|
TearCollector -> RE: Tidal wave in a female slave message box (11/4/2005 1:52:53 PM)
|
I expected a total thrashing for this decision I made. From the outside looking in, I would have been rolling my eyeballs and saying what a stupid move. I wanted to bounce this off you guys because I wanted opinions to consider. Not necessarily to follow. I logged on this morning with my fire suit on. Oddly, there was some smoke but not much fire. Lady Angelica was correct though. The question came exactly as she predicted "why don’t you want me".
The deal unfolded like this:
I found this female with interests and needs that were very much parallel to what I was looking for. That makes her someone that I should contact. In the process of trying to talk with her, she was getting 10 messages in between my messages. It was frustrating not having her undivided attention for even a minute. I decided on a strategy of numerous short messages to keep mine near the top of the incoming wave of messages. Even if one slipped under the current undetected, the next would be seen. It worked and I became the most familiar name quickest. “Natures law of survival of the fittest.” I capitalized on this very slight advantage by offering her help in managing her incoming mail. That was the key. She was so stressed and confused and at that moment vulnerable so frustrated numb and tiered, she conceded. Once inside, I cleared out 30 pages, and did not reply to any incoming for an hour which slowed the mail to a trickle. Mean while, we communicated over email. It was slightly slower but I had her complete attention. She clamed down and the mood was perfect. I was her "savior" (Her words).
Now that I had her where I wanted her, I couldn’t decide what to do with her. Like so many of you would advise, (especially John Warren who I like a lot). It takes time to get to know a person. That’s what I was after next. But I knew the second she got back on the boards, the tidal wave would be back and her undivided attention would be shattered. I decided to create a bubble for her. Limited access with my controls. I wanted to keep her occupied but still have the majority of her attention while I discovered her and what she is about. I was in her inner circle as the Umpire, bouncer and manager. I decided who knocked on the door and who got booted. I chose very good people for her to talk with. One Dom I considered a serious adversary. An artist with an extraordinary way with words. Handsome too. I genuinely liked the guy. Even though I had to keep a close eye on him. He was the one person I felt I may not be able to control if he got into her head. I kept him close by because this wasn’t just about me. It was about her as well. I was just going through this exercise as the only means I knew to isolate and learn about her. If it wasn’t right then I wanted her to have good people to choose from which was the hat I was suppose to be wearing anyway.
The Doms I chose of coarse all wanted total unobstructed access. That was not going to happen until I knew what I wanted to do. But I liked and respected these Doms. I chose them because they seemed to me to be the best of hundreds of interested parties. I gave her their ID's and permitted her to write them only with my permission. When she wrote them, I do not know what she said. But I did read all the replies. And she was not restricted from reading incoming mail. Only responding to them. This was the weak spot in my plan. If the Doms knew she was able to read and not reply, they could have just kept writing and writing which could have broke her down. These Doms were intelligent. Also they seemed highly skilled. I live in a 6 hour time zone away from her and I work full time. The Doms had hours to wear her down with out my eye on it. If they new she was reading and not me it could have been a disaster. She is extremely vulnerable. It could have happened. I ran the risk because I needed to keep her occupied so she wasn’t waiting totally at the door for me. The mind wonders when not occupied. So I attempted to control the mild mental occupation necessary with some accepted risk.
Watching her respond and react to Dom couples, Dom men and even Mistresses was interesting for me. I assumed she needed a couple because of information she had given me. I presented her with some excellent couples. Genuine and quite good in every respect. But she leaned toward the single men. Even the Mistress had little impact. The artist got the most attention which concerned me but I monitored it closely. ( Can anyone tell I admire this guy? Powerful in the most calming way.)
I had narrowed the field down to about 10 Doms and was undecided what I wanted to do. I made mention of it here on the forums hoping for some "outside looking in advice" which I got. Thank you. I decided not to stall the process and continue moving forward with the plan of locating her a future Dom and keeping myself as an option. I wasn’t ready to jump in and say it’s me and the other Doms I had selected were chomping the bit at the starting gate. So I decided its time to let the race begin and give the Doms unrestricted access.
Since I was in charge, I felt an obligation to the Doms to verify her as being real before opening the starting gate. Id felt like the biggest fool if she wasn’t. So I got her number and called. That is when lightening struck. After the phone call, I sat down and mentally went over the whole project. My intensions, my directions my wants, her intensions, her capability etc... The hesitation is probably a normal reaction.
