RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-worth/depression issues?

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RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/20/2008 11:26:11 AM

Briena

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Joined: 1/20/2007
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I think as a Domme you have to encourage and support your sub. If they have low self esteem, then try to build it up by positive reassurance and compliments. Dont degrade them on a constant basis. If they screw something up, instead of degredation, try correction. There are ways that a Domme can help a sub with self image issues. You can also incorporate therapy into your routine. If they refuse to go then punish them. I think everyone at some point has a self image issue, and its just about finding the right person to help you realize how amazing and beautiful you really are. My husband helped me, and all it took from him was just positive comments, and his acceptance for who and what I am. Feeling out of place at times is normal I think. Also when it comes to self esteem issues I think you have to approach it as you would approach a child. They are lacking self esteem for whatever reason, and you as a Domme need to take on that Dominant role, like a parent, and raise it up. Just how I see it though.

< Message edited by Briena -- 8/20/2008 11:27:34 AM >

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RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/20/2008 3:56:10 PM

Untouched1282

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Joined: 2/12/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SmartQuietMan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282
As a Dom[me], do you think you could be with someone who was dealing with such issues in their personal life? It could be that they find meaning through service, or fail to see themselves worthy of being a DOM (or even an equal) because of such emotional disorders. It could be that, with the proper counseling -- or help from a positive Dominant person in their life -- they could overcome these issues and no longer need such a submissive existence. I'm a nurture over nature guy, who doesn't feel anyone has an innate disposition, so I think this could be a very real possibility. (Everyone has a tendency to chance, grow, especially with time and experience).

Hi. I'm not a Domme (obviously) but I do see something here I'd like to comment on. I hope no one minds about that.

This seems to treat submission as the result of the person having some sort of mental problem. It then seems to pretty clearly imply that if this problem was resolved the need to be submissive could be cured.

Having a submissive nature does not, in any way, indicate that there is anything wrong with that individual.

I was not at all attempting to assert such value judgments as "good" or "bad", "right" or "wrong", to the label of "sub". With that being said, I don't think it's possible to deny the impact of the society in the development of one's submissive and/or dominant tendencies. We don't have innatte natures, at least for the most part. We may have a genetic makeup that will leave of prone to swing one way or another, but it's all contingent on the way we are raised.

With this being said, I'm a postmodern :/

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RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/22/2008 12:34:34 AM

pinnipedster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: firefey

there is a difference between run of the mill self-esteam issues and total lack of self worth.

I definitely think it's important to make that distinction. I certainly have self-esteem issues, but I also feel that I am a worthwhile person. I think I deserve to be happy, and that I could make the right woman happy. The tricky part is that explaining exactly how; I'm not good at "selling" myself, and most of my positive attributes, I think, are intangible ones. I also certainly have depressed periods (yes, I'm getting treatment for it) but I also agree with whoever said that if you wait till you're completely mentally fit to get into relationships, probably no one ever would.

I agree it's not a Dominant's role to "fix" her sub; on the other hand, there's little question in my mind that if I was with someone who let me know I made her happy (even if she expressed this in ways that normally might be considered negative, like paddling my behind ;)) would certainly increase my self-estreem.

It does seem, though, that an awful lot of Dommes emphasize that they want strong men without baggage. Of course, it occurred to me the other day that the ones who set their standards too high -- or perhaps I should say, too narrowly -- probably never get what they want, any more than the sub who is looking for a billionaire supermodel Domme who wants to devote sixteen hours a day to catering to his flagellation or forced-fem fantasies.

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RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/22/2008 12:38:45 AM

Briena

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I want a billionare supermodel Dom/me... Where can I find one? Is there a way to order them online cuz I totally like the sound of that... What about a billionare supermodel sub/slave? I like the sound of that better

BUT I guess Ill take what I can get in either department HAHA!

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Post #: 44

RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/23/2008 7:06:21 PM

submaleguyperson

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Joined: 8/23/2008
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I should really delurk and comment on depression, but alas, i am not a Mistress, nor am I a real sub. Im one of those guys on the outskirts of the outskirts of BDSM, the lifestyle, and the real submission to Women. I've been always fascinated about the desire to become a slave to a Woman- owned property so to speak, and sometimes wonder why the cruelest of fantasies turn me on. From my own perspective, it could be about self-worth, and feeling inferior to Women, and yet it takes a lot of balls to actually go through with submission.

(in reply to Untouched1282)

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RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/23/2008 7:17:08 PM

MissDominae

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I have no problem with it. Just as their gift to Me is one of submission, I see part of My gift to them is to help them become as happy, whole and healthy in all aspects of their lives as I can; to help them grow and develop as people. All I ask of my slave is that She works with me in this task and is open to change for the better. Her depression issues would not have turned me off, but being unwilling to embrace positive change would - if a person wishes only to wallow then I let them do so. If they wish to heal and grow, I will help. The choice is theirs.

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RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/23/2008 7:20:50 PM

Lockit

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It does take balls... hehe Well for me it does..

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RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/23/2008 7:23:19 PM

submaleguyperson

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I should rephrase that........sorry to all the female subs out there!

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RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/23/2008 11:38:41 PM

pinnipedster

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I did once have a woman who knew me well, and knew of my submissive/masochistic fantasies but was not into BDSM herself, ask me if it was because my self-image was so low that the only way I could convince myself she really was attracted to me was if she "forced" herself upon me. (If she doesn't run away even though she's got me tied up and I can't chase her, I guess she really does like me...) I don't think it's correct -- or at the very least, not the entire explanation -- but it was definitely an interesting perspective that I hadn't considered.

(She also wanted to know if I ever had more vanilla fantasies -- say, cuddling with a lover on a soft rug in front of a fire. My response was that, no, not really -- not because I wouldn't enjoy actually DOING that, but it's kind of dull to fantasize about! My fantasies generally need a narrative. "OK, there we are on a rug in front of a fire cuddling. Mmmm, nice. Now what?" That only provides about three seconds of entertainment to think about, even though it's something I could enjoy doing for quite some time....)

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RE: What do you think of subs with self-image/self-wort... - 8/24/2008 3:06:36 AM

DMFParadox

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Does it have to be billionaire supermodel? Because, I think there's maybe two of those in the world. Would you be happy with just multimillionaire?

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bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

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