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paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 4:27:59 PM

Treasure3

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This is a bit of a rant, with a real question at the end. Please, indulge me a few moments to vent and voice the things that have been on my mind.

Master has been taking new pictures of his toys and the new equipment in his playroom. Now, I understand that men have a love of their toys and like to show them off. The thing is, he sent me pictures of it all today, as I haven't had a chance to see it in person yet. What I noticed first was that a number of the pictures were of his older equipment and toys, laid out separately from the new pieces. In all, his photos showed his complete collection. For some reason, this raises a red flag for me. He says he is not searching for play partners, but he is frequently online and has not changed his profile to reflect being in a relationship already, something he said he would do a few weeks ago. Now, there are new pictures, new equipment, and something just doesn't feel right.

Maybe I am just being paranoid, but I just can't seem to shake this feeling that he IS continuing to search and those photos are to show prospective subs what he has available. They surely do resemble the pictures he sent to me when we were first emailing back and forth. This is a long distance relationship, and things are already a tad bit rocky, so maybe that is where all of this is coming from. I just don't know. It isn't normal for me to be so untrusting, but the feeling was instantaneous and totally out of the blue.

How do you know when a feeling is truly pointing out something that is not right or when it is just a case of paranoia?

Post #: 1

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 4:51:17 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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There's four, things you can do here:
ask him straight out about it and assume he'll tell the truth,
ask him straight out about it and assume he'll lie,
don't ask because you trust him or
don't ask because you know he'll lie.

I recommend asking...and then keep in mind that you've seen all the pics and can later identify them if they're used.

It's not a pleasant place to be in when you have doubt.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 2

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 5:15:15 PM

Treasure3

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

There's four, things you can do here:
ask him straight out about it and assume he'll tell the truth,
ask him straight out about it and assume he'll lie,
don't ask because you trust him or
don't ask because you know he'll lie.

I recommend asking...and then keep in mind that you've seen all the pics and can later identify them if they're used.

It's not a pleasant place to be in when you have doubt.

Master Fire

Thank you for responding.

I did ask him just a few minutes ago. It felt worse to not ask the question and know it was in the back of my mind each time we talked. He brushed it off, saying he just wanted up to date pictures. I also asked why he had not changed his online profile as he had said he would. He said he just hadn't gotten around to it. He had time to be on the site multiple times a day, but no time to make a simple change?? I just don't know right now. My gut is saying there is something not quite right, but I have no tangible reason to doubt him.

I don't recall ever feeling so distrustful and I don't like the way this instance has brought up those feelings.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 3

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 5:19:04 PM

fluffyswitch

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From: Buffalo
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i would talk to him about it. i went through this with Him on another site. i ended up telling Him why it made me uncomfortable. maybe it's just a case of Him feeling like it's not that big of a deal, or it could mean something bigger than that. you won't know until you talk it out and if you sit on it you may end up undermining your relationship over a situation that didn't exist in the first place.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 4

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 5:22:19 PM

Treasure3

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

i would talk to him about it. i went through this with Him on another site. i ended up telling Him why it made me uncomfortable. maybe it's just a case of Him feeling like it's not that big of a deal, or it could mean something bigger than that. you won't know until you talk it out and if you sit on it you may end up undermining your relationship over a situation that didn't exist in the first place.

You are absolutely right. I do want to talk with him more extensively but was trying to wait until we are face to face, so I can see his eyes. Maybe it would be best to do it over the phone to get it dealt with or at least out on the table.

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 5

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 5:30:27 PM

Lockit

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Are you a basically secure person, not prone to jealousy? If you are and have such a strong gut feeling, you might not want to wait until you can meet eye to eye if that means someone is moving. Moving and finding out that all wasn't what it seemed to be can be disaster! I have learned to go with my gut and never ignore it. When I do, I am sorry. Even in my most jaded moments with my mind telling me things could be worse than they seem, my gut is true.

I would start with me, exmaine how I am typically, what I might be thinking wrongly and then move on to him. There is nothing wrong with questioning things and if he doesn't allow for that and value your feelings... your gut is telling you something you need to listen to. Now he knows how you feel and some of your concerns. If he doesn't act to make you feel secure on his part and you do your part, there is something wrong.

(in reply to Treasure3)

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RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:01:05 PM

daddysliloneds

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give me his screen-name; i'll write to him a letter of interest in his toys; i mean him

and then get back to you on whether or not you're being paranoid.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 7

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:11:49 PM

Treasure3

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Are you a basically secure person, not prone to jealousy? If you are and have such a strong gut feeling, you might not want to wait until you can meet eye to eye if that means someone is moving. Moving and finding out that all wasn't what it seemed to be can be disaster! I have learned to go with my gut and never ignore it. When I do, I am sorry. Even in my most jaded moments with my mind telling me things could be worse than they seem, my gut is true.

