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RE: What was it - 11/12/2005 4:41:42 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
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For myself...I have always felt submissive in nature...But because of because of circumstances when I was a short person, I learned to present a Dominant personality to the outside world in order to feel safe.

3 years ago after another relationship gone bad, I began to look at reason why my relationships were failing. I knew that I was attracted to Dominant women but did not allow my actual submissive nature to be seen because I felt too vulnerable.
So, after some struggle, I decided to own my submissiveness and my attraction to be with a strong Dominant woman.

I started to explore and began finding BDSM sites on the net. I began to feel validation with-in myself and my submissive nature, which made me feel less vulnerable, if that makes any sense.
While exploring, I met my Domina and being in a relationship that has open, honest communication, where we are both getting our needs and desires met has made all the difference for me, I finally feel the freedom to embrace who I really am.

*Brightspot

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RE: What was it - 11/12/2005 4:52:10 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I understand your frustration, it has been O/ours as well

There is no frustration on my part really. What I do find difficult at times is trying to help those that fell into just the online world and have taken what people have told them as the only way to be. Now they are more limited and narrowed often times in being open to new experiences or ways of others. This is not a "coming to" from having experience though where they could definetely be accepting of others ways but remain firm in what they have experienced in real for themselves, but yet a jaded interpretation based on no real experience. It is then hard to explain to them with them having some understanding that, while acting out fantasy's is doable, the life it'self is not a fantasy.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to slavedesires)

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RE: What was it - 11/12/2005 7:09:37 PM

GlobalSkulls

Posts: 40
Joined: 11/6/2005
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When I first thought of it I thought of kinky sex, bondage and being tied up etc but though the years ive learnt more about the submission side of it and it started to ring a bell in my body :-)

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RE: What was it - 11/13/2005 6:30:25 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

No matter the age of the woman...some just know who they are, mostly they dont cause they refuse to explore themselves but look for love and romance. Doms dont do relationships first, they find a girl who fits their kink and then pursue her. IMHFO subs wont do the romance and love search first but find themselves, their kink and then find a dom who finds that kink and pursues them. Thus woman who refuse to explore are those looking for love and romance first...but they end up confused and blaming Doms for their bad relationship.

slavedesires

i disagreed with the concept "Doms don't do relationships first" when that thread was current...so did many Doms/Masters/Dommes. i also disagreed that a submissive woman needs to "explore" before meeting her One. That simply does not work for some of us; and in any event, every Dom or Master with whom i have spoken has a different set of wants/needs/desires and so would need to "re-train" an "experienced" submissive or slave. To me there is no nexus between public play with strangers and the deep and abiding yearning i feel for Him (whom i do not have yet).

This concept is flawed because it suggests that submissives and slaves who are still searching are self-defeating for not engaging in public play. That is magical thinking..if i do "x" then "y" will happen. i see absolutely not causal link between public play and the joy of finding my One.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/13/2005 6:31:33 AM >

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RE: What was it - 11/13/2005 6:41:17 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

starshine's post is very much up the alley of where your profile is coming from.
Limits on yourself only limit you, not a Dom/Domme. Having limits without exploration is a shame.... yes I agree on some limits.... for me...mod to heavy pain, blood, scat ...for everything else I am still open with either Master another Dom or Domme.

NEVER did I realize in a lifetime the incredible high I received when I saw Master take another girl in front of me. It did something inside of me that I never realized could happen.

Just my thoughts...for what they are worth.

slavedesires

The discussion of "Limits/No Limits" is taking place on another thread. However, i can say i know what my wants/needs/desires are concerning my One, as well as my hard limits (and soft ones) as of today. i communicate these at an appropriate time in discussions with Men and sometimes our conversations go no further. It is axiomatic that, at my age, i would know myself well enough to know what i would refuse to do.

