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Ialdabaoth -> RE: 2 in 1 question from a newbie (6/29/2008 1:34:03 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
Excellent advice. OP, avoid "Trainers" at all cost. [:'(]
On the other hand, there are trainers and there are "Trainers". There are some people whose legitimate desire is to increase other peoples' skills, abilities, and mindsets, and whose own personal kinks tend to cause them to "move on" once the submissive has learned everything that said Trainer wants to teach them. This can actually be a very positive thing for both sides, as long as both parties are honest about what they're doing getting into it. The ways a trainer or "Trainer" fails are:
1. They weren't actually a trainer, but your typical Gyps eroticus using the "Trainer" mask. These people, like all variants and strategies of Gyps eroticus, give everyone else a bad name no matter what their guise.
2. The trainer wasn't being honest with themselves. This can happen when someone is new, when someone is ashamed of themselves, or when a Gyps eroticus builds so successful a mask that they start fooling themselves.
3. The submissive wasn't being honest with themselves. This happens frequently with newbies, and is nothing to be ashamed of, merely something to be aware of. Make sure, whoever you get with, that they can teach you how to be comfortable being honest with yourself first - even before they teach you to be honest with them.
4. A communication failure occured. Seriously, even if two people are complete manipulative jerks to each other, even if people are directly trying to destroy each other, honest communication prevents an amazing amount of bullshit. With symmetrical information exchange, you can solve anything and make any kind of relationship worth having. Bonus points if you're both shooting for a positive, growth experience - and it seems like for your part, that's exactly what you want to bring to the table. Learn to recognize who is honest and who is just really, reeally good at faking honesty, and everything else will pretty much follow. And don't judge honest people by their labels; we all have our paths to walk.
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