RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=-

RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (Full Version)

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ownedgirlie -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 6:56:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist But you also chose not to throw a hissy fit and walk away when he would not put up with your bs. You did the work-that's the difference between you and most. Hissyfits, yes. Walking away? Not a chance. Oh yeah, and the hissyfits found me hissyfitting by myself in very short order, and lots of work in the long run to repair it all. But yes, my point is a person without the tools and skills can still be willing to do the work, and can still get to that pot of gold. The way the OP was structured, such a person isn't given that opportunitiy. I am not convinced that a person needs to know him/herself first before submitting. I believe a person can learn him/herself in the process of submitting, in the right circumstances, and given the determination to do the work. Then again, it takes a dominant who wants to put forth that effort. Understandably, many do not. I certainly was no picnic. The reward is that he is proud of both of us, and that thrills me.

fluffyswitch -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 6:56:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist If it invokes reflection-it is good advice. Even if it hurts to hear it. Including me. true-- if it envokes true reflection, and does not leave one more confused than when they started.

trappedinamuseum -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 6:57:44 PM)
Point taken. I don't disagree that many are as you describe, but disagreed that all are like that. It didn't hurt; it was merely wrong.

Leatherist -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 6:57:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch quote: ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Growing up and acting like a competent adult is usually a good start. Stopping with the habit of creating mountains out of mole hills is a good second. Good thoughts. However, I feel that I am a competent adult. I work full time, and go to grad school. I am completely financially independent, pay my bills on time, have good relationships with people, avoid drama and try to avoid stress. i have my scars, but who doesn't. Yet, I have no self-control when it comes to books, or dining out. I know I shuldn't, know it would save me money (though i don't out spend my means), and know I am only hurting myself when i give into the temptation. I don't believe this makes me incompetent, or someone who makes mountains out of molehills. I have no self-control when it comes to some things, and am trying to work on that. Actual advice would ahve been appreciated. i agree with the above, and i also would question the assertion that 'most' do not have a level of self control. i think that self control is expressed in a wide range of behaviors, and that it is impossible, or almost impossible to determine that without knowing a person. The biggest lack of self control I see in people is emotional. That they react-rather than act in response stimuli. If you spend your entire life having your buttons pushed-and only reacting as intended-you are not a self controlled person-you are a meat puppet

trappedinamuseum -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 6:59:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist The biggest lack of self control I see in people is emotional. That they react-rather than act in response stimuli. If you spend your entire life having your buttons pushed-and only reacting as intended-you are not a self controlled person-you are a meat puppet I'm sure it was not meant as humorous, but "meat puppet" made me laugh out loud.

fluffyswitch -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 6:59:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie But yes, my point is a person without the tools and skills can still be willing to do the work, and can still get to that pot of gold. The way the OP was structured, such a person isn't given that opportunitiy. I am not convinced that a person needs to know him/herself first before submitting. I believe a person can learn him/herself in the process of submitting, in the right circumstances, and given the determination to do the work. i would much rather be in a relationship where it is a learning process- for both parties. there should be a level of learning from both individuals. i am also hesitant of people who tell me that they have a high level of self-control, or something to that extant (not that i'm saying that it was implied on the thread). those people have alway struck me as seeming to have to prove it, as if they're not as secure in it as they think they are.

lronitulstahp -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:00:52 PM)
quote: you are a meat puppet i'm assuming you don't mean the band....but wouldn't that be cool?[;)](sorry people nothing to see here...ack to the thread!!!)

fluffyswitch -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:01:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist quote: ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist The biggest lack of self control I see in people is emotional. That they react-rather than act in response stimuli. If you spend your entire life having your buttons pushed-and only reacting as intended-you are not a self controlled person-you are a meat puppet i think that most people are like that some extent though whether they want to admit it or not. i agree though that there people who can't distance themselves---but i also think that people sometimes see what they want to see. sometimes people would rather claim 'emotionality' without attempting to determine the rational in the irrational, or even asking what's driving the behavior. it's a matter of interpretation, but then most of life is.

dcnovice -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:05:40 PM)
quote: The biggest lack of self control I see in people is emotional. That they react-rather than act in response stimuli. Agreed. "[W]e have to have a new way of thinking, of acting on life rather than reacting to it--in essence, a new way of living."

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:10:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum So, RS, how do you suggest a person build up their self-control? There are quite a few vanilla self help programs/books that are very effective. I’m not focused right now and only 2 come to mind. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (book) Personal Development for Smart People (Internet article) I am not a Tony Robbins fan, but I read his Letter To a Friend booklet and it was mostly sane.