I would start with me, exmaine how I am typically, what I might be thinking wrongly and then move on to him. There is nothing wrong with questioning things and if he doesn't allow for that and value your feelings... your gut is telling you something you need to listen to. Now he knows how you feel and some of your concerns. If he doesn't act to make you feel secure on his part and you do your part, there is something wrong.

This is unusual for me. I'm not typically a jealous or untrusting person, and for the most part, with the exception of a couple of rough patches early in the relationship, I have generally felt secure in the relationship.

I have asked for a time to speak with him at a time when no one will interrupt tomorrow, and he has set a time. In situations where I question something someone has said, I have always relied on their eyes to tell me the truth when I confronted it with them. Over the phone, I don't have that, obviously, but I think it does not need to be put on the back burner for another couple of weeks until our next visit. Hopefully, I will get the sense of what is going on just by his voice.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 8

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:13:21 PM

Treasure3

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

give me his screen-name; i'll write to him a letter of interest in his toys; i mean him and then get back to you on whether or not you're being paranoid.

I'm not sure if you are being serious or not so I hope this doesn't offend you, but I don't think setting him up would be a good thing.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 9

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:20:16 PM

Lockit

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Long distance or meeting online can make you feel vulnerable in a way dealing with an in person situation won't always. The guy could be on the up and up and this is just a factor that is playing into things. It is hard to know when you are being fair or unfair sometimes and you question yourself and for someone taking advantage, that is an open door!

Communication is key. Tell him your concerns and listen to him. If he is patient and understands your fears or whatever, it would seem he is taking into account how long distance can be and is being wise and considerate. If he pushes your feelings to a back burner, acts like they are stupid or wrong somehow... you can consider that this will happen later on too. That would tell me a lot, whether from a jaded, insecure or jealous place... it says enough to know... he might not be the best dominant for you. You are worth consideration even if you are coming from a place of vulnerablity because it isn't in person. Good Luck!

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 10

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:22:29 PM

daddysliloneds

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well, that's why i put the winking guy in there, because i was kidding; however, i was only kidding in a small way...

if you don't trust your instincts, and you feel like you're being paranoid, and he hasn't changed his profile, then you should have someone you know send him a letter of interest(setting him up to pass/fail) and then you'll have your answer...

and if that seems to sneaky to you, i completely understand, but it's also a pretty damn good way of finding out if he's a liar or being honest with you!

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 11

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:27:21 PM

xxblushesxx

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I agree with DLO.
But then again, I can be sneaky given the proper circumstances. (or the improper ones as the case may be)

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(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 12

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:27:29 PM

Lockit

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If he didn't change his profile to reflect the relationship that they have agreed to... I might be tempted to agree with that! lol He said he would... didn't... changed pictures, which doesn't happen over night and can't add a simple sentence? hummmm.... But it could be true. But.. how much can one expect before a first meeting? If he is saying one thing and doing another... that should be heard loud and clear!

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 13

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:27:46 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

well, that's why i put the winking guy in there, because i was kidding; however, i was only kidding in a small way...

if you don't trust your instincts, and you feel like you're being paranoid, and he hasn't changed his profile, then you should have someone you know send him a letter of interest(setting him up to pass/fail) and then you'll have your answer...

and if that seems to sneaky to you, i completely understand, but it's also a pretty damn good way of finding out if he's a liar or being honest with you!

i agree that it would probably work but i think i would dump anyone who pulled that on me and i found out about it. i think i would rather just talk to him about it directly...but shrug.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 14

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:30:11 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

well, that's why i put the winking guy in there, because i was kidding; however, i was only kidding in a small way...

if you don't trust your instincts, and you feel like you're being paranoid, and he hasn't changed his profile, then you should have someone you know send him a letter of interest(setting him up to pass/fail) and then you'll have your answer...

and if that seems to sneaky to you, i completely understand, but it's also a pretty damn good way of finding out if he's a liar or being honest with you!

i agree that it would probably work but i think i would dump anyone who pulled that on me and i found out about it. i think i would rather just talk to him about it directly...but shrug.

Agreed. Except they only find out about it if they 'fail' the test. At that point, who cares?
I wouldn't do that to the one I'm with now because He's given me every reason to trust Him; were the circumstances different, maybe I would...Idk...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 15

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:31:18 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Treasure3, you and I have spoken before about issues in your relationship, back when I was with my former owner and had issues of my own. You've also started more than a few threads here in the last year about issues, trust, doubts and basic negative feelings about his actions or inactions.

