-=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=-

-=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

ResidentSadist -> -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/22/2008 9:41:08 PM)
-=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- Do not fight for control if you choose to give it away. It is a common mistake I see when a slave/sub starts losing the feeling of being controlled and does not examine their own responsibility for the change as well as Masters. I believe this happens when a slave doesn’t take responsibility for the fact that it is was their choice to surrender in the first place. They feel "captured" and “held in place” by Master’s actions more than their own choices. A Master’s actions can only serve remind a slave of their place. Forced seduction and capture are a common romantic slave fantasy but, when the lines between the reality of their choices and their fantasy collide, they need to deal with it and hold their place with the Master. Neither surrendering nor choosing that Master were forced. A slave/sub needs to stand accountable for their choices. Misplacing either the blame or credit for surrender is emotionally abusive. It has long been my contention that in a collaring ritual, a Master should hand the slave the collar and make her put it on herself to keep the reality of her choice in place. -Kalon Eric Just saying… (part of my random BDSM philosophy for the masses)

pinkieplum -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 12:52:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- Do not fight for control if you choose to give it away. It is a common mistake I see when a slave/sub starts losing the feeling of being controlled and does not examine their own responsibility for the change as well as Masters. I believe this happens when a slave doesn’t take responsibility for the fact that it is was their choice to surrender in the first place. They feel "captured" and “held in place” by Master’s actions more than their own choices. A Master’s actions can only serve remind a slave of their place. Forced seduction and capture are a common romantic slave fantasy but, when the lines between the reality of their choices and their fantasy collide, they need to deal with it and hold their place with the Master. Neither surrendering nor choosing that Master were forced. A slave/sub needs to stand accountable for their choices. Misplacing either the blame or credit for surrender is emotionally abusive. It has long been my contention that in a collaring ritual, a Master should hand the slave the collar and make her put it on herself to keep the reality of her choice in place. -Kalon Eric Just saying… (part of my random BDSM philosophy for the masses) Resident Sadist, i'm afraid i'd didn't fully understand Yr OP. If it's not an imposition, could You expand on it a little? A couple of simple examples would help me a lot to understand, if You don't mind. Thank You, pinkieplum

gypsygrl -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 7:42:11 AM)
quote: A slave/sub needs to stand accountable for their choices. Misplacing either the blame or credit for surrender is emotionally abusive. Playing the blame game is generally unproductive. And, individuals in any joint enterprise needs to be willing and able to take responsibility. As an s-type and a human, I get myself into situations and I get myself out of them as well as deal with the consequenses of my getting intos and out ofs. (Incidently, I can't tell if you're posting these toung in cheek or you're meaning for them to be taken seriously. I've decided to err on the side of caution so as to not give offense, but they're striking me as kind of humorous, like little D/s factoids bouncing around the boards. As if there should ever be a factoid when it comes to something so complex and intricate as D/s.)

beargonewild -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 8:06:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- Do not fight for control if you choose to give it away. It is a common mistake I see when a slave/sub starts losing the feeling of being controlled and does not examine their own responsibility for the change as well as Masters. I believe this happens when a slave doesn’t take responsibility for the fact that it is was their choice to surrender in the first place. They feel "captured" and “held in place” by Master’s actions more than their own choices. A Master’s actions can only serve remind a slave of their place. Forced seduction and capture are a common romantic slave fantasy but, when the lines between the reality of their choices and their fantasy collide, they need to deal with it and hold their place with the Master. Neither surrendering nor choosing that Master were forced. A slave/sub needs to stand accountable for their choices. Misplacing either the blame or credit for surrender is emotionally abusive. It has long been my contention that in a collaring ritual, a Master should hand the slave the collar and make her put it on herself to keep the reality of her choice in place. -Kalon Eric Just saying… (part of my random BDSM philosophy for the masses) The biggest and a very important lesson I learned years ago is I have no choice but to take responsibility for any and all of my actions. This applies to every aspect in my life, from being a responsible adult to the intimate relationships I have with people. It only makes sense that this also applies when I submit to another. What is foremost in my mind is the fact that all my actions have repercussions and they affect me and also affect the people who I interact with. When a relationship sours, I hold no illusions knowing that we both have no choice but to take a measure or responsibility for that to happen. I have and still do own up to my share of the blame or the credit depending on the situation. Granted I have screwed up in the past and probably will in the future yet I also know that I will take blame for my part in the screw up, no more and no less.

