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Married - 11/6/2005 8:29:21 AM

littleone35

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How many here would scene with a married Dom/ Domme that's spouse does not know about it?

littleone

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 8:33:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I assume you mean didn't know they were out playing versus didn't konw they were specifically doing that specific scene with me.

I've had the chocie and decided that it's not worth it for me. I don't need the drama, even if nothing happens. Got enough on my hands and more within reach if I want it. No need to get into that.

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 8:36:15 AM

littleone35

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yes i meant they do not know their spouse is playing

littleone

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 9:18:29 AM

OsideGirl

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Absolutely not. I figure if they would lie to the most important person in life, the person that they stood up in front of family and friends and made vow to....they would certainly lie to me.

In a relationship and lifestyle that is supposed to be based on the ultimate trust of being able to put your life in someone else's hands, I find that deception to be unacceptable.

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 10:05:24 AM

JohnWarren

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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Interfering in a relationship is asking for trouble. Frankly it is not worth it

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 10:40:11 AM

Tapestry

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with some degree of shame and a great degree of regret i must say that yes, once i did.
my advice?
don't.
ever.
no matter how he may say his marriage is bad and she doesn't understand him, etc etc etc
you will always
ALWAYS
be the one left alone
hurting because the person you gave your power to is not there to hold and comfort you
not there to reassure and protect you
and where is he?
at the end of that beautiful scene, which transported you to heights you didn't know existed?
why silly girl, he's with his wife
you know, the one who doesn't understand him
and the one with whom he has such a rotten marriage.

no, i've learned the hard way
and while it takes time to develop a relationship with a new Dom,
time to get to know if he's trustworthy
or just another one playing with your affections
in the end,
i know i will find that which i seek
and while patience is not my strong suit
it is a lesson best learned now
rather than after another inappropriate encounter

let the married Dom's play with the likewise married subs...then they are both on the same page, not wanting or needing the on-going love and affection that i crave.
i do realize not all subs are alike,
and my need for that human contact may be unique,
but it is a part of who i am at the deepest level
as is my submissiveness
in fact, as i've learned (and continue to learn) i now know that even before i knew what bdsm was, i was submissive
and i know too,
that should i choose not to live the lifestyle
and continue in the vanilla world
i would still be submissive

it's not something i do for fun
it's who i am
for whatever reason
whatever shapes these deepest parts of our psyche
it is what it is

so no, for me, a married Dom is not an option.
maybe for you it would be ok
only you can answer that

tapestry

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 11:24:40 AM

KCMOLucky

Posts: 121
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From: Kansas City, Missouri
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I absolutely agree with everyone on here. I'm very upfront in my profile in letting everyone know that I'm quite happily married, and it's one of the first questions that I ask to ANY perspective slave who comes a'knockin'. I don't want to deal with wives finding welts on your buttocks and a PI following me everywhere I go, I don't want to only be able to call you at 'certain times of the day'... Either you're wholy accesible to me, or you're not.

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 11:36:10 AM

DesertRat

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I wouldn't do it. It would make me feel like I was party to a betrayal. Aiding and abetting, pretty much.

Bob

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 12:30:33 PM

sweetpettjenny

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I agree completely

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat

I wouldn't do it. It would make me feel like I was party to a betrayal. Aiding and abetting, pretty much.

Bob

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 2:21:40 PM

wipmebeetme100

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quote:

How many here would scene with a married Dom/ Domme that's spouse does not know about it?

A partner of mine for 4 years now is married. I have met his wife. She is completely aware and approving of the time we spend together.

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 2:39:34 PM

swtnsparkling

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i am a married sub, my husband knows all about me. anyone i may be speaking with can at any time speak to him if they dont beleive me.

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 9:20:56 PM

tonypad

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It looks like I have a different attitude with everyone else that has posted.

Yes, I believe a discreet relationship is ok, but only when the two couples agree that they are together strictly for BDSM purposes and not to get overly-emotionally involved. A relationship with another person (any kind - BDSM or not) should not be used as a way out of a marriage. But many people do not realize they need BDSM until after they get married.

Think about it... If you are in a marriage with a vanilla spouse your choices are these...
1) Leave and break up the family
2) Do without BDSM
3) Beg your spouse to participate in BDSM
4) Have a discreet relationship and continue with your marriage & family.

The problem with "getting approval" for BDSM play with another person is that most spouses would not be able to handle it and therefore this could lead to additional marital problems. Obviously there are exceptions.

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 9:47:57 PM

KCMOLucky

Posts: 121
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quote:

The problem with "getting approval" for BDSM play with another person is that most spouses would not be able to handle it and therefore this could lead to additional marital problems.

If you're so insecure about your partner, and don't feel comfortable sharing this part of your life with your spouse, what the hell are you doing with them in the first place??

