.



I think you are right with that feeling! lol

Oumae

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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 8:17:08 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Yeah right, if they can only find my profile first. You wouldnt believe how tough that is for some of them - and I have a feeling that those who would send me any cock-shots are probably the ones most unable to locate my profile.


How is it though that the ones that can't find a profile with a map & instructions ALWAYS have no problems finding their zipper by the glow of the monitor??

(in reply to Kasia)
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RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box - 11/2/2005 8:36:55 AM   
mossy


Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		This is a very interesting topic. Your sub friend is fortunate to have someone like You to assist her. Since i recently changed my picture from a face shot to full body, even though it is a bit soft and sensual, my response declined dramatically. i am happy about this. i believe it has more to do with the fact i took off my interest list, and changed what i said in my profile. The profile is sparce.

(in reply to TearCollector)
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