LadyLynx -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 8:07:20 AM)
Agreed that those involved should not only take responsibility of their actions,(even if they have given the authority to someone else, they are STILL responsible for their actions.) and also comprehending the situation, and what may arise from it. BUT, (considering a newbie, who has never been owned. Has talked endlessly about it.) when came time to surrender, balks. For whatever reason. Maybe they got scared, had 2nd thoughts, or didn't fully understand what full surrender meant. (afterall, you don't know how exactly your going to react, til you do it.) Or even after a while, realizes that they made the wrong choice, or something comprimises their morals, something they didn't think would bother them. (if something came up, the Dom in question did not mention, well then the fault is on him/her.like not discussing being shared with other people.) I hope my post makes sense! Choosing to take this post seriously. Good discussion topic ethier way.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 8:39:50 AM)
In all honestly, I can not personally relate to this post. I would dare say that any relationship where there is break down to this level is probally the result of communication failure of some form. Perhaps the result of unrealistic expectations, or perhaps the failure of either party to live up to an expectation. Dare I suggest this, that the "Expectations and reality Talk" was missing before hand. Both parties made a committment to the D/s relationship and both are equally responsible for the commitment made. Some Doms/Master will go off in such a rant (I'm not accusing you of this) pulling out the MasterCard in order to wiggle out from their own responsibilities, which I find very lame. Personally, I have no problem phyically placing a collar around somebody! WHY? Because it's that I'm making a commitment. Sure I understand your logic in having her place the collar around herself. However, it's something I would NEVER NEVER Ever do. My lines of thinking about it and yours are radically different. I'm simply expressing this difference on this thread. In the END, if there are problems like this, nobody is gonna be giving a shit about who physically placed that damn collar around who's neck. You might sit there and say, Honey remember it was you who placed the Collar around your neck not me. She just might throw it back in your face, that is shows just how lacking you were on your END in making the commitment. In my book, she offers her Neck to me literally, and I accept her offer by placing a collar around her. In the end, does not really matter if there is a major problem in the D/s relationship. When the World goes to Hell, that last issue anybody is thinking about is are the specific details in the Collaring Cermony that went down. That's the last thing that should be on anybody's mind.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 8:40:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- Do not fight for control if you choose to give it away. A slave/sub needs to stand accountable for their choices. - Just saying… (part of my random BDSM philosophy for the masses) Some forget that it is a power exchange NOT a power struggle. I agree that a slave/sub needs to take responsibility for the choices they make. Everyone involved does, but I see your point. [;)]

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 8:50:27 AM)
In terms of reality and practical nature of things. A submissive/slave will be faced with challenging moments regarding her level of submission. It's perfectly normal and natural for a sub/slave to experience a bit of internal conflict regarding their submission. These moments are personally challenging for any sub/slave to go through. It's all part of the relationship growth. People that expecting full and complete submission to happen overnight, well franky, makes me wonder where they are coming from. The whole authority dynamic or TPE what ever label you want to slap on it, takes time. Does not happen over night. OK, so what if a couple monthes into a D/s relationship there are speed bumps and issues. It's to be humanly expected, very natural things to happen. If the relationship last, the D/s should become even greater in time. Instant and complete and full submission at the time of a collaring is a bit of a Fairy Tale if you ask me. Takes time for it to truely Evol. Basically the whole collar thing is about making a committment, it's not that somebody has completely and fully humanly submitted to your ass. Wait, I need to bitch slapped for saying all this out on a message board, I've just broken the Domly Rule Book to keeping things a secret. Think it's time I turned in my society ring, and was kicked out of the group.

