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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 9:44:49 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

yet,

Why are posters now assuming that this kind of relationship is considered for someone who is in need of therapy?

It's what I call ideological imperialism.
The I I club.

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 9:45:37 AM

NeedingMore220

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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

Sorry, I'm missing the brilliance above. I took his original statement as 'don't you think an emotional sadist can have a girl obey just because he gives orders without his resorting to sadism' - she obeys just because she is his, not because she is emotionally triggered to do so.

For it NOT to be abuse in this case, he has to know how, where, when to apply this 'mind-fuck' capability...as a skill. This skill obviously must be honed-in upon the submissive and make it as personally as possible (know her, and know her well).

To abuse in such an instance, he would resort to petty insults, out-of-bounds recitals of his own failures/issues to use upon this submissive.

To obey because she is his?

Why then is she his? How did this mindset for her begin? By the skill and knowledge of the perfect mindfuck perhaps?

I doubt she is 'his' because he dragged her off the subway and into his lair.

'knowing she is his' yawwn, sounds so romantic of an idea, but it is not enough to hold some women in a tear-jerkin' mode nor long enough for her to be in awe that he opened emotions, saw them, confronted them, reviewed them and skillfully replaced them.

Up to you how you see his wording, I see it as how it is worded.

Gotcha. I wasn't looking at it in a mindfuck sort of way - just like he wants her to wear a particular dress that day, and tells her to do so, and she does. Just a typical everyday thing he wants her to do. Not in the context of being deep in a scene.

But the sarcasm is noted, thanks.

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Post #: 82

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 9:51:46 AM

came4U

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quote:

The deepest hurt doesn't hold fear does that make sense?

I get that. I hear it, I understand it.

again we are back to how a person can handle such pain, some can, some would need therapy..in that case this is why ES/em shouldn't be something one merely dabbles in (such as knifeplay, fireplay bla bla etc.) I mentioned before, it takes a stronger person, and as someone also said..it is easy to prey on the weak of mind.

quote:

Gotcha. I wasn't looking at it in a mindfuck sort of way - just like he wants her to wear a particular dress that day, and tells her to do so, and she does. Just a typical everyday thing he wants her to do. Not in the context of being deep in a scene.

If a dress choice was the deep submissive objective of the day..it would be a dull day. How that decision is even dominant is just as dull.

I wasn't being sarcastic..because I find nothing 'romantic' about emotional distress in play. If I wanted romance, I'd make myself dinner, light some candles and fuck myself.

and..I don't do 'clubs'. Nor do I participate in net gang-bangs by such groups. No interest in being part of such lollypop sucking mentality.

< Message edited by came4U -- 6/21/2008 9:55:21 AM >

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 9:53:17 AM

NeedingMore220

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Prinsexx,

Yes, it does help. It's been said that one cannot experience great joy without knowing great pain. One can appreciate the good when she's known the bad that can be out there. In coming back from the hurt you know you can heal because you've seen the life without pain. That makes sense to me.

This makes me think of the worst times of my life have been when I've been numb - nothing great, nothing awful. Just gettin' by. Getting past those times into the light again can be a struggle sometimes, but when it happens, life feels great.

And I LOVE your driving story. I can so relate. We had a gorgeous day yesterday, and when I was out driving with the windows down, sunroof open in midday I got a pure frisson of joy when the perfect song came on the radio.

Thanks for sharing!!

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 9:55:33 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

An excellent read. One question though: are your actions in a relationship geared toward manipulating the situation to obtain your fix?

Yes, both consciously and subconsciosly (I guess.....it's the subconscious manipulations that give an emotional sadist the go-ahead to punish.
Look to me it's very simple.
The physical world is the conscious world. If I get an electric shock then I am conscious pof it immediately. If I get an emotional shock there can be a very grea6 deal of time delay. Tears can come hours, days, weeks after a scene.
The emotional is the bridge.
The need is subconscious.....so a aprtner would probably have more of an idea about what my msaochistic needs are than I have. That's the nature of 'something' being subconscious.
If this doesn't make sense I'll have another go at explaining.

