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RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:51:59 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Two years and no mention of you? After reading more of the post... I have to say... I can't say! lol For two years a struggle... you have more something than I have! I could not invest that much of myself for so little and that much drama. It ages you and believe me... that gets tough when you get there. Life is too short to accept less or live that shit!

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 21

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:52:47 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

well, that's why i put the winking guy in there, because i was kidding; however, i was only kidding in a small way...

if you don't trust your instincts, and you feel like you're being paranoid, and he hasn't changed his profile, then you should have someone you know send him a letter of interest(setting him up to pass/fail) and then you'll have your answer...

and if that seems to sneaky to you, i completely understand, but it's also a pretty damn good way of finding out if he's a liar or being honest with you!

i agree that it would probably work but i think i would dump anyone who pulled that on me and i found out about it. i think i would rather just talk to him about it directly...but shrug.

Agreed. Except they only find out about it if they 'fail' the test. At that point, who cares?
I wouldn't do that to the one I'm with now because He's given me every reason to trust Him; were the circumstances different, maybe I would...Idk...

Personally, someone who feels the need to use deceptive tactics such as this to find out whether or not I keep my word irks me. If they must 'test' me, at least tell me they did so. Do not hide such things. I want transparence in a relationship, and this would cause me to lose interest in a person. If someone was so immature to need to resort to sneaky tactics I don't want to be around them.

If someone asked me, do you mind if at sometime I test your word, so that I can feel secure knowing you are being honest with me, I'd probably see it as a challenge and say go for it. At that point, if they chose to send another to message me or some other form of test, I wouldn't get upset with them. I'd like for them to tell me when the 'test' was complete and whether or not I 'passed'. If indeed I passed, I would expect no future 'tests' to be necessary.

It's simply childish in my opinion and shows the inability to communicate effectively on their part to have to pull such b/s.

see this is what got me about it you just said it better than i could. if i were the one that was being 'tested' and you felt the need to 'test' me to these lengths i would rather that you just cut me loose. it would be different if i knew about it, though i don't know how much different, except for giving me time to bow out gracefullly.

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Post #: 22

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 6:56:09 PM

daddysliloneds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

a man/woman is only as good as their word and they shouldn't have to be 'told' that their word is being tested so they know whether or not they passed or failed!!!

there is nothing childish about her wanting to protect herself or 'testing' his word!!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 23

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 7:01:03 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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If a person is incapable of making decisions based upon the input from the other person, then yes, they are immature.

You shouldn't need to 'test' someone to know if you feel comfortable with them. If you do not feel comfortable with them no amount of testing will change that.

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Post #: 24

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 7:01:52 PM

marieToo

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Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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Every time I've given the benefit of the doubt because of my sometimes paranoid (or should I say cynical) tendencies, it's always played out to where I see that my instincts had been correct all along.

If something feels wrong, it is.

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I give good agita.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 25

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 7:15:17 PM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
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Omg... dlo, too funny.
OP, please, all i can say is your gut is telling you something for a reason. My overly emotional response to this entire thread alerts me now i am reacting in a personal way to something that has nothing to do with me. ahem. *disclaimer*
But i call Bullshit.
dlo is right.
We all know it.
He didnt change his profile because it might piss off his other girlfriends. Even if he did change it, theres girls out there who could give a f*ckshite about honor and will slide right in where ever. Sometimes women know things by instinct. Objects (new/old toys, pictures) resonate energy, yes even other peoples. No, you dont have to be in the same room for them to do so. No i dont want to debate energy transfer. This is my Opinion.
Baby when your heart talks, listen
when your hurting theres a reason
Come on, you know its true.
Dont kid yourself.
Stay present and alert.
As for all this talk about being insecure. Ha. Whatever. The same people will call you a dumb ass for not listening to your instincts later.
*note* i didnt say leave him, accuse him or freak out...i'm saying do not doubt yourself. Thats where the heartache comes in. Visit more often so he has his hands more full of you than the keyboard. Maybe later you can play with others online or r/t ... together.

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(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 26

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 7:22:08 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Ok, OP;

I went back and read the threads you have started. This guy (he is not a dom, imo) does not keep his word to you, and has one excuse after another.
I don't expect my dom to be perfect, but when He messes up, He fesses up.
A dom is not beyond reproach, but he is only as good as his word.
If he doesn't have that, what does he have?
How do you trust him? How can you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone who doesn't respect that?
Someone here has a tagline that says something like; Never make someone a priority who only uses you as an option.
Wise words.

Oh, and for whoever it was who called me childish; Says who, huh? says who? I know you are but what am I?!! Sticks and stones...

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

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(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 27

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 7:42:31 PM

Evility

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Joined: 12/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3
I also asked why he had not changed his online profile as he had said he would. He said he just hadn't gotten around to it. He had time to be on the site multiple times a day, but no time to make a simple change?

I'll give him the benefit of doubt that he just hadn't done it - nothing nefarious going on. Has he rectified that since you talked?

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 28

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 8:31:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

BR sounds like the skinny here.

To me, it's an issue that he's said he will do something and chooses not to do it, and it's an issue that you clearly stated you were feeling distrustful and he didn't pay any serious attention to it at all. For me, someone in a LTR with me coming to me and saying they don't trust me would send me into a total relationship review process of at least a few days.

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Post #: 29

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/18/2008 9:43:24 PM

ghettoloveinblo

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck. It's probably a duck. But, first and foremost...ASK him, none of us are mindreaders. And I beleive that may include you! :) Good Luck.

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 30

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/19/2008 3:05:20 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I had only skimmed the thread when I responded previously. Going back and re-reading it I see the two years comment. That's an awful long time to 'get around' to something. I retract my earlier benefit of the doubt I extended to this guy, at least regarding that. You certainly have reason to take issue with that.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/19/2008 4:03:56 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3

He says he is not searching for play partners, but he is frequently online and has not changed his profile to reflect being in a relationship already, something he said he would do a few weeks ago. Now, there are new pictures, new equipment, and something just doesn't feel right.

Daddy and i have been together well over a year now. and he *never* changed his profile although he was fine with me having a picture of both of us on my (former) profile, and my identifying him by name on that profile. i know our situation is different since we're going from semi long-distance and seeing each other every month or so to an online-only long distance arrangement.

i'd say absolutely ask him flat out what his reasoning was and i wish you the best of luck

kitten

(in reply to Treasure3)

Post #: 32

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/19/2008 4:15:06 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

FR

To be honest its such a small thing for do, and clearly means a lot to you (which i do understand) so really he should do it i dont really see why he wouldnt, as others have suggested mention it to him again, if he wont do it I think it speaks volumes.

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Post #: 33

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/19/2008 4:43:05 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Lets face it people. The OP is not listening to anything you are saying. She has already shown that with Naughty Angels post. This is a more of a pity me post.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 34

RE: paranoid or instinct? - 6/19/2008 6:00:53 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

So far as toys go, so he buys new toys, what is the big deal about that? Is there never going to be a time when he gets to use them with you? And yes, men like to show off their toys.

So far as him changing his profile, personally it's not a big deal to me, would I love for him to gush about me to everyone he meets? Sure, why not, but he's a guy and that is not the way most of them are wired.

It sounds like the underlying problem is that you don't have a secure foundation to this relationship. I'd work on that rather then taking away the signs of that unstability.

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(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 35

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