CreativeDominant -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 11:44:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- Do not fight for control if you choose to give it away. It is a common mistake I see when a slave/sub starts losing the feeling of being controlled and does not examine their own responsibility for the change as well as Masters. I believe this happens when a slave doesn’t take responsibility for the fact that it is was their choice to surrender in the first place. They feel "captured" and “held in place” by Master’s actions more than their own choices. A Master’s actions can only serve remind a slave of their place. Forced seduction and capture are a common romantic slave fantasy but, when the lines between the reality of their choices and their fantasy collide, they need to deal with it and hold their place with the Master. Neither surrendering nor choosing that Master were forced. A slave/sub needs to stand accountable for their choices. Misplacing either the blame or credit for surrender is emotionally abusive. It has long been my contention that in a collaring ritual, a Master should hand the slave the collar and make her put it on herself to keep the reality of her choice in place. -Kalon Eric Just saying… (part of my random BDSM philosophy for the masses) I agree with your statements up to a certain point. As Owner4SexSlave noted, in reality there are going to be bumps and detours along the way. Life is that way. There can be extenuating circumstances...work issues, family issues, flood, famine, health issues, death of a loved one...OR there can be issues of doubt within yourself that arise...how many of us are 100 % sure from the outset that each step we are fixing to take is the step we want to take because it is scary/a bigger step/a change in a direction towards a horizon that is foggy?...Or relationship issues come up...in discussion, you have found that there are things you differ with each other about in terms of whether or not you think they are right or wrong. But there can be other differences; such as differences in the way things are viewed with both of you believing that something is right or something is wrong but you have your own ways of looking at that something (dominant and submissive both see something as black and white --- the main issue---but the submissive can also see shades of gray within the scope of the issue whereas the dominant does not or vice-versa) and discussion so as to clarify what is acceptable and what is not re: the main issue with room for individual thoughts concerning the issue as a whole left for discussion. None of these would excuse stepping away from the commitment you have made as a submissive but when they arise, they certainly do require space and time and thought. The amount of space and time and thought is going to vary, depending on the issue at hand and the extenuating circumstances. I've stated on another area of the boards that I believe that communication has to take place, whether verbal or non-verbal. Every couple has to find their way as to how long a space can go on without verbal contact, if for nothing else other than to say "Hi...I miss you and your voice and I am still here...dealing with what I have to deal with but you are in my thoughts." After all, in my mind, when you begin dealing with a submissive (or a dominant) and those dealings encompass more than just general conversation, then you are already making efforts to show at least some aspects of your submission (or dominance) that you don't show to everyone you speak with and that should be taken into account by either party. So yes, I agree that when a person submits that he/she is responsible for submitting and their choice to submit and then follow through. How that is to be accomplished has to be worked out between the dominant and the submissive as their views may differ widely from another couple beginning a D/s dynamic.

chellekitty -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 2:37:59 PM)
quote: So yes, I agree that when a person submits that he/she is responsible for submitting and their choice to submit and then follow through. How that is to be accomplished has to be worked out between the dominant and the submissive as their views may differ widely from another couple beginning a D/s dynamic. yes, but what i believe RS was trying to say was is that the prosocution (or your defense lawyer for that matter) isn't going to buy the "my Master told me to kill that person" as a valid defense...consensual slavery does not absolve a person of personal responsibility, no matter how internal it is... and yes, we would all like to believe that we would never choose a Master that would ask us to kill a person - but didn't Dahmer's neighbors said he was a "nice man" who they never thought would have done those things? yes, i know this is an extreme example...but we must look at the extremes to see the the absurdity of the whole rationalization...because "he made me do something i found morally wrong and i did not want to do - steal - shoplift a tube of lipstick" is not going to bring about the emotional response that it should... submission and slavery does not mean take out brain and put on collar... end rant chelle

Daes -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 3:11:13 PM)
Eh... if this is happening, several things arent being done. First I want to point out that ALL subs/slaves struggle at one point or another, reared through conditioning and taught to rebel against restraint. What I mean is, you arent born knowing to surrender to another person. Now... There is a lack of communication most likely on both sides, not just the sub/slaves. This could be due to not having a clear idea of what he/she may want or because they need something and feel acting out will get it done. There is a lack of discipline. This comes from lack of communication. When the sub/slave acts out it isn't within your best interest to indulge them. There is a Reason why they are behaving they way they are and you need to discover WHY in order to fix the problem. After you discover why, you need to correct the behavior with a correct form of punishment, this neednt be Physical. Personally I wouldnt put up with the bullshit and say that if they are going to behave in that manner than they can leave and have a week or two respite with no contact whatsoever. I'm not going to encourage bad behavior by acting out myself or by letting them get away with stupid crap. They need to know that it is unacceptable and be consistant with punishment.

missturbation -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 5:56:19 PM)
quote: Do not fight for control if you choose to give it away. It is a common mistake I see when a slave/sub starts losing the feeling of being controlled and does not examine their own responsibility for the change as well as Masters. This does not make sense to me! If you lose the feeling of being controlled, then there is a lack of control. Why would you fight for control if the control is barely there or not there at all? quote: I believe this happens when a slave doesn’t take responsibility for the fact that it is was their choice to surrender in the first place. They feel "captured" and “held in place” by Master’s actions more than their own choices. Huh? If again there is a lack of control why would they feel captured? Surely they would feel released? How can the control lessening be the subs fault for not taking responsibility of their surrender? quote: A slave/sub needs to stand accountable for their choices. Everyone is accountable for their own choices.

