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Take Two: The Return - 6/22/2008 4:22:58 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Question for Dommes and subs:

Have you ever had a sub who didn't work out for whatever reason, who later returned and requested another try?

Have you ever been a sub whose relationship w his Domme didn't work out for one reason or another, then went back to request another go?

How did things turn out?

I'm just curious and looking forward to a few sincere posts.

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~
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RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/22/2008 4:27:59 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sometimes real life gets in the way, and you part from someone you just know would have worked out well otherwise. I think this is also true in the vanilla dating world.

On other occassions, you give it a second chance, but the initial magic never returns.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/22/2008 4:40:12 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		I had one sub a few years ago that didn't work out as hoped. We parted company, then 6 months later he came back saying all the right words, promising things would be different but nothing had changed. Needless to say, it didn't work out the second time either.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
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RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/22/2008 4:52:39 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Hi TexasMaam, call me jaded, but I have a rule of never
going backwards.
 
Unless, the person can show me in deed and actions how they have changed,
and how our relationship will be different, my answer is no.
 
When I was younger the answer would have been yes, over 40 the answer
is no.
But everyone is different, if you decide to go for Take two, let us know if it works.
 

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/22/2008 5:03:05 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Oh my, already been there, done that, not once but twice. 

First time was a wreck.  Predictably so.

This time, years later, with a different sub I saw some years ago, things are going unbelievably well.

I'm just posing the question to learn a little more about some of the regulars here.

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to MzMia)
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RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/22/2008 5:06:29 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Ugh!  Most of the time, No.  I do have one that I just can't seem to shake.  He's like a bad habit.  Last time I caught him lying to me, I swore I would never speak to him again.  But two or three months later... he was back.  I do still speak to him.  He begs, pleads, grovels and says all the sweet little things that he knows I adore.  But I just can't believe a word he says anymore.  I still enjoy making him twist on the hook and make him beg for my favors.  I just don't love him like I once did.  As PoliteSub said, the magic is gone.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

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RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/22/2008 6:33:23 PM   
jonathan


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Question for Dommes and subs:

Have you ever had a sub who didn't work out for whatever reason, who later returned and requested another try?

Have you ever been a sub whose relationship w his Domme didn't work out for one reason or another, then went back to request another go?

How did things turn out?

I'm just curious and looking forward to a few sincere posts.

TexasMaam


Yeah, times two, magic gone most times. Some boys need time to grow up (under 40), but it's a risk in any way. It's ephemeral, you spend all that time building up and then 'poof'. How can that get restarted? i did try the 2nd time around, twice. Bad idea, i was just reminded of why it wouldn't work.


_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/22/2008 9:35:43 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		FR:  I've done it in the past a few times, but it's never worked out, so I now warn men in advance that there will be no second chances and they need to be committed to exploring the D/s dynamic completely from the beginning or not bother exploring it with me at all.

(in reply to jonathan)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/23/2008 2:37:03 AM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Ugh!  Most of the time, No.  I do have one that I just can't seem to shake.  He's like a bad habit.  Last time I caught him lying to me, I swore I would never speak to him again.  But two or three months later... he was back.  I do still speak to him.  He begs, pleads, grovels and says all the sweet little things that he knows I adore.  But I just can't believe a word he says anymore.  I still enjoy making him twist on the hook and make him beg for my favors.  I just don't love him like I once did.  As PoliteSub said, the magic is gone.

Ditto to that.

The only reason I would give a sub a second chance is if he (or she) showed me by their actions that they were ready and loyal.

Big Brats get the boot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edited to add: If a sub is new and afraid; then they get some time and seasoning: Second chances work.


< Message edited by MissEnchanted -- 6/23/2008 2:39:08 AM >

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/23/2008 12:24:36 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear TexasMaam, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I like the old diddy; shame on you the first time--shame on me the second time.
 
When someone is sent off the first time; its usually the correct judgment.  Yes, there may be doubts, second thoughts, regrets and even mourn the passing on over someone and or dismissing them.  However, gut correct should always be valid.
 
Being extremely picky, if I am annoyed once too many times they are gone.  Most are fishing for weakness and not being weak; I often tell people; I rather be alone without a slave than to have a slave that is not right (correct) for me.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/23/2008 1:28:24 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

Greetings,

Taking a submissive/slave back once they have decided to leave of their own accord, messes up the power dynamic, in my opinion.

It's pretty easy to agree to anything (ie: negotiating not in good faith) if you know all you have to do to get your own way is to leave or threaten to leave.  As hard as it is for the Dominant, it is very important that she not give into her softer side because if she does ... she'll just be opening herself up to manipulation by her submissive/slave.

Just my opinion, your mileage may vary.

Wickad

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/24/2008 9:32:22 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Funny.. I was just about to post an update to another post...

yes, I did.. and I allowed him to return and damn it -- he fucked up again -- and I'm angry for allowing him back in, I'm angry because I still feel like I failed (I bet I didn't) and I'm angry that I'm stupid enough to mourn all over again for the loss of this relationship.