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 10:22:24 AM

cedoMaiori

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SltlyBrokenAngel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deliena

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotteS
I personally love dancing around the edge of a cliff...and instead of peeking over the edge and wishing you could feel the sensation of flight without the rocks at the bottom you get to fall.....feel the fear and thrill....and know that you won't fall all the way because you've got someone to catch you if you scream stop.

That's a fabulous way to put it charlotteS!

perfect absolutely perfect

I am sending the above as a text message to my sub while he slaves away at work!
Beautiful, simply beautiful.

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 12:12:33 PM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

If a dress choice was the deep submissive objective of the day..it would be a dull day. How that decision is even dominant is just as dull.

Its a fucking example...you could substitute a clitectomy and it is the same...but of course it would feed your need to be "more" submissive than the rest of the people here.

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 12:20:41 PM

softness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

If a dress choice was the deep submissive objective of the day..it would be a dull day. How that decision is even dominant is just as dull.

my god .. imagine .. a day where two people in a relationship just got on with life .. disgusting .. how dare they call themselves Dominant and submissive ... there were no ostentatious displays of Ownership, just a guy saying to his girl .. "Nah, not that one, this one makes you look cuter" and her nodding and picking up the second dress.

personally I am going to report them, for being dull

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Post #: 88

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 1:38:12 PM

came4U

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quote:

my god .. imagine .. a day where two people in a relationship just got on with life .. disgusting .. how dare they call themselves Dominant and submissive ... there were no ostentatious displays of Ownership, just a guy saying to his girl .. "Nah, not that one, this one makes you look cuter" and her nodding and picking up the second dress.

personally I am going to report them, for being dull

lol

report them to whom?

Who cares? one person's idea of thrills and chills is another's idea of ho-hum.

Choice of dress is akin to putting on the sweater your gramma knitted for you at Christmas just to appease her for the day she visits.

Why you would compare a Dom's decision to choice of dress out of the spectrum of having her dress like a whore for the day for his satisfaction and her humiliation is beyond me. Again with the romance? Aweee/yawn how quaint.

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 1:53:30 PM

came4U

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quote:

Its a fucking example...you could substitute a clitectomy and it is the same...but of course it would feed your need to be "more" submissive than the rest of the people here.

Do you thrive on giving idiotic responses just to be reminded that it was just as equally moronic?

Where are you pulling this out of? a hat? A duck out of a wallet? Sorry for your loss. This gal don't quack.

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:20:35 PM

NeedingMore220

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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U
I wasn't being sarcastic..because I find nothing 'romantic' about emotional distress in play. If I wanted romance, I'd make myself dinner, light some candles and fuck myself.

and..I don't do 'clubs'. Nor do I participate in net gang-bangs by such groups. No interest in being part of such lollypop sucking mentality.

You're the only one bringing up romance on this thread - it must be on your mind ... perhaps you should fuck yourself tonight.

< Message edited by NeedingMore220 -- 6/21/2008 2:23:11 PM >

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:26:25 PM

softness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

report them to whom?

Who cares? one person's idea of thrills and chills is another's idea of ho-hum.

Choice of dress is akin to putting on the sweater your gramma knitted for you at Christmas just to appease her for the day she visits.

Why you would compare a Dom's decision to choice of dress out of the spectrum of having her dress like a whore for the day for his satisfaction and her humiliation is beyond me. Again with the romance? Aweee/yawn how quaint.

