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What was it - 11/4/2005 8:16:30 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

After reading many profiles of girls stating they are a submissive or a slave without ever having any experience of BDSM or a Total Control Exchange relationship..it sparked an interest in just exactly what it was for those now (if you can think back that far..lol) who have experience that made you feel that calling yourself a submissive or a slave was/is the right depiction of who you are?

Thankyou in advance

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

Post #: 1

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 8:22:36 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well I am one of those who always had the fantasies- being in harem houses, serving as a hostess.

Believe it or not, for the first few weeks of my aware experience in wiitwd, I thought it WAS all sexual. The idea that I could combine the play/sex WITH my desire to serve was a totally new cool and weird thing for me.

And I was quite happy with it once I figured it out.

I realized that I wanted the M/s relationship because I don't do things halfway. It didn't suit me to keep some things held back. Sort of like when I meet someone on a date, if I feel I need a "safety catch" I just won't meet them at all. I either do it or I don't.

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 2

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 10:36:53 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I ideienfy myself as a sub because ia am married am my husband is not a Dom so i need to keep a little control over my life. Not to say i do not submit just that i cannot do the M/s thing.

littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 11/4/2005 10:37:28 AM >

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 3

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 11:47:23 AM

submissivesilk

Posts: 154
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

Before i had any experience, i thought they were one in the same. After learning and growing and gaining some real life experience, i realized that i prefer a higher level of control over me, a TPE if you will. i don't know if this makes me a sub or a slave, but Sir calls me slave.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 4

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 12:17:21 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

For me, it took a lot of thought and self analysis and much discussion with others in the lifestyle, particular one dominant who was extremely patient with me through my working through all that it meant to be a submissive, and just as important, what it did not mean.

Yes, when I first learned of the lifestyle -- and I am referring to a power exchange relationship, not any kind of play or scene, which I did not get into until much later -- there was an overwhelming feeling of.....wow! After reading an article written by a submissive describing herself and feelings she had had for many years, I just kept thinking that somehow she had crawled inside my head.

But as I was such an independent, in-charge, the one doing all the fixing of everything kind of person.......not to mention the initial conflict with my feelings as a feminist and all the things that growing up my friends and I completely ridiculed........I needed to sort through all of those conflicts and learn and also experience a little of the lifestyle before I fnally chose to call myself one freely.

I never called myself a slave until Master accepted me as one. I initially even told him that although I believed that ultimately I would be happiest as a slave, to me it was not something I could just easily make a claim to until I had more experience, which is what I did. I am one though that would not call myself a slave unless I was owned though, and if single would call myself a submissive.

Blessed be,
harmony

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 5

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 12:35:09 PM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

changed my mind, see below.

< Message edited by plantlady64 -- 11/11/2005 7:39:09 AM >

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 6

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 3:43:32 PM

ownedjulia

Posts: 218
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

for me... well, like emerald, i've always had the fantasies but it's only in the past few years that i've been able to live the lifestyle and really understand what being a slave is.

_____________________________

~julia
owned slave and proud of it!

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 7

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 4:00:51 PM

MistressKvonM

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/2/2005
Status: offline

my Master had mentioned enjoying being dom a few times, and i'd always known i preferred to have him be more dominant in bed. one day i mentioned actually wanting to get completely into the role, and the more we've played, the more i enjoy it. so i'm sub/slave to him in the bedroom, but in every other aspect of our life together we're equal.

there is an emotional release that comes with being his slave. all my stress goes away, all my focus goes completely and totally to him. my only desire is to please him.

oh, please don't take offense at my use of "mistress" in my screen name... there's actually a very good reason for that.

K von M

_____________________________

stupidity should be painful

(in reply to ownedjulia)

Post #: 8

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 5:26:34 PM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

When I was a teenager, I often had those sorts of fantasies...being a prostitute or a harem slave or another sexually subservient person. I also had rape fantasies, where I was on the receiving end of violence. Further, I had fantasies of being an object, usually a buffet table or a writing desk (such as Valmont's whore in Dangerous Liasons).

I've also always been a nice, caring-for-others person. I'm very considerate and genuine and happy to follow along. I'm also very childlike with certain people (like my partner), and enjoy the Dom/little girl partnership that he and I share, and that I've shared with others in the past.

So, when I discovered BDSM, I sort of compared myself to both sides (dom and sub) and pretty much knew that I was submissive.

However, since then, I have opened up my dominant side as well. I am the reverse of my submissive tendencies, in a fashion. I am a nurturing mother-type of dominant, with a twist of sadism thrown in. :)

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 9

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 9:11:36 PM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

you feel that calling yourself a submissive or a slave was/is the right depiction of who you are?

