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HeavansKeeper -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/24/2008 11:27:04 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: katie978
I second the "No Trainer" sentiment. Dominants gotta learn all the hard stuff: tying you up, hitting you with stuff. All a submissive's really got to do is take it.
If you're really service oriented and interested in having fancy tea services and doing crazy subbie yoga poses and learning protocol, that might be the only situation where I would even consider finding someone to train me, and a submissive would probably be the best trainer for this sort of thing.
Every single master has a completely different set of rules. If you learn the rules from some "trainer", then you're master has a completely different set, you'll have to learn everything over again, making more trouble and work for yourself.
If you're just looking for a playbuddy to get you started in the lifestyle, you'd probably do best at a munch and a public dungeon: some people on here looking for a casual relationship are less than savory folk (granted, that's a generalization, but I've found it to be true).
Good luck! And when you're brand new, there are no stupid questions (just stupid repliers (like me!))
While I agree with most of this statement, there is one aspect of seeking a trainer that was not raised. First though, "trainer" is a VERY vague term. A trainer can be an experienced and mystical master of the dark arts of bondage who will blar blar blar or someone who's good with rough sex, or someone else who wants to learn with you, or even a "bad" trainer (people who want to abuse you....
.... oh god, can't help it... SOME THEM WANT TO BE AAABBUUUSSSED...
*clears throat*
As I was saying, "trainer" is vague, but is usually used for a lack of better title.
Whoever the trainer, and whatever they do to train, I feel its very helpful for someone with natural desire to submit to be taught how to submit. We live our whole lives with society telling us to be independent and in charge, why do people assume doing the opposite comes innately solely because the desire for it is there?
Outside of ritualistic events that need practice and training, I feel a dominant who is patient with new submissives, who are still (I hate to use the word here) "selfish" (focusing on themselves, not their dominant), is very helpful.
So, in short, while the specifics of dominant to dominant will change, I feel there is a large enough common ground* that is worth being taught.
(going to use the general "his" here)
*Some examples of this grey area common ground may be referring to yourself as his, respecting his commands especially when they contradict what you want. ex: "Girl, let me fix dinner. Go watch TV." Sexually, wanting the dominant's pleasure more than your own can be very hard to learn (if it can be learned).
Again, even in this self entitled common ground there will be individual differences, but what I'm saying is if a prospective submissive has that "itch" she can be taught to scratch. No sense in having the poor girl re-invent the wheel when there are professional rollerbladers in this world.
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