RE: A bit of clarification...

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RE: A bit of clarification... - 6/26/2008 6:33:13 AM

OmegaG

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweet4now

Okay wait, couple of things...

"testing" i feel is the wrong word.

"Getting a feel for" what kind of person he is... as a single sub, i can't count how many times i have met "Doms" that weren't "Doms" at all. So no i am not going to be as submissive to someone i just met... the more i get to know them and trust them the more submissive i will be.

Yes the issue at Sonic i handled terribly... i admit that now and admitted it then. No matter what the reasons or whatevers are.

This isn't a right/wrong issue........ this is what can i learn from this, and to be honest thank you for your responses because i do see how i could of done several things differently.

Is this how you communicated with him? You'd say something, he'd react to what you said and then you'd backpeddle? You said what you said, you may not have meant what you said, but the communication problem may lie with you, not him.

As for the resturaunt thing? Hell, I am one of the most decisive people you could meet, I can make snap decisions on major issues in a heart beat. I suck at choosing, not only resturaunts, but placing my order. People who know me well know that they will choose the resturaunt and they will order their food. Only when the waitperson is looking at me because he/she has no one else to look at can I decide what I want to eat. Yeah, I can decide the fate of the world but I can't tell you what soup I prefer.

When you set up scenarios to test people, you are being manipulative and you are going to piss of alot of good people. The only ones that will appreciate you manipulation are those that will do it themselves. But maybe you like a soap opera world.

But to turn around and justify your bad behaviour........ No, I don't think that he decided just on the cell phone rudeness, I think he simply got oversaturated with all you had presented to him.

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RE: A bit of clarification... - 7/23/2008 3:21:03 PM

ShreveportMaster

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Greetings sweet,
Granted, that without a lot more info than can be given in a brief post here in the forums no advice is going to be perfect. I'd tend to echo most of what Dark Victory offered. you did realize where you botched it, and that is a good thing, now you can go forward. It's quite common for those girls who work in positions of responsibility to have to take some time to "change hats" as it were. If you'd like to discuss this in more depth, feel free to e-mail Me on the other side.

I wish you well,
Shreve

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Post #: 42

RE: Battle of wills - 7/23/2008 3:54:04 PM

apiercedkitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

You argue, test, then apologize. Then you flip to being suppressed and quiet, like he can't tell you're hiding your opinion, and you wonder why he pulled away? It's at least possible that he pulled away because you were bratty, inconsistant, and false.

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Post #: 43

RE: Battle of wills - 7/23/2008 7:24:37 PM

LadyPact

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I'm not sure that I have much to add to the discussion. I think the.dark. and Dark Victory have done a great job in responding to the OP. Still, I'll give it a shot.

First of all, you would have never gotten through that testing nonsense with Me. I don't play games in My dynamics, and I probably wouldn't have wasted My time for your little challenges. As soon as the 'testing' began, I would have been done.

Second, what in the world does a person not wanting to pick a restaurant have to do with dominance? Did it ever occur to you that maybe this person just didn't really care? The majority of the time, I don't. There are probably at least a hundred places in My town that serve chicken, which is what I'm going to want to eat most of the time anyway. However, I can be gracious enough to know that, sometimes, there might be occasions where someone else will want a particular thing to eat. Maybe this person wanted to see what you would chose if given the choice. (There's a new topic in this that I'm sure I'll be posting in a bit.)

While I will say it was a good thing that you pulled over, rather than driving while talking on your cell phone, it's still a no brainer. There were no customers behind you that you were going to inconvenience with your call if you pulled into the drive in (not the drive through). What My sub would have done would be to ask My permission in ordering a drink, rather than telling Me "hold on". Frankly, the way you did it wouldn't have pleased Me a bit.

My final thought, no, neither one of you were suited to each other. Not so much because of this supposed "battle of wills". More likely that you are still learning how to be a pleasing submissive.

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Post #: 44

RE: Battle of wills - 7/24/2008 1:05:37 AM

stella41b

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I'd just like to add a couple of things I was thinking...

quote:

Same age, wanted a D/s relationship, but things got off to a rocky start..

Let's put the D/s aspect to one side here.. if you go at any new relationship like a bull at a gate it's bound to get off to a rocky start. A D/s relationship isn't a different type of relationship, it's a normal type of relationship with a D/s component added. It's not something you approach in fast forward mode.

Then you have:

quote:

At times i admit i did test him to see if he was Dominant enough to "call me out" on things.

and also...

quote:

Went home and i emailed him and let him know that i was sincerely sorry for arguing and testing him, but that in this life style you never know what kinda "strange" folk you are going to meet. Meeting someone on line you had to be careful and that i was sorry for being distant.

This is where you're going wrong. You DON'T test people, you either take them at their word and trust them or you don't. If you can't, or don't, why bother meeting them? And - I'm curious here - does the 'strange' folk in 'this lifestyle' include you?

I won't go into the rest as it's been covered well enough by the people before me, and I'm not convinced anyway that you just didn't go for the first dominant available anyway, so I feel it's pointless going over ground which has already been covered.

But this much I will suggest, and that's to discipline yourself to three straight meetings with the same person without going into D/s, just getting to know them, and allowing them to get to know you. Work on the basics, trust, communication, friendship, and then when you're both okay on these issues, you can consider letting them take you towards D/s.

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Post #: 45

RE: Battle of wills - 7/24/2008 2:56:16 AM

Lockit

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I kind of stick with learning self before trying to learn someone else. Isn't it rather lost to test, play games, accept anger, bring on that anger and jump in where angels fear to tread? Then excuse, lay blame (At self or otherwise) and continue with games when all it takes is being real and true to yourself and someone else? Find you and you will be amazed at where that takes you.

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Post #: 46

RE: Battle of wills - 7/24/2008 12:08:24 PM

pettingdragons

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I would have blown off either one of you...

like a feather in the wind or a sledge hammer to a wall? either way it would be gone....

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Post #: 47

RE: Battle of wills - 7/24/2008 12:45:58 PM

KatyLied

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I think they seem well-suited to each other.

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Post #: 48