People are individuals...they want different things. i want a faithful Man and the intimacy of knowing no 3rd party enters our little world. If my Man slept with another woman, i'd return my collar and leave Him...pronto. That is not how you feel; and that is just an example of the individuality of people here. It is readily apparent that all of CM does not want the same thing. There are continums; styles, decisions, etc. that separate us and yet with mutual respect we can be supportive of one another. Preaching that there is One Way is foolish and i disagree every time someone says they have discovered it.

candystripper

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RE: What was it - 11/13/2005 10:31:09 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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I had no idea what I was. I'm not a naturally submissive person. In fact, I'm a control freak and dominant. My fantasies revolved around trusting someone enough to relinquish that control. I had no idea if the BDSM D/s realm was for me.

My first relationship with a Dom was more of the bedroom type. It was mostly play with some aspects that bled out into the rest of our relationship. It was not a 24/7 D/s thing. I did however give me basis to find my way through the community and discover what I liked and didn't. It lasted 8 months.

My second relationship was with a Dominant that belonged to European society that had a branch in LA. It was a much more structured enviroment and one that made me seriously question what I wanted. The first year as a novice within that group was very hard for me. The two things that kept me going were my Dom telling me that graduating up to slave level would make life easier for me and that quitting would mean ending my relationship with him. Once I earned my slave collar, I was exposed more to the submissives. I was impressed the elegance of service to which they strived and the way that service was proactive. These women had submission and service down to an art. I decided to aim for a submissives collar. I worked my butt off for that designation. It took me two years, and I failed my voice test the first time.

My relationship with my current Master is not nearly as formal, but it does permeate our entire relationship. I'm very happy and content in my submission to him.

So, looking back, in the beginning I had no idea. I thought it was about kinky sex. In the middle, I thought it was something outside of my realm. I'm now happy and content.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/13/2005 12:25:47 PM >

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RE: What was it - 11/13/2005 3:56:05 PM

justjenn

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/30/2005
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I think it was always there, just without a label.

I always tried hard to please my parents and grandparents. I rushed to the door when my dad got home in the evening to help him take off his work boots. I made sure I got good grades, because I needed the praise when they got my report card. The worst punishment I ever got was my grandmother telling me she was disappointed in me - that hurt more than my father's belt ever did.

When we played cowboys and indians, I was always the indian. When we played cops and robbers, I was always a robber. Whatever it took to get myself tied up.

When puberty started to set in, my girlfriends and I would experiment on each other - sometimes we'd be tied up, sometimes not. We played with ice, with soft brushes, with feathers. Sensation play combined with bondage is still my idea of heaven.

When I was 14, I was raped by a close friend. And as much as I hated him for it, I hated myself for enjoying it, too.

When I was 19, I got married, because my dying mother wanted to see me "taken care of". It never occured to me to say no. I lost everything in that relationship - my friends, my family, even myself, because that was what he expected of me. Eventually, the relationship fell apart. I had nothing left to give him.

I still had no clue.

But a friend who was in the lifestyle recognized it in me. He asked questions, drawing the answers out of me. He made suggestions, he steered our conversations, he proved his points to me over and over. Once I had a clear vision of who I was, he gave me the label.

It was a wonderous thing.

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RE: What was it - 11/14/2005 4:07:27 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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quote:

I had fantasies of serving, slavery, and sadomasochistic things from about age 7 on.

I wonder how many other people have had slavery fantasies from such a young age. Its not something you tend to talk about. I have had fantasies (if you can call them that) since i can recall (from a very young age). They were ongoing fantasies, like an ongoing story in which i was involved..they werent broken up into bits and pieces of this and that. They were very graphic and detailed.The fantasies amazingly dissappeared upon entering my first Master/slave relationship. i have asked myself on occcassion , "how could i as a young child even know about such concepts?"
If someone would like to start a topic on this, i would be keen to participate in it. There are really some questions i have if i poke into my memories hard enough.

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RE: What was it - 11/14/2005 6:27:18 AM

Kyami

Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I am not sure what I would classify myself as, in regards to a submissive or slave...but, I have always had the inclination to help others. While married, I always took care of him, cleaned up, did things for him, made sure that his day-to-day life was that much easier. It gave me immense pleasure to know that I was pleasing him in such a small way.

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