Darkeyes83
Posts: 18
Joined: 7/4/2007
Status: offline
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Two books that were recommended to me, that I'm picking up this weekend, are SM-101, by Jay Wiseman, and Screw the roses, send me the thorns, by phillip millar/molly devon. I've read the descriptions for them(online, I'm picking them up instore though), and it seems pretty comprehensive.
Noticing, though, some of what the op said, does set off all sorts of warning bells for me, and I know alot of people on here have mentioned it in one way or another. If she doesn't know what being a sub is, how come her Dom is unable to teach her how to be HIS sub? Why would he need someone else to come in? IF he wanted to do something like that, and he lacks the experience himself to be able to teach her what his brand/her brand of submission is, then he should invite over a Dom AND sub couple, and let her ask them questions, and maybe demo some of their intricate relationship activities. But there would still need to be a reminder that that's just ONE brand, specific to that couple, and that it's not an all or nothing deal. That she should negotiate her limits, to what she's comfortable, and more importantly, happy and fulfilled by. It's just as important for him to respect those limits and know that he can't have it all his way, that he has to taylor his ability to Dom to her limits, and if he can't do so, then neither of them will be happy, and infact by introducing such a lifestyle dynamic into their marriage because he wanted to have something he didn't currently have, he might ruin his marriage.
Worst case scenario, that he does have his sub friend come over(when you generally shouldn't be introducing third parties into something until it's got stable footing), even if she does her brand of subbing upon arrival(though why a sub would submit to someone not their Dom, and where's the friend's Dom(if the friend is so experienced, you would think the friend and/or their Dom would have suggested such already), He should be able to negotiate what they do, what they go over, what he expects similar and different from what she currently does(and thus what he would expect his wife to do) along with the limits, both for the sub friend, himself, and his wife upon how far the scene would go(whether or not it would enter the bedroom, for example).
If they've been doing it for a little while(his wife and himself doing the lifestyle, that is), why has he not setup some form of obedience training/punishment system in order to train her? Isn't this one of the first things a D/s relationship generally does? Set the limits, manage the behaviors, and then enjoy the rewards? I'm not saying he has to beat her, or use restraints and a cattle prod to teach her the positions(if he so chooses to use such methods of D/s as positions), or that he suspend her via rearward tied arms everytime she forgets to say 'sir' or whatever moniker they've decided on(In my own case, my girlfriend earlyon gave me the nickname of 'Babykins'. yeah. I don't think she'll ever stop calling me that, but I'll wear it with pride, for it's what she chose for me.), but maybe a mild spanking, or a gently reminding correction, or some other form of obedience play could be used.
Granted, I have very little personal experience on the D/s relationship, most of what I know is from Q/A with people in chats, emails, forums, reading books, and observation, both real life and online, of how people behave. Not to mention the use of what I would like to believe is an average to slightly above average intellect in the areas of problem solving and deductive reasoning.
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Interesting situation Coming Soon:Advice needed - 
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What she said.
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