A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlemen like"

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A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlemen l... - 6/23/2008 1:54:48 AM

mysteryshopper

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She doesn't seem to be very clear in her guidelines and seems to be bothered when I inquire, so I'm asking here.
Dommes who like a guy to be a gentlemen and all, what do you look for? Opening doors? Flowers? What is your take on a gentlemen?

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 6:12:35 AM

MsStarlett

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There is more to it than doors. Holding a chair, walking on the street side of the sidewalk, offering your elbow for her to hold when you walk or go up/down stairs, helping her in and out of the car.

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 6:18:45 AM

Usako

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I find it odd she asks something of you but won't even be bothered to explain how you can go about reaching the goal she wants.

My take on a gentlemen is someone respectful who knows how to act in public I guess. It's hard to explain. The door opening stuff, chair pulling out jazz is nice and always a plus but I think being a gentlemen is just a general attitude. Anyone can be taught those actions like giving flowers but the attitude is just there or not. If it's not there then one has to find it.

< Message edited by Usako -- 6/23/2008 6:19:49 AM >

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 6:56:36 AM

ThundersCry

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Either you are one or your.....not.

Men that are...you can almost rest assured they had fathers that....were.

I think its called...*leading by....example*

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 7:11:33 AM

MISTRESSKUMA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

Either you are one or your.....not.

Men that are...you can almost rest assured they had fathers that....were.

I think its called...*leading by....example*

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 7:14:40 AM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

Either you are one or your.....not.

Men that are...you can almost rest assured they had fathers that....were.

I think its called...*leading by....example*

True, TC. Unfortunately, a lot of men don't stick around to help raise their children, so weren't there to lend much of an example. To the OP: Being a gentleman is more than just good manners, though that's certainly part of it. A lot of it comes down to the Golden Rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Of course, that does not include CBT, strap-ons, floggings, and so on. You may safely assume that those things tend not to be part of the "doing unto others" concept. You might check Amazon or your local library for etiquette books. There are loads of them out there, and should at least give you a place to begin.

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 7:37:37 AM

Dnomyar

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TC what if your father was a drunk? Op ask her what her guidelines are. If she can't come up with them then your in trouble.

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 7:57:51 AM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

Either you are one or your.....not.

Men that are...you can almost rest assured they had fathers that....were.

I think its called...*leading by....example*

I guess I'm an exception. My father died when I was a year and a half old. I briefly had one stepfather that was nice to me. I can recall him teaching me how to tie a necktie and he did have good manners, but I was only about 7 or 8 at the time, then he was gone. The others I can't say much for that's worth repeating other than they were either abusive or laughable as men.

I'd agree with the others though that it's very much an attitude of wanting to be helpful and looking for opportunities where you can provide the lady assistance. Do you offer to carry her bags for example while shopping? Opening doors and pulling out chairs are of course the simplest and most basic places to start, but it's much more than that. I think being a gentleman is perhaps an extension of the principles of chilvalry associated with knighthood that have been carried into the modern world.

A gentleman for example, doesn't lie, he's honest and trustworthy. His word is important to him and he has principles. He's dependable and reliable. Do you show up on time when your Mistress expects you to arrive? Do you plan for traffic delays and such? Do you clean the seat she's going to be sitting in before you pick her up? It's attention to those little details that I'm sure she'd appreciate. When walking her someplace, do you make certain that she doesn't have to walk through a puddle of water or mud if that's at all possible? Do you position yourself so that you're the one who walks in the deepest part of it or guide her to walk in front of you through the part where it's the lowest if it's unavoidable? Or do you offer to drop her at the door while you park the car? It's attention to those kinds of things as well that all add up.

Being a gentleman isn't something that you turn-on and turn-off only when you're with your Mistress. Not only do you hold the door open for her, you're polite to others. You continue to hold it for those behind you instead of slamming it in their face. You're never rude to others. You wait on everyone's food to be served before you start to eat yours for example. I think perhaps the reason your Mistress can't tell you all of what's involved in being a gentleman is because it's not as simple as it sounds. In some ways it's the equivalent to going to what used to be a "finishing school" that they had for women in the old days.