When i first became involved in WIITWD i knew i was a bottom...a heavy bottom. It was all about processing pain into pleasure, no more. As i learned more, observed more, did more, i found myself in a submissive mindset, and spent 3 years there. It wasn't until i met the man who became my first Master before i even associated my love of service to a TPE relationship. He was able to help me sort things out in my mind. He was the one who enabled me to find the freedom that comes with the transfer of power.

cathy

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 10

RE: What was it - 11/4/2005 10:53:31 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

i just always knew that i wanted to be that woman who took care of her man and family. The one thing in my adult life that i always look back on, the one that sticks out the most, was one of the first times i was with my ex husband at a fast food place and he had his katsup packets sitting there and he was talking across the table to a friend of his and i started opening all his packets and squeezing them out into a container. He just looked at me like i was some kind of freak and said "i can do that myself". i felt like crawling into a corner and dying! i thought there was something seriously wrong with me for always wanting to do things for the person i was with, things that they were perfectly capable of doing for themselves. He thought i was trying to mother him when i was just doing what came natural to me. Even then i didn't have the words to descrive what i was and wasn't until a few years later that i started seeking more knowledge.

_____________________________

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-- Robert DE Niro

(in reply to wipmebeetme100)

Post #: 11

RE: What was it - 11/5/2005 3:01:51 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

At first when my Husband/ then Master brought me into the lifestyle over 14 years ago , i thought of myself as normal and happy being vanilla type , with wierd fantasies id never tell anyone. ( he was a police officer) and started in the sexual department...mmm a little handcuffing, then it would evolve into role playing , then he slowly trained me to be a slave. I know exactly what i am after years living in a TPE household . Now if i could only find Mr right now lol

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 12

RE: What was it - 11/5/2005 5:19:52 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

i have always known i was submissive and kinky, i just never knew there was a name for it.
when being trained to top, i realized how unfulfilled i had been in a my past relationships in my life(vanilla and wiitwd) and there was a whole bunch of learning and research i needed to do into my self-exploration/journey into me and what i needed in my life.
one day i hope to be owned and totally give of myself.
i am a service orientated person professionally and at home.

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 11/5/2005 5:22:04 AM >

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 13

RE: What was it - 11/5/2005 7:54:50 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I realized that I wanted the M/s relationship because I don't do things halfway. It didn't suit me to keep some things held back. Sort of like when I meet someone on a date, if I feel I need a "safety catch" I just won't meet them at all. I either do it or I don't.

I am exactly the same way. I'm all or nothing.

I had fantasies of serving, slavery, and sadomasochistic things from about age 7 on.

I did not identify as a slave until I became owned. Up until that point I was just a person with a submissive/masochistic orientation.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: What was it - 11/11/2005 7:07:35 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greenie
The one thing in my adult life that i always look back on, the one that sticks out the most, was one of the first times i was with my ex husband at a fast food place and he had his katsup packets sitting there and he was talking across the table to a friend of his and i started opening all his packets and squeezing them out into a container. He just looked at me like i was some kind of freak and said "i can do that myself". i felt like crawling into a corner and dying! i thought there was something seriously wrong with me for always wanting to do things for the person i was with, things that they were perfectly capable of doing for themselves. He thought i was trying to mother him when i was just doing what came natural to me.

A lot depends on context. The act you describe might annoy me or please me, depending on my interpretation of the reasons behind it. I'm sorry to hear the experience was so unpleasant for you, though.

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 15

RE: What was it - 11/11/2005 7:37:19 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello All,
I have always been someone who wanted to take care of the whole world.
Before I found BDSM I volunteered in 15 different capacities in my community looking for a way to fulfill the giving slave I had sleeping inside myself.
I've always put others needs before my own.
I even donated my kidney to a stranger just because I heard he needed one in a prayer chain I participate in.
There have been many times I felt like crap and still worked a full day helping someone else to make their life better.
I've also always taken my responsibilities seriously and done the very best job I could in all I do.
My mother has called me a Sarah Bernheart (Very old time dramatic actress) Martyr since I was a kid. She tried to convince me I didn't have to get emotional over others unmet needs as she felt I didn't owe anyone I didn't know anything.
It's in my nature to put my needs last and always has been.
I've also been a very strong Dominant person in my community and at my job, but always submissive to my lovers.
My man has always been the King of my castle even in vanilla relationships. Any thing they wanted me to wear or any place they wanted to go has been fine with me since I started dating.

Once I found my kink that allowed me to have all the peices of my puzzle fit and gave me the freedom I craved to be myself and be appreciated for who I am.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 16

RE: What was it - 11/11/2005 8:47:36 AM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

The simple explanation is that childhood games led me to be in this Lifestyle. It probably goes back much farther than that because the games are probably just an effect of the cause, but it's all that i remember. i found yahoo chat rooms after that and when a Dom helped me to realize i could get the attention i wanted by being good and that's how my journey started out. Backing up again, the childhood games is what i remember and what i find the most fascinating.