At the computer, I sat and finally decided to let it go. I just wasn’t 100% certain what my next move was should be so, I would open the door and be done with it. I emailed her and told her I was going to inform the Doms of her email address and she had free choice. The response was immediate. "Why don’t you want me?" I had no answer. I did want her. I stepped away from the computer and watched as she begged and pleaded for a response. I could almost see the tears of fear and frustration pouring down her face as she helplessly typed in desperation as I did not reply. Message after message appeared relentless on my yahoo IM pleading for mercy and to say just one word to know I was there.
Im not an unkind person. This was tearing me apart. I thought she would grow weary and say "fine what ever" and storm off in a huff proving to me she wasn’t the one. But she didn’t. She posted “call me please!!!” with her number over and over. I changed my defensive thinking to an offensive thought. I know what I want. I posted in my profile before I even met her. If I know what want and she meets the criteria, what is stopping me from engaging her as her potential Master. There are no red flags. There are no hairs standing the back of my neck. No intuition telling me there is a hidden problem. If it’s not her then who could it be? That was the moment I took off my umpire hat and decided to call. Just to be certain.
The tears of panic were evident as I heard the tell tale sniffling as she recomposed herself. We spoke for a few minutes. She didn’t beg or ask anything of me accept to say what ever makes me happy she will do. If that means giving her away she will obey and be happy that it made me happy. Well guess what fans, it didn’t make me happy.
The final pre-decision detail was risk versus cost which Akasha so intelligent lays on the table. Akasha also brings up valid points on matters she doesn’t have facts to but valid none the less. "Time off work and my bosses". This would be a major obstacle accept I own the company. It’s still an issue. My clients are quite demanding and need daily attention from me personally. I have an amazing staff but they are not me. Excellent under direction. Challenged during emergencies with out me. There is only one flight a week on and off this rock. It would be two weeks round trip if I left to get her. So Akasha isn’t far off the mark with professional obstacles. Rebound? Possibly a contributing factor Akasha dear. Certainly worth mentioning and correctly stated. But considering the parameters I mentioned above, rebound weighing in or not, doesn’t change ether facts. Rock in the ocean 1000's of miles from the real world and limited access to options. Sometimes we take what we can get. But in this case, I think I found a jewel and Im damn lucky to have the chance at it.
My final decision weighed in like this. And I want everyone to consider this before posting. Risk is always there for each of us in every decision we make. Given my situation as it is, which move is more stupid? Making a move that feels right or follow the beaten path of normal good due process and run the risk of losing what I believe is right. In my business, I weigh risk vs cost over time for clients in my head all the time. I understand it. Now why is she packing so sudden? Why not wait? Akasha "Who is paying the plane ticket?" She is. She also has the means to support herself and leave with out financial burden to me at all. So, what is my risk? What is her motive? I believe it genuine. And if it’s not, Ill find out soon enough with minimum negative impact.
The facts were and still are, I live thousands of miles from civilization as most of you know it. Surrounded by warm ocean and dolphins. Odds are extremely low of having anyone here in the lifestyle not to mention having a selection. So you will need to excuse me for being a little aggressive at finding one that meets my criteria and is interested in me plus is willing to relocate here at her own expense. My situation should afford some understanding from the critics and not put me directly into to the pile of stupid moves.
ChainGang
Your views make sense. I would absolutely say the same thing. “Smoked once and will get smoked again”. Im 40 my friend. Smoked once in my life is a good record. Being tough enough to turn around and grab the next opportunity on short notice with clear thinking is not stupidity. Its much bigger than that. I hope you agree. But as you said, it makes little difference now doesnt it.?
I did not make this post for anyone to validate me actions. I made it because I find value in bouncing these things off the people here. I don’t have a habit of showing my butt to the world. I did it here because I wanted some experienced advice to consider. But whether I follow it or not is my decision to make. My actions do not require validation and the consequences are mine alone. So are the benefits. I have made mistakes. But I have learned from them. Im confident that anyone here that has real advise to offer has also made mistakes and learned from them. Thanks for your input. Positive or negative, it has value.
I would like to call on that SOB Farimir to post here. Im dreadfully curious to know what his blunt take on all this is. His perspectives are always colorful but I find the man sincere and in my opinion honest with his thoughts. We cant ask for more than honesty from anyone. How they deliver to us is an individuals own style.
BTW, I posted a pic on my profile last night for the first time. I will remove it at the end of the day. I think it’s a good idea to put a face with a conversation. Only those who read this whole novel will know its there. You’re the ones Id like to know who I am. The rest of the world doesn’t have the need to know.
TC
|
|
|
|