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 6:46:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: Do not fight for control if you choose to give it away. It is a common mistake I see when a slave/sub starts losing the feeling of being controlled and does not examine their own responsibility for the change as well as Masters. This does not make sense to me! If you lose the feeling of being controlled, then there is a lack of control. Why would you fight for control if the control is barely there or not there at all? quote: I believe this happens when a slave doesn’t take responsibility for the fact that it is was their choice to surrender in the first place. They feel "captured" and “held in place” by Master’s actions more than their own choices. Huh? If again there is a lack of control why would they feel captured? Surely they would feel released? How can the control lessening be the subs fault for not taking responsibility of their surrender? Dear misturbation, I have noted many of your posts and believe what I am about to say may not make more sense to you than the OP. But will proceed in good faith anyway. You hold yourself in place, not your Master. “A Master’s actions can only serve remind a slave of their place.” It is illegal to kidnap, demand forced labor or own a human being. Almost no one in this country or in the BDSM community submits involuntarily. Therefore it is the slave/sub that chooses her position. If she feels out of position, often she is equally or more responsible than Master. You surrendered, you submitted to authority. When it feels like that authority is waning, often, but not always, it is due to your level of submission changing, not the level of authority. If this could not be the case, then a submissive couldn’t feel “sub frenzy” towards someone who has absolutely no authority over them yet.

MzMia -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 6:53:57 PM)
RS, great thread. I would hope most submissive's would think long and hard, before agreeing to become "owned". ....Be accountable for your choice to surrender.... and WHO you decide to surrender TO~ RS, I am digging you.

lronitulstahp -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 7:04:25 PM)
RS...[sm=offtopic.gif]What does it mean when a Dominant doesn't open His cmail?

GreedyTop -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 7:20:25 PM)
he's distracted ;)

Leatherist -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 7:20:45 PM)
This sort of stuffy sidestepping is the whole reason I dislike "old school Domination" so much. Everyone in a relationship is accountable for thier actions or inactions for every second of the time they have the connection. Using a bunch of idotic protocols and rules will NEVER excuse that. It drives me bonkers when I see people using absurd rationalizations to excuse themselves from responsibility-and EVERYONE has that-to pretty much the same degree. So far I see a lot of finger pointing at subs in the threads this op is posting-how about we point some back at the DOMS for a change? After all, if you make the rules-you are responsible for what results from complaince. And if a sub has to disobey those to keep themselves from harm-they were rules concocted by an assinine fucktard. And they DESERVED to be broken and ignored.

MistressYlwa -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 8:50:12 PM)
You have made a valid point, though I, also, would not have my slave collar himself. However he does hand me the leash I place on the collar, expressing his desire to be lead by me.

marieToo -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 8:56:31 PM)
Relationship gone bad recently?

beargonewild -> RE: -=Be accountable For Your Choice To Surrender=- (6/23/2008 9:02:02 PM)
Yet you still have to agree that many submissives do not take responsibility by holding up their end of the bargained when they handed over control to another. And frankly, I place myself in that list without hesitation. So any finger pointing I may have done is at people like myself who screwed up when they were collared by a master and afterward realized that it was done for all the wrong reasons. Again, I include myself. Granted my former owner made mistakes yet it was also part of my responsibility to be fully honest with myself and with him before I allowed myself to be collared. I was the one who had decided to move 800 miles to live with a master I barely knew, I decided to leave behind all I hold dear to embark in a life I had little knowledge of, I ignored my responsibilities here by running away from my petty problems with failed relationships and such. The day I started taking responsibility is the day I removed that collar and came back to my country and to what I left to start fixing my life and practicing what I preach. Granted it almost a year to fix the damage I done yet I can look myself in the mirror and like who I see. It'll be too easy to blame him for everything but that would be a lie. Now I can honestly say I an not "broken" and the person who is currently my Sir knows beyond a doubt that I am responsible for myself and in my submission to him.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875