i used to pretend to be a slave to this one girl back in day camp when i was 13 or so. i would make handcuffs out of eye glasses holders and a leash out of string. She would drag me around and have me get her water and such. She wasn't as into the game as i was though and even when she stopped, i still made handcuffs out of string and kept thinking about how it felt to be dragged around. i would play with my next door neighbor (a girl) and pretend that these marbles that went down this marble maze were forced down and that the ones who fell off died and that at the end there would be only one marble left. We also would put the marbles in this fake coffee maker thing i had and drown them. i would pretend that the water was pee although i never told my friend that. With another girl friend of mine, i would pretend that we were captured by an evil man. At the time, Aladin had just come out in theaters not too long ago so we named him Jafar. Sometimes he would drug us into liking him. Sometimes he would force us to do things in a closet and we would come out and talk about it. Sometimes a prince would come and try to rescue us but never make it. Sometimes he would but he would gang up with the bad guy. i also was tied up to a bed once and watched her and her brother play video games. That was interesting. When i was by myself, i would try to "force" barbie dolls to have sex with each other naked. i would dress up in a slave girl outfit and lie down and pretend to be on a slave market and have all sorts of strangers poking and prodding trying out the merchandise before buying. i would go into a dressing room with my mom and when she was out trying to find me clothes i would pretend that girls were coming to me and i was telling them how good they looked thinking about if i wanted to be with them (i was pretending to be a guy).

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 17

RE: What was it - 11/12/2005 6:29:48 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

starshine....

There may come a point in a woman's heart and soul when she deisres more than anything to be under control, authority.
She may be vanilla or kinky...doesnt matter, she wants dominance.

Many woman confuse dominance with domineering, vanilla or kinky.

If a woman is kinky and has been all her sexual life, she seeks this lifestyle and decides..submissive, switch or dominant.

On the other hand, a girl may be a submissive personality... finds she is turned on by kink and desires to find a dominant. Her kink is her own kink and she looks for a Dom to compliment her own kink. She may not realize she doesnt know much about D/s just enjoys kink. Thus a good bottom.

I have found, many woman dont realize what they offer to a dominant in the way of a style of kink. It's because they look for love and romance (JMFHO) and dont find a Dom whose kink matches theirs and they REFUSE to explore and journey through different styles before they find their best "kink" for lack of a better word.

I went through 3 years of exploring, sessions and "the local scene" before I finally accepted I am a sensual pleasure sub that needs to obey and please and demand not any needs, but to have another pleased with who I am....
ah yes, I do love bondage tho and Master has given me the opportunity to use that love elsewhere....

No matter the age of the woman...some just know who they are, mostly they dont cause they refuse to explore themselves but look for love and romance. Doms dont do relationships first, they find a girl who fits their kink and then pursue her. IMHFO subs wont do the romance and love search first but find themselves, their kink and then find a dom who finds that kink and pursues them. Thus woman who refuse to explore are those looking for love and romance first...but they end up confused and blaming Doms for their bad relationship.

I understand your frustration, it has been O/ours as well....but Master has told me there will be one who reads the profiles and will need to know U/us.

Encourage them to explore.................

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 18

RE: What was it - 11/12/2005 7:08:27 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

Interesting petcernina...esp after reading your profile.
How can you determine your limits without some exploration?

Your fantacies include serving and forceplay yet you gave your collar back when your realized your purpose and nature was to serve?

What then is your purpose and nature? This question comes from a woman who knows her purpose and nature is to serve and obey...for it is part of who I am.

I had a 2 yr bi relationship in college...i was the submissive in the relationship. I shut that part of me off because of religious beliefs for over 30 years. But I fantacized and wanted a gf. When I met Master I had the heart of possessiveness and jealousy... He wanted that gone and helped me with it. Why? Becasue He would eventually lead me down the path to allowing me to realize my "fantasy" of a gf.

starshine's post is very much up the alley of where your profile is coming from.
Limits on yourself only limit you, not a Dom/Domme. Having limits without exploration is a shame.... yes I agree on some limits.... for me...mod to heavy pain, blood, scat ...for everything else I am still open with either Master another Dom or Domme.

NEVER did I realize in a lifetime the incredible high I received when I saw Master take another girl in front of me. It did something inside of me that I never realized could happen.

Just my thoughts...for what they are worth.

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to petcerina)

Post #: 19

RE: What was it - 11/12/2005 4:07:33 PM

hedonisticToy

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greenie
i thought there was something seriously wrong with me for always wanting to do things for the person i was with, things that they were perfectly capable of doing for themselves. He thought i was trying to mother him when i was just doing what came natural to me.

I so remember exhibiting this type of behaviour with all my friends. They used to pin it down to my career in special education with young children. I had no other answer for the behaviour, so I assumed that must be the reason.

Even after I became actively involved in BDSM as a sub it took a semi-live-in relationship with a dominant for me to make the connection between this type of service and the kinky sex stuff.

Sometimes the things that are right in front of our face are oddly invisible to us...::laughing::

Cin

_____________________________

...aka Vancouver_cinful (New ID for technical reasons)

quote:

If ever thou be'st bound in thy scarf and beaten,
thou shalt find what it is to be proud of thy bondage.
~ W. Shakespeare ~

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 20

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