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Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 4:40:05 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I realise that for some people BDSM, D/s doesn't go together with sex, but for an awful lot of people it does.

I identify myself as a lesbian despite the fact that I'm bi curious, mainly because at this time in my life sex isn't a major priority but I'm curious here and want to put it out on the board and ask others who are bisexual or bi-curious and for which sex and BDSM go together for their opinions. Speaking with other female subs, both genetic and transgendered who claim to be bi or bi-curious I find there's a tendency for the opposite, i.e. they prefer to be dominated by a male Dom.

Then I try to examine my reasons. I've had encounters with men in the past, have even tried to submit to a male Dom but I just 'don't' feel it, I can connect with men on a friendship level, but no further. Part of me is telling myself that I should be over this gender stereotype perspective, but I guess part of it is down to my own issues too. I don't subscribe to female supremacy except when it pertains to my relationship with a Domme and it's something on the basis of my own 'flawed femininity', but I don't put too much stock in this, I just see it as a different dynamic submitting to a Domme than a male Dom. Sometimes I have to fight myself having a view that men are the weaker sex, because I see that weakness lies in the person and not the gender, but it's this sexual dominance element which sometimes leads me to assume that men are ruled by their penises. Maybe this is the answer, the sexual dominance aspect, for it confronts my own issues with sex, and for me submitting to a Domme relies more on an emotional connection which somehow poses less of a confrontation and basically ticks the right boxes.

You see in the online world you can easily be forgiven for assuming that Dommes are dominant but Doms are sexual predators, but I know this isn't true as I have come across many male Doms who have brought their skills down to a fine art, and I would assume that many of them can be found here on these boards. Not that I'm planning to switch sides like, but these are my observations. I'm just curious, this is part of my learning curve.

So if you're bi or bi curious, irrespective of whether you're male or female, do you have a preferred gender or will only submit to one gender? Why? I'm also curious from the Dominant perspective too.

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 4:43:10 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I consider myself bi but I  play with women and fall in love with men. I also submit to men but not women. So I guess I am sexually bi but emotionally striaght.

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 4:46:19 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		im not bi or bi curious...been there done that...100% lesbian now.. im not involved with men in any form.  i only sub to women.  yet i get lots of emails from couples and sub men...amazing isnt it?




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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 5:36:21 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		~~ff~~
I love men..everything about them.  While I am considered bi...Sir knows I dont go near pussy.
BI =2 boobs + 2ulips and all the man I have got. 

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 5:43:09 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

im not bi or bi curious...been there done that...100% lesbian now.. im not involved with men in any form.  i only sub to women.  yet i get lots of emails from couples and sub men...amazing isnt it?
 

I couldnt help but think to comment...  I know of half a dozen and if I think more on it, might find more in my memory bank....women who started off as straight ~~> bicurious ~~> bi ~~> lesbian.
When asked why...the men in their life were disappointing and put them off and they found submitting to woman more vulnerable yet they found great strength in submitting to and loving (with all the nuts and blots of what that means) a woman. 
 
Dont mean to do a hyjack

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 6:09:56 PM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

im not bi or bi curious...been there done that...100% lesbian now.. im not involved with men in any form.  i only sub to women.  yet i get lots of emails from couples and sub men...amazing isnt it?
 

I couldnt help but think to comment...  I know of half a dozen and if I think more on it, might find more in my memory bank....women who started off as straight ~~> bicurious ~~> bi ~~> lesbian.
When asked why...the men in their life were disappointing and put them off and they found submitting to woman more vulnerable yet they found great strength in submitting to and loving (with all the nuts and blots of what that means) a woman. 
 
Dont mean to do a hyjack


i went the other way actually. i used to get that argument a lot though, and when i partnered with raven i got a lot of "but you're a lesbian" in response.


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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 6:13:32 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

im not bi or bi curious...been there done that...100% lesbian now.. im not involved with men in any form.  i only sub to women.  yet i get lots of emails from couples and sub men...amazing isnt it?
 

I couldnt help but think to comment...  I know of half a dozen and if I think more on it, might find more in my memory bank....women who started off as straight ~~> bicurious ~~> bi ~~> lesbian.
When asked why...the men in their life were disappointing and put them off and they found submitting to woman more vulnerable yet they found great strength in submitting to and loving (with all the nuts and blots of what that means) a woman. 
 
Dont mean to do a hyjack


when your born different like me you have to experiment and find out who you are.
thats what i did....