I can't imagine not sharing ANYTHING with my husband. He was the first to know when I started noticing that I was attracted to women, he was the first to know when I found that a sound spanking was one of the biggest turnons for me, he was the first to know that I'd rather tie someone up and tickle them than eat ice cream on a summers day.

If your relationship is SO closed as to only selectively communicate with your partner, the need for BDSM in your life is probably one of the least of your worries.

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 9:48:36 PM

luvdragonx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tonypad

It looks like I have a different attitude with everyone else that has posted.

Yes, I believe a discreet relationship is ok, but only when the two couples agree that they are together strictly for BDSM purposes and not to get overly-emotionally involved. A relationship with another person (any kind - BDSM or not) should not be used as a way out of a marriage. But many people do not realize they need BDSM until after they get married.

Think about it... If you are in a marriage with a vanilla spouse your choices are these...
1) Leave and break up the family
2) Do without BDSM
3) Beg your spouse to participate in BDSM
4) Have a discreet relationship and continue with your marriage & family.

Therein lies the dilemma for a lot of married people.

"Do I do what's I think is right for ME, do I do what I think is right for everyone, or do I do what I think is right - period?"

That's the hook when you get married - you have someone else to consider when you make your decisions. And if your needs have changed to the point where your spouse cannot/will not meet them, then it's possible you are no longer compatible. It happens.

If BDSM is truly a necessary facet of your life, then choosing to be honest about it - although difficult - should be worth it IMO.
If you choose to leave the marriage, that's your choice. Choose to do without - your choice. Beg for participation - your choice. Cheat on your spouse - your choice. Just recognize that all choices have consequences and be prepared to deal with the outcome.

quote:

The problem with "getting approval" for BDSM play with another person is that most spouses would not be able to handle it and therefore this could lead to additional marital problems. Obviously there are exceptions.

If you don't ask, you'll never know.

< Message edited by luvdragonx -- 11/6/2005 9:54:28 PM >

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RE: Married - 11/6/2005 9:58:27 PM

justatoy2

Posts: 163
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tonypad

It looks like I have a different attitude with everyone else that has posted.

Yes, I believe a discreet relationship is ok, but only when the two couples agree that they are together strictly for BDSM purposes and not to get overly-emotionally involved. A relationship with another person (any kind - BDSM or not) should not be used as a way out of a marriage. But many people do not realize they need BDSM until after they get married.

Think about it... If you are in a marriage with a vanilla spouse your choices are these...
1) Leave and break up the family
2) Do without BDSM
3) Beg your spouse to participate in BDSM
4) Have a discreet relationship and continue with your marriage & family.

The problem with "getting approval" for BDSM play with another person is that most spouses would not be able to handle it and therefore this could lead to additional marital problems. Obviously there are exceptions.

of course you're ok with it, your married.

< Message edited by justatoy2 -- 11/6/2005 9:59:12 PM >

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RE: Married - 11/7/2005 4:25:29 AM

MissDiandSirHugh

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We would never be involved with any married person no matter if it was in this life style or in our other open swinging life due to not only it makeing us feel in osme way we ae beign the cause of helping a cheater get what ever it is they want and bugger the one who they loved and married it does not make any difference what sex either is that is playing around just not with us.
No matter if it was to be Dominante to some one every so often or for them to enjoy extra excitement some times best to let others have their names used in a divorce case or put around as the ones who caused the marriage braekup of Mrs&Mr Bloggs and no fingers pointed at us.

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RE: Married - 11/7/2005 6:35:07 AM

starshineowned

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Greetings..~smiles~

I was with a married person for 3yrs LDR having a M/s relationship. Even have a wonderful 6yr old boy from it. His wife was in the dark about it until I became pregnant.
I didn't want the deep emotional attatchment, and He was a fully consenting adult.

He remains married to his wife and it's made their marriage stronger, and we remain friends and in contact, and He and his older son visit our 6yr old usually once a year due to distance.

Would I do it again? Probably not..
Was it some horrid experience with a disastrous ending? Nope

Guess it's just different results for everyone

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

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RE: Married - 11/7/2005 7:48:53 AM

darkinshadows

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It isn't a moral issue. It isn't whether the end result is good or bad - it is whether a lie is just, a lie, plain and simple. A good ending or positive outcome does not take away a lie.

Peace and Love

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RE: Married - 11/7/2005 7:58:20 AM

tonypad

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I guess it depends on whether or not you put kids before the marriage or not. In some cases people are willing to leave their vanilla spouse and break up the relationship with their kids. Others are unwilling to leave their kids even at the risk of having a less-than-perfect marriage.

Let me also say that on a topic like this we should be listening to the people who have experienced it. Many things are easier said than done.

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RE: Married - 11/7/2005 8:02:55 AM

starshineowned

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Yes sounds about right. Wonder if they have my one way ticket to hell ready yet.

starshine
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