I have no shame at all in admitting that I am a romantic, when I baked a cake for a special dinner last month with DV, I decorated the top with reeses peices in a heart shape (only picking out the red ones though obviously) - I read romance novels - I doodle hearts - and I write "soft luvs Dark Victory 4 eva" on the front of my jotter at school (no seriously ... i do)

you are just not getting something farily basic - for some, many .. or most people who live everyday in a Ds dynamic, who live AT ALL TIMES in a power exchange, its the small simple things like choosing a dress, or saying "you aren't taking sugar in your tea today" or whatever that reveal the dynamic. Personally being told what to wear fucks me right off, so submitting to it takes a darn sight more work than bending over the couch for a dry ass fucking (bad example but yanno its on my mind a lot) so though it is boring for you - its boring because you simply dont get the context.

and yes I would wear a sweater my grandmother bought me for christmas when she came to visit, because it would be pleasing for her .. and is a nice gesture .. thats the kind of girl I am

*returns to her romance novel*

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Post #: 92

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:31:30 PM

came4U

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quote:

You're the only one bringing up romance on this thread - it must be on your mind ... perhaps you should fuck yourself tonight.

Oh I probably will.

quote:

I have no shame at all in admitting that I am a romantic,......etc etc

The topic is Emotional sadism not how fluff-agenda domination leads some to satisfaction.

The entire thought of it is yummy, but, what do I know, I know how to dress myself...and well

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Post #: 93

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:32:56 PM

missturbation

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*shakes head*
She-ra comics do not count as romance novels ya know

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:34:21 PM

MadRabbit

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I got $20 that says on page 7, came4u still doesn't get the point. Any takers?

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:37:25 PM

came4U

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What is the point son?

That ES is hot and the OP shouldn't be ashamed yet learn how to do it and use it appropriately without guilt?

if so,

We all knew that pages ago.

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Post #: 96

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:48:43 PM

MadRabbit

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I was pretty sure the point that several posters were trying to convey was that emotional sadism isn't inherently "hot" or "safe" or "sane". Emotional sadism is simply emotional sadism. An indifferent tool. How it is used and the motivations behind it determine whether it's "hot" or "not hot", "healthy" or "unhealthy", "safe" or "sane".

Kind of like the difference between me cutting myself for an endorphin rush and me cutting myself out of a neurotic behavior of self punishment and loathing.

Attempting to stalwart and brush aside the people who are trying to illustrate this important point, because it conflicts with your false promotion of it being 100% cool and hot, is irresponsible and shows evidence of a person who is just looking to argue with a complete disregard for actually understanding the opinions posted.

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:49:21 PM

softness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

I have no shame at all in admitting that I am a romantic,......etc etc

The topic is Emotional sadism not how fluff-agenda domination leads some to satisfaction.

The entire thought of it is yummy, but, what do I know, I know how to dress myself...and well

two things ... one ...Can I have a volunteer to tell Dark Victory He is fluffly ... last time I did that I had my nipples nailed to a board..

second ... I am going to explain this to her in really easy steps ... and then MadRabbit will lose his bet
The explanation below explains MY relationship and MY context ... because thats what I know

1) You think you know how you look best, what looks good on you blah blah
2) You enter into a TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE relationship
3) In your TOTAL power exchange relationship you sacrifice all rights, even your right to your own opinion
4) You now have NO OPINIONS that belong to you and are protected, all of them are subject to change - that means He can change who you vote for in an election, your views on abortion, and whether doorknob is a better name for you than bedpan
5) What you look good in IS AN OPINION ... whatever you mightt think about it being fact, however many times someone else has said you look good or paid you a compliment ... its an opinion
6) He now has total control over your opinions and will change them.
7) He changes his mind about what he thinks you look good in and informs you accordingly
8) .You now must change your opinion, change it, not go along with his wishes to avoid a beating, or pretend to like it, but actually CHANGE your opinion

now .. does the thought of that make you huffy? ... have you got your princess on? .. are you waving your hands, snapping your fingers and saying No Way Sister? .. are you thinking "Oh my god what an idiot those boots do not go with that shirt"?

welcoime to a world of emotional and psychological unease ... or as some of us like to call it

EMOTIONAL S&M

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:50:39 PM

softness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

*shakes head*
She-ra comics do not count as romance novels ya know

*snorts*

I am not the one watching Peter Pan!

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RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/21/2008 2:52:44 PM

NeedingMore220

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I got $20 that says on page 7, came4u still doesn't get the point. Any takers?

God, not me ... circular arguments give me a headache after a page or two... lol

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