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SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 7:00:18 PM   
TheGaggingWh0re


Posts: 222
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline 		As long as certain circumstances are met, I sub to both genders. I'm pretty much right down the middle, but I gotta say, if my owner ever left me...I think I'd either be celibate forever and just enjoy the non-sexual servitude of the lifestyle, or I'd go for the girls, lol!

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 7:11:00 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		I have been having this dilema within myself lately. I am bisexual but I am only submissive to men, I have never been able to submit to women or even allow a woman to top me sexually. I have tried, it turned out horrible.
 
Blessed be,
Nika

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 8:46:54 PM   
underworld026


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline 		Yea, I would submit to either gender.

I think it just depends on who you are.


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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 9:07:55 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		I'm bi- I submit to some men, top others, and will top females....

Generally, when females try to top me, it doesn't turn out well. I end up getting irritated rather than turned on, and it's not her fault of course... it just doesn't appeal to me.




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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 9:20:51 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
So if you're bi or bi curious, irrespective of whether you're male or female, do you have a preferred gender or will only submit to one gender? Why? I'm also curious from the Dominant perspective too.

I have no problem dominating males or females, though I tend to prefer males. I have dated both, as well. I do not submit to anyone. I have had bi-females who have been submissive to females but dominant to males or sub to both. Ive also had bi-males who have been submissive to females and dominant to males or sub to both. I have yet to meet a bi-male that was sub to males and dom to females... but I am sure they exist.

DV


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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 11:29:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I prefer males.  For lots and lots of reasons.  Bisexuality to me is TWO dynamics.  One for males and one for females. 

As for the submit to only one gender, I find it tends to be because people rarely trust their own gender and are raised to seduce and be approved of by the othergender.  So they create a situation in which they simply "naturally" only submit to the other.

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/21/2008 11:37:27 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		I am bi and totally cool with submitting to men, its just something about submitting to a woman, or her having a higher "status" to me that I cant deal with because some (not all) women tend to be catty bitches when they get a lil authority thrown their way.  Not my idea of a good time.  That, and I prefer a mans touch when I want things rough...

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/22/2008 12:01:29 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I can barely stand women so I'd find it hard to submit to one. Unless she was amazing and not like any other woman. I don't get along with women usually so it's hard enough to be romantic with one let alone take it to a level of submitting or dominating one. It's just easier to click with guys for me. I'm attracted to chicks and never rule them out but it would take a really amazing one for me to be that way with.

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/22/2008 12:14:44 AM   
lilabbotsfordgrl


Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		Me: Sexually attracted only to females, dominant toward most females, neutral toward males and some females.
Her: Sexually attracted to males and females, submissive toward most males, submissive toward some females.

The only thing that could make it more symmetrical and "perfect" from that standpoint would be me being also attracted to other males.  But I just simply am not.  *shrug*

It works :)

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/22/2008 2:56:51 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Well I'm bi and submit to some men and am dominant to women generally.  There is a different dynamic in my head when I'm with a woman than when I'm with a man as LA said.  That said I don't think the concept of submitting to a woman wouldn't work for me, I just haven't met the woman yet I would want to submit to.

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/22/2008 3:03:34 AM   
semasssub


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/18/2005
Status: offline 		I have been with both sexes. To me it only works with certain male doms for me. There has to be something more than just tie me up, spank me, i have to feel something inside to enjoy it. So far I only have met 2 male doms that did that for me. 

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/22/2008 6:28:47 AM   
noonnap


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline 		i am glad someone posted this. i have been thinking about it for a long time and its something i almost hate myself  for. i can only submit to men and i feel as if i have bought into the whole "men are the dominant sex" thing. now i know people will say men things because i am posting this. but remeber its just a thought from someone who thinks too much. 

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RE: Bisexual, but only submissive to one gender? - 6/22/2008 7:18:33 AM   
MasterHermes


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline 		Observing life outside of these forums and also looking at the answers coming here , I believe we can say every possible combination is out there. It is not just possible but happening everyday, somewhere around the world. People from all genders , all orientations , get attracted to others, love, dominate, submit each other every possible way.

After reading this thread, stella, it made me think you love feminine. Not just your own femininity but also everything about woman. Perhaps loving and submitting another woman allows you to make a deeper connection with your own feminity. I do not think the gender you choose to submit has got to do anything with "stronger/weaker/ sex. After reading about you and your threads, I sense your desire to submit is your way of seeking to unite with yourself again. Of course if there is any truth in it, what is a better way than making that connection with a woman? Submitting a man will not do same for you.

I hope this can give a different perspective. If there is any answer to be found , we, other people, can only inspire you , and only you can reach the answer for yourself.

Be well & Be happy
Hermes

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