By the way, he said and did all the right things and then some for about three weeks (its been about 6 since I let him back into my life), several of my friends and my boi really thought he was sincere and urged me to give him a second chance... won't happen again

He's a jerk.

End of story.

And if I weren't so nice, I'd throw his stuff off the roof tonight.

*ahem*

didn't work out for me *grin*


quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Question for Dommes and subs:

Have you ever had a sub who didn't work out for whatever reason, who later returned and requested another try?

Have you ever been a sub whose relationship w his Domme didn't work out for one reason or another, then went back to request another go?

How did things turn out?

I'm just curious and looking forward to a few sincere posts.

TexasMaam


< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/24/2008 9:33:55 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/24/2008 9:44:48 AM   
TermsConditions


Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		All edited up and out of context with emoticons added by me:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

[D]amn iit -- he fucked up again[.]

He's a jerk.

[I]f I weren't so nice, I'd throw his stuff off the roof tonight.



I sense you're holding back; tell us how you really feel.

BTW I agree with your assesment.

_____________________________

TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/24/2008 12:50:07 PM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

Have you ever been a sub whose relationship w his Domme didn't work out for one reason or another, then went back to request another go?

How did things turn out?


Yes, I met a Domme in 2005.  We dated until the middle of that year, when she started screwing around on me and lying.  We broke up and it was a rather nasty breakup.  I was pissed off at being lied to and I expressed it.  I didn't speak to her again until February 2006.  We spoke and reconciled, and we agreed to be friends. 

In May, we started dating again.  It went well until October, when she started with her dishonest behavior again.  I eventually caught her red handed in January of 2007 with another man.  I broke up with her and I told her I didn't want anything to do with her again.  She owed me a lot of money at the time, which she stiffed me out of.  I sued her, and that was the last time I heard anything from her. 

I saw that she got arrested in September of 2007 for felony check fraud.  I laughed my ass off when I read it.   She's living in some run down trailer with no money, no job, and she's a convicted felon.  I love it when karma comes back to bite the deserving in the ass. 

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/24/2008 2:30:20 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a
I'm angry for allowing him back in,

Wrong reason to be angry.  If you had not let him back in, you would never have known.  You would be second-guessing yourself for the rest of your life.

Touchstone: it wasn't just you.  Unless you surround yourself with people who have no common sense whatsoever, your tell-me-when-I'm-being-stupid network thought the sitch was worth a try.  And they were right.

Change out "jerkness" for substance abuse.  Someone you care about says, "I know I was totally wrong.  I went to detox.  It's really hard, but I've changed, and part of the reason I've changed is because of how much I care about you."  And then -- here's the kicker -- he demonstrates through actions that he "really" has changed.  Even if there's only a 25% chance, or a 5% chance, that he can keep it together, isn't it worth the risk?  Especially if only six weeks are involved?

I would much rather be a doe-eyed pollyanna than a jaded rock.  Even from a completely vulgar perspective, we all know the "everything sucks" profiles are total turnoffs, whereas a can-do attitude is a frikkin chick magnet.

Step back and look at the process, not the event.  You would have lower-quality people in your life if you were not able to forgive, and you will recruit high-quality people to your future if you are willing to believe in others.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/24/2008 3:06:45 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello all,
Like all relationships, like most questions, the answer is "it depends"... thre are often real life situations that get in the way - perhaps someone's mother is dying and that person needs to care for mom.... adn god love them... let them.  No o ne can serve from either side of the slash all the time.  In a mature relationship, the truth will be dealt with and tehn the relationship ended or paused amicably... Then can be restarted, or seen as what it has become - friend, acquaintance, possible lover, whatever...

But generally, people don't change who they are.  At least not after the age of 4.  So, while I say I wouldn't take someone back, depending on my level of loneliness, I might just to take the edge of the pain... Life is complicated.  So are relationships... The best we can do is be the best we can be.

But I also agree with Lady Hugs - fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me... sigh... a lesson I STILL haven't learned completely.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/24/2008 3:08:15 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		FYI ... I refer to myself as pollyana .. OFTEN

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/24/2008 3:20:38 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

FYI ... I refer to myself as pollyana .. OFTEN

OMG, that is so fucking hot.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/24/2008 5:41:51 PM   
mztresn0w


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		My lil one and I parted ways and 3 1/2 years later are back together. We both had issues to deal with it took some time to get those issues dealt with. We have been back together for several months and we deal with things differently now. I think it just depends on what caused the parting of ways. In our case it was family issues. We could not devote the time to each other that we both needed. I can honestly say that I am glad we came back into each others lives. But then the bond that we share isn't the normal bond. Even when we were apart we could feel when something was wrong with the other. So there are things here that I never felt with other submissives. Some bonds are stronger than others.

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Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Take Two: The Return - 6/24/2008 5:48:36 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am pretty much a "no second chances" person.  Of course, I tend to stay in dreadful attachments longer than I should in the first place, because once I've made a commitment  I feel that I should keep working on the relationship!  So, no.  I will go so far as to be friendly, cordial, maybe play casually, but will not renew a broken relationship.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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