- pixel

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 8:00:40 AM

ThundersCry

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My father was....

Apples don`t fall far from the tree...

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 9:18:55 AM

jonathan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

Either you are one or your.....not.

Men that are...you can almost rest assured they had fathers that....were.

I think its called...*leading by....example*

And i am, it helps a lot to be raised to be an old school gentleman. The behaviors need to be 2nd nature. Sorry, i had to laugh when i saw the OP, either you know how to behave that way, or you don't. If the OP does not, then She needs to start some training.......

TC, agreed.

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 9:39:52 AM

darchChylde

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All that come to mind are a couple of bad jokes about what a gentleman is that i won't be sharing here. Otherwise, i think that my previous posters have got the question covered.

Actually, here's a few lines from a great movie "Blast From the Past" with Brendan Frazier that gives one of the best definitions of a gentleman or a lady that i've ever heard.

Eve: Now hold on, hold on just a minute! In the first place I do not fall in love with weirdos who I've only known for four or five days!
Troy: Yes you do.
Eve: And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!
Troy: Yes you do.
Eve: Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean!
Troy: Yes you do.
Eve: Or have perfect table manners!
Troy: You know, I asked him about that. He said, good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them. See, I didn't know that, I thought it was just a way of acting all superior. Oh and you know what else he told me?
Eve: What?
Troy: He thinks I'm a gentleman and you're a lady.
Eve: [disgusted] Well, consider the source! I don't even know what a lady is.
Troy: I know, I mean I thought a "gentleman" was somebody that owned horses. But it turns out, his short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is, someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible.
Eve: Where do you think he got all that information?
Troy: From the oddest place - his parents. I mean, I don't think I got that memo from mine.

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 12:12:20 PM

GoddessTeaze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

She doesn't seem to be very clear in her guidelines and seems to be bothered when I inquire, so I'm asking here.
Dommes who like a guy to be a gentlemen and all, what do you look for? Opening doors? Flowers? What is your take on a gentlemen?

We can all tell what Our ideas are on being a gent,
but She will have to say what it means to her.

Not everyone wants the same,
so let her tell you, and if she stays
unclear?
It's a red flag!

b safe

GoddezzT`

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 12:37:34 PM

tsatske

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Master is an incredible Gentleman. Every Dom I've ever seriously dated has been.
If she means the techinical stuff, you can research that, just like you can any kind of social rule.
Unless it is against your dynamic, Gentlemen should walk closer to the street (according to my first dh, this was from the time when chamber pots were used, and the results tossed out the windows of upper story flats, so that the gentlemen could be further away from the toss...), and sit in resteraunts facing the door, so as to protect a lady from public scrutiny.
Light her cigerrette if she smokes, ask before you light up, if you do.
offer her an arm when you cross the street. wait till she starts eating to begin to eat.
open doors, car doors, hold her coat for her to step into it. I can not tell you how treasured i feel as my Master does these things for me, i can imagine it would feel equally wonderful to a Dominate Woman.
Pay attention to what she likes, so you can get her coffee the way she likes it, ect. ask her about ordering for her in a resteraunt, as this may not fit your dynamic very well... or it might.
think about the examples you might follow.. butler. conceriage.
good luck.

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 2:29:43 PM

DelilahDeb

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quote:

(according to my first dh, this was from the time when chamber pots were used, and the results tossed out the windows of upper story flats, so that the gentlemen could be further away from the toss...)

Actually, architecture in many medieval towns had larger upper stories so that chamber pots being tossed out windows went to the street...the gentleman risked getting splashed from below (where the contents joined the muck in the streets to be splashed up by horse & cart traffic) as well as from above. Additionally, the faster traffic (horses, donkeys, oxen, carts, carriages) was just as capable of running someone over as is modern auto traffic.