Leatherist -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:10:43 PM)
Not really. It's only taking a step to the side-and viewing things more dispassionately. You see more of the forest from ten thousand feet away than ten.

GreedyTop -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:14:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum So, RS, how do you suggest a person build up their self-control? There are quite a few vanilla self help programs/books that are very effective. I’m not focused right now and only 2 come to mind. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (book) Personal Development for Smart People (Internet article) I am not a Tony Robbins fan, but I read his Letter To a Friend booklet and it was mostly sane. and what are you focusing on?? sheesh.. it's YOUR thread! ducks, runs, and heads off to bed after sending a smooch to Tulip

fluffyswitch -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:14:53 PM)
detachment is a learned skill. there are reasons why grad students in the social sciences are warned about going native. it's a skill the same as any other.

dcnovice -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:19:13 PM)
quote: You see more of the forest from ten thousand feet away than ten. I think both perspectives are important. Jane Goodall, to take one example, would never have made her ground-breaking discoveries without being in the forest.

gypsygrl -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:25:05 PM)
quote: detachment is a learned skill True enough. But, it also leaves ya lonely if you practice it as a way of life. I say that coming from an academic background with a heavy emphasis on the social sciences. Self control=self alienation. Basically, you're treating yourself as an object. Once you've reached that point, its a small matter to hands the reigns of power over to someone else. Though, the detachment tends to also undermine the ability to feel and capacity for empathy. Which may be why lots of ethnographers go native despite the warnings.

Level -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:25:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp quote: you are a meat puppet i'm assuming you don't mean the band....but wouldn't that be cool?[;)](sorry people nothing to see here...ack to the thread!!!) watches tulip exhibit self-control [8D] Good thread, RS [X(]

Leatherist -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:29:02 PM)
I'm about done here for the evening-and I am going to be greatly tapering off my participation here now-mostly coming in to post about new leather gear I am making in the bondage section. I have just refurbished my shop section, and I am setting the benches and tooling up TONIGHT. Which brings up one last point. I need to get the self control to quit wasting so much valuable time here. So I am limiting myself to checking mail on the other side-(models) I won;t be back until I have at least a temporary website to advertize from. And buckling down to make this fledgling business go someplace. A big part of self control is having a reason to. And then actually doing it-talk is cheap.

trappedinamuseum -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:33:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum So, RS, how do you suggest a person build up their self-control? There are quite a few vanilla self help programs/books that are very effective. I’m not focused right now and only 2 come to mind. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (book) Personal Development for Smart People (Internet article) I am not a Tony Robbins fan, but I read his Letter To a Friend booklet and it was mostly sane. Thank you RS. I will check them out.

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:34:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum So, RS, how do you suggest a person build up their self-control? There are quite a few vanilla self help programs/books that are very effective. I’m not focused right now and only 2 come to mind. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (book) Personal Development for Smart People (Internet article) I am not a Tony Robbins fan, but I read his Letter To a Friend booklet and it was mostly sane. and what are you focusing on?? sheesh.. it's YOUR thread! ducks, runs, and heads off to bed after sending a smooch to Tulip I blame Greedy because ... oops, wrong thread. I was distracted by a phone call from a cutie that is fascinated with flying monkeys.

fluffyswitch -> RE: -=You Can't Give What You Don't Possess=- (6/22/2008 7:34:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl quote: detachment is a learned skill True enough. But, it also leaves ya lonely if you practice it as a way of life. I say that coming from an academic background with a heavy emphasis on the social sciences. Self control=self alienation. Basically, you're treating yourself as an object. Once you've reached that point, its a small matter to hands the reigns of power over to someone else. Though, the detachment tends to also undermine the ability to feel and capacity for empathy. Which may be why lots of ethnographers go native despite the warnings. i've been thinking about this a lot-- and is partially why i've come to the decision that i'm in the wrong program if not teh wrong school, which will be rectified for my PhD-- especially when looked at in terms of 'me-search'. i think that if we distance ourselves too much we loose touch of what makes our respondents people. they turn into numbers, statistics, and qualitative evidence. i would much rather read something by someone who maintains ethical standards and professional distance but still obviously empathizes with his subjects and has a connection with the field, than someone chasing publications and fame in his field but obviously cares about his subjects more as data than people. but now i'm verging on ranting about my department lol.

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