My opinion hasn't changed in the last year, especially considering what you've shared here since then. I believe you are holding onto a man and a relationship that will never be what you hope for.... and you deserve to have the master and the relationship that you need, want and desire.

You've known the answers to every question you've ever asked, but you are hoping for a response that will make your doubts go away.

I hope you find contentment one day............. either with your decision to stay with him or to walk away and find who and what you really need and want.

Best of luck to you.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 16

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:33:14 PM

Treasure3

Posts: 94
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

If he didn't change his profile to reflect the relationship that they have agreed to... I might be tempted to agree with that! lol He said he would... didn't... changed pictures, which doesn't happen over night and can't add a simple sentence? hummmm.... But it could be true. But.. how much can one expect before a first meeting? If he is saying one thing and doing another... that should be heard loud and clear!

Just to clear things up... we have been seeing each other for a little over 2 years.... many, many real time visits in that time.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 17

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:33:22 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

well, that's why i put the winking guy in there, because i was kidding; however, i was only kidding in a small way...

if you don't trust your instincts, and you feel like you're being paranoid, and he hasn't changed his profile, then you should have someone you know send him a letter of interest(setting him up to pass/fail) and then you'll have your answer...

and if that seems to sneaky to you, i completely understand, but it's also a pretty damn good way of finding out if he's a liar or being honest with you!

i agree that it would probably work but i think i would dump anyone who pulled that on me and i found out about it. i think i would rather just talk to him about it directly...but shrug.

Agreed. Except they only find out about it if they 'fail' the test. At that point, who cares?
I wouldn't do that to the one I'm with now because He's given me every reason to trust Him; were the circumstances different, maybe I would...Idk...

lol i have atrocious luck and they always find out one way or another. i also am extremely blunt so i think that when we had this conversation i just flat out asked him what it was about me that made him so hestitant to mark that he was in a relationship. after close to three months of dating. shrug people seem to think that i'm really cold and angry all the time. i just dont know how to keep my mouth shut lol.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 18

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:45:29 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

i agree that it would probably work but i think i would dump anyone who pulled that on me and i found out about it. i think i would rather just talk to him about it directly...but shrug.

she did talk to him directly and got some punk ass excuses; that's why i said dangle the bait!

i had a bogus profile on another site for a while; it was set up there so i could read forums without being online under my screen-name; there was nothing even written there except my location, my age and my sex...

my partner at the time, which was also a ldr as the original poster, also had some cock and bull story on why he didn't change his profile to reflect our relationship; and he also had plenty of time to add more pictures, etc...

then one day, low and behold, my bogus profile got written to by my supposed partner, wanting to hook-up when he came to town...

yeah, totally busted and it wasn't even meant to be bait!

or, you could do one better than that...

you could add some lucsious pictures of yourself to your profile and change it back to being single and see if he even notices! then if/when he does, tell him you haven't had time to fix the error of your ways, and you'll get around to it...

then see what happens!

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 19

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:48:39 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

well, that's why i put the winking guy in there, because i was kidding; however, i was only kidding in a small way...

if you don't trust your instincts, and you feel like you're being paranoid, and he hasn't changed his profile, then you should have someone you know send him a letter of interest(setting him up to pass/fail) and then you'll have your answer...

and if that seems to sneaky to you, i completely understand, but it's also a pretty damn good way of finding out if he's a liar or being honest with you!

i agree that it would probably work but i think i would dump anyone who pulled that on me and i found out about it. i think i would rather just talk to him about it directly...but shrug.

Agreed. Except they only find out about it if they 'fail' the test. At that point, who cares?
I wouldn't do that to the one I'm with now because He's given me every reason to trust Him; were the circumstances different, maybe I would...Idk...

Personally, someone who feels the need to use deceptive tactics such as this to find out whether or not I keep my word irks me. If they must 'test' me, at least tell me they did so. Do not hide such things. I want transparence in a relationship, and this would cause me to lose interest in a person. If someone was so immature to need to resort to sneaky tactics I don't want to be around them.

If someone asked me, do you mind if at sometime I test your word, so that I can feel secure knowing you are being honest with me, I'd probably see it as a challenge and say go for it. At that point, if they chose to send another to message me or some other form of test, I wouldn't get upset with them. I'd like for them to tell me when the 'test' was complete and whether or not I 'passed'. If indeed I passed, I would expect no future 'tests' to be necessary.

It's simply childish in my opinion and shows the inability to communicate effectively on their part to have to pull such b/s.

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Post #: 20

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