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 5:27:19 PM

tsatske

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well, Delilah, he did say this in the same tone he used when he would answer people who commented on our four children in less than three years by saying, 'yea, we're working on that. We think we might have just about figured out what's causing it'

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 8:24:58 PM

undergroundsea

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I was once in conversation with a domme and we spoke of getting together for a chat. Interesting enough she was dancing at a gentelmen's club ;-)

I was not convinced we were on the same page or the communication that should occur was occurring. So I asked her about her expectations. She said she wanted me to come to the club, pay her house fee (the fee a dancer pays to the establishment), buy her dinner, and other related activities. I told her that I was not interested in financial domination. She responded that paying a house fee is like paying the cover when you go to a nice club, and you buy your date dinner anyway, and so she didn't think I would mind. After all, it's being a gentleman.

So there's one definition ;-)

While there is mannerism, etiquette, and a sense of class or style that can be associated with being a gentleman, I connect more with the posts that suggest to adopt behavior that is honorable, thoughtful and courteous. Suggesting to one that he cannot be a gentleman if his father did not teach him, or saying the question is laughable may not alone break a claim to being a gentleman, but neither statement strikes me as one that is in the gentlemanly spirit.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 8:31:30 PM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

Dommes who like a guy to be a gentlemen and all, what do you look for? Opening doors? Flowers? What is your take on a gentlemen?

obsequious
friendly
honorable

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/23/2008 10:12:14 PM

MasterFireMaam

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First, is she not willing or simply not able to give clear guidelines? The distinction is important. If the first, you need to understand that she is always potentially setting you up for failure; she asks you do to something she likes without telling you what she likes, then punishes for what you do wrong. Be clear that you can live in that structure. If it's the latter, she is either a new or poor Dominant, in my opinion. She may be disquising this as a way to learn about gentlemanly behavior based on your research and demonstation of such. If she's not willing to be honest about that, she may be insecure. It would be much more honest for her to simply ask you to do the research so that she can choose what she does and doesn't like.

At any rate, take a look at this page. Read the fine print, too.
http://the-falcon1.tripod.com/schedules/id18.html

Master Fire

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/24/2008 12:05:35 AM

mantis65

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

I was once in conversation with a domme and we spoke of getting together for a chat. Interesting enough she was dancing at a gentelmen's club ;-)

I was not convinced we were on the same page or the communication that should occur was occurring. So I asked her about her expectations. She said she wanted me to come to the club, pay her house fee (the fee a dancer pays to the establishment), buy her dinner, and other related activities. I told her that I was not interested in financial domination. She responded that paying a house fee is like paying the cover when you go to a nice club, and you buy your date dinner anyway, and so she didn't think I would mind. After all, it's being a gentleman.

So there's one definition ;-)

While there is mannerism, etiquette, and a sense of class or style that can be associated with being a gentleman, I connect more with the posts that suggest to adopt behavior that is honorable, thoughtful and courteous. Suggesting to one that he cannot be a gentleman if his father did not teach him, or saying the question is laughable may not alone break a claim to being a gentleman, but neither statement strikes me as one that is in the gentlemanly spirit.

Cheers,

Sea

It maybe exiting to be dominated by an “exotic dancer” they have may have some frustrations to take out on a sub male? The tease and denial could be awesome! This crossed my mind when it was the subplot in semi pro

I try to be gentlemen
when I was younger it was the conditioning of a dominant female friend that helped me. Maybe when guys are younger they are more self centered and need to start thinking about the needs of others. Especially if it’s a woman you want to serve. Now later in life I find myself opening doors for strangers or offering up my seat at say the DMV or somewhere.

So I know you can change if you want to.

My advice is be aware of your language don’t use four letter words etc. maybe its something you are doing in public that makes her look bad? You really need to ask her why she thinks you need to act like a gentlemen. If she can’t give you a clear example dress up like the guy from the monopoly game with a top hat monocle and cane. And speak in a fake British accent Then you have at least the look of stereotypical gentlemen. kidding

< Message edited by mantis65 -- 6/24/2008 12:13:11 AM >

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RE: A potential domme wants me to be more "gentlem... - 6/24/2008 12:24:26 AM

mantis65

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That’s a good page One sin on there I commit (but not all the time is interrupting conversations) yes I am aware of it. Most of the people in my social circle are artist’s boisterous competitive people. People with out this hyperactive personality can get irritated and I am aware of it. I usually wait for them to make their point before I jump in. It’s more excitability over the topic